quit smoking support @ woofmang.com
people helping people beat the addiction to nicotine
 
help support our communityDonate FAQFAQ SearchSearch RSS FeedRSS Feed MemberlistMemberlist RegisterRegister ProfileProfile Log in to check your private messagesLog in to check your private messages Log inLog in

I'm becoming a smug ex-smoker....noooooooooooo!

 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    quit smoking support @ woofmang.com Forum Index > and rants
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
Hope



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 346

PostPosted: October 14, 2004 3:04 AM    Post subject: I'm becoming a smug ex-smoker....noooooooooooo! Reply with quote

I wasn't quite sure where to put this..but HELP! I'm becoming one of "them" - the worse kind of reformed smoker. A smug ex-smoker.....arrghhh!!.....I really hoped this wouldn't happen to me, and yet it is happening anyway. Crying or Very sad

My friend has been contemplating giving up smoking, and would like to - except thinks she "can't" as she likes to smoke when she goes to the pub. I was talking to her about it yesterday and I was nearly driven mad (though luckily we were chatting on msn so I could try and hide it!) when she used words like "can't"...or "i'd quit..but then i'd be tempted at the pub" (So??..we're all tempted...get real!). The worse came when she said she'd just smoke to a healthy level - not where she felt it interfered with her breathing. I had to laugh - the words smoke and healthy can't go together!!

It was really hard to bite my tongue and not to tell her what a rediculous comment it was...and that isn't not that she "can't" it's "won't"....oh dear...

she's a nice girl adn not stupid .......just drives me mad that this nictine addiction makes her so weak..as it did (does) us all ... Scowling Demon

oh dear...wish i wasn't becoming this self righteous monster!!
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
ms_tapestry



Quit Date:
October 21, 2009

Posts: 2574
Location: Seminole, TX

PostPosted: October 14, 2004 3:51 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Hope, I really struggle with this sometimes. What I want is for people to find the good health and the great sense of accomplishment I have found through my Quit. It doesn't always come off like that though. Rolling Eyes I have to remind myself I was in denial for the most part of 33 years and that like myself, they will not Quit until they are ready. All I can do is put the bait out there and see if they bite! Laughing
_________________

Tonya

You must do the very thing you think you cannot do.
~ Eleanor Roosevelt
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
Carla



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 347
Location: Kansas City, MO

PostPosted: October 14, 2004 8:25 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's hard to find a balance of knowing what to say and when to say it and when to keep your mouth shut. When a friend says "I can't," I agree with them because if you keep telling yourself you can't, then you can't. As far as my friends go, I don't say anything to them about their smoking. I just keep commenting on the positive changes in my life since I quit. My biggest problem is resisting making comments to the kids I see smoking. I just want to snatch the cigarette out of their hand and shake some sense into them. Can't do that - I'd probably end up in jail.
_________________

Carla
Quit Date: January 4, 2004
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
alleghany



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 2049

PostPosted: October 14, 2004 8:29 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey, Hope! Wish I could give you some awesome words of advice, but my wonderful husband has to gently squeeze my arm when I get into this mode! (Can you get married soon!?!? j/k Wink LOL!!!!)

Well, I can say that I actually appreciated those who tried to help me quit before I did. I remember a stranger at my summer job when I was 18 who told me to quit and save $1 a day. Now, to be fair to myself, just telling someone to quit is not really helpful. So, if we can just suggest ALA and whyquit.com and stop it there, then maybe we won't completely turn into "one of them".

Great post for discussion....I battle this! Cool
_________________

Face your fears.
Quit date: June 6, 2004
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
kevin
Site Admin


Quit Date:
-

Posts: 9538
Location: cincinnati, oh

PostPosted: October 14, 2004 10:04 AM    Post subject: Re: I'm becoming a smug ex-smoker....noooooooooooo! Reply with quote

Hope wrote:
It was really hard to bite my tongue and not to tell her what a rediculous comment it was...and that isn't not that she "can't" it's "won't"....oh dear...

why bite your tongue? i don't think it's self-righteous to tell somebody the truth. maybe she needs someone to tell her exactly that. and who better than her friend who's successfully quit? if she's talking to you about quitting, maybe she's looking for some encouragement. why not give it to her?

but most addicts really do believe that they can't quit, and just telling them they're wrong is probably not the best way to encourage them. you could try saying something like, "when i was smoking, i didn't believe i could quit, either, but then i realized...", etc. that way, you're saying, "i was just like you, and i understand what you're feeling, but here's what i found out". when you put it that way, she may be able to see herself doing what you did; after all, you just reminded her that you were just like her, and you were able to do it...
_________________

keep choosing life!

kevin

the zen of the quit
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Cowgirl UP!



Quit Date:
July 26, 2004

Posts: 5029
Location: Ala

PostPosted: October 14, 2004 4:19 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Hope,
I understand you feelings, I think once we get it (the truth of can and can't) we want everyone to see it. After all, it was a lightbulb moment for us...we saw the light...we found we could do this...we know it is all about choice so what is so hard for them? DENIAL just like we were in! I agree, the truth just may save them years of struggle and could even save a life.
Kay
_________________

All with a little help from my friends, COWGIRL UP
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
bigdaddyscds



Quit Date:
May 13, 2004

Posts: 562
Location: San Angelo, Texas USA

PostPosted: October 15, 2004 12:48 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think we do as much good by example as well. I have had three friends quit in the 5 months I have without a word being spoken. Just the fact that no one, including myself, ever saw me quitting was such a shock that I guess they figured they could too. I told them the tools I used and let them decide whether they were ready or not. For me personally, very pushy ex and non smokers only made me want to smoke more and blow it in their face and I swore I wouldn't ever become that. I hope I don't. I think compassion and understanding will win the day in trying to convert smokers.
John
_________________

All things are difficult before they are easy.
Thomas Fuller , M.D.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
Cowgirl UP!



Quit Date:
July 26, 2004

Posts: 5029
Location: Ala

PostPosted: October 15, 2004 2:02 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

John, congrats on having friends who will follow your example. Compassion and understanding are just as important as the truth about the denial...must be a way to say it and give them a soft place to fall...like You know it will harm or kill you so let me know when you are ready and I will help you through it. Rolling Eyes Rolling Eyes As for me, I have my hands full so I only explain why I look like I swallowed a watermelon whole!
Laughing Laughing Kay
_________________

All with a little help from my friends, COWGIRL UP
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
auntieM



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 22
Location: Colorado

PostPosted: October 16, 2004 5:56 PM    Post subject: What I say... Reply with quote

If you hadn't noticed, I have an opinion on EVERYTHING and I'm not afraid to share it! LOL

It's odd but since I quit there are a group of people that come to me to 'confess' that they should quit. I really feel like a priest. I go to a pub once a week to play trivia (this is my only contact with cigarette smoke and it is becoming easier each week to be around it all). The only smokers I know are there.

People talk to ex-smokers about quitting not to get encouragement to quit but to get permission to continue smoking.

I ask one question. Are you serious about quitting today? No one has said yes yet. Instead I get a lot of excuses and I ask them to please stop and only discuss smoking with me if they're serious about quitting today. I stress that I wouldn't dream of infringing on their right to smoke but discussing 'good' reasons to smoke only endangers my quit effort. I also say that 'I know people like you, who care about me, will support me in the changes I'm making'. Then I thank them for 'being there' for me. I usually get a hug out of the deal!

Maybe some day, one of those people will come to me and ask for advice on how to quit. I seriously doubt it. In 23 years of smoking, I was never even remotely affected by another person's quit effort or encouragement to quit. (Other than irritated from time to time) It wasn't until I reached out for support and help in a quit effort I was ready to make, did I reach out in earnest. I didn't go to anyone I knew who had successfully quit. I went to a doctor and I went online and I went to find organized 'in person' support groups. I did a lot of work to create a support network to help me quit SUCCESSFULLY. I also did a lot of reading and preparation prior to quitting. I decided to quit 2 months before I actually did quit.

I strongly suspect that everyone that successfully quits goes about their quit effort in a similar way. Just asking someone you know who 'did it' doesn't seem like a very effective method of quitting.

This is why I say the people making excuses to you are simply looking for permission to continue smoking. This is why my response is about garnering more support for my quit effort and taking the focus off their lack of quit effort.

Perhaps this is too harsh a belief, but I'm going by my own experience and how I behaved and reacted for all those years.

Em
_________________

There are days when you have to be Wonder Woman. Then there are days when you fake it until you make it.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic    quit smoking support @ woofmang.com Forum Index > and rants All times are GMT - 4 Hours
Page 1 of 1

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum

quit smoking support
woofmang dot com