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Kissimee



Quit Date:
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Posts: 772
Location: St. Louis, MO

PostPosted: November 25, 2008 11:59 AM    Post subject: what a surprise..... Reply with quote

I couldn't find my boots this morning so I went to the daughter's room....I was looking around, moved her purse out of the way...what's inside the purse? a pack of cigaretts.....

I'm livid...it has wrecked my whole morning....I don't know to cry, to yell...everything seems 10 times worse than what they are...

I feel guilt...I was a horrible example...why would I think she wouldn't smoke?

I feel mad ... doesn't she know how harmful it or how hard it is to quit...can she not see what I go through at times when the craving hits?

I feel manipulated ... while telling me it was bad for me and good for you...she was smoking.

I say all this but she is a good kid...but now she has become an addict and I fear for her future more than I did before....yet can't do a thing except to tell her the truth about addiction.

Now to reflect on me...why have I let this event ruin my day? why has this made a difference on how I feel today? and at this point, I don't have an answer to that but I'm working on it.
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I can NOT control the addiction because if I could, it would NOT be an addiction...BUT I can control ME, the addict.
~Tracy

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Seabrez



Quit Date:
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Posts: 4458
Location: Gulf Coast

PostPosted: November 25, 2008 12:41 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Tracy,

Hugs!!! I have 4 kids...ranging from 18 to 22. I knew my oldest daugher smoked. But it wasn't until this past spring and summer did I find out the other 3 smoked. Shocked My second, I had confronted about social smoking in the past. But, she did fall into full time smoking, as I told her she would if she didn't stop doing it with friends on occasion. She's not as bad hooked as the oldest, who is totally over the deep end, hard core addicted. The oldest can't go hardly know time without smoking, and second daughter can go most of the day, and then have a couple at night, etc. I do believe there are levels of addiction. It's all addiction, but believe some are harder impacted than others...by choice and the degree of selfishness in them. For example, oldest doesn't care about being polite when smoking or the stray ash, or the butts in the yard, or the overflowing ashtrays. Whereas other one, won't throw them in the yard, and considers these other things also and others feelings.

Oldest even was complaining yesterday about going a whole 3 hours without a smoke because the owner's of the store where there and her boss wouldn't let her step out to smoke cause it would look bad and that they didn't have anything to do...which would lead to cut hours for the workers, etc. I looked daughter straight in the face, with no sympathy, and told flat out the boss was right in considering those factors...and that she (daughter) would just have to suck it up!

Anyway...I know how you feel. It saddens the heart something horrible. Knowing that I/you were the first examples they learned from. Knowing how hard it is to breakfree. Knowing we didn't do our best as a parent.

I don't know how old your daughter is...but let me say this. You will have to approach her on an adult level, and just bring the truth of what the addiction does. Don't condemn her for smoking!!! It's counterproductive. Don't attack her personally either. Sometimes, I get real aggraviated with the oldest because of absolute total selfishness of her smoking...but, when I get mad with her because she's smoking...I don't say a word. Only when I'm able to address the issue as separate from her, do I talk to her about it...and the others also. Tracy, pray that God will help to truly hear the truth, and lead her to make a wise decision to quit. My second daughter is very close to making a final break from it...she beginning to realize what a hassle smoking really is. Pray that she becomes disgusted with the smoking.

And you pray for yourself also...ask forgiveness....know He forgives you, and most importantly forgive yourself. The past can't be changed, but we can, from this moment on, walk in the truth we have now, sharing the truth...and being real with our kids about how we made the wrong decision in our own lives and how we so regret doing so.

I know it's not easy Tracy....and I do so feel for you right now.

Love ya and Give You a Big Hug!!!!
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Deb

Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. 2 Corn 5:17 NASB
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Seabrez



Quit Date:
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Posts: 4458
Location: Gulf Coast

PostPosted: November 25, 2008 1:44 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Suggestion...something I should have done when I found out second daughter was social smoking.

When you talk to her about it....it could be possible, she's just a social smoker right now. Meaning she will abstain and not smoke for days until around friends. Maybe take her to whyquit.com and have her read the article there...and see the pictures. I know it wouldn't have necessarily made a difference to me when I was younger...one tends to believe they will live forever when young, and that the bad type stuff won't happen. But, you never know, it might help. If nothing else the seeds will be planted.

Hugs!
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Living in Freedom
Deb

Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. 2 Corn 5:17 NASB
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Kissimee



Quit Date:
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Posts: 772
Location: St. Louis, MO

PostPosted: November 25, 2008 3:31 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Jen is 22 years old. I'm pretty sure it's a social thing and I believe it came from going back to college...and I do understand it too because I was there. But she was such an advocate of NO DRUGS in your body...at all, at any time, for no reason.

It's just the growing pains of kids growing up ... I know she has to make her own decision...and I wasn't going to post anything. Until I realized I was making myself feel worse by not saying anything.

so who else to talk to but those that know the regrets of smoking...
_________________

I can NOT control the addiction because if I could, it would NOT be an addiction...BUT I can control ME, the addict.
~Tracy

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kannprint



Quit Date:
April 10, 2004

Posts: 4988
Location: St. Louis, MO

PostPosted: November 25, 2008 4:04 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Guess I'm somewhat of a Polyana but could those cigs belong to a friend of hers?

I know how you're feeling. Our daughter smoked for a while during her college years but quit when the young man she was dating was so against it. If your daughter is smoking at 22, she can't have been doing it for very long. A calm conversation and lots of love would be the prescription for this one.

I wish you and your daughter the best, Tracy
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LIVE WELL, LAUGH OFTEN, LOVE MUCH.
Jo
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pinkpearl



Quit Date:
June 30, 2007

Posts: 1665
Location: Illinois

PostPosted: November 25, 2008 4:13 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Maybe you should print out Kevins latest tale and put it in a place for her to find it.
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Kissimee



Quit Date:
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Posts: 772
Location: St. Louis, MO

PostPosted: November 25, 2008 4:37 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

I thought about it being someone else....and it could be...

and yes, I think I will ask her to look at a few things on the web with me...and I'm glad I had the day to calm down and the board to talk to!
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I can NOT control the addiction because if I could, it would NOT be an addiction...BUT I can control ME, the addict.
~Tracy

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Barbara K.



Quit Date:
December 23, 2004

Posts: 5977

PostPosted: November 28, 2008 4:18 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Tracy,

I think it's a good idea to go over with her some of the things online about the ill effects of smoking. Preaching to her may make her stick up for her bad habit/addiction. I think it's better she quit now instead of 20 or so more years down the road. Keep us informed.
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Obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn arouind and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.

Blessings,
Barbara K.
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erickg23



Quit Date:
February 6, 2012

Posts: 119
Location: Elkridge, MD

PostPosted: December 16, 2008 1:10 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Kissimee,

I think you should tell her to check out whyquit.com and sit there with her as she reads the stories...all of them. The tales are so hard to believe and take but are ALL true! All the information on there is amazing and they do a great job in showing how BAD this habit is. All you are looking to do now is get it in her head how bad it is.

I will say this though and we all know this is true. You can't be forced to quit you have to want to do it on your own. So untill she sees that then there is nothing you can do but be upset.

Give her all the information she can take and you can give on how bad this habit is.

Good Luck,

Erick
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Peace & Love, Peace & Love

Erick
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kannprint



Quit Date:
April 10, 2004

Posts: 4988
Location: St. Louis, MO

PostPosted: December 29, 2008 10:41 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

I love Erick's idea, Tracy. She's old enough to learn the truth.
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LIVE WELL, LAUGH OFTEN, LOVE MUCH.
Jo
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