quit smoking support @ woofmang.com
people helping people beat the addiction to nicotine
 
help support our communityDonate FAQFAQ SearchSearch RSS FeedRSS Feed MemberlistMemberlist RegisterRegister ProfileProfile Log in to check your private messagesLog in to check your private messages Log inLog in

oh me oh my what am i to do
Goto page Previous  1, 2
 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    quit smoking support @ woofmang.com Forum Index > staying quit
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
Leona



Quit Date:
June 1, 2017

Posts: 1838
Location: Alpena, Michigan

PostPosted: April 23, 2004 10:50 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Vanessa,

As it turns out I am still at home. My mother is calling me a liar which I am not. Our boss called last night and told us that all the trucks that deliver our papers to us broke down. Convient if you ask me I think god had something to do with this teling me to stayhome. I emailed momwith this and she automatically thought it was because she told me that I could not even disscuss my quit there at all said my daughter and I would be going home if I did or if my daughter did. Now I ask you how would that happen I would of been dropped off by my son and fiancee and would have no car and mom would and could not be bothered to take me and my daughter back home. She is a very vindictive person. I realize that this is her house and she has rights but do those rights alwo include the right to take away my freedom of speech? Anyway in myt email I told mom the fyi this was about me and my quit and had nothing whatsoever to do with her. It was all about me and only me. I also told her to call my boss gave her the phone number and his name and then told her I probably could not expect an appology and this told me exactly what she thought and felt about me.

Perhaps I should not of done that but I am tired of being step on by her and my family. My mother at one point when I really needed her to help me told me "I had to prove I was her daughter" I have to prove nothing to no one ever only to myself and my god. This is why I emailed her back on this subject to let her know she has most definitely crossed the line this time.

If I am wrong I will be big enought to appologize to her even though it really sticks in my craw to do so as it is another example of how "I am wrong and she is right in all things"


Sorry I know I am rambling and rambling but she likes to hurt and I am usually the butt of her hurting.
_________________

Quiting smoking is like a fine wine ......
It just gets better with age.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Yahoo Messenger MSN Messenger
Zuzu



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 962
Location: Marin

PostPosted: April 23, 2004 11:52 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Leona-

I think in every situation like this.. I mean, when emotions are high and strong... everyone is part right and everyone is part wrong (hey.. that rymes!)

If you act always from a place of love (love of yourself AND love of her) things usually work out for the best. You are early in your quit and your emotions are peaked more than "usual" - not to diminish anything feeling, but it IS a very heightened time.

I think you're best to take the high ground.. DO apologize that you're not going to be able to make it because the trucks broke down and DO apologize that indeed that there is also a kernel of truth in what she says (you really don't want to go partly becuase of the reason she thinks - otherwise the trucks breaking truly wouldn't be such a god send) and just tell her that you love her anyways.

You can be sorry AND you can not go AND you can take care of yourself AND you can be responsible for that AND you can love her even when she drives you crazy.

Have you ever heard of Borderline Personality Disorder? There's a great book for partners, family, etc. for people with Borderline Personality Disorder called, "I hate you don't leave me." Just what you're describing of your mom.. well, check it out.

Be strong - I wish you courage and strength!

-Zuzu
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Leona



Quit Date:
June 1, 2017

Posts: 1838
Location: Alpena, Michigan

PostPosted: April 23, 2004 12:11 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

I didn't know that it had a name. I am releived to know it was not just because .... she treats everyone so horribly. My step dad loved her with all his soul and all she could do was complain and bicker at hm all the time everything was his faoult I know he loved her he told me so. During a time of weakness when he was in the hospital ill with the emphasyma. Mom was scraming about the drs being wrong treating him iwht the wrong stuff etc. I called and talked to dad abut anything and everything just not dr or his illnes and he told me that he knew what mom was ding with my real dad (At the time she was acting like a love sick teenager and hanging all over my real dad. It wa ssick to watch so I chose not to and went home and refused to go back until he left and chewed daddy oout for his behavio9r in front of dad) It was at this point dad told me he knew about mom and daddy and how they were acting and that he loved her so much he would do anything for her. I was even more sickened about the whole thing. How could she do something like that to a man who absolutely idolized her. How could she be so hateful.

I still can't understand because all she does since dad died what complain how he ruined her and his credit and how he would not do anything etc etc and then she wihines about his not being there. What so she cold browbeat him again??????


One week, five days, 1 hour, 11 minutes and 4 seconds. 481 cigarettes not smoked, saving $83.14. Life saved: 1 day, 16 hours, 5 minutes.
_________________

Quiting smoking is like a fine wine ......
It just gets better with age.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Yahoo Messenger MSN Messenger
Zuzu



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 962
Location: Marin

PostPosted: April 23, 2004 12:34 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, Borderline Personality Disorder is a psychiatric diagnosis. As someone gets older, from my understanding, it gets worse and there is little that can be done about it. It's not wholly unpredictable, however. There are also online support groups for families and partners of people with BPD.

It's called "borderline" because the personality traits fall on the border of many other psychiatric diagnosis. It has some fairly unique/distinct features, however. I'm not a psychiatrist, but have merely had the misfortune of having peripheraly acquaintance of several people with BPD... I'm not saying your mom has this, but what you're saying about her behavior... she might not have a lot of control over her behavior in some of these regards.

I'm glad you're taking care of your quit.. I'm glad that you are choosing life and you've done an AMAZING job!

-Zuzu
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic    quit smoking support @ woofmang.com Forum Index > staying quit All times are GMT - 4 Hours
Goto page Previous  1, 2
Page 2 of 2

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum

quit smoking support
woofmang dot com