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Tough Night

 
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Snowlover



Quit Date:
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Posts: 566
Location: Northern California

PostPosted: April 10, 2008 11:31 AM    Post subject: Tough Night Reply with quote

Oh my gosh, my youngest son pushes every button I have and some I didn't know I had.
That kid has learned from a very young age how to whine, feel sorry for himself, mope, mess up and be extremely stubborn. He's terrible with money, he's suffering from depression and says he can sleep at night without getting drunk.
I'm trying so hard not to buy into all the drama and yet be there for him emotionally. He got his divorce papers this week, think that is what pushed him over. Pretty bad when you're so unhappy, bored (& without a vehicle) that you call your mother to talk.
Anyway, he's also honest, hard-working,outgoing and very smart. He wants to go to college now. I just have to find a way to help him with that.
I love him so much.
I guess it would help if I stay healthy for him.
Thanks for letting me go over the edge.

My oldest son is my rock. He is the total opposite.
K
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kevin
Site Admin


Quit Date:
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Posts: 9538
Location: cincinnati, oh

PostPosted: April 10, 2008 12:00 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

i get the sense that he's used to being able to manipulate you with his whining, self-pity, drinking, etc.; what if he couldn't do that any more? what would that do for him? more importantly, what would that do for you?
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kevin

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kannprint



Quit Date:
April 10, 2004

Posts: 4988
Location: St. Louis, MO

PostPosted: April 10, 2008 12:30 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Be thankful for the son who is your "rock." He can probably help you out with some logical advice since he's closer to the age of the son who is giving you problems. Rolling Eyes
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Jo
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Snowlover



Quit Date:
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Posts: 566
Location: Northern California

PostPosted: April 10, 2008 1:12 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

I keep finding more ways that I'm enabling him and I'm trying hard to steer clear of his drama. I forget when I'm talking to him that he is just venting. I need to stop picking up his problems and carrying them when he drops them on me. He doesn't even expect that.

K
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pinkpearl



Quit Date:
June 30, 2007

Posts: 1667
Location: Illinois

PostPosted: April 10, 2008 9:42 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Snowlover wrote:
I keep finding more ways that I'm enabling him and I'm trying hard to steer clear of his drama. I forget when I'm talking to him that he is just venting. I need to stop picking up his problems and carrying them when he drops them on me. He doesn't even expect that.

K



I do that with my daughter too.
Hopefully everything will work out, with his divorce that may be why he is worse lately.
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Cowgirl UP!



Quit Date:
July 26, 2004

Posts: 5029
Location: Ala

PostPosted: April 10, 2008 11:35 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

I can really relate...I had to learn how to help and establish boundaries too....that way, you feel you are getting them to the bridge and then you can step back and let them crossover....The main thing that helped me was to take a deep breath and believe I had done a good job and the right choices would be made.
Kay
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Snowlover



Quit Date:
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Posts: 566
Location: Northern California

PostPosted: April 17, 2008 1:03 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yah,
What if my son couldn't manipulate me any more? What if?

Would he be able to accept what is happening to him? Would he be closer to finding contentment and happiness within himself? It would be a start.

K
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