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I am so disappointed and angry

 
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Leona



Quit Date:
June 1, 2017

Posts: 1838
Location: Alpena, Michigan

PostPosted: April 18, 2005 9:18 AM    Post subject: I am so disappointed and angry Reply with quote

My son called me the other day. The one in utah and he started in on me right away. Telling me I was a part time mom that I never was there to support him when he needed me. Demanding to know where I had been that I did not call him back or answer his phone calls. He was mean and degrading to me and I was feeling bad about myself already from the depression. No this is not an attempt to blame everything on depression but alot of my problems as of late do stem from it.

I was not allowed to get an word in egewise except to say I was busy and then he yells to busy to support your son. He continued on in this vein and continuously demanded to know where I had been to which I either replied I was busy or that it was none of his business.

He then throws into my face that his father,(the man who abused me for years and my kids for years and was the direct reason for my boys being removed from the house in the first place), was more supportive emotionally of him then I ever was lately. He says his father was calling him etc. At this point I just refrained from saying anything. My x husband is a man who revels in destroying other peoples lives. He has not changed in over 20 years and refuses to even see that he is abusive and a user of people. This is the man my son threw in my face as a role model for me to follow, apparently forgetting I was married to the monster for 15 years.

I have written my son a letter and in it I say that :


I resent having one of my children telling me that I am a part time parent and demanding to know my whereabouts. What I do with my time concerns only me, I tell who it affects and whom I want to know.As you once told me it is my life and my decisions and unless it directly affects you butt out. If I choose to tell you ok then I have made it possible for you to Help me with whatever decisions I need tomake. But it will ultimately still be my decision. And whatever that may be you will have to accept it. As for your father calling you. He has more money and less responsibilities then myself. I really cannot afford to make long distant calls. I only make local ones. As for ______ not being able to get ahold of me. There has not been a single timehe has called that he has not been albe to reach me. Now you can take your self rightous crap and think long and hard about how you are treating myself and ______ and whow you would like us to treat you. You do realize that you should treat others how you wish to be treated.
I do not feel any obligation to inform you of my whereabouts. When I say I am busy it is because I am. And 11 or in the Pm I am in bed, asleep. I'm sorry if you are angry or feel neglectd. Beleive me it is not my intention. The other thing I have to say is I love ------, you,------& ------all the same. Whether you care for me or not.

Love mom

This is the letter I am thinking about sending to him. I felt better just writing it but it still burns me that he thought he could say things like this to his mother.

Anyway this is all I have to say.
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kevin
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Posts: 9538
Location: cincinnati, oh

PostPosted: April 18, 2005 9:26 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

i think your letter is fine, leona. there's been a lot of times when i've written a letter to somebody who's hurt my feelings, and then tore the letter up and threw it away. i think it's a great way to get your feelings out without continuing the argument (or whatever situation it was that caused the hurt). i'm sure you'll make the right call.
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kannprint



Quit Date:
April 10, 2004

Posts: 4988
Location: St. Louis, MO

PostPosted: April 18, 2005 11:01 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Leona,

I'm so sorry you're going through this on top of everything else. Life sometimes deals us a bad hand but remember; "it's always darkest before the dawn." You're due for a dawning, my friend. Keep a positive thought. Very Happy
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jahunta



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Posts: 1129
Location: Silicon(e) Valley, CA

PostPosted: April 18, 2005 11:34 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Leona,

Sorry you have to go through this. I've done what Kevin has done several times. Write it down and rip it up. The letter is to the point and honest. Hopefully it will do the trick. I hope you're not letting this get to you in a negative way. Sometimes you just have to let people feel what they feel even if they're your son. Again, I'm so sorry you have to go through with this. Stay strong!!

Nita
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Pamela



Quit Date:
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Location: Gardiner, NY

PostPosted: April 18, 2005 6:39 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

right, Leona. the letter gets out what you need to say. If that was the point, then it's done it's job. If not, you might want to give it to your son.

Here's an idea. Put it in an envelope, and just keep it for a week. If at that time you still think you want to give it to him, go ahead. If not, you've lost nothing.

Words are impossible to take back once said. However, it never hurts to tell someone you love them.

Glad you could write it out here and vent some of those feelings. hang in there..... Smile
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Seabrez



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PostPosted: April 18, 2005 7:43 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Leona,

Sorry your heart is hurting and breaking. Seems like when everything is heavy on the shoulders then one more huge brick is added to that load. Remember, the Lord's yoke is easy and light...He will take your burden. Just put your son in His hands, and let go and let God.

I agree with Pamela. Give it a little time before you mail the letter. If it still feels right to do, then do it then.

May God bless you and keep you, Leona!

Love
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Barbara K.



Quit Date:
December 23, 2004

Posts: 5977

PostPosted: April 18, 2005 8:46 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Leona,

I am so sorry you had to go through this. I must say Kevin just about said it all in a nutshell what I would want to say myself.


Blessings,
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Cowgirl UP!



Quit Date:
July 26, 2004

Posts: 5029
Location: Ala

PostPosted: April 18, 2005 11:53 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Leona, your letter sounds fine to me also....of course, I am coming in on the end of things here but sometimes our beautiful offspring need to be brought down a notch or two and who better than a loving mom...besides no one else will usually do it.
Kay
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marw



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PostPosted: April 19, 2005 12:02 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Leona,

I, too, am sorry you had to go through this. I like Pam's idea of putting the letter in an envelope for a week, and then see if you still want to mail it. Or maybe write a different one, or what you want to do. Personally, I think your son was way out of line, and should not talk to his Mom that way. But is just my opinion.

Try not to let it hurt you too much. This sounds more like some problem your son is having than it is anything to do with you. Again, just my opinion.

Love,
Margaret
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Leona



Quit Date:
June 1, 2017

Posts: 1838
Location: Alpena, Michigan

PostPosted: April 19, 2005 10:04 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

My son called again day after and he left an appology on the answering machine. Well I did call him back and told him how I felt and also told him that my daughter had enclosed a letter with the one I was sending him he then went off on how I got my daughter involved to which I told yes I did and what I told her was the part that concerned her. To which she had every right responding. Her letter to him was very mature and very well written. She showed it to me before we sent our letters.

And yes pam I did send it out yesterday as I felt it needed to be said. And seeing as he would not listen to me on the phone and acted anything but appologetic I sent the letter.

He kept going on about how his father was so much more supportive emotionally and how I was never there. I finally got fed up and told him if he reallly felt that way then perhaps he should just go to his father for the support he felt he needed. And then he went on about how he should be able to call my daughter at the place where she is living. I have been asked not to give out the phone number and will honor this as it is for my daughters protection from her father knowing where she is living as he would try to snatch her and cause the folks who were nice enough to take her in when I needed help all kinds of grief. I kept telling him if he wanted to talk to her he needed to call when she was here at my home. He started on a rant and I hung up quietly. He has not called back since.

I expected so much more out of him but guess he has shown his true colors and I am better of without his grief to me. I will continue to write him letters to let him know I do love him but I fully expect like my other son who was in Bay City last time he called that he will never fully feel as if I am a parent. Long story and very painful but basically boils down to I did not raise either of them but have raised the last two and they are as different as night is to day to the first two kids. Thus the disappointment..

The anger comes from my kids thinking that they can run mylife order me around and expect me to support their whimms . I am sorry but my life is my own and I run it how I please without them telling me what to do. My two younger kids know what I am going through and fully support me with what I am doing. But the older one in utah I cannot trust not to go back to his father and tell him what is medically wrong with me and I do not want their father to know as it is none of his business and he would use it against me however he could.(he iis like that) so I refuse to tell my son in utah anything and he is furious about it.

I am going to shut up now and go do what I need to do for today. Another dr appoint ment with my psychologist. I kinda look forward to them as he is such a nice man who is like a father figure. I do like him.
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