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So here I am, and here I stand.

 
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dennyt



Quit Date:
April 5, 2007

Posts: 16

PostPosted: May 22, 2007 2:19 AM    Post subject: So here I am, and here I stand. Reply with quote

This has been an experience. Wow. Here I sit, completely smoke free (cant remember the exact date now of my quit) but i think im well into my 2nd month already.


I've had every ache in the world, every depression, mood swing, fear, paranoia, stomach problems , bathroom problems, anxiety you could name off.

And i'm still alive, without cigerettes. Thats what prompted me to write this just now. I'm alive. I live, I breath freely now, I watch my daughter grow older, and one day i'll leave this world. But when I leave it, I'll still have my mortal victory. My demon who lied to me lost a follower. I walked away.



I hate the smell of cigerettes now. I hate being around them. I hate them even more because i'm almost sure I will lose someone i love to them. Lying bastards. You know what came to mind just now? Some spiders soothe their prey as they're killing it. I think thats the trick here. Thats what angers me. It almost had me. I almost stayed with it for the rest of my life. But nope... something scared me.


My daughter. She's what scared me. I dont know for sure whats out there, if theres a god who loves me, or if theres a devil who tempts me, or whatever. But i think there has to be something out there, because looking at the face of my daughter prooves to me everyday that there is something heavent sent on this earth with me.

I felt selfish. I felt like, if i kept smoking, and lost my life to it, i wouldnt be able to look at her anymore. I would be leaving her here in this world, without her daddy to protect her. how in the hell could I do that to her? For all my stupid choices i've made so far in my life, (and theres been several) How could I leave my baby girl behind? I cant even type this now without getting tear-eyed. So i know I mean it. Theres no doubt about that.



I couldn't find an answer to it. I couldnt find one I could live with and / or accept. There isnt one.

I need my baby girl, and in my heart I feel like, she needs her daddy.


So daddy don't smoke anymore. I tell her that and she sais "yay! goo job daddy"

My journey to wellness, has my daughter at the start and end of it.
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Seabrez



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 4458
Location: Gulf Coast

PostPosted: May 22, 2007 5:59 AM    Post subject: Re: So here I am, and here I stand. Reply with quote

dennyt wrote:
So daddy don't smoke anymore. I tell her that and she sais "yay! goo job daddy"

My journey to wellness, has my daughter at the start and end of it.


Denny,

A beautiful heart of love and scarifice. A true father's love! What more is there than that?....nothing!

Keep staying strong with your quit, and with your love! Your daughter has a very special father...one who cherishes her completely!

Love and Hugs
_________________

Living in Freedom
Deb

Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. 2 Corn 5:17 NASB
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Patty129



Quit Date:
February 18, 2007

Posts: 828
Location: Saginaw, MI

PostPosted: May 22, 2007 6:58 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

I can't think of much better motivation then staying alive for our kids.....hang in there and it's good to see you back.
Patty
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Doggygirl



Quit Date:
February 26, 2007

Posts: 788
Location: Joliet, IL

PostPosted: May 22, 2007 11:13 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Denny, thank you for your words of wisdom, and congratulations on your quit. Your love for your daughter is so very, very touching. There are so many little girls in the world who would love to have a daddy like you.

With tears in my eyes,

Beth
Day 85
_________________

Happiness is an attitude. We either make ourselves miserable, or happy and strong. The amount of work is the same. ~Francesca Reigler
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kevin
Site Admin


Quit Date:
-

Posts: 9538
Location: cincinnati, oh

PostPosted: May 22, 2007 8:11 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Very Happy
_________________

keep choosing life!

kevin

the zen of the quit
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Cowgirl UP!



Quit Date:
July 26, 2004

Posts: 5029
Location: Ala

PostPosted: May 22, 2007 8:27 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wow, a real man with a heart...gosh there is more than two of you Laughing Laughing way to go Daddy...may have to rethink the male thing Wink
Kay
_________________

All with a little help from my friends, COWGIRL UP
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Mary Dude



Quit Date:
June 15, 2004

Posts: 4803
Location: Pittsburgh, PA

PostPosted: May 23, 2007 4:48 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Awesome job of quitting Denny! Way to go!!!
_________________

Mary D.
Smoke-free one day at a time!
Worry doesn't help tomorrow's troubles, but it does ruin today's happiness!
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nichole



Quit Date:
April 14, 2007

Posts: 455
Location: So Cal

PostPosted: May 24, 2007 5:01 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Aaaaaaaaa - MEN!!! (That's a long drawn-out amen, if it wasn't clear Wink )..

One of my main motivators for quitting was when my daughter came home from school after a lesson about health and asked me (teary-eyed) if I was going to die becuase I smoke. OMG... just like you said, Denny... just plain selfish. Good for you for recognizing it now. Excellent job on that quit!!!
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~nichole
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Barbara K.



Quit Date:
December 23, 2004

Posts: 5977

PostPosted: May 27, 2007 1:48 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Very Happy Kids are such an inspiration. Also, glad to hear your quit is good.
_________________

Obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn arouind and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.

Blessings,
Barbara K.
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