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Seabrez



Quit Date:
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Posts: 4458
Location: Gulf Coast

PostPosted: November 21, 2008 6:43 AM    Post subject: This sucks! Reply with quote

This sucks...not good.

Been up for about 2 hours dealing with this. It woke me up...which really set my mood. Wake up and it's there....felt like in my face...you want a cigarette. WHAT???? Shocked First thought...don't think so!! So laid there, deciding to go back to sleep. Yeah right Rolling Eyes It came again...rolled over distrubing the kitten in the process....thinking why is this happening? No!....again. Brought out the ammo to kill this thing....I choose...I stand free...I don't want to go back to it. Ok, laid there and it didn't bother me....for a little while, and then returned again. Ok...I'm ticked now. I'm awake, and can't go back to sleep...and Scowling Demon is rattling my cage. Confused Get up, get a long drink of water, check on Little Buddy, feed the cats, start the coffee. Sigh....I only thought I'd get some sleep tonight. And then it comes back yet again...and stronger...to the point of thinking I could get one from daughter's room. What the!!! NO!

Ok, so I'm sitting here wondering....what in the world is going on here. I've went through all the reasonings of being addict and such. But, I keep wondering if there's something I've not dealt with underneath. Earlier, out visiting with hubby and his friend, another neighbor came over, and he was smoking. Now, usually it doesn't catch my eye as far as an attention getter, but this did. Which, was a little distrubing to me. Daughter smokes, and it doesn't tempt me in the least. Matter of fact, it grieves me and stinks. Been around other smokers...no effect either. So, why this particular scene? What really bothers me is the fact, is this is so familiar...this is what happened last summer. This is how it started....little scenes of other smokers, and noticing them. Mad I even thought within when I noticed it....he's feeding his addiction, poor guy. Why the draw?

This is what I'm wondering....why the draw? Why? Why does this tempt me? What is it? You know....just realized something....most people I see smoking are just have a straight face. But this guy was smiling and real happy. That's it Idea .....a scene of smoking being linked to being happy.

Scowling Demon you're sneaky...got to give it to you,...you are sneaky. But BUSTED!!!! Now, I have what I need to put this thing to rest. Smoking will never bring happiness. On the contrary...it brings sadness. So, twisted devil....you're a liar...be gone!!

Thanks for letting me vent and process while typing.

Hugs!!!
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Living in Freedom
Deb

Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. 2 Corn 5:17 NASB
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jimotter



Quit Date:
November 19, 2003

Posts: 2409
Location: Everett Washington

PostPosted: November 21, 2008 6:57 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Deb
I doubt anybody will get upset about a rant, especially since I read the ranting took away the desire, I send you a big hug for kickn' the demon where it deserves.
Jim
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Never give up on yourself. We are so worth the effort. Smoking creates nothing but misery for us and those around us. Smoking is socially unacceptable everywhere we go.
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nicfirth



Quit Date:
July 17, 2008

Posts: 383
Location: England

PostPosted: November 21, 2008 7:04 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think we have to accept that at times there will be random cravings that just need to be dismissed. You are in control, and you have just proved it.

All the best

Nic
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Mary Dude



Quit Date:
June 15, 2004

Posts: 4803
Location: Pittsburgh, PA

PostPosted: November 21, 2008 9:09 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

thinking...and analyzing and eternal vigiliance! Way to go Deb! Stay free!((((Deb))))!!!!
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Mary D.
Smoke-free one day at a time!
Worry doesn't help tomorrow's troubles, but it does ruin today's happiness!
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Seabrez



Quit Date:
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Posts: 4458
Location: Gulf Coast

PostPosted: November 21, 2008 10:03 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks Guys!

Hugs are always good Jim and Mary...thank you.

Eternal viligance! Yes....when the answers not clear...just wait! It works.

Yes, Nic, we will always face the possibility of being tempted. It doesn't happen often, but when it does, I like to figure out why. See, I use to just dismiss these type of thoughts and go on...which does work...it will all pass whether one just dismisses it or figures it out. For me, though, it's important for me to understand why...that way, I have a means to concretely come against the core reason of why. Relapsed too many times in the past to not bring each and every thought into alignment. Don't want to allow in kinks in the armor, so to say.

And with that....inside I must be needing to experience some happiness. If I was already happy, it wouldn't have had a foothold, to attempt to get in with. So, first thing that came to mind is the joy of the Lord is my strength. Spend more thoughts on His goodness. Also, today is "happy" day. Will be doing things to bring a smile to my face. Wink

Thanks guys! Big Hugs!!
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Deb

Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. 2 Corn 5:17 NASB
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Gidget



Quit Date:
March 14, 2008

Posts: 693
Location: New Haven, CT

PostPosted: November 21, 2008 10:46 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Deb, you are doing the right thing when you talk it through (write it out?). You know happiness is actually contingent on NOT smoking, but addiction is sneaky and memory is fickle and biased. Good for you that you can address it, be angry, come here and finally work through it, reminding yourself (most importantly) that you are choosing true happiness. Yay!
Hugs.
Gidget.
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My choice; my responsibility; win or lose, only I hold the key to my destiny.
-Elaine Maxwell
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Kissimee



Quit Date:
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Posts: 772
Location: St. Louis, MO

PostPosted: November 21, 2008 11:13 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Deb....You just impressed me so and taught me a lesson...just reading your reasoning gave me the power to do the same. And I loved it that you wrote it down.

((HUGS)) and try a nap today!

Tracy
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I can NOT control the addiction because if I could, it would NOT be an addiction...BUT I can control ME, the addict.
~Tracy

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pinkpearl



Quit Date:
June 30, 2007

Posts: 1665
Location: Illinois

PostPosted: November 21, 2008 11:13 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Deb-
Think how terrible you would of felt if you would of smoked
one of the daughters smokes.
I still want one on occasion, but I also hid from friends that
smoked for a very long time.
You could of been dreaming about it an not remembered the
dream. dreaming you were smoking and happy??
I dont know....
but you wont do it!!!!
we need you here non smoking !!! Very Happy
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Seabrez



Quit Date:
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Posts: 4458
Location: Gulf Coast

PostPosted: November 21, 2008 12:56 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks Gidget, Tracy, and Pink!

You know, Pink...the thought of that feeling afterwards is what kept me from reacting and just going for it. While I was still in bed, remembered that feeling, and guilt, and said...yeah, I know what you're trying to do...if I smoke, you'll just turn it around and condemn me with it. But it still didn't leave even realizing that. But, it did keep me from doing something stupid. This was a tough one. It just kept lingering. I finally decided to post...kept wondering why? Knew had to get to the bottom of it. Totally puzzled, thinking...haven't I closed all the back doors? Then I thought, well, thought I had all the doors closed in the past, only to find I didn't. So, sat here continuing to wonder, and just waiting it out. Started posting, and then started realizing why.

What I do find interesting....it came while I slept or the edge of sleep...not consciencly coherent...tells me it's working on the subconscience level underneath. And when I saw the guy smoking...I consciencely recognized he was feeding his addiction. But, apparently subconsciencely related his smoking and his happiness. I didn't noticed that consciencely when I saw the whole thing. So, just goes to show how tricky the mind and addiction are. Who knows....all I know, made it through, and figured it out.....and to stay on my toes!!!

Tracy...I'd talk Smile ...you're doing the same Wink You thought you had a cold or flu, but dug deeper and found it's quit related healing. Only difference...yours is physical related, and mine where mind related. Same principle...just find out why! Wink

Gidget...truth sets us free...and know enough that smoking won't solve anything. Wink Smile

Hugs!
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Living in Freedom
Deb

Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. 2 Corn 5:17 NASB
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essie662



Quit Date:
April 14, 2004

Posts: 3388
Location: MI

PostPosted: November 21, 2008 1:20 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Great job getting through this, Deb! Smile
{{{{{HUGS}}}}}
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Essie
4/14/04
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kevin
Site Admin


Quit Date:
November 19, 2001

Posts: 9538
Location: cincinnati, oh

PostPosted: November 21, 2008 4:19 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

deb wrote:
Why does this tempt me?

why does the drink tempt the alcoholic?
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kevin

the quit guru
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Seabrez



Quit Date:
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Posts: 4458
Location: Gulf Coast

PostPosted: November 21, 2008 4:53 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks Essie!

And Kevin, Laughing Laughing Laughing Embarassed Oh my gosh, yep, stupid question. Of course, an addict will always be tempted by it's substance of addiction. What I was meaning and wondering when I wrote that....what is the association that's linked this temptation? I was looking for an association, trigger, back door as to why.

If a boobie trap comes in a pretty gift wrapped package, looking good, unwrap the pretty paper, and realize the trap inside. Kinda like that. I was trying to get the pretty paper wrapping off to uncover the trap and disarm it.

Hugs!
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Living in Freedom
Deb

Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. 2 Corn 5:17 NASB
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jimotter



Quit Date:
November 19, 2003

Posts: 2409
Location: Everett Washington

PostPosted: November 21, 2008 6:22 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Deb
Not sure everyone will go along with this, but the trigger to fulful the hunger of an addiction is just being alive and doing what you normally do. An addiction hangs on to us both physically and mentally. The experts will give us time frames as to how long nicotine hangs on to the physical part, the standard answer is 72 hours, I am not educated enough to shoot holes in that theory, but I have yet to hear any expert gives us a time frame on how long the mental anguish of giving up nicotine lasts. I know that when I reached the 21st day of my quit I almost went into a melt down, and I remember that day being the worst of my quit days. I do believe that I have now passed all of those physical withdawl symptoms and that I would have to make a conscious decision to smoke, so, I guess that would fall somewhere in the mental part of the quit, and I tell myself "NO", and I will say that it is very easy to say "no" now. So, Deb, I say to you keeping saying "NO".
Jim
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Never give up on yourself. We are so worth the effort. Smoking creates nothing but misery for us and those around us. Smoking is socially unacceptable everywhere we go.
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Cowgirl UP!



Quit Date:
July 26, 2004

Posts: 5029
Location: Ala

PostPosted: November 21, 2008 10:17 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

DEVIL GET AWAY FROM ME.... that is what this cute little friend of my daughter says when she has evil thoughts of her mother in law.. Laughing Laughing Sorry I was not online when you went through this but I am not surprised to see you made it just fine....call anytime this hits you girl....making the choice is not always easy but try to remove yourself from the situation at the time of the strong attack...by this I mean if you are folding clothes...let it go and go clean the kitchen...try to change scenery it helps to keep your mind focused on who is boss....
Kay
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Seabrez



Quit Date:
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Posts: 4458
Location: Gulf Coast

PostPosted: November 22, 2008 8:50 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks Jim...I will!! Wink Smile No matter what...means just that...no matter if I understand why or not...no matter what.

Kay...isn't that the truth! Smile Be gone devil!Wink Thanks, Kay!

Big Hugs!
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