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Leona
Quit Date: June 1, 2017
Posts: 1838 Location: Alpena, Michigan
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Posted: April 21, 2004 11:47 AM Post subject: may not be apprpriate |
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Why Women Get Cranky
We start to "bud" in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find anything that comes in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurts so bad it brings us to tears. Enter the almighty, uncomfortable training bra contraption the boys in school will snap until we have calluses on our backs.
Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along with those budding boobs, we now bloat, we cramp, we get the hormone crankies, have to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert tubular, packed cotton rods in places we didn't even know we had.
Our next little rite of passage (premarital or not) is having sex for the first time, which is about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus through your nostrils (IF he did it right and didn't end up with his little cart before his horse), leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about.
Then it's off to Motherhood where we learn to live on dry crackers and water for a few months so we don't spend the entire day leaning over Brother John. Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we are), we learn to live with the growing little angels inside us steadily kicking our innards night and day, making us wonder if we're having Rosemary's Baby. Our once flat bellies now look like we swallowed a watermelon whole and we pee our pants every time we sneeze. (The latter condition never goes away, either...lots of times, neither does the former.)
When the big moment arrives, the dam in our blessed Nether Regions will invariably burst right in the middle of the mall and we'll waddle with our big cartoon feet, moaning in pain all the way to the ER. Then it's huff and puff and beg to die while the OB says, "Please stop screaming, Mrs. Hearmeroar. Calm down and push. Just one or (or 10) good push," warranting a strong, well-deserved impulse to punch the bastard (and hubby) square in the nose for making us cram a wiggling, mushroom-headed 10 lb. bowing ball through a keyhole.
After that, it's time to raise those angels, only to find that when all that "cute" wears off, the beautiful little darlings morph into walking, jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop machines.
The teen years. Need I say more?
The kids are almost grown now and we women hit our voracious sexual prime in our mid-30's to early 40's while hubby had his somewhere around his 18th birthday (which just happens to be the reason all that early, hot, man sex got you pregnant in the first place).
Now we hit the grand finale: Menopause. The Grandmother of all womanhood. It's either take the HRT and chance cancer in those now seasoned "buds" or the aforementioned Nether Regions, or sweat like a hog in July, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the head off of anything that moves.
Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men when men get off so easy INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being able to pee in the woods without soaking their socks...
Now, I love being a woman but "Womanhood" would make the Great Ghandi a tad crabby.
Women are the weaker sex?
Yeah, right. Bite me.
My mom sent this to me this morning I am sure the ladies here can appreciate this let me know what you think
One week, three days, 47 minutes and 56 seconds. 401 cigarettes not smoked, saving $69.23. Life saved: 1 day, 9 hours, 25 minutes. _________________
Quiting smoking is like a fine wine ......
It just gets better with age. |
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jahunta
Quit Date: -
Posts: 1129 Location: Silicon(e) Valley, CA
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Posted: April 21, 2004 11:58 AM Post subject: |
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Right on, Leona!!
That was so very funny!!! It may not be appropriate for some, but I loved it. My mother will love reading it. Thanks for posting !!!
Juanita _________________
Quitting is Living!!!
QD: 2/15/04 |
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alison
Quit Date: June 3, 2003
Posts: 751 Location: Next Stop, Michigan
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Posted: April 21, 2004 12:30 PM Post subject: |
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So True _________________
I wish you peace.
alison |
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Marvel
Quit Date: -
Posts: 297 Location: Tennessee
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Posted: April 21, 2004 3:56 PM Post subject: |
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We can always look on the bright side: Men can pee standing up, but Women can have multiple orgasms. WHEEEEEEEEEEE!!
Marvel |
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Carol
Quit Date: December 9, 2009
Posts: 631 Location: Wisconsin
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Posted: April 21, 2004 5:05 PM Post subject: |
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That was a funny funny thread. but Oh so true. I love how you topped it off Marvel. Thank you girls.....it was awesome. _________________
WALK TALL WALK PROUD
CAROL |
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lbuz
Quit Date: May 29, 2007
Posts: 254 Location: New York
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Posted: April 21, 2004 5:44 PM Post subject: |
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_________________
Lisa |
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