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***... I lost it again

 
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PostPosted: October 17, 2005 10:07 AM    Post subject: ***... I lost it again Reply with quote

yet again i got weak and gave in during a ngiht out. i managed to give the packet away at end of the night but i'm so annoyed at me. why do i loose focus?? I know everything i should do, but i just wanted to smoke at that moment. i wanted to relax and just have some fun. I felt i deserved to havea a good time adn do what I want.... I was out having a lovely weekend away and it seemed ok....damn it. another month down the pan. Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad
i cant seem to stop the urges when i'm out, and i cant give up going out 100% or life would be miserable Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad
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Zuzu



Quit Date:
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Posts: 962
Location: Marin

PostPosted: October 17, 2005 1:23 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Star-

I think most of us have been where you are. There comes a point where you're determined to learn (yes LEARN) how to relax and have some fun without smoking. It's not easy. Stopping smoking is stressful - it really is - it's hard work.

My personal opinion - you don't have to give up going out 100%, but I do think you have to decide what your priorities are. For example, for me, for the first several months (what's a few months of my life?) I did give up going out to bars and I stopped drinking alcohol. I didn't give up on going out and having fun - instead I realized that going out to bars and drinking was really a vulnerable place for me to be when I'm trying to stop smoking - and it wasn't fun AT ALL to be out at a bar and drinking and not smoking when I was still craving cigarettes. So really I wasn't giving up having fun, I was giving up putting myself in a pretty miserable situation. Instead, I went out hiking (that was fun) I went out to movies (that was fun) I went out to dinner (and I didn't get up and go outside to smoke when my smoking friends did) and I went out for massages (that was AWESOME!) and I went hiking and biking etc. So for several months, instead of going to a bar, I did OTHER fun things. You're not giving up fun, you're just giving up smoking.

Mostly, don't beat yourself up - it's not going to help you stop smoking. So you smoked a few cigarettes. In a bazillion years when the history of this era is written, it's not going to make the record books. Refocus and when you're ready - try again. You did a GREAT job trying.

Each of us have to figure out our own paths through this. There's no "right" way to stop smoking - well, actually there is a right way and that's the way that works for you. You'll figure the way - it's difficult enough, however, don't add to the difficulty by beating yourself up - focus on your success.

-Zu
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Kerry



Quit Date:
May 4, 2004

Posts: 862
Location: Illinois

PostPosted: October 17, 2005 9:32 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

I agree w/Zuzu 100 percent. I had to give up the drink for awhile too. Actually it's been fun kind of "finding" myself. You will be fine. As long as you keep trying you'll be fine. It took me many quits before I landed here. One day it will "click" for you too. Just don't beat yourself up anymore - it serves no purpose. Kerry
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Tammy



Quit Date:
February 16, 2004

Posts: 2565
Location: Florida

PostPosted: October 17, 2005 10:54 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

It is possible to have fun while being a non smoker. Honestly smokers are not the only people that know how to laugh and have a good time. People who drink are not the only people who know how to laugh and have a good time. I got to tell ya sounds like an excuse to feed the addiction to me.????? Don't start throwing things at me.......just food for thought.
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Guest



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PostPosted: October 18, 2005 2:55 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Tammy wrote:
It is possible to have fun while being a non smoker. Honestly smokers are not the only people that know how to laugh and have a good time. People who drink are not the only people who know how to laugh and have a good time. I got to tell ya sounds like an excuse to feed the addiction to me.????? Don't start throwing things at me.......just food for thought.


I'm not throwing things at all, but I just want to say that I dont mean you couldnt have fun without smoking or drinking, I've done plenty of both in the past. I was quit for 9 months and was perfetly happy not smoking. What I meant was that at the weekend I felt like relaxing, not working on quitting, not working on dietting, not working on anything - just being, just relaxing and for once I wanted to eat cake if I wanted, adn I wanted to drink a cocktail if I so wished.
Ok, so it was a wrong choice but thats what I meant. I didnt mean I couldnt have fun without smoking EVER.
I don't drink very much and I only really go out to bars or cafés about once a month. I can easily get through hell week, I can easily do a month non smoking, it's just those once monthly trips out which prove to be difficult. Rolling Eyes
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Deb



Quit Date:
February 5, 2010

Posts: 967
Location: North Carolina (Originally New York)

PostPosted: October 18, 2005 8:07 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Star,

Been there, done that several times I might add. Don't give up! You have to be determined and although in your heart your trying, the Scowling Demon is very powerful and you must learn to control him and not let him control you.

I felt that way too, OMG I could never go out or have a good time etc.....In time we learn to adapt to our smoke free world afterall, we were born into this world without that cancer stick hanging out of our mouths and we were all happy little babys.

Hang in there Star, in time you will beat the Scowling Demon remember, he is there always lurking and waiting to catch us off guard to suck us back in. Close the door and show him who the boss is. You can and will do this! Very Happy

Deb
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Melody



Quit Date:
August 19, 2004

Posts: 1103
Location: Ontario

PostPosted: October 18, 2005 11:52 AM    Post subject: Star Reply with quote

Dust yourself off it isn't the end of the world. I'm rooting for you. Wink
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Zuzu



Quit Date:
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Posts: 962
Location: Marin

PostPosted: October 18, 2005 2:01 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Star -

That's tough to lose a quit nine months in - it sounds like these monthly sojourns are big back doors. You'll figure it out. You're doing great. - Zuzu
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Frankiet



Quit Date:
June 14, 2005

Posts: 568
Location: Delaware

PostPosted: October 18, 2005 2:54 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

The way I look at it, cigarettes are like Lay's potato chips, you can't have just one!

In Switzerland though, your mileage (in Km) may vary.

Cheers!
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ggarrison19



Quit Date:
October 12, 2004

Posts: 42
Location: Minneapolis, Minnesota

PostPosted: October 19, 2005 8:11 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Star -

I just survived a weekend visiting my oldest, dearest friend and oldest smoking buddy.

I was pretty nervous going out there (Minnesota --> Virginia) and at one point actually considered just sending my wife and staying home. I think that nervousness actually saved me.

It was tough. At times very tough. It was, at times, like I was back in week one. But the door was not just shut. It was slammed shut. There was no way I was going to give up a year.

But I understand your feelings. It would have been so nice to just totally relax on the deck and "quit quitting". What I did was think through the moment and consider what I would be feeling like today if I gave in then.

I would still have urges and I would still be quitting about 20 times per day. I know I could never have just the one. If I did I would collapse completely.

If any of this makes sense, I hope it helps some. I guess the bottom line is you have to slam the door shut. You can't let any light in around the edges.

Good luck.

Gary
1Y + 1W
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Zuzu



Quit Date:
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Posts: 962
Location: Marin

PostPosted: October 19, 2005 12:15 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Gary-

I think of it like practice. You had to practice being around that friend while not smoking, and it was tough 'cause you'd never done it before. Next time it will be a bit easier I bet! GREAT job!

-Zu
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Tammy



Quit Date:
February 16, 2004

Posts: 2565
Location: Florida

PostPosted: October 19, 2005 8:59 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Star said:[/quote]I can easily get through hell week,

Ok. I know we are all different but hell week was really HELL WEEK for me even quitting with the patch. A week I NEVER EVER want to repeat.

We are all here to quit and to stay quit (hopefully.) You can keep your quit I know you can. Nail those back doors shut.

I am with Frank the smokes are Just Like Lays Potato chips 'you can't have just one'!

Laughing Demon is always lurking because we are addicts, adddicted to nicotine.
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marw



Quit Date:
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Posts: 3634
Location: Chicago, IL

PostPosted: October 19, 2005 9:36 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Star, get your Quit Plan out that you made when you were doing the FFS Modules (you did do them, didn't you?), and see what plans you made for keeping the Backdoors nailed shut when you go out. YOU might need to revise your Quit Plan a bit. Did you take your Emerbency Kit when you go out? That is really vital.

Sounds like you just need to redo the Modules and get the ducks lined up again. You can do it!!!!

P.S A lot of people have quit for a long time. My brother quit for a year and then lost it. THe only quit that counts is the one now. My bro got his back and never lost it again.....and you can too!! Got faith in you, Star!!! YOu can! Very Happy
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Fightn4life



Quit Date:
October 23, 2003

Posts: 1573
Location: Loysburg, PA

PostPosted: October 20, 2005 12:51 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Great advice you have received. I too had to give up my few nights out for almost six months. Some folks can handle not smoking and going ahead and drinking, I knew from my past set backs I was not one of them.

Like you I just wanted to feel relaxed and be who I have been for over 30 years. A smoker. Drinking brought me up close to all my smoking family, friends, and hubby; add the drinks and the demon would find a back door. Heck, the windows were open.

My first cook out with smoking family was very hard, but by then like Gary, I slammed the doors, and shut the windows.

Now going to visit those that smoke I don't even think about it. The battle I fight at times is smoking hubby. However, I remind myself with every urge for the familiar connection, it is my life, my quit, and my choice. I choose life.

You can do this. Decide enough is enough and know your life is so worth fighting the battle. Some day it will not be a battle it will be only a whisper in your ear.

Try again, again, again...never give up,

Sandyz
free for 728 days!

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