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Leona



Quit Date:
June 1, 2017

Posts: 1838
Location: Alpena, Michigan

PostPosted: June 2, 2004 11:54 AM    Post subject: upset and angry Reply with quote

I am mad at my fiancee my son and myself.

I have been argueing with my fiancee on the same subject all week. I do not want to get into that here. But I am angry at myself for feeling so angry about the whole subject. I know he is right but I also know I am correct as well it is one of those no win situations. Neither one of us wants to give either. Is this stupid or what. I know it is. And I am usually the one to cave and this time I don't want to cave. But on the same hand I know I will and am fighting this all the way. I am angry with myself for doing this. I know I need to appologize and explain my reasons even though I have done it before multiple times.

Why I am angry at my son is lots and lots of reasons and mostly at this point thinking maybe it is time for him to get out of my and my fiancee's house. My son and I have been argueing over a cell phone that is his but is in my name. He wanted to take it to canada and I would not let him so he blew up about that Well I didn't want the long distance, roaming charges and international charges that would be on the bill. He has no job and the last of his unemployment was this week and he spent his income tax money 1500 on a truck that isn't worth 2 cents. Now he is grouching that it isn't working right and he can't fix it. I won't let my fiancee help him as my son has to learn the error of his ways. This was in another one of the forums under pity party for my son's truck. It was also a sore spot in our house between my son and myself. So I refrained from saying anything. Now the sore spot is becasue my son doesn't know how to stay out of my and my fiancee's argument. He butted in with his two cents and when I told him to shut up and mind his own business he said it was his business as I always seem to get into the middle of his business. This started another whold arguement between my son and myself. And to this my fiancee told us both that was enough but my son had to add more to it so I of course had to respond and let him know he was in the wrong. My fiancee then said that he was looking forward to going to work. Fine but this still doesn't settle the matter of my son butting into an argument between me an my fiancee. I told my son it was not of his f222ing business. and as far as I am concerned it isn't. The problem is that my son is starting to think he can run me and my household including arguments. And I am fighting back after all this is my and my fiancee's house. Not MY SON:S My fiancee won't say anything as he doesn't like conflict and leaves it to me to do as I am a fighter and not afraid to say anything.

My problem is now my son is starting to remind me so very much of his father it scares me. My x husband was abusive mentally physically, pshycologically and all the other ways as well and he was also very domineering and if it wasn't his way he hit or yelled. My son is becoming that person and I don't like it. I don't want it and it scares the hell out of me so much so I am begining to think wheter or not he has a job or not I want him out of the house.

Sorry this turned into a rambley rant. I had to get it off of my chest and now I am gonna go find something else to do to get this off of my mind as I feel like crying and smoking all at the same time and I won't do the smoking but the crying sounds pretty good.

One month, three weeks, one day, 54 minutes and 29 seconds. 2081 cigarettes not smoked, saving $359.06. Life saved: 1 week, 5 hours, 25 minutes.
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Zuzu



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 962
Location: Marin

PostPosted: June 2, 2004 12:23 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

It sounds like it's a tough day, Leona.

I am not a parent, though I was blessed with the world's best mother (many apologies to all the other mothers out there, but you got competition with this one.)

In the same situation I know my mother would lead by example. Teach compassion by being compassionate, teach respect by being respectful, teach gentleness and kindness by being gentle and kind, teach love by loving.

I read an essay by Richard Smoley, adapted from his book Inner Christianty, called True Forgiveness, yesterday. In it he writes that, "forgiveness offers an escape from the monstrous quid pro quo that is the essence of the world. It frees us from the karmic ledger books entirely, since, if we extend forgiveness infinitely and unconditionaly, we will receive it to the same degree. Forgiveness is a steadfast refusal to see wrongs, or, if they are seen, to remember them. It is the ultimate act of generosity, since it gives without keeping count, and it is the ultimate act of freedom, since it liberates those who practice it from bondage to past hurts or losses: by refusing to care about any supposed damage, we proclaim our immunity to it."

Anyway, it was a great essay...

-Zuzu
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kevin
Site Admin


Quit Date:
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Posts: 9538
Location: cincinnati, oh

PostPosted: June 3, 2004 7:49 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

i know it's a tough call to make, Leona, but there comes a time in every young bird's life when momma bird has to push it out of the nest; otherwise, it'll never learn to fly on its own.
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Leona



Quit Date:
June 1, 2017

Posts: 1838
Location: Alpena, Michigan

PostPosted: June 3, 2004 10:43 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Zuzu, and Kevin

Zuzu I did try the compasion teaching and have done my very best to teach respect by example also to teach him many other things by example. He chooses to be disrespectful and rude. He has no consideration for anyone except what he wants. and only what he wants. He is my x husband incarnate in this. I have said nothing to him about it as he gets so angry about being told he is acting like daddy. He is at this point upseting our entire household. And it will get worse. At this point he is being nice again as he knows mom has the power to tell him to leave. And I feel like I am doing him no favor by letting him stay. But then on the other hand >>>> ????do or don't I

Kevin,

As I told Zuzu it is a do I or don't I situation. He has no job and no money now. He just recieved his last unemployment check and stupidly very stupidly spent his income tax money on a gas guzzler of a truck. That is not the worst of it it is junk and he doesn't know it or does and doesn't want to admit it. Now he is also butting into an argument that my fiancee and I had and when told to butt out said he had every right to butt in as I do it to him all the time. (Duh he is in my house and causeing problems for the people in this house and I am his mom and his parent so have to tell him what for.) I sometimes really hate being a parent . I swore my kids would never be homeless but in his case I am wondering if I am wrong in not making him homeless and perhaps enableing him to grow up. It is a case of fail or succeed I think maybe. But then I doubt myself and wonder would I be doing the right thing so I don't know one way or the other and can't make a decision or even do what I should do it or not. I just don't know.

One month, three weeks, two days, 11 hours, 42 minutes and 59 seconds. 2139 cigarettes not smoked, saving $369.06. Life saved: 1 week, 10 hours, 15 minutes.
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Calliemae



Quit Date:
May 3, 2004

Posts: 151
Location: Wisconsin

PostPosted: June 3, 2004 10:46 PM    Post subject: hard stuff Reply with quote

Leona

Not sure how old your son is,but i have to agree with Kevin especisally if he is over 20 or so. Yes you need to show respect, compassion, forgiveness and love, but sometimes you also need to be strong enough to allow them to grow on their own. My prayers are with you we have dealt with a son who rippled the waters many times.
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