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leona are you around??

 
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Carol



Quit Date:
December 9, 2009

Posts: 631
Location: Wisconsin

PostPosted: May 6, 2004 5:18 PM    Post subject: leona are you around?? Reply with quote

I have seen brief post from you to other....extremely brief. Are you ok? You don't seem to be around as much and when you are you are unusually quiet. Can we help with anything?
Miss you
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Leona



Quit Date:
June 1, 2017

Posts: 1838
Location: Alpena, Michigan

PostPosted: May 6, 2004 9:44 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Carol,

Just have to go talk to a dr tomorrow. It one of those drs that you talk to. My family dr says I am depressed and he thinks it is alot. He asked me to try it and I agreed. I really don't want to do this as every time I have done something like this before it had bad cosequences. I don't like to talk about me or my feelings either. I always have been a very private person and my life has mede me even more so. There are things even my family does not know about me and I want to keep it that way.

Also am really depressed this week don't know it is from quiting smoking or if it has to do with this dr appointment or the mothers day coming up.
I hate holidays have for about 20 years now. Some things happened in my life to make me hate them with a passion I only put up with them for my kids. I know that this sounds kinda crass and cold but the events mentioned above are the reason and they are very very good reason's. Also those reason's have to do with my distrust of drs the kind you talk to and people in general.

I have let myself go more then I usually do on these boards don't know but maybe it is because it is "strangers" I am not usually so talkative. I don't mean to sound like a cold hearted person and don't mean to allienate anyone but maybe this is wy I have been so quiet this week. That and I just don't know what to say to the people on here most of which are veteran quiters. And you all seem to know each other so well.

I don't know what else to say so I will shut up and get going now.


Three weeks, four days, 10 hours, 44 minutes and 14 seconds. 1017 cigarettes not smoked, saving $175.59. Life saved: 3 days, 12 hours, 45 minutes.
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kevin
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Location: cincinnati, oh

PostPosted: May 6, 2004 10:19 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

i used to feel that way about all doctors, Leona, but then i realized something: when you go to the doctor, you're either paying them directly out of your own pocket, or your insurance company is paying them for you. either way, without you, the doctor doesn't get paid. that means that, for the time you're there, they work for you. in other words, you're the boss. and, since you're the boss, if you don't like how they're doing their job, you can fire them.

i've fired several of them since i had this realization (some of them their first day on the job!) - made me feel better. and if you don't like this doctor you're seeing tomorrow, fire 'em! might make you feel better, too...

Smile

btw: i'm sure that Carol isn't the only one missing your contributions to this place...
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Leona



Quit Date:
June 1, 2017

Posts: 1838
Location: Alpena, Michigan

PostPosted: May 6, 2004 10:43 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Kevin,

Thank you for trying to reasure me. I will probably always have a deep seated distrust of the those drs you talk to. They are the reason for my pain and depression which lasted 20 odd years. It had to do with them courts and court orders. But yes I do realize I can fire them but I don't know if I have the strength to do so.. I fear them and am afraid to say I don't want to do this and It scares me too.

But I do thank you so very much.


Three weeks, four days, 11 hours, 43 minutes and 22 seconds. 1019 cigarettes not smoked, saving $175.87. Life saved: 3 days, 12 hours, 55 minutes.
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Pamela



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Location: Gardiner, NY

PostPosted: May 7, 2004 7:54 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

There is nothing I can say to make you feel better. The doctors may say that you are depressed, and I'm not a doctor. It just seems to me that you write the most positive and inspirational messages to people than anyone on these boards, whether they are quit 1 day, 1 month or 1 year.

I hope you can find a smile today...oh, here, I found one for you.. Very Happy
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Leona



Quit Date:
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Posts: 1838
Location: Alpena, Michigan

PostPosted: May 7, 2004 8:46 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Pamela,

Thank you for my smile. Yes I found one today. As kevin said I can fire the dr well I did before I saw him too. I am not comfortable going to those kinds of drs and avoid it when I can. I do not trust them and never will. So Very Happy Very Happy I choose not to go just like I choose not to smoke today.

But I loved the smile you gave mne pam thanks.

Three weeks, four days, 21 hours, 46 minutes and 26 seconds. 1036 cigarettes not smoked, saving $178.76. Life saved: 3 days, 14 hours, 20 minutes.
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Tammy



Quit Date:
February 16, 2004

Posts: 2565
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PostPosted: May 7, 2004 9:31 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Leona, Did I ever tell you that my shark loves to eat depression that's one of his favorite meals. Would you just feed him any depression you may be having he'll feel better and I just know you will too. Very Happy


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Zuzu



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Posts: 962
Location: Marin

PostPosted: May 7, 2004 12:27 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Leona-

I know to each our own... but/and I do think it's different seeing a therapist when you're in charge, when you're choosing the therapist and when you're setting the goals.

I had tried to see therapists in the past and they just didn't work out... it wasn't doing anything for me, there wasn't any connection there. It wasn't that these were "bad" experiences so much as they were a waste of time and money. A few years back I saw a therapist who totally rocked. Her "style" worked for me and it was really an amazing and transforming experience.

For myself, I walked in the door with a measurable goal in mind, asked the therapist if it was something she could help me with.. and we set to work. After six month we reached the goal and our sessions were done.

Having had several not-so-good experiences with a therapist it was really eye opening to me to have a really great experience to contrast it with. I learned things from this woman that I have applied in my life and it's changed me for the better - made me a better person, helped me to feel more joy in the world.

I only put this forward such that you might glimpse another perspective and open yourself up to positive possibilities - not that you should do anything different than what you're doing... just to consider it.

Like the guy said.. if the truth doesn't set us free, what does that say about us?

-Zuzu
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alison



Quit Date:
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Posts: 751
Location: Next Stop, Michigan

PostPosted: May 7, 2004 12:41 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm like you Leona, I am not comfortable sharing with people and it was specifically the anonimity of the FFS boards that allowed me to relax enough to do the work I needed to do to break my addiction once and for all. I also gained friendships that I consider some of the best in my life with people I have never met (and one or two that I have met).

Keeping in mind the fact the the doctor works for you and you can move around until you find one you like you might reconsider. I know it isn't easy but sometimes it takes an outside observation of our situation to take us to the next step in our growth.

You say you are depressed and that shouldn't be ignored. You also obviously have issues from the past that are continuing to affect you and that doesn't have to be. The goal in most therapy is to address the past, look at the way it colors your present and then get rid of anything that isn't working for you or is interfering with your ability to enjoy life. You have done so much work already in working through your addiction, just think of how you might grow if you work some of the other aspects of yourself to make them better. No one will ever be perfect but you should be able to have some enjoyment in life.

This is your life and you always get to decide how it plays out but think about this as a learning experience. You can always get up and leave at anytime if you are not happy with the treatment. You will always be able to come here and post as well.

Leona, I wish you Peace
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Carol



Quit Date:
December 9, 2009

Posts: 631
Location: Wisconsin

PostPosted: May 7, 2004 1:03 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well I was not going to respond to this post, because I think we can enter very dangerous territory when we start giving medical and psychological adivise. So I will tell my story (briefly) and you can take it or leave. Use it or ignore it.
24 1/2 years ago I entered into a life changing experience. I entered detox for chronic and severe alcoholism. I went through therapy, both talk therapy and medication therapy. After I left treatment I continued with family therapy. My son started using drugs at 13, and we again entered into therapy for him . I then went back to college and became a therapist myself. To do this properly (in my opinion) I continued with therapy so as to not confuse my issues with my client's. I have a joke that I tell people " for a person to truly be considered a good therapist they have had to treat Carol" I obviously have seen many psychologists and psychiatrist. And I am a whole lot happier today than I was 24 1/2 years ago. And Yes I do attribute that to the much help I got along the way AND my willingness to do the work necessary to get better. (and by better I mean happier)
Bottom line. If you don't like your life and you don't know how to change it you need to be directed by someone who knows how.
Also and EXTREMELY important. You have to find someone you trust and you can relate to. Not every counselor out there are a good counselor. A good counselor will answer any question or concern you have about them during the initial interview. If they are not willing to do that....FIND ANOTHER.
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Zuzu



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PostPosted: May 7, 2004 2:21 PM    Post subject: Off Topic - Carol/Alison Reply with quote

Carol-

I think you're cool by merely saying that this is your opinion and not medical advice.

Congrats to you for becoming a therapist!! You do drug/alcohol counseling, yes??

Alison-

One of the really valuable things I learned from my therapist is a definition of "intimacy" that made the concept come alive for me... Intimacy is being viscerally honest while at the same time remaining "fiercly independent." She explained that intimacy is something "you" do... not necessarily something that happens between two people. It's about putting your honest emotions into words and on the table WITHOUT expectation.. just for the sake of intimacy. My therapist contended that when we are intimate with people, we knit closer community and we experience more joy. As I began to practice this it came alive for me and I experienced this as true.

It was a very cool thing... this is when you say "I love you" with the expectation that someone will say, "I love you" back.. on its basest level. It's about saying, "when there are clothes on the bathroom floor, I trip on them and my world feels chaotic" without the expectation that someone will stop leaving their clothes on the bathroom floor. It's about telling your neighbor how lovely their garden is.. just because.. just becuase it's how you feel and you don't want or need anything in return.. you're just being honest and intimate - that's all. And one needs to be "fiercely independent" she said, in order to be intimate. Because if you fear rejection and crave acceptance from another person, then in the back of your mind your words are being shaped with a goal/expectation in mind. If you're saying "I like your garden" because you want your neighbor to like you.. then you're NOT being intimate, you're being manipulative - yes.. your motivator determines if that was intimacy or attempted manipulation.

Her example of this was amazing.. her own mother.. her mother had alzhiemers.. she really was tested with her ability to stay present and intimate with her mother. She had to face her own expectations of her mother.. they were unearthed where she was even unaware they lurked. As her mother because incapable of giving acknowledgement, reward, acceptance, affirmation.. she had to relinquish acceptance, affirmation, reward, etc. from her expectations.. and she also had to accept how present they were as needs for her.. and as she was able to let them go her ability to be more intimate with her mother increased and this helped her to recognize hidden expectations in other relationships in her life.. and let them go as well.

She gave me definitions for concepts that came alive... I found it really valuable.. I could construct litmus' in my emotional self to determine my progress.. I'm a word girl.. this helped me.

My goal going into therapy was very simple. It was "I don't have a crisis going on. Or rather, I don't feel I have crises going on. I'm not here for you to put out a fire. I'm here becuase I want to experience more joy. I want to wake up each morning and feel more joy.. can you help me with that?" It was a simple goal. I wasn't trying to come to terms with issues with my parents, siblings, blah, blah, blah... don't get me wrong.. I likely have issues I should be working to come to terms with... but that wasn't my goal in therapy.. the goal was to experience more joy tomorrow than I did today... I think I got there... sometimes the road there lead me to touch on old issues with so-and-so.. but mostly the road there was learning about how to deal with today and not so much about learning to deal with the past.

Now one might ask.. what does all this have to do with stopping smoking? Our addictions were as real as any human relationship in our lives (and I'd contend even harder to get out of them MOST of our human relationships!!) We started smoking for different reasons, we continued smoking for different reasons.. I'm sure for many of us our reasons changed over time and some of us don't even remember what they were anymore (which is probably why many of us decided to stop... because they were relationships that no longer made sense.) It might be easy, on some level, to figure out that we need to stop smoking.. and I'd contend RELATIVELY easy to stop smoking.. but I do think the hard work begins, when we let something like that go, to figure out the "what next" piece of the puzzle. I think the hard part is the Module Eight. I hope Carol writes it!!

-Zuzu
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Leona



Quit Date:
June 1, 2017

Posts: 1838
Location: Alpena, Michigan

PostPosted: May 7, 2004 5:08 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

All right. Here we go this was not something I wanted to do in public forum but feel that you all need an explanation.

Ihad 2 other sons besides the kids I have now. They were taken because of these so called dr's you "talk" to. Between my x best friend of 16 years and protective services and these dr's you "talk to I had my kids taken the day before thanksgiving and adopted out the day after they were 4 years old and 8 months old. These dr's you "talk " to were part of the reason why. The courts can get the records of your sessions with these counslors and dr just by having a court order and they are required to give them. But let me just say that protective services is and has been corrupt for a very long time. They are nothing more then blackmaret baby brokers. And yes I can more or less probe this. There are alot of people trying to get them so that they do not have the power to "help" like they do. Have you ever noticed that yes they take kids who need to be but they also take ones that should not be. Do some research on the internet if you doubt my story. But this is a reason I will not talk to a counclor or dr or any of those types of people.

I DON'T WON'T CAN'T TRUST THEM.


Anyway this is the short version of my story

Three weeks, five days, 6 hours, 8 minutes and 22 seconds. 1050 cigarettes not smoked, saving $181.16. Life saved: 3 days, 15 hours, 30 minutes.
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Carol



Quit Date:
December 9, 2009

Posts: 631
Location: Wisconsin

PostPosted: May 7, 2004 5:13 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Zuzu
Yes I did alcohol and drug counseling. I worked with adolescents who had duel disorders and their families. But I have been retired for almost 10 years. I absolutely loved that job. But it is very emotional and draining and the success ratio is very low. But boy when one of the kids you treated would turn their lives around. Well it was like a million Christmases and 4th of Julys all rolled into one. But in a job like that you have to when to hole em and know when to fold em. and when I went through my divorce well....it was time to fold em. I didn't want my own emotional upheaval to spill over into my objectivity. So I quit counseling. Moved to the country and found an awesome guy to take care of me Laughing and thus is my life from that point on.
And thank you very much for the offer but I will be declining the authoring of Module 8.
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Carol



Quit Date:
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Posts: 631
Location: Wisconsin

PostPosted: May 7, 2004 5:18 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Leona
I am sorry if I offended you. That certainly was not my intention. None of us know each others personal lives and none of us have walked in your shoes. Please forgive me if I hurt you....believe me that would be the last thing I would want to do.
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Leona



Quit Date:
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Posts: 1838
Location: Alpena, Michigan

PostPosted: May 7, 2004 5:28 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

I am doing this publicly so everyone knows.


But no Carol you did not offend me. Not in any way. I know that some get benefits from counsoling but I can't won't am afraid to etc. I am sure there are great counsolors out there but I can't trust them.

It is not your fault or anyone's fault here. And no we can no way know what someones personall life is here. And I have chosen up to this point to withhold alot of mypersonal life. But felt that this had to be said publically so that everyone knows why I cannot and do not feel comfortable with the dr who "talks " to you.

I do love and appreciate each and every one of you and know that you are all concerned for me and my smoking addiction. I promise to you all I choose not to smoke this week or weekend or even next week and from there I take it one day at a time with the sam promise to myself and my granmother and to allof you.




Quiting is life and you are the heart of the quit.
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