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Gloom, despair, and agony on me
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julonred



Quit Date:
June 6, 2006

Posts: 7
Location: Iowa

PostPosted: June 26, 2006 10:24 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

At the start of my third week. Glad you guys are all here to give me the heads up. You know, I quit before for pregnancies, and I dont remember going through these kinds of emotional ups and downs then. Or if I did, I blamed them on hormones. My days are what I imagine someone with rapid cycling bipolar disorder would have. Some moments are so unbelievably wonderful, and I tell myself "I love my life right now!" but a few minutes later I could be off crying in the garden or steaming at something my partner in crime said an hour earlier. I don't mind the crying, that is something I know is helpful and I feel so much better afterwards. But this anger thing is completely new to me. I'm 40, so I've had a long time without anger. I think there is quite a bit in there. It has scared me a few times in the last few weeks, only because it really stressed me out and I craved a smoke something fierce. Just had to breathe through it and talk it out. I think that feeling this anger is actually good for me, though it comes us at inappropriate times. I think if I can keep it in check it may serve me well! I'm not a doormat by any means, but theres been countless times I've let people get by with things that I more than likely should have confronted them about. I have a feeling that is going to change. I think I'm ready for it, but I wonder about everyone else in my life!
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Pamela



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 3542
Location: Gardiner, NY

PostPosted: June 26, 2006 1:01 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
I've let people get by with things that I more than likely should have confronted them about. I have a feeling that is going to change. I think I'm ready for it, but I wonder about everyone else in my life!


Wow, this could be exciting for you, Julie. A whole new aspect of your life, and ultimately you, emerging!

As for the emotional ups and downs, and highs and lows, it's all part of the process. One of our fellow quitters here, Zuzu, once wrote a post about her anger too, and how it seemed "outsized". I wish I could remember what she wrote, but the jist of it was that she felt that her emotions, especially her anger, were "outsized", which I guess is another way to say "supersized".

These things do level off in time, and you just need to hang a sign around your neck that says, "Quit smoking.....proceed with caution"....for a little while. It will pass!

By the way, good to hear from you, and keep us posted.
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julonred



Quit Date:
June 6, 2006

Posts: 7
Location: Iowa

PostPosted: June 26, 2006 1:30 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

thanks pamela, i need all the encouragement i can get. and its inspiring to talk to people like you who have some quit time under there belt and have been there. congrats to you. i have been thinking lately that i should wait it out to deal with personal issues, especially with the boyfriend, because it seems everything he does lately gets on my nerves. i just fired off a not so nice email and now i'm regretting it. he quit with me, so he's going through it too. we are having so great big ups and downs together. i think maybe some time alone? i cant wait to cool off! but incorporating the anger i'm feeling into my personality and being able to channel it and use it appropriately, that is exciting to me.
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Pamela



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 3542
Location: Gardiner, NY

PostPosted: June 27, 2006 1:43 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Like me, you may find renewed aspects of your personality that were long ago supressed and tamped down by smoking. Some you may like, some you may not. No matter what, you will finally be experiencing the real you, and not the chemically altered you.

As for the anger issues, as long as you realize that feelings may be exaggerated at the moment, for both you and the BF, it will be easier to overlook them and forgive and forget.

Once of the nicest aspects of how quitting changed my personality is how calm I am now. I used to believe that smoking calmed me, but all it did was keep me in a perpetual state of tension, and the addiction made me feel that smoking was actually calming me when it was just the relief my body felt when I got my fix. However, this was not the case in the early days of quitting when I was like a wild woman on steroids.

Trust me....it just takes time, and in a few months, you'll forget that you even had these feelings that were so intense.

Meantime, make sure you understand that the outbursts and anger are just symptoms of your healing and they are temporary. You're doing great, so keep it going.
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kevin
Site Admin


Quit Date:
-

Posts: 9538
Location: cincinnati, oh

PostPosted: June 27, 2006 4:48 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

julie wrote:
...But this anger thing is completely new to me. I'm 40, so I've had a long time without anger...

actually, it's more likely that you'd been burying the anger under the smokescreen you didn't even recognize it any more. what you say in your second post about expressing your anger appropriately is the key; when you bury it, it always comes back to haunt you...
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keep choosing life!

kevin

the zen of the quit
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julonred



Quit Date:
June 6, 2006

Posts: 7
Location: Iowa

PostPosted: July 3, 2006 10:37 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

i do have plenty of buried anger, didn't mean to say i never had it. maybe i did, i've always prided myself on being a laid-back person. but honestly, i'm one of the most high strung persons i know. i'm sure a big part of the anxiety came from the smoking. i like what you said about getting back to the real you. i keep reminding myself of that, and trying to be courageous about it. thanks for everything, hope i can be some help to others down the road.
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