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Barbara K.
Quit Date: December 23, 2004
Posts: 5977
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Posted: November 8, 2011 11:15 PM Post subject: Anger and Forgiveness |
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I've learned to deal with a whole lot of emotions when I stopped smoking. One emotion; however, that I think is universal among everyone is the emotion that causes a grudge. Whenever there is a grudge there is anger behind it and in order to forgive you need to drop the anger. I have learned to deal with anger in many areas of my life as a non smoker but not the kind of anger that produces grudges. The kind of anger I've learned to deal with is the kind of holding my tongue for the count of 10 or so until whatever angered me does not seem like a big deal. The kind of anger that I haven't learned to deal with is the kind that festers and grows over time till I find I am holding a grudge.
Say I want to make amends with someone whom I still have a grudge with? if I haven't completely forgiven them then my anger may show up in my tone of voice or my body language. This in return is going to either shut them down or put them on the defensive getting me no where. So how does one deal with diffusing the anger or resentment that's still there to make amends? That's where forgivng comes in but how does one forgive when still harboring anger? I hear and see so many people wanting to make amends with others but still detest the comtempt they have for those very individuals in their voice or words. I wish it was easier to deal with this type of anger. Any feedback welcomed. _________________
Obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn arouind and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.
Blessings,
Barbara K. |
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kevin Site Admin
Quit Date: -
Posts: 9538 Location: cincinnati, oh
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Posted: November 25, 2011 12:30 AM Post subject: |
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when i catch myself feeling like somebody has wronged me and i want to hold a grudge and get even, etc., i tell myself that this feeling is not helping me or them, and it's not hurting them, either, but it is hurting me (by wasting my time and energy on it).
after i catch myself having those kind of thoughts the first time, any time i catch myself going there again, i pull myself up short and say, "oh, thinking that again." or "oh, there i go again." and tell myself that this is not a helpful line of thought for me and just move on to whatever i need to do next in my day...
it's not easy, but eventually, you get tired of having those thoughts and feelings and you move into a state where you don't hold that grudge any more. i think forgiveness and amends have to wait until you get past the anger and the resentment. _________________
keep choosing life!
kevin
the zen of the quit |
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Barbara K.
Quit Date: December 23, 2004
Posts: 5977
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Posted: November 27, 2011 7:55 PM Post subject: |
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kevin wrote: |
when i catch myself feeling like somebody has wronged me and i want to hold a grudge and get even, etc., i tell myself that this feeling is not helping me or them, and it's not hurting them, either, but it is hurting me (by wasting my time and energy on it).
after i catch myself having those kind of thoughts the first time, any time i catch myself going there again, i pull myself up short and say, "oh, thinking that again." or "oh, there i go again." and tell myself that this is not a helpful line of thought for me and just move on to whatever i need to do next in my day... |
Good advice Kevin. It does hurt one to hold a grudge and not the other person the grudge is against. Good affirmations to tell oneself too. I think the anger goes with saying that to oneself also. _________________
Obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn arouind and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.
Blessings,
Barbara K. |
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