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I lost it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 
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mtwilsonranch



Quit Date:
January 20, 2006

Posts: 1863
Location: nevada

PostPosted: January 18, 2006 8:39 PM    Post subject: I lost it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Reply with quote

This is so hard, I almost did not post this, but so many of you have supported and helped me, that I could not leave without a word.....

I smoked, I offer no excuses, there are none...I am so low at this moment and I am so disappointed in me..This was the first time in fifty years of smoking that I have been almost 7 months free............How could I make the choice to smoke the poison, OMG why???????

Right now all I want to do is hide under my covers and never get up...but that action will not get me free of this addiction.....I need to take stock of me, gather my strength and start again.....But first I need to get over this depression Crying or Very sad

I have no words that can express my feelings for this family here at woofmang, you are all very special and Kevin please leave the light on, I just need the time to get back on my fighting feet...............

I love you guys,

I am so sorry..............................

Pam
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Right Now, this minute, this hour, this day, I choose not to feed my addiction....
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kannprint



Quit Date:
April 10, 2004

Posts: 4988
Location: St. Louis, MO

PostPosted: January 18, 2006 8:46 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

OK, Pam, you messed up. So what??????????? Let's quit beating up on Pam and let's start over again. You ere well into a strong quit and can pick it up again. We're here for you -- thanks for posting. Stay close and don't let Scowling Demon gain a stronghold in your life. With love and concern --
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LIVE WELL, LAUGH OFTEN, LOVE MUCH.
Jo
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Cowgirl UP!



Quit Date:
July 26, 2004

Posts: 5029
Location: Ala

PostPosted: January 18, 2006 11:15 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Pam, take your time to get geared back up......you were doing great with 7 months behind you.....others have lost it with years behind them so please, do not let this get you down. In my opinion, the sooner you get back to a smokefree lifestyle the better......but you have to make the call.

I know you can do this Pam.....I also know it is not easy......but then if riding this bucking bronco was easy, then everyone would be doing it right? I took Wellbutrin for the longest...until I felt like I could handle things on my own......
Kay
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All with a little help from my friends, COWGIRL UP
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swaneem



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 1298
Location: Arizona

PostPosted: January 18, 2006 11:22 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Pam,

You will always be welcome here.

Donna
_________________

Just when the caterpillar thought his world was
coming to an end..........God made him a
BUTTERFLY.
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kevin
Site Admin


Quit Date:
-

Posts: 9538
Location: cincinnati, oh

PostPosted: January 19, 2006 1:12 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

you know the light'll always be on for you, pam; get back up, dust yourself off, and start choosing life again.
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keep choosing life!

kevin

the zen of the quit
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marw



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 3634
Location: Chicago, IL

PostPosted: January 19, 2006 1:21 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Pam, this is a thing that can happen to anyone at anytime, and it often does. We all know the dangers of it. Whoever said that you had lost after 7 months when others had lost after years, had a point. It can always happen. So be ready. By that, I mean you just start it over. Do it the soonest you can, because the longer you wait the harder it can get.

My brother lost his after a year, and he had lost so many times before that, that he had quit telling people he was quitting. THat last time when he kept the Quit, he refused to say he was quit, he just said he was quit right then, that day, that was all he knew. Well, he is still quit many years later, and you will be too.

I know it's depressing. I lost a lot of quits....LOTS!....before I got one to stick....and I worry constantly about this one.

I am so glad you posted, not only for yourself, but because it helps others....me in particular....to realize how fragile the free life can be, and vigilant I need to be.

I hope your new Quit Date is right away, and that you are not gone from here, not even a day! I would miss you so!!! Come home, Pam, you are a Non-Smoker, so throw them away if you still have them. YOU know the light is always on, we have Kevin's word on it.

With love and hugs!
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Margaret
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Deb



Quit Date:
February 5, 2010

Posts: 967
Location: North Carolina (Originally New York)

PostPosted: January 19, 2006 8:28 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Pam,

As the others said, please STOP beating yourself up. There's nothing you can do about your past but, you can control your future.

First of all, I wouldn't look at it like you lost anything. You gained 7 months of smoke free living and this could never be taken away. Wink

You are strong willed and determined, you can and will do this. Please come back soon - YOU ARE NEEDED HERE!! Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy

Please don't let the Laughing Demon win, your so worth the quit!

Deb
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alleghany



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 2049

PostPosted: January 19, 2006 9:31 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, at first I hoped you had "lost it" by yelling at someone.... Rolling Eyes Wink

No matter what your depression is saying, you are a valuable person. We (your net friends) and your real/3d family and friends need you. As I mentioned in one of Kay's posts, when I began to see myself as God sees me, I began to break the cycle of self-distruction.

We are all here for you! And, when you are ready, I'll toss you a couple of oranges! Cool
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Face your fears.
Quit date: June 6, 2004
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Simone



Quit Date:
April 28, 2005

Posts: 953
Location: Australia

PostPosted: January 20, 2006 3:34 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Pam you can get back on your quit , you are a valuable person of kindness & intelligence.

We all have faith in you .

Love & Hugs,
Simone xx
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Mary Dude



Quit Date:
June 15, 2004

Posts: 4803
Location: Pittsburgh, PA

PostPosted: January 20, 2006 8:14 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Pam - it happens...figure out what you will do differently, get the help you need and get back to it! Depression is a battle unto itself and it can drag you back to destructive behaviors and back to the "not quit" side of the smoke-screen. You have the skills and the experience and the desire. Be persistent and get some help if that's what you need. You are a valued member of this community - and will continue to be... never quit quitting!
_________________

Mary D.
Smoke-free one day at a time!
Worry doesn't help tomorrow's troubles, but it does ruin today's happiness!


Last edited by Mary Dude on January 20, 2006 9:33 PM; edited 1 time in total
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Pamela



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 3542
Location: Gardiner, NY

PostPosted: January 20, 2006 9:31 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sad I hope you find the way to keep trying, Pam. Smoking won't help your depression, or anything else.

We'll be here when you're ready.
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FIVE + years of freedom and loving it!
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