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Infuriating, Invasive In-laws...

 
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jahunta



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PostPosted: November 16, 2005 3:37 PM    Post subject: Infuriating, Invasive In-laws... Reply with quote

Hey everyone,

Something happened to me that just got me real worked up this morning, for some reason (these events took place some time ago. I ignored it, but it just got me thinkin' again today). I have 2 sister in laws that have been in the family for 10+ years. One is divorced from my brother, but is still relatively active in the family circle. The other is still married to my brother. They have a reputation of being jealous of my family because we all are open minded, intelligent, head-on-straight, like-to-be-together type of family. This is a family model of which they were not accustomed to, and have several times tried to put wrenches in our family workup with rumor, exaggerations and speaking out of turn...if you know what I mean. This has been proven time and time again, and even admitted by them as they marvel at how 8 siblings could be so loving toward each other and their parents. Personally, I can't imagine it not being that way.

In any case, here's the thing. Both of them had been spreading rumors about me, because I am the only single member of the family. I haven't married, and I'm not currently seeing anyone, due to the fact that my previous relationship "hit the fan" just a couple years ago. I've never been one to have long standing relationships, and pretty much do for myself. I have always been very independent. I've sworn allegience to myself to help me be the best I can be before I allow myself to be with another man. So, this being the case, each of my sister in laws, at different times, felt it their duty to proclaim to my family, my mother, AND my best friend, that I am Bi. Why bi, you say? (And here's a good example of one of those things that you say, that you wish you hadn't in hindsight). One of my sister in laws has a gay sister. We were driving, doing girl stuff, and were waxing philisophic about human sexuality. She had told me her sister said something to the like of "I've always known I've been a 'little bit bi'". I didn't think that much of it, but we were talking philosophically and, of course, I said "Well, sure we all are 'a little bit bi'". Now how she took this to mean I was Bi I don't know. But you talk about your snowballs...How did I know it got to my mother? She called me out of the blue and said "How come you didn't tell me you were bi?" First thing out of her mouth! Swear to God! Shocked, I said, "what are you talking about?", and thus heard the story about "He said, that she said..." Need I go on? Didn't think so. The conversation ended nicely enough. My mother assured me to come to her myself if I was bi, gay or otherwise, and reassured her I would (she's been through this before. I have 2 gay brothers). My other sister in law proceeded to tell my good friend who I hadn't seen in a few months, that I was bi and had to go through this whole thing again with my friend. I think I'm just now realizing how pi**ed off I should have been. That's really a juvenile, and cruel thing to do. Think it all you want, but to tell my family and my best friend without perhaps CONFIRMING it with me first?? That really is a line that should NEVER have been crossed. I don't know what took me so long. I just ignored it at first and laughed it off. This is a pretty not good thing. I've decided to tell them both off, FINALLY.

I just needed to vent...Thanks

J
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Garrocha



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PostPosted: November 16, 2005 3:46 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nice Vent! I agree with you. Definitely crossed the line. I'm glad you allowed yourself to react about the situation.
Cool
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Barbara K.



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PostPosted: November 16, 2005 3:59 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Nita,

Sometimes,

........ In-laws
.........SUCK!
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Pamela



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PostPosted: November 16, 2005 4:22 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Very Happy I"m with ya, Nita. It sucks. Don't these people have a life? DOn't let it fester, better to get it off your chest. PeoPle like your in laws usually don't like it when people are direct with them, which is why they are so good at being sneaky. Just tell them to cut it out in no uncertain terms. And, if they don't get it, I'll come out there and tell them for you.
Any way, "out" them as sneaks and liars.

Then, have a beer, on my tab, of course!
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marw



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PostPosted: November 16, 2005 4:33 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nita, I can't tell you how much I sympathize with this situation! I have had similar things happen to me. I have a loving family but not as close as yours sounds, and I would LOVE to have had so many siblings! Had only 1 brother, no sisters...but back to the point here....I have been single all my life, due to nothing more than circumstances, kind of the way things happened, I guess....and lots of times I have endured various forms of prejudice, and indeed, it still goes on re the single state. I agree that the line was crossed when people actually gossiped to your family!! I would have been livid!! When I was in H.S. I was a very pretty girl (sorry if I'm not modest here, but I was....and a natural blonde....wonder if that's why I finally dyed it red, too many Marilyn jokes...not that it ever helped Rolling Eyes ), and I was staggered when my father confronted me about whether I was a virgin because some evil somebody had gone to him about a policeman catching me in a car having sex with a boy. Now this was not me! Back then, such a thing could ruin a girl's reputation...it didn't, and it all got straightened out with my father and my friends as to who the girl really was....this was a small town and another girl really did look a little like me, but boy, who would have been so mean!!! Another time, and I was a grown woman, my family asked me why I didn't tell them I was living with some man or other, which actually might have been nice if I had really been doing it, but I wasn't! Seems like someone from my little town had been in Florida and reported seeing me there living with a man and reported this to my family!! And saving the best for last, I was home one time, and not feeling too chipper, so not talking as much....well, yes, I was temporarily depressed, don't even remember what about....and someone started a rumor that I was gay. So once again, my family wanted to know why I hadn't told them! I don't know why being quiet should equal being gay, makes no sense, but there you go...evil gossip never makes any sense. Your sis-in-laws are sooo jealous of your wonderful family and your relationhips within your family! I am sorry this happened to you. I would have told people off, too, but I never did find out who started the rumors. Also, I have a lot of gay friends, so I guess I am a target, although such prejudice should not even exist! Also, you know, I wonder if being in the Arts also makes one seem different to others.

We are fortunate in our loving families, not so fortunate in some of our in-laws and/or friends.

This was a great Rant, and I hope that you don't mind that I jumped in here. I didn't realize that I was ranting, too, until it just all rolled out. I hope it was O.K.

Thanks for posting, and I hope you find a way to shut these sis-in-laws up!
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Zuzu



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PostPosted: November 16, 2005 4:37 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think you're the BOMB!

-Zuzu


Last edited by Zuzu on December 27, 2005 11:14 PM; edited 1 time in total
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alleghany



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PostPosted: November 16, 2005 5:34 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Barbara K. wrote:
Hi Nita,

Sometimes,

........ In-laws
.........SUCK!


Yeah, that says it all....perfectly!!!!!
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kannprint



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PostPosted: November 16, 2005 6:05 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nita, I don't blame you for being angry and hurt. Your sisters-in-law need to "get a life." All in-laws aren't problems -- at least I hope not, being a mother-in-law to two wonderful people. I certainly attempt to keep my nose to myself.

What you do with your life is your business; not theirs. Could there be just a little jealousy there? Perhaps they envy your freedom from ties. Whatever their problem, it certainly isn't yours.

Enjoy what you have and don't let them get "under your skin." They're not worth it.
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jahunta



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PostPosted: November 16, 2005 6:08 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks you guys!

You know, the issue really for me is How dare they think they have the right to tell ANYONE that I know. I mean, my friend and I have been friends for over 20 years! Do you really think A) I wouldn't find out, and B) She wouldn't tell me?? What's that about?

By the way marw, it's ok that you ranted...don't you feel better now!!?

J
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marw



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PostPosted: November 16, 2005 9:06 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nita, yes, I felt a lot better! Can't believe all that stuff was still bothering me after all these years. I just didn't want to seem to have jumped on your Rant, but thanks for letting me! Very Happy

That's what I always wondered: Didn't those people, whoever they were that told malicious lies to my family, realize that they would ask me?

Thanks again, Nita! And I hope you do tell them off!
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Kerry



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PostPosted: November 17, 2005 12:02 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nita I too think that they crossed the line in more ways than one. First, the talked to your family about a conversation you thought was private, or at best, no big deal. Secondly, (and this is what incenses me the most) they called your mother and your best friend and "told" on you as if the information they were telling was bad. Let's say for the sake of argument that it had been true, they turned that information into gossip as if being gay or bi is such a bad thing. Apparently in their mind it is. And that is truly a shame. They need to check themselves.
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