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Leona



Quit Date:
June 1, 2017

Posts: 1838
Location: Alpena, Michigan

PostPosted: April 22, 2004 9:20 PM    Post subject: I really need some advice Reply with quote

I am sure everyone here knows that my daughter cannot live with me at this time. Well my problem is that she and I are suppose to go to my mothers this weekend. And yo allknow that my mom and I do not see eye to eye on much of anything. I have had to disapoint my daughter at her spring break when we were suppose to go over to my mom's because mom and I got into it about smoking and her thinking that I was telling her what to do. So my daughter and I had no time to spend with heach other or grandma that week. Wel ldo I do it again as my mother is once again starting her crap. I have not even made it there nor said anything to her about her smoking just my own qutt
I just recieved an email from her the night before we are suppose to go and here is what it says


Just want to remind you I will
not tolerate any comments on
my smoking or that I should
quit or anything of the sort
from any of you
If you do you will be asked to
leave for this is my home and
I have the right to live as I choose
NOT ONE WORD
It is good you can quit if it matters
to you but you do not have the right
to tell me what I ought to do.
Love ya, Mom



What should I do should I cancel the whole d... m thing and let her live with her won grief and possibly of my sios ter and her getting theri panties in a bunch as they fight too.
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Zuzu



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 962
Location: Marin

PostPosted: April 22, 2004 9:27 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Leona-

I replied to your other post on the issue, suggesting that you do cancel. But you don't have to cancel on your daughter, do you? Why not take the time to go spend the day with her?

I do think it's entirely reasonable for your mother to ask you not to take issue with her smoking - especially given the circumstances - she's being forthright, she's telling you not to bring it up, she doesn't want to hear it. That's entirely reasonable. There are people who don't want to hear about stopping smoking - whether you're talking about yourself of them... again, that's reasonable.

What's probably unreasonable is putting yourself in what sounds like it promises to be a very tense situation while you're quit is so new and tender. There's a way to back out lovingly... that's what I'd recommend!

-Zuzu
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Leona



Quit Date:
June 1, 2017

Posts: 1838
Location: Alpena, Michigan

PostPosted: April 22, 2004 10:15 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Zuzu,
I am taking youradvice only I now have a different kind of out . It is called out job. The trucks as in multiple trucks broke down and we are going to have to go pick up the inserts for our papers. And there are almost always at least three insert and we have 1900 papers. So we had an out anyway. You are right I was not comfortable with going anyway but was going to go because I know ho0w hard it is to put someone you love in the graound. and 2 for my daughter. But neither are reason enought to jeportdize my quit.

God was telling me this by having all the trucks break down at once I think . Thank you for youradvice and thank you for being there. Very Happy Laughing Surprised


One week, four days, 11 hours, 14 minutes and 42 seconds. 458 cigarettes not smoked, saving $79.13. Life saved: 1 day, 14 hours, 10 minutes.
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Zuzu



Quit Date:
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Posts: 962
Location: Marin

PostPosted: April 23, 2004 12:56 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, I'm glad the trucks broke down to help you out!! Sorry you won't see your daughter, but I'm glad you're keeping your quit outta harms way.

-Zuzu
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Pamela



Quit Date:
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Posts: 3542
Location: Gardiner, NY

PostPosted: April 23, 2004 9:26 AM    Post subject: Your needs. Reply with quote

sorry I'm a little late in jumping in here...but I'm with ZuZu. Sounds like you've already decided on the situation, and I'm glad for you. Not about your trucks breaking down....but that you have an out that will make the situation better for you.

sometimes we have to listen to that little inner voice (not Nicodemon Scowling Demon )because usually we know best what will trigger a bad situation for us.....and if it takes a little validation from someone else, post it here.

You are doing so well with your quit, it's amazing to me. you stay strong, and keep going with this!
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Leona



Quit Date:
June 1, 2017

Posts: 1838
Location: Alpena, Michigan

PostPosted: April 23, 2004 11:30 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

This is what I posted in my oh my what am I to do.

It is atypical of my mother

As it turns out I am still at home. My mother is calling me a liar which I am not. Our boss called last night and told us that all the trucks that deliver our papers to us broke down. Convient if you ask me I think god had something to do with this teling me to stayhome. I emailed momwith this and she automatically thought it was because she told me that I could not even disscuss my quit there at all said my daughter and I would be going home if I did or if my daughter did. Now I ask you how would that happen I would of been dropped off by my son and fiancee and would have no car and mom would and could not be bothered to take me and my daughter back home. She is a very vindictive person. I realize that this is her house and she has rights but do those rights alwo include the right to take away my freedom of speech? Anyway in myt email I told mom the fyi this was about me and my quit and had nothing whatsoever to do with her. It was all about me and only me. I also told her to call my boss gave her the phone number and his name and then told her I probably could not expect an appology and this told me exactly what she thought and felt about me.

Perhaps I should not of done that but I am tired of being step on by her and my family. My mother at one point when I really needed her to help me told me "I had to prove I was her daughter" I have to prove nothing to no one ever only to myself and my god. This is why I emailed her back on this subject to let her know she has most definitely crossed the line this time.

If I am wrong I will be big enought to appologize to her even though it really sticks in my craw to do so as it is another example of how "I am wrong and she is right in all things"


Sorry I know I am rambling and rambling but she likes to hurt and I am usually the butt of her hurting.

_____________________________________________________\




I would like to add to this for those of you who don't know me my mother walked out on me and my real father when I was but a baby. She claims it was my grandmothers doings and I found out recently it wasn't gran it was mom. I spoke with my 93 year old grandmother about this and with my real father neither of whom have talked to each other in at least 20 years. They told me the same thing my mother was having an affair and she walked out on daddy and gave me to gran In essence she threw me away for someone else I have no idea who and don't care to know either. But this is a great deal of waht she is like all the time

Gran told me that mom was always a handful and she was pregnant with me at 15 married to daddy and definetly lnot readdy to be a mother. I am so very thankful that gran took me and raised me I could not and would not of put up with what my half brother and sister had to go through mom and my stepdad were abusive and mean to them both.

Anyway this is what I deal with with my mother and I just wanted to kinda clarify the situation so no one thinks that I am doing this because I want to. I am sorta at the point where I have to. I can not take mom's control thing anymore I was married to a control freek for 15 years and have since realized I don't have to take it from anyone not even my mother. I wish my sister could enjoy that freedom but she is to afraid of mom to dot hat.

One week, five days, 30 minutes and 0 seconds. 480 cigarettes not smoked, saving $82.94. Life saved: 1 day, 16 hours, 0 minutes.
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Zuzu



Quit Date:
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Posts: 962
Location: Marin

PostPosted: April 23, 2004 12:14 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well Leona.. I hope you never rise to that callenge to "prove" you're her daughter - as it looks you'd have to stoop pretty low in order to do that.

You might want to check out that book on Borderline Personality Disorder, however... it might give you some tips on how to deal with her.

Like Pam said... you're doing a GREAT job with this quit, Leona. I hope you're feeling proud of yourself. YAY you! Many, many kudos to YOU!

-Zuzu
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jahunta



Quit Date:
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Posts: 1129
Location: Silicon(e) Valley, CA

PostPosted: April 23, 2004 2:28 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Leona,

My heart really and truly hurts for you. I can't imagine going through that and I"m truly sorry that you have to. But as you said, this is all about YOU. As long as you remember that, I'm sure you'll be ok. You need to stay away from her. I'm still not too clear on what kind of relationship your daughter has with your mother, but I hope you and your daughter can make a clean break from your mother when it's time.

Juanita
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Pamela



Quit Date:
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Posts: 3542
Location: Gardiner, NY

PostPosted: April 23, 2004 2:49 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Leona, I wish I could create a world for you that had perfect people and wonderful relationships, and no stress or worries...just by snapping my fingers. But, I can't Crying or Very sad

What I can do is listen Confused try to understand Rolling Eyes
and say a little prayer for you Wink
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Leona



Quit Date:
June 1, 2017

Posts: 1838
Location: Alpena, Michigan

PostPosted: April 23, 2004 11:49 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Zuzu, Pam, Jauhnta

No one can creat a perfect world except god and it him I put my faith in. The one person in this world I have considered my mother gave me so much that I will never ever be able to repay her and that was my grandmother. She took a troubled frightened little girl into her home and raise her as her own. She and my grandfather adopted me and gave me their name. They loved me they gave up so very much of their lives for me. All because they loved me. To me they were my real parents. the only reason I even talk to my mother is to please my grandmother. There is nothing in this world I would not do for that lady. I owe her so much more then anyone can ever imagine. I owe her mylife. And I gave her a gift of love the other day. I called and told her I had quit smoking forever. She was so happy and proud of me. Now there will no going back for me. Becasue if she were to die tommorrow I know she would be looking down and see what I am doing and if I were to smoke she would be so displeased.

My mother on the other hand. Well there were times when I was just as happy not talking to her the first time was after she told me I had toprove to her that I was her daughter Bull pockey she knows she gave birth to me so what do I have to prove. She also "threw" me away to gran so in my book it is she that needs to prove something to me. Not the other way around. Anyway that time I did not talk to her for 6 years but she called one day and said my real dad wanted to talk to me ok so I called him and then my mother and I started talking. And let me tell you what If i had know then what I know now that would never of happened

The 2nd timewas after my real foather came up here to see me the first time in 40 years. It took that long for him to get the courage or was it that he had something to prove?????? Anyway he and my mother carried on in my mother and step dad's house live love sick teenagers. I told both of them what I thought of their behavior and that tdad and Carleene knew what was going on and I also told mymother that gran had told me the truth about why gran got me and adopeted me and daddy had confirmed the story and they had not talked in oh about 20 years. So I knew my mother's version was bull and grans was the truth.

My mother flew off the handle called me almost everything but white called gran awful names. Now this is my mothers mother and is 93 years old I do beleive she has earned some respect and in my book alot more than just some. Anyway this time my mother did not speak to me for 3 years and I have no idea why she suddenly decided to talk to me.

The dad died and I am a dutiful daughter I dropped everything including my job at that point and went to help her out. Of course she wa also mad at my sis ter for a fight they had and they had not talked for 4 years. My sister said that she regreted that as she did not get to say goodbye to dad. My mother made me call my sister and ask her if she was going to behave at the funeral. How embarrassing. And how degrading.

So perhaps you can all see I will have absolutely no problem cutting my mother off at the knees when gran dies. I plan on having nothing to do with her at all and as for my daughter I plan on limiting her exposure to my mother.

Anyhway I guess I better stop rambling on and say what I really intended to say which was thank you for caring so much for me.

One week, five days, 12 hours, 49 minutes and 10 seconds. 501 cigarettes not smoked, saving $86.48. Life saved: 1 day, 17 hours, 45 minutes.
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