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LANEY
Quit Date: January 12, 2011
Posts: 322 Location: OHIO
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Posted: June 18, 2004 2:56 AM Post subject: PLEASE HELP,WRITE A SENTENCE FOR SPOUSES THAT WONT QUIT |
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Hi Everybody! I've been going through here reading about everybodys quit and the problems and how you deal with it and how complete strangers have helped change each others lives. I want my husband to quit with me, and there are so many others who agree. It would make it a lot easier for me if these ashtrays, (which i refuse to wash, let them stink and look disgusting!) and cigs were gone. There is so much info, in this site and the encouragement is awesome. I was thinking,If one person writes in and says, they need a smoke, they get at least 10 replys wanting to help keep them from lighting up. If one person wrote in and asked, Please, would somebody write a short note, and tell my idiot spouse, why, and how hard it is to quit alone, and show how the quiters come together and fight for what we want, and deserve. I know I'm not the only one and if i could print out a couple pages of short messages and leave them where they'll read it, (even if its in the bathroom!) Maybe we can help 1 person, or add more names to the quit list. Wouldnt that be awesome? (Sorry Kevin, more work for you!!) Thanks, Laney |
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MrsGreatly
Quit Date: -
Posts: 61 Location: Australia
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Posted: June 18, 2004 4:45 AM Post subject: I'll give it a try... |
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Hi, Laney...I'm very happy to say that I don't have that problem...Ron and I quit together and we stumble together...and we fight it together. I hope your husband will consider quitting with you. It is usually best left to let the other person do his/her quit in his/her own way and own time.
1. "A burden shared is a burden halved."
2. "Maybe I can't and maybe you can't, but maybe together we can."
3. "After you have made your decision, I will help you, encourage you, and love you through this."
4. "Everything is impossible until you do it." Nelson Mandella
5. "Make sure your insurance policy is paid up...I intend to spend every penny after takes you to the big ashtray in the sky." (No, don't say that...)
Good luck to you, love...
Let me know how it goes with your husband.
My Best
MrsGreatly _________________
"If you have two loaves of bread, sell one and buy a flower; for the soul too has need of nurturing." |
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kannprint
Quit Date: April 10, 2004
Posts: 4988 Location: St. Louis, MO
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Posted: June 18, 2004 12:02 PM Post subject: Good luck |
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Dear Laney,
I was the one on the other side of this equation. My husband quit about 18 years ago; I didn't. If he would have hounded me at that time, it would have just made me more determined to continue smoking. However, I'm a pretty stubborn person. I hope you have better luck with your husband.
Some suggestions:
"Honey, I love you too much to watch you go through a long, agonizing death"
"Let's do all we can to live a long, healthy life together."
As I said, though, nothing would have made me quit until I began having some health issues and made up my own mind to do it. Good luck, though. Maybe he'll listen to you.
Living free for 2M, 1W, 14H, 30M and loving it. _________________
LIVE WELL, LAUGH OFTEN, LOVE MUCH.
Jo |
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Zuzu
Quit Date: -
Posts: 962 Location: Marin
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Posted: June 18, 2004 12:27 PM Post subject: |
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Laney-
I think the most supportive things you can say are....:
I know it doesn't help to pressure you, that you'll quit when you're ready. I wouldn't have quit for someone pressuring or nagging me to do it. So I won't do that to you. When you're ready, I'll be here to help you. I love you and want us to live... both of us... for a long time.
-Zuzu |
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Tammy
Quit Date: February 16, 2004
Posts: 2565 Location: Florida
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Posted: June 18, 2004 3:58 PM Post subject: |
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Laney, I feel for you. I'd say he has to make the decision to quit for himself. AS bad as you want him to if he is not ready he won't. However I would ask him to at least look at some of the sites you have gone to. Maybe the pictures of Bryan Lee Curtis's Story or Nicodemons Lies at why quit.com. Then I'd say Please If you are going to smoke please don't do it around me. I am choosing life, that my quit is very important to me and I should not have to smell it in the house or clean up after your smoking or be tempted by them laying around. I'd say I am asking you to help me. _________________
Tammy
Free and loving it! |
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alison
Quit Date: June 3, 2003
Posts: 751 Location: Next Stop, Michigan
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Posted: June 18, 2004 4:07 PM Post subject: |
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A few sentences:
"Darling,
I know that you feel bad because you feel weak but I love you and I understand how horrible this addiction can be. You are not weak in my eyes, you are the strongest person in my world. When you are ready I will do everything I can to help you through the pain and suffering of breaking this addiction. I only want to spend as much time with you as I can, I don't want to lose you sooner than I have to. You give me the strength to free myself from the chains of this addiction and I hope I can do the same for you. Until then I will still love you with all my heart."
I wish you luck. It is horrible to lose someone you love because of this addiction no matter how it happens. _________________
I wish you peace.
alison |
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Snowlover
Quit Date: -
Posts: 566 Location: Northern California
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Posted: June 18, 2004 4:57 PM Post subject: Oh, my |
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Well, you may have caught my melt down earlier this week over this very subject. Don't stress yourself out over it. I wanted us to do it together too. But it isn't happening. I had to let it go with Hubby. I realized I have to concentrate on MY HEALTH. We talked about it - I've said everything to him that you're seeing here from everyone.
I can begin to see him knowing that HE CAN DO IT, too. I'm showing him that it can be done. And, I know he wants to. I will continue with gentle urging and discussing my successes with him. And, I will point out the positive changes in my health so he is aware. I'm going to try to show him the way.
No amount of nagging will help - we've all been through that.
K |
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Leona
Quit Date: June 1, 2017
Posts: 1838 Location: Alpena, Michigan
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Posted: June 18, 2004 6:59 PM Post subject: |
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Laney
When he is ready to quit he will until then just love him each and every day and explain to him that you are going to quit and to please please at least think about joining you on this great adventure. But if he chooses not to let him know that you will love him anyway and be there for him when he is ready. Could he do you a favor and please remove the ashtrays from the house and the cigarettes from site and the smoking outside. Tell him it makes it difficult for you to smell it and creave it so much. Tell him that you are quiting for you but also for him so that you will be around for him for more years than you would of been this is how much you love you and he. Ask him to please bear with you and be understanding and to keep asking how you are doing and if he could get you some cake.
This is what I would try. My fiancee quit smoking 4 years ago and he has been very supportive for me this quit. He wanted me to quit then when he did but I wasn't ready and he had it really rough. We all smoked in those days in the car on the routes in the house everywhere he was and he never never complained or even asked for one.
Just a thought.
Two months, one week, 7 hours, 59 minutes and 37 seconds. 2733 cigarettes not smoked, saving $471.50. Life saved: 1 week, 2 days, 11 hours, 45 minutes. _________________
Quiting smoking is like a fine wine ......
It just gets better with age. |
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bwick18
Quit Date: -
Posts: 580 Location: Florida
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Posted: June 23, 2004 11:41 PM Post subject: |
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Laney,
My husband quit 5 months prior to me and the thing i had to tell him is that This is my quit and it is for me not for you- of course I was so stubborn then- I had no idea. but now he is so supportive and he is so happy I don't smell bad-- I think one of the things that helps keep me going- so keep encouraging him with the positive. Also watching him not thinking of smoking anymore at 6 mos is very inspiring. _________________
Barb
After the rain comes the rainbow- I will get my rainbow back |
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lbuz
Quit Date: May 29, 2007
Posts: 254 Location: New York
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Posted: June 24, 2004 7:26 AM Post subject: |
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Laney,
My husband quit 4 weeks after me no doubt due to my continuous hounding, but that doesn't work for everyone. In fact we tried to quit together but we enabled each other and it was harder. I think that this time we were both ready to quit and that's the point. I did tell him all the time that I didn't want to be by myself again (I had already lost my first husband) and that I didn't want the kids to be without their father, together we are all one, but in pieces I'm not sure how we'd manage.
I know you had a really rough start with this quitting thing, I'm glad to see how you have continued on with it. Maybe your husband needs to see that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and that you can survive this quit and go on with your life normally. Maybe when things calm down from the rollercoaster ride(that we all go on), he will see that it can be done. I looked at my husband smoking as a blessing of sort when I had quit, because it made me stronger and put me in situations right off the bat that I had to deal with. Focus on you first!!! Then when he sees that you are going on without smoking, he may come around on his own. _________________
Lisa |
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merry
Quit Date: August 15, 2003
Posts: 167 Location: Liberty Missouri
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Posted: June 27, 2004 8:00 AM Post subject: |
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Laney,
My husband is a smoker so I know what you are going through. But, there is nothing you can do or say that will make him quit. Down deep you know he wants to be where you are right now, but isn't ready. When the time is right for him, he will do it. My husband doesn't smoke in the house, just the garage and outside.
In the earlier days of my quit, I would cover up his cigs that were staring at me as I walked through the garage. Now, 10 months later, I can actually sit out there and talk to him while he smokes. It does get easier. Hang in there, you'll get through this. Just don't ever take that first puff and you'll be free. _________________
Mary
Q/D: August 15, 2003 |
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Fightn4life
Quit Date: October 23, 2003
Posts: 1573 Location: Loysburg, PA
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Posted: June 30, 2004 1:40 AM Post subject: Smoking partners |
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Hi Laney,
All I could come up is my husband is a chain smoker. Nothing I can do or say will make him quit. He may think about it, feel bad about himself because he is smoking, and smoke more to hide his feeling's.
I agree it is hard to quit alone. But this is a journey I had to take alone. We were going to travel together but he missed the date.
In the beginning I use to leave suff around the house that I got from the boards and whyquit. He knows what I know about the dangers but his choice right now is to smoke.
I have accepted this. Not that at times I don't fight within myself to keep my mouth shut.
I decided it was my life, my quit. It does seem now that I say nothing he smokes more but I can't make that decision for him. Maybe even if I hadn't quit he would still smoke more. maybe he smoked like that all along and me as a smoker didn't notice.
Hang in there. Hard as it is to move ahead and leave the ones we love in the clutches of the smoking demon...they are the only ones with the key of choice to break free.
Sandy
Eight months, six days, 8 hours, 38 minutes and 0 seconds. 11266 cigarettes not smoked, saving $1,537.83. Life saved: 5 weeks, 4 days, 2 hours, 50 minutes. _________________
"Keep your heart open to dreams. For as long as there's a dream, there is hope, and as long as there is hope, there is joy in living."
~Anonymous |
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Angel
Quit Date: November 11, 2004
Posts: 208 Location: MI
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Posted: June 30, 2004 10:04 AM Post subject: |
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My husband tried to sabotage my quit every chance he got. He is still smoking and I am confidently free. It's the hardest thing you'll ever do and it's only harder when someone is trying to make you fail. I try not to be angry with him - he's feeling abandoned and inferior and striking out, I'm sure. Some of you who have been here awhile might remember the stories of him shaking out a cig and holding it out to me, asking if I minded if he smoked in my truck and then doing it anyway, he smokes in the house without guilt (rather with expectation that it is his right). Unfortunately, failing because of a smoking spouse is just another excuse - a back door.
I didn't really understand the theory of the 'back door' until I decided to slam that one shut. Now that it is behind me I can see how I used his smoking to play the blame game. I was telling myself that I could do it if he would just help me, if he would just smoke outside, if he would just not have smokes lying around the house. That was all BS. Some people have easier circumstances (all they have to do is NOT buy cigarettes), and some of us have to deal with constant availability. Life's not fair. The question is: Do you want to quit? If you do, then quit.
It's barely an issue between us now. I don't complain about the stink - he has self developed guilt over that and apologizes all the time - then lights up again. I've climbed to a place where I just can't picture myself smoking again. I can sit right next to him (with my nose all pinched up) while he smokes and not be drooling for one.
Of course I wish that he would quit too. Now it is more out of concern for his health and happiness - he rarely does anything that isn't work or smoking (it's so hard to squeeze 'fun' time in when you have to smoke a predetermined number of cigarettes). At first I wanted him to quit for selfish reasons - to help my quit, make my life easier. Maybe now that it's not all about me, he will be more receptive. Whether he is or not, that's his choice. I made my choice. That's all you can do. |
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Snowlover
Quit Date: -
Posts: 566 Location: Northern California
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Posted: June 30, 2004 12:27 PM Post subject: Attitude |
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I also wanted my husband to quit for selfish reasons. It was to make my quit easier. I'm glad you pointed that out to me Angel. I'm continually adjusting my attitude about quitting.
I'm still concerned about the cough he has and lack of energy. I know he'll quit too, when he's ready.
K |
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