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I am an old fool
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Leona



Quit Date:
June 1, 2017

Posts: 1838
Location: Alpena, Michigan

PostPosted: February 19, 2009 7:22 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Kissimee I don't know who that me is I have always been used by men. This man was the one that I swore myself to totally in every way. I have always been the one that was used and don't know wat else to be.

I do love this man but as I told my psychologist I am going to take things very slowly if and I repeat IF he returns to me. I am afraid of being hurt yet again.

I am taking everyones advice under my thoughts and well as I said I DO not want to be hurt again. I would rather be alone then hurt. My psychologist suggested I move to the phillapines. Iam really thinking about it. It would be nice to be somewhere warm and somewhere where I wouldn't have to worry about money.
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pinkpearl



Quit Date:
June 30, 2007

Posts: 1665
Location: Illinois

PostPosted: February 19, 2009 9:39 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

im confused of why she would tell you to move so far away?
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Leona



Quit Date:
June 1, 2017

Posts: 1838
Location: Alpena, Michigan

PostPosted: February 19, 2009 10:51 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

pink If you are talking about my dr it was just a suggestiona nd the money that I would have there would be much better then the money I am getting here. It would be a good income rather then under poverty income. I think this is why he suggested it.

As to the rest of it I am still taking things slowly and not rushing into anything. I am sleeping more then I have before and well that is from the depression I guess. I miss him alot and I wish that this had not happened. I feel very alone. I guess he is really gone this time because he has done this before and well...*shrugs* I dunno I jst don't
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Barbara K.



Quit Date:
December 23, 2004

Posts: 5977

PostPosted: February 20, 2009 3:45 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Leona,

I can relate to what you say. What helped me a great deal is a Domestic Volence counselor. I think it would help you too. Lean on your online community. Call me and we can chat.
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Obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn arouind and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.

Blessings,
Barbara K.
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Leona



Quit Date:
June 1, 2017

Posts: 1838
Location: Alpena, Michigan

PostPosted: February 20, 2009 5:04 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks Barb I will do that once I get my cell phone back from my brat of a daughter who can't seem to leave it alone. She thinks it is her own personal cell phone Sad I had to lock it and will be waiting to see if I can keep her off of it.

YOu know the man I speak of Barb. The one I went to see in Virginia when I went. I had such high hopes thaere and I belieed what he told me. Can't I trust anyone? I really am beginning to think not.

Anyway I will give you a call possibly sat.
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Cowgirl UP!



Quit Date:
July 26, 2004

Posts: 5029
Location: Ala

PostPosted: February 20, 2009 6:04 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Leona,
Please put your well being first...you are so worth being treated with respect and dignity...I have learned the hard way that people can only treat us as we allow ourselves to be treated....put your hand up girl and let him talk to the hand... Laughing Laughing ....my daughter finally got it....she went to nursing school respects herself now.....demands to be treated as an equal (he had a degree) and they are happy as larks...but, she does not take the BS anymore and he can no longer make her feel inferior....if he tries, she gives him the ole hand or maybe knowing her, the finger Laughing Laughing .
Kay
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Leona



Quit Date:
June 1, 2017

Posts: 1838
Location: Alpena, Michigan

PostPosted: February 21, 2009 12:49 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Respect Kay isn't something I know an awful lot about other then how to give it. I know that I am alone and lonely I miss him but don't have any hope that he will return. So I am trying to move forward without much hope that I will ever be happy like I was when he and I were together. That time means so much to me I really think on it often and sigh. He was "husband" to me and I miss that. Our lives use to be so in sink until he met this woman and decided he wanted to grow old with her. Guess I was to old for him even though I don't think love has an age limit on who r how old the one yo fall in love with should be. My sister hasn't talked to me since I had decided to go to Virginia to be with him she judged me and now we are further apart then ever..
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Barbara K.



Quit Date:
December 23, 2004

Posts: 5977

PostPosted: February 22, 2009 1:01 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Leona,

If you called me yesterday I must have missed it. If you PM your land line I can call you. I have unlimited.

Look in the mirror every day and tell yourself that you deserve better, that you are worthy of better, that you love yourself, and all else that you feel could help you heal. It takes the right therapist to heal from what you feel.
_________________

Obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn arouind and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.

Blessings,
Barbara K.
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Leona



Quit Date:
June 1, 2017

Posts: 1838
Location: Alpena, Michigan

PostPosted: February 22, 2009 1:19 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Barb,

I ddin't get a chance to call yo uyesterday. I had to work all day as I am going to have to today as well. It is going to be another really long long day. As for looking in th mirror um have to have one first Razz We don't. And as ffor loving me why? I screw up more then I don't and ususally people run from me in droves. everyone eventually hates me so I guess I deserved this. Thoughts of smoking has been hitting me hard and fast lately and I know it is the demon just trying to get me back in his fold via the stress I feel.

I will call asap maybe I can off the route today we got hit with a major snow storm and the roads are horrible.
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Cowgirl UP!



Quit Date:
July 26, 2004

Posts: 5029
Location: Ala

PostPosted: February 22, 2009 2:01 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

((((((hugs))))))))) Leona, I know you are hurting and lonely...but, I am not so sure he has decided to grow old with any ONE woman.....hold your head high...stay busy and leave the guy to himself.....the respect will come... he may not admit it but he will know it....
Kay
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Leona



Quit Date:
June 1, 2017

Posts: 1838
Location: Alpena, Michigan

PostPosted: February 22, 2009 6:49 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Kay will it indeed come. For I am not so sure. I feel like I made a horrible mistake and one that has bitten me hard. I AM very lonely and I miss him horribly but I dont' know what to do about it. It also feels like he is playing a game with me and it is one that hurts me further and further.

Love is a horrid thing when it hurts you like this. It isn't fair that I found a man I would of loved to spend the rest of my life with even though we never would of married to just have him yanked away by some stupid mistake of mine.
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Barbara K.



Quit Date:
December 23, 2004

Posts: 5977

PostPosted: February 23, 2009 11:31 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Leona,

Look at the people here at Woofmang that care about you. God loves you. You are talented with writing poetry. Can you write some to get your thoughts and feelings down. It may help you.

I have been where you are now and I am so much more better now. It takes time though. I use to once think also how can I love myself. I do love myself now though. Pray to God Leona.

Let me link you to my website and you might see a glimpse of how far I've come. Look at the then and now link especially.

http://www.geocities.com/metjbb/myquit.html
_________________

Obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn arouind and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.

Blessings,
Barbara K.
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Leona



Quit Date:
June 1, 2017

Posts: 1838
Location: Alpena, Michigan

PostPosted: February 24, 2009 6:31 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Barb I know you have come such a long way. I fear I will never do so. If I had someone to room with in Virginia I might still come but right now it is looking like I may go to Ohio instead. I don't know yet what I will do. I am really down about he whole thing. He Is punishing me again and will not talk to me anywhere but on the poetry site. Even though I have his email and phone he won't talk to me in texts or anything else other then the poetry site. This is my "punishment." Also I have been ordered to remove the tattoo that I got and I am going to because I am so disillusioned with him. But he thinks he is going to control my money and everything too. Says I am an idiot I can im you the whole conversation I had with him.
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Barbara K.



Quit Date:
December 23, 2004

Posts: 5977

PostPosted: February 24, 2009 11:29 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Leona, this man is controlling and abusive. Please call your National Abuse hotline. You need a therapist who understands you and your feelings. He has taken away your self worth. This is what abusers do. Please call and try to get set up with a Domestic Violence counselor. It will be well worth it. Ask about support groups.
_________________

Obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn arouind and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.

Blessings,
Barbara K.
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pinkpearl



Quit Date:
June 30, 2007

Posts: 1665
Location: Illinois

PostPosted: February 25, 2009 11:07 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

You think you made a mistake?
If you had went to him, that would
of been your biggest mistake.
Punishing you- hes just being controlling like
barbara said. Its childish and rediculous.
You need to find something else to focus on.
Hes obviously enjoying this as he knows you
want to talk to him.
Forget him, for your own good.
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