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What is with my husband?

 
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PinkLungs



Quit Date:
July 19, 2004

Posts: 139

PostPosted: August 1, 2004 8:37 PM    Post subject: What is with my husband? Reply with quote

My husband hates that I use online sites to quit smoking. He makes fun of me and constantly questions why I have to use these sites. Anyone else have this problem? I feel like telling him to go pack sand! I think he's jealous because today is 13+ days with no nicotine for me and he is still an addict, but it still pisses me off. What a jerk! Where does he get off anyway? Judging me and my quit... judging my choice on how I quit! What a loser!
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justdebbie



Quit Date:
August 1, 2004

Posts: 494
Location: iowa

PostPosted: August 1, 2004 9:09 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Pink,

Good job on your quit!!! Today was my 1st day. My husband quit probably 5 years ago.
I think in some ways your husband resents you quitting, but it will get better. I don't think you can encourage him to quit, everyone has to make that decision themsleves. I'm sure its difficult for you but don't let that get you down. Maybe just seek the boards when he isn't around for awhile, until you are really comfortable with your quit.
It took me a long time to decide to even try quitting and maybe I was so jealous of my husband for being able to.
Keep smiling!!!!! HUGS!!!!!!!! >Very Happy<

Deb
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Kerry



Quit Date:
May 4, 2004

Posts: 862
Location: Illinois

PostPosted: August 1, 2004 10:27 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

If you need sites to keep your quit then by all means use them. My husband quit five days after I did and is having no trouble at all. I know that he thinks that some of the stories I tell him regarding this site are interesting but I have a feeling that he thinks I'm spending too much time here. It's also very new to him. I was never a big internet person. I'd check a few things a couple of times a day and that was that. Now, all of a sudden, I'm on all the time. Even tho he's never said anything, I've told him to bear in mind that I just need this right now. Whatever I did in the past didn't work and if this is going to be what it takes to make this quit stick then he'll need to deal with it. He said that it was fine and to do what I needed to do. Just let you hubby know that this is what you need to do right now and when he's ready to quit, you'll be around to support whatever he needs to do to get thru it. Keep up the great work. Kerry
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Fightn4life



Quit Date:
October 23, 2003

Posts: 1573
Location: Loysburg, PA

PostPosted: August 2, 2004 4:28 AM    Post subject: Talk to the hubby... Reply with quote

You need to talk to that husband of yours. Mine is a chain smoker and we had decided to quit together. That was over 9 months ago.

I found FFS web site about two days into my quit and my husband was glad I found something to do besides hound him about stop smoking. I followed the moduals and did the assignments. I showed him allot of what I was learning about this addiction.

I visited http://www.whyquit.com and copied Nicodemons lies. I left them on the table for him to read...if he wanted to. By then I was learning this was an addiction and understanding this quit was about me...my choice, my life.

I tried to keep him informed about what I was learning...talking about posts and stop smoking information from Joel's library from why quit.com.

He never had the time to make fun of me because when ever he came in my computer room I woudn't allow him to smoke...and I'd show him stuff I was reading. Some I'd read to him. He faded off to his own little world.

He was glad I had found a place to vent insead of using him as my sounding board.

One thing I must say I have talked so highly of each quitter he must feel as if he knows many of you. It helped him to know every quitter has struggles like me.

I shared with him the photo's of all quitters that sent in pictures. I made him a part of my quit and even though at this time he doesn't chose life.

I tell him I pray everyday he will make the choice to stop smoking. No pressure though.

He celebrates my milestones with me once he knew I was in this for life. Him wanting me to rejoin him as a smoker has ended as time has passed and I talked about the dangers of smoking. He doesn't want to lose me to a long painful dealth when I want so bad to live.

You must talk with him PinkLungs. It's his addiction speaking. He is afraid of losing you. Mine was honest and told me he wanted the person back he married...the smoking one. ( That was many months ago)

I told him that person was killing herself. That was food for thought for him.

Give him a chance. He loves you and will come around. Mine still smokes but is a big supporter of mine. I'll give back that support when he choose life.

Our marrage at times is on rocky ground. I am working on this and so is he. It's not easy when one partner chooses life and the other feels like they have been deserted. This is not reason enough for me to give in to my addiction. That back door was nailed shut this time.

We are looking for a middle ground to met on until the time comes he joins me in this quest for life.

I don't want to loose either...my quit or my husband. It's my choice to quit, ours to make this relationship work. I think through comunication we can do it.

My prayers are with you...talk to him. You might be surprised how he may change.


Sandyz
Nine months, one week, two days, 11 hours, 9 minutes and 21 seconds. 12755 cigarettes not smoked, saving $1,741.18. Life saved: 6 weeks, 2 days, 6 hours, 55 minutes.
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"Keep your heart open to dreams. For as long as there's a dream, there is hope, and as long as there is hope, there is joy in living."

~Anonymous
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PinkLungs



Quit Date:
July 19, 2004

Posts: 139

PostPosted: August 2, 2004 9:46 AM    Post subject: Thank you! Reply with quote

Deb, Kerry, and Sandyz,

Thank you! We actually talked about it last night right before bed for a LONG TIME (I'm definitely tired this morning.) He admitted that he was afraid to quit. He also said that he was happy that I quit, because he wants me to live a long time... but he also wished I wouldn't have quit. He said he was jealous of the time I spend on the computer, because that is time I am not spending with him (we used to smoke and talk, smoke and watch movies, smoke and watch tv, etc.)

So now I am going to start finding articles (i.e. nicodemons) to give to him every couple of days to see if he can begin to understand this all this addiction crap better.

Thank you again!!!

PinkLungs
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tsjay49



Quit Date:
January 1, 2004

Posts: 1863
Location: Kentucky

PostPosted: August 2, 2004 10:23 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sounds like you guys could enjoy spending those times together when BOTH of you smoked as time together now when NEITHER of you smoke??? You should suggest it to him. You would still be spending time together, but now you would be supporting each other in the quit. You guys could learn how to enjoy the talks, the movies, etc. without the cigarettes.

Tom

I have been quit for 7 Months, 1 Day, 10 hours, 53 minutes and 31 seconds (214 days). I have saved $804.19 by not smoking 6,433 cigarettes. I have saved 3 Weeks, 1 Day, 8 hours and 5 minutes of my life. My Quit Date: 12/31/2003
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If a person with Multiple Personality Disorder threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
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kannprint



Quit Date:
April 10, 2004

Posts: 4988
Location: St. Louis, MO

PostPosted: August 2, 2004 12:15 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dear PinkLungs,

Your hubby is simply jealous of the time you're spending with us and not with him. Once he sees how great you feel, who knows. It just may inspire him to quit and join the group too. Tell him he's more than welcome.

Good luck. This too shall pass.

---
3m 3w 1d 14:44 smoke-free, 3,174 cigs not smoked, $614.01 saved, 1w 4d 0:30 life saved
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LIVE WELL, LAUGH OFTEN, LOVE MUCH.
Jo
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Mindy



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 1074

PostPosted: August 2, 2004 3:12 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hang in there.......My husband knows I quit using the FFS program and when he hears me refer it to someone, he kind of rolls his eyes and in my head I say 'to hell with him'. Hey, it's kept me quit. My husband has never smoked though, so my situation is a little different. He doesn't realize how darn hard it is to quit. I think sooner or later your husband will come around and be inspired by you (if he isn't already). Tell him that you would love to help him along in his quit and that we are all here for him also just as we have been for you. Maybe he needs you to sit down and have another heart to heart talk with him. You both need to live a long time--for each other.
Good luck---
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PinkLungs



Quit Date:
July 19, 2004

Posts: 139

PostPosted: August 2, 2004 5:22 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Everyone, thank you again!

I am really thankful for FFS and I really like this site, so I'm going to keep using it to stay quit. NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF! Hopefully my husband will come around and join me, but right now it's all about me and my quit.

Thank you again!
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Mindy



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 1074

PostPosted: August 2, 2004 5:52 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

You go girl! We're all behind you!
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merry



Quit Date:
August 15, 2003

Posts: 167
Location: Liberty Missouri

PostPosted: August 2, 2004 5:52 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

My husband continues to smoke and it's hard for him to get too excited as I pass each milestone. He tried quitting with me but relapsed after 3 weeks and hasn't tried again. I started leaving information from whyquit and FFS for him in the beginning and he said he wanted me to. But as time faded he decided not to read anymore. I know he wants to quit but he just can't seem to get up the courage. I know it doesn't help any that he loves his beer too and that weakens his resolve when trying not to smoke.

Hang in there and know that you have lots of us here in the same boat with you. You can do it!
_________________

Mary
Q/D: August 15, 2003
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alison



Quit Date:
June 3, 2003

Posts: 751
Location: Next Stop, Michigan

PostPosted: August 2, 2004 6:15 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Try and find some time to spend with your hubby (not smoking of course) that is his time alone. Laugh, talk and maybe see more movies out (where they don't allow smoking). He misses you and you are an example of what he is afraid of doing.

Things will work out or they won't. Don't let anything drive you back to smoking no one, NO ONE, is worth dying for. Not that way at least. If he loves you he will adjust.

Take care of you and then you can be there to support him when the time comes.
_________________

I wish you peace.

alison
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