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Leona



Quit Date:
June 1, 2017

Posts: 1838
Location: Alpena, Michigan

PostPosted: April 15, 2004 2:59 PM    Post subject: Mad Mad Mad Reply with quote

I went to paint my room today and had to practically order my fiancee to bring in the blasted paint. He told me 2 weeks ago that he would help me and now where is he out in the back yard playing with the eng9ine on his snowmobile. This appears to be more important than making our house look smeel and possibly get it up to code so I can get my daughter home. She has had to stay with friends for the last 2 years as we have not been able to get a loan. I made the decision to bring this up to code and have met nothing but resistance from my fiancee and son who both say it is not possible BAH HUMBUg. Fine I will try to do it myself even though I cannot lift or move alot of things. The more I try the more frustrated I am becoming. I am getting to the point where I am starting to think about smoking. Out of frustration and out of a feeling of vengence but I don't. I just take and put everything away and wash everything out. I realize that I am hungry so I go to the cupboard to get out a can of Hormel Chili I have left there to eat or use on hot dogs. My cupbards are locked as my son who is 21 and now jobless and even when he had a job helps himself to my food of which I have a very limited amount to spend on a month. The only other person who has the key to this cupbard is my fiancee. Well I come to find out the chili is gone nowhere to be seen. Ok so where did it go no one claims responsibility for this stupid can of chili. You ask why am I getting so angry over this it is becasuse it happens all the time and when I try to find out who did this no one will admit to it not even myfiancee.

Ok so now at this time I WANT an cig and by god I WANT but I keep telling myself you have gone 4 days you don't really want this you just want revenge and you wont get it this way. Now I hear myself agreeing with this but now am still in an emotional state and feel like bawling my eyes out . How dumb can you get . This is over kill. I have done niether I did not smoke and I did not cry. Neither would do anygood.

Ok I will be so glad when this day is done. I want to run far far away.


pikachu1lt(Leona)

Four days, 3 hours, 58 minutes and 53 seconds. 166 cigarettes not smoked, saving $28.74. Life saved: 13 hours, 50 minutes.




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Angel



Quit Date:
November 11, 2004

Posts: 208
Location: MI

PostPosted: April 15, 2004 3:09 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Blow off that steam!! Then take a deep breath Smile . Rome wasn't built in a day, sweetie, and you can't do everything in the world right now. Sometimes just 'not smoking' is occupation enough. Just bite off that little nibble that you can handle at the moment and deal with that. Good job resisting the demon - I know how tough it is when your entire family seems determined to piss you off. Remember, you're doing this for YOU! So, do your deep breathing, slow down, think of something that makes you proud of yourself, and start again. You know we're all here for you anytime!!
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Leona



Quit Date:
June 1, 2017

Posts: 1838
Location: Alpena, Michigan

PostPosted: April 15, 2004 3:34 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Angel

Your post is kindness itself and it got me doing what I have not done in 20 odd years. CRY. I don't cry. I am so lucky to have my FFS family. I don't know what I would do without you all. Yes I will go back to the painting when I feel up to it but not today and probably not for a while. i am gonna hav to move things by myself and certainly cannot count on anyone else here. As I am writing this my nose is straming and so are my eyes. Lord I feel stupid. I don't do this ever and here I am doing it.

Sometimes I wonder is it worth it not the smokeing but life itself.

Again Thank you and god bless you.

pikachu1lt(Leona)

Four days, 4 hours, 33 minutes and 9 seconds. 167 cigarettes not smoked, saving $28.91. Life saved: 13 hours, 55 minutes.


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Zuzu



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 962
Location: Marin

PostPosted: April 15, 2004 6:26 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think it's totally okay to cry... just cry. It'll feel good. You're doing great!

-Zuzu
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Tammy



Quit Date:
February 16, 2004

Posts: 2565
Location: Florida

PostPosted: April 15, 2004 8:14 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Leona, One thing at a time. Good Lord sweetie, I didn't do one blasted thing for the first 2 weeks I mean nothing, except baby me and concentrate on the quit. I told the guys they were on there own for a couple of weeks. I have said this many times here that I was very, very selfish in the beginning of my quit. Here you are trying to paint and remodle a house. No wonder you are stressed.

Now about the smoking to get revenge. Come on Leona you know that, that would not hurt anyone but 'special' you. Don't hurt yourself. Don't do it.

Keep posting and vent all you want and cry if you need to. Crying is good and cleansing. We are here.


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Tammy
Free and loving it!
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lbuz



Quit Date:
May 29, 2007

Posts: 254
Location: New York

PostPosted: April 15, 2004 9:45 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Leona

I hope things are getting a little better for you today. Sounds like your hitting a rough patch, change the things you can (smoking), and accept those that you cannot. Take care
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Lisa
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Leona



Quit Date:
June 1, 2017

Posts: 1838
Location: Alpena, Michigan

PostPosted: April 15, 2004 9:54 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Tammy,

Thank you so very much for caring about me. I do know that it is not the answer to smoke for revenge. I did feel like it though as he has been bugging me and critisizing me all the while I smoked and now that I have quit makes comments like see it didn't kill you to quit and then he goes and makes me good and mad but rationally I know it would not hurt anyone but me. Crying or Very sad I have not cried in over 20 years I don't know how and today it just came out not much but a little. I did talk myself out of it after ranting and raving at my fiancees mother and then on here. I won't blow this quit. It means to much to me It means that I am not a failure like I feel most of the time.


pikachu1lt(Leona)

Four days, 10 hours, 53 minutes and 7 seconds. 178 cigarettes not smoked, saving $30.73. Life saved: 14 hours, 50 minutes.





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Angel



Quit Date:
November 11, 2004

Posts: 208
Location: MI

PostPosted: April 16, 2004 1:22 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Keep that chin up - and don't overload yourself. You haven't smoked in over FOUR DAYS. Can you believe that?? My husband said some pretty bonehead things to me during my first week and it drove me crazy, but like Carol said, I decided to be totally selfish. I wasn't obnoxious about it, well, at least I tried not be, but I explained to my husband and kids that I was going through a rough couple weeks and I hoped that they would forgive me for being a little psycho and absent. My husband continues to smoke and it was very threatening to him to see me, his little wife who generally follows his lead, take a strong stand and stick with it. Looking back, he may have subconsciously been testing me, seeing how serious I was. As long as those you love really know that you aren't leaving them behind and that you want to be a better, happier person and that it WILL benefit them eventually (meaning, you aren't planning on leaving them for better people - unless, of course, you are planning on that), then they will eventually embrace your decision and be proud of you. Who knows, my own husband may decide to finally ask me for help when he is convinced that I'm a for real non smoker who still loves him very much. Imagine the moment when your fiance tells you how proud he is of you. It may not be for a long time, but isn't that worth shooting for?
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Leona



Quit Date:
June 1, 2017

Posts: 1838
Location: Alpena, Michigan

PostPosted: April 16, 2004 2:21 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Angel.
Not sure what I want at this point when it comes to my fiancee. I have been bouncing around for a whileon that point. He is good to me most of the time but sometimes it feels like emotional abuse. And blackmail neither of which I will tolerate anymore. I had a 15 year marriage that was abusibe in every way you can imagine. I won't tollerate another one like that or even remotely like it.

Guess that is why I got so doggone mad at him. He won't talk to me but =talks to hie @#$% mother of whom I cannot stand. As she tries to run me in may own house and I have been relagated tomy room for last 7 years because he doesn't have the B@@lls to say enough to her. He just doesn't want to hear anyone fighting and makes no bones about that. Says maybe I will go out and chop down a tree etc. Makes me mader and madder and when I try to talk to him about it it is constanly excuses for her.

At times I feel like throuwing the whole blamed bunch of them out on their a@@es. And at other times I feel like smoiking an entire carton in one sitting. (Wont though) I just have someserious things to figure out and have told him already if things don't change around her I will walk out of my own house and leave and go somewhere . I mean it too.

I can't and won't keep going like this I have given up much more then he can ever imagine. ie my daughter is living with a firiend becasue he and my son won't help get this up to code and keep saying should buldoze it. Well excuse me but we can't get a loan and it is lik this when life hands you lemons make lemonade this house is the lemons now get busy and make the ________lemonade.

But yes I am better today. Kepping busy painting room in splotches at least until I get the energy to take down shelves and move the bed out so I can move the rest of the crap into the middle of the room and paint behind it. Of course I won't get help but you know what tha tis ok next time they need help they do it themselves too.

Have a great day

pikachu1lt(Leona)

Five days, 3 hours, 21 minutes and 10 seconds. 205 cigarettes not smoked, saving $35.46. Life saved: 17 hours, 5 minutes.

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Angel



Quit Date:
November 11, 2004

Posts: 208
Location: MI

PostPosted: April 16, 2004 2:56 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Okay, I know I'm getting off the point, this being a SMOKING cessation support group, and I'm sure I'm stepping out of my appropriate boundaries with this question, but it's driving me crazy - Why do a bunch of people live in YOUR house, eat YOUR food, tell you to go to your room (for 7 years?), and do nothing to improve the living situation? This is none of my business, I know, and I understand if you don't answer or if you do answer with a big "Mind your own damn business", but it seems to me that you are in a somewhat unhappy place in life and have surrounded yourself with people who aren't very nice to you. I'm sorry if I over stepped my bounds, I don't mean to be offensive or snobbish, but have you stepped outside of your situation and taken a good hard look at it from the outside? For goodness sake, woman, come out of your room! There's a whole world full of life out here and you can be a part of it - we want you to be a part of it. You're doing a great job breaking the chains of nicotine addiction, throw away that low self esteem while you're at it - you are a valuable, important person in God's world and He has big plans for you. I'm sorry if I haven't said all this just right, I really don't want to hurt your feelings, but part of me says that you want to discuss it. If I'm wrong, just let me know and I'll shut up.
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Paul



Quit Date:
February 6, 2004

Posts: 125
Location: Portsmouth, RI

PostPosted: April 16, 2004 3:36 PM    Post subject: Hi Leona Reply with quote

Hey Leona~

You know what? You cry if you need to. There is nothing wrong with that.

And you do a little bit here and there when it comes to painting that room. Don't kill yourself over it. Don't smoke over it. Just do a little each day all by yourself if you need to. Go get the paint can yourself if you have to. You can do that! (If you can quit smoking for 4 days you can do practically anything.) Soon...very soon the room will be done and you will stand back and feel a tremendous sense of accomplishment that you did it. Your daughter will move in. You will feel good about your accomplishment.

Just like not smoking for 4 days in a row should feel good to you. You should feel really positive about that.

Si it's time to regroup, Leona. Realize that you are doing good. Realize that quitting smoking can cause some emotional episodes for us that we need to battle through. Realize that this might be one of them, ok?

Have a great weekend, Leona Pikachu. Tell us all about the room when it is done.

ri paul
70 days



You are doing great Leona. hang in there.

Paul
70 days
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Leona



Quit Date:
June 1, 2017

Posts: 1838
Location: Alpena, Michigan

PostPosted: April 16, 2004 5:14 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Angel,

I guess I relagated myself to my room because I got tired of fighting more than myfiancee's mother. And beleive me she is a b that controls as a spoiled child how she raised 3 kids is beyond me. David (thats my fianceeO hates the fighting so to keep peace I went and stayed in my room the only time I come out is to go outside and go to work on weekends when I need some food or drink. Use to be when I needed a smoke to as I kept them up on a shelf out there to make it harder for me to smoke that way. She has her own foodstamps but he pays her to put together our papers says he woun't let anyone put that many papers together without being paid. Now she is living inour house free doesn't have to pay any bills and the only help we ever get is she takes out the dog, burns the garbage, washes the dishes , puts the papers together and sweeps the floor once in a while. Other than that she sits on her butt doing nothing but playing a video game. I put up with her because she is his mother and it is a respect thing for me. As is I suppose staying in my room but I have so much I want to do in the house and get absolutely no help. As for my son you say work and he bails to someone elses house. he is another one who doesn't think it is worth fixing this place up. And to be honest it probably isn't but seeing as there is no choice in the mater it gets fixed whether or not it is before my daughters 18th birthday reamins to be seen but we need to try anyway.

And it does help me to stay away from smoking too. It keeps me busy and busy is good.

Anyway iI hope that this answers your questions. If not I can try to furth=er answer them and as for being offended. I don't offend easily. You can't if you live in my family. And I don't mean myfiancee kids or his mother I mean my mother and that family. Most are very direct and outspoken people. My grandmother is also and she is 93 never smoked a day in her life. Bless her heart. And i don't think we are gonna have her around for long Her health is fading fast. Course she did say she was gonna live till ahundred and she is ornery enough to do it and we have longevity in our fam8ily also.

Thanks for caring Angel

Pikachu1lt(Leona)



Five days, 6 hours, 14 minutes and 12 seconds. 210 cigarettes not smoked, saving $36.29. Life saved: 17 hours, 30 minutes.



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Angel



Quit Date:
November 11, 2004

Posts: 208
Location: MI

PostPosted: April 19, 2004 9:10 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

I owe you a huge apology. I stuck my nose in where it didn't belong and I felt rotten about it all weekend. You sound like a very loving and caring person, looking beyond people's shortcomings and seeing the good in them. I allowed myself to forget that this is the place we come to vent and maybe you were unloading all the crap that bothered you and I took it to be the whole picture. I know that I complain about my husband on these boards frequently, but I love him dearly and could write ten times as much about what a wonderful man he is. You all probably don't know that because I never told you. I made the assumption about your family that they were only what you were unloading about them and I'm sorry. I am currently stepping back across the line that I shouldn't have stepped over to begin with. If I could make my stickman walk backwards I would, but I'm too computer dumb Smile
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Leona



Quit Date:
June 1, 2017

Posts: 1838
Location: Alpena, Michigan

PostPosted: April 19, 2004 6:50 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

First of all to ripaul

I will paint my room a little at a time but unfortunately the things that will get my little 15 year old girl home are things I have no idea even how to do like plumbing and hallways and windows etc. But I do what I do know how to do and you know I do it well. I was having a really crappy day that day and I really appereciate everyones input.

Now to angel,

You did not step over the line and I appreciated you caring enough to say something. Anytime you need to ask something please feel free and If I find it something I do not care to answer I willsay so hopefully without hurting your feelings. But yes you are right I was venting and ready to shoot them all. As I am frequently right now and it has to do with much much more then the smoking. They are people who most times are inconsiderate and selfish to the point of being ignoratnt. But they are good too. And I have to take both if I want my fiancee and my son is without a job right now and I refuse to put him out even though he drives me crazy with taking whatever he wants and never helping at all. He is lazy when it comes to our house bout when he has money he helps financially. And I always swore that not a single one of my kids would ever go hungry or be homeless. I have at one time been both and I know how it feels to be one of the faceless people . I will not let my children be one of them.

Anyway.

Thank you all for caring and responding.

God Speed to you all.
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Quiting smoking is like a fine wine ......
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