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NancyRHM
Quit Date: March 21, 2008
Posts: 39
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Posted: March 19, 2008 2:28 AM Post subject: Goodbye Cigarettes ***Warning: LONG*** |
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I never liked you until I met Chris. Then I grew used to you, and then -- to be cool -- wanted you. I had to make a concerted effort to get to know you; it wasn't easy at first. But I kept at it, and soon you were part of my life. Not for long, I promised myself. I see now how you lied to me from the beginning. I was always going to quit "soon." Eventually, Chris was gone, but you stayed on.
"Soon" did come after a couple of years, only for a month. Then, another of your lies for which I wasn't prepared: "One puff won't hurt." It did -- and you were back. This time you settled in for the long haul. For a long time, you were the only constant in my life. At home, at work, in the car. Alone, or with others. Drunk or sober. To calm down, to celebrate, to console, to pass the time -- you were always, always there. How many times did I turn to you without even thinking?
And yet I was never quite comfortable with you. I always felt the disapproval of people who were important to me. I always had it in the back of my mind that I needed to quit, pretty soon. But I couldn't quite face not having you. And I gradually began to realize how powerful a hold you had on me. I started to see your dark side. Your comforting companionship began to feel smothering and unwelcome. I started to feel you as someone who wouldn't let go -- a prison -- a ball and chain. A master.
With pregnancy and motherhood came even stronger reasons to get rid of you, and even greater shame. That's when I began sneaking. But Laura knew. Even as a pre-schooler, she began asking me to quit. But you were stronger even than my little girl's pleas. I hated you for that.
Then -- I can't even remember exactly when or how -- I just up and quit. For a couple of years, I was at long last rid of you. But then an upset came, I was worried and stressed -- and suddenly, out of nowhere, you were back, whispering "Just one pack; it will make you feel better." I was so surprised, and completely unprepared to fight you off. After a few days of feeble resistance, I let you back in, again.
But, addiction, now I know you. That's what you fear most, isn't it? Now I know the tricks you play, the lies you tell. Now I know how you break me down, how you use my weaknesses. But I know something else now: how to fight you. And make no mistake, I will fight you. And I will win.
Prepare to leave, forever. Oh, I know you won't go quietly. But do you sense that you're up against something different this time? Be assured: You are. I have an arsenal of weapons to use against you this time. I have an army of friends fighting with me this time. And this time, I understand you -- what you want, what your methods are, what it will take to finally end, once and for all, your control over me.
I don't expect it to be easy. As much as I loathe you, I will miss you, desperately at times, especially at first. I expect it. I am prepared. I will win.
So, cigarettes, for the sake of my health, my child, my dignity, my peace of mind, my future, and my freedom:
Finally, and forever: Goodbye.
~Nancy |
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Gidget
Quit Date: March 14, 2008
Posts: 693 Location: New Haven, CT
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Posted: March 19, 2008 8:31 AM Post subject: |
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Congratulations on your resolve! You can do it. Fight like crazy!! |
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Pamela
Quit Date: -
Posts: 3542 Location: Gardiner, NY
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Posted: March 19, 2008 8:32 AM Post subject: |
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And good riddance, too. You won't miss 'em. _________________
FIVE + years of freedom and loving it! |
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kannprint
Quit Date: April 10, 2004
Posts: 4988 Location: St. Louis, MO
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Posted: March 19, 2008 9:05 AM Post subject: |
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Great post, Nancy. Stay as strong as you were when you composed that and you'll have no problem.
I agree with Pamela -- good riddance to . You no longer need him. _________________
LIVE WELL, LAUGH OFTEN, LOVE MUCH.
Jo |
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kevin Site Admin
Quit Date: -
Posts: 9538 Location: cincinnati, oh
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Posted: March 19, 2008 10:38 AM Post subject: |
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_________________
keep choosing life!
kevin
the zen of the quit |
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Leona
Quit Date: June 1, 2017
Posts: 1838 Location: Alpena, Michigan
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Posted: March 20, 2008 10:14 PM Post subject: |
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_________________
Quiting smoking is like a fine wine ......
It just gets better with age. |
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Mary Dude
Quit Date: June 15, 2004
Posts: 4803 Location: Pittsburgh, PA
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Posted: March 21, 2008 7:00 PM Post subject: |
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Go for it Nancy! You've laid a strong foundation for a terrific quit...you can do it!! _________________
Mary D.
Smoke-free one day at a time!
Worry doesn't help tomorrow's troubles, but it does ruin today's happiness! |
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