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Cowgirl UP!
Quit Date: July 26, 2004
Posts: 5029 Location: Ala
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Posted: December 24, 2004 8:32 PM Post subject: Baby it is cold outside! |
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I was answering another one of my posts when I had a lightbulb moment or maybe a blonde moment ,anyhow, I feel naked without the smokescreen to hide behind....my RAW feelings are exposed for the first time...I AM VULNERABLE!!! Now, we are talking about the baby girl who took care of her older sisters, who never let you know she was hurting during an argument, and one who could hold her own with man or woman a real trooper. Now, I cry, get tearful, angry, upset and plain scared and it is all out there...I cannot hide it behind the screen anymore...thus the meanines come to try to cover up my nakedness. It tries to cover, keep you at bay, and protect.
Ok, I know this may sound very strange to some but at least I now know what the hell has been going on and no white coats are needed yet!
Merry Christmas everyone...I love ya all!
Kay _________________
All with a little help from my friends, COWGIRL UP |
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kevin Site Admin
Quit Date: -
Posts: 9538 Location: cincinnati, oh
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Posted: December 25, 2004 12:59 AM Post subject: |
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you got that right; it's 18° out right now - brrrrr!!!!!!
isn't it wild? all that stuff going on inside all these years, and we were hardly aware of it...
your experience doesn't sound the least bit strange, Kay; i think every successful quitter has this realization at some point. (i also think that the failure to recognize this why so many quitters turn to other less-than-optimal behaviors - overeating, excessive drinking, etc. - when they quit; they're unconsciously trying to replace the smokescreen.) better to recognize that we're people too and that people have emotions - some good and some not so good - and learn to deal with them head-on.
you're doing great! _________________
keep choosing life!
kevin
the zen of the quit |
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Fightn4life
Quit Date: October 23, 2003
Posts: 1573 Location: Loysburg, PA
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Posted: December 26, 2004 9:19 AM Post subject: |
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Hey Cowgirl..I do understand where you are coming from. (It's 19 here) Burr...
I was always told I was such a strong person. People always came to me to help hold them up. What a shock to find out there was a little scared girl behind the smoke screen.
I have been through an emotional roller coaster dealing with the real me.
One of the reasons I changed my name to fightn4life and found a female warrior was to try to change the image I felt as a non-smoker. (A wimp) I know the power of the mind and I knew to keep this quit I needed to change the way I was thinking. I was scared.
The longer my quit stayed strong the stronger I felt.
I still realize I am not the rock, the wall, the stabilizing force I was made out to be all those years. I am just me.
You know what; I am beginning to feel like it is ok to be me. A bit mixed up at times, tears, and all.
Hang in there you are doing awesome. If the white coats haven't nailed me by now I feel you're pretty safe.
(Of course I run like the wind now that I tossed the smokes..ok..I can walk really fast.)
Sandyz
14 months breathing free _________________
"Keep your heart open to dreams. For as long as there's a dream, there is hope, and as long as there is hope, there is joy in living."
~Anonymous |
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kannprint
Quit Date: April 10, 2004
Posts: 4988 Location: St. Louis, MO
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Posted: December 26, 2004 12:55 PM Post subject: |
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It's very interesting getting to know who we really are, isn't it? I'm still searching a little at a time but sure like this person more than I did the smoking "me." _________________
LIVE WELL, LAUGH OFTEN, LOVE MUCH.
Jo |
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alleghany
Quit Date: -
Posts: 2049
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Posted: December 27, 2004 8:02 PM Post subject: |
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Sounds like you are really doing great, Kay!
This is one of the things I love best about woofmang. I have read so many threads that address exactly how I feel, and what that stage of quit feels like.
I love who I am becoming and am thankful to share this journey with all of woofmang!
Three cheers for us! _________________
Face your fears.
Quit date: June 6, 2004 |
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Wanda
Quit Date: March 15, 2004
Posts: 425 Location: Carlisle, PA
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Posted: December 28, 2004 8:30 AM Post subject: |
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i won't be sending the white coats for you kay, i get it. especially that part about the meanies. its amazing that we never knew we were hiding.
i don't know what the temp is here, but i know i remember to warm up my car before i drive it! _________________
Wanda
Quit Date 03/15/04 |
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