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Cowgirl UP!
Quit Date: July 26, 2004
Posts: 5029 Location: Ala
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Posted: October 28, 2004 8:49 PM Post subject: Didn't recognize sister |
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Hey everyone,
I finally got to B'ham to see my sister for a short time while she was at work. I did not know who she was when I first saw her. She weighs 89 lbs and has cut her hair very short. I was shocked and just realized I may not have hugged her...she is my oldest sister.
I have grown apart from both my sisters due to the deaths of our parents ( I took care of them ) and the fact I am trustee over their inheirtance. My sisters are not to get their lump sum for another 6 years but I am tempted to give it to her now....I wonder if I will go to jail for breaking the will. I know for a fact that my parents would give it to her if they were alive and had the money.
My heart is heavy tonight as I remember happier times. My life with my family has not let me have the time for the rest of the family I would like so here goes another change...I will take the time to go see her...the dusting can wait...I will go without feeling guilty too!! I guess you can guess their is friction between the two groups...my sisters do not do what is always right and hubby has no grey area. I do not see her being around much longer...she was really heaving as I watched her breathe.
I guess I am writing this because my insides want to go get her and take care of her. I had the same feelings with my parents...I went to them. I must find a way to get her some help like medicaid...this is just a mess, her son lives with her but has not had a job since before 2000...I am just sick...I just hit a brick wall...this is my sister for Christ sake!
I am not having any craves , they were last night for some reason...but no need to worry about me giving in...I still remember what I looked like at 108 lbs...I do not want to see me at 89 lbs..... Ok, feel better now everyone can just delete me
Kay _________________
All with a little help from my friends, COWGIRL UP |
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ms_tapestry
Quit Date: October 21, 2009
Posts: 2574 Location: Seminole, TX
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Posted: October 28, 2004 11:10 PM Post subject: |
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Hi Ms. Kay, my heart goes out to you. I am so sorry your sister is ill. It is a shock when we realize that family members aren't frozen in time. That they get old the same as everyone else. And please, no guilt from you. It is the natural order of things that our own family takes precedence over our parents and siblings. You are ultimately the one who must decide what you want to do for your sister. There are, however, ways to help that do not include moving her in with you lock, stock and barrel. Her son lives with her? Well, there is her help. And if he isn't working, so much the better because he has plenty of time on his hands. Especially as it sounds like it could cause conflict in your home with you hubby (and interfere with your dusting. ) I don't know what the legal issues are for a trustee. You might want to consult a lawyer to see what the repercussions are for you. I'd hate to see our Ms Kay in trouble for early disbursement.
You are incredibly strong and doing a great job of maintaining your Quit. Hang in there and don't stress. The answers have a way of coming to you in their own time. _________________
Tonya
You must do the very thing you think you cannot do.
~ Eleanor Roosevelt |
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Kerry
Quit Date: May 4, 2004
Posts: 862 Location: Illinois
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Posted: October 28, 2004 11:15 PM Post subject: |
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Kay I'm sorry you're having tough times. Does your sister have a serious illness? I would consult with an attorney before I would do anything with money although I doubt that you could go to jail. Hang in there. I'm sorry you're going thru this. Kerry |
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Cowgirl UP!
Quit Date: July 26, 2004
Posts: 5029 Location: Ala
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Posted: October 28, 2004 11:21 PM Post subject: |
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Thanks Tonya, it was just such a shock...I was always so envious of her skin and the fact she had less wrinkles than I did...no longer the case...boy you could tell I was rattling by the dusting comment but what I meant was all I seem to do it try to keep this place clean and missing out on so much! I am getting there, I just hope I don't run everyone off before I get it all figured out
Kay _________________
All with a little help from my friends, COWGIRL UP |
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Cowgirl UP!
Quit Date: July 26, 2004
Posts: 5029 Location: Ala
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Posted: October 28, 2004 11:25 PM Post subject: |
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Kerry, she was diagnosed with chronic emphzema...the doctor told her he could barely hear any air when he listened to her lungs, she also has asthma really bad. He said her xray of her lungs looked black...please everyone if you had a crave today...don't smoke!!!!!
Kay _________________
All with a little help from my friends, COWGIRL UP |
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Kerry
Quit Date: May 4, 2004
Posts: 862 Location: Illinois
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Posted: October 28, 2004 11:31 PM Post subject: |
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Wow I am so sorry to hear that. Everytime I hear something like that I am ashamed to say that it makes my quit stronger. I truly am sorry Kay. Kerry |
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kevin Site Admin
Quit Date: -
Posts: 9538 Location: cincinnati, oh
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Posted: October 28, 2004 11:41 PM Post subject: |
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there's nothing scarier than not being able to breathe; my heart goes out to your sister and you, Kay. wish there was something i could do or say... _________________
keep choosing life!
kevin
the zen of the quit |
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Cowgirl UP!
Quit Date: July 26, 2004
Posts: 5029 Location: Ala
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Posted: October 29, 2004 12:18 AM Post subject: |
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Kerry I am glad it makes you quit stronger...I hope it does for everyone.
Kevin thanks, you just did.
Kay _________________
All with a little help from my friends, COWGIRL UP |
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Barbara K.
Quit Date: December 23, 2004
Posts: 5977
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Posted: October 29, 2004 1:26 AM Post subject: |
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Kay,
I also don't know what to say but I will say a special prayer for you and your sister to be with both of you at this difficult time. I don't know the situation totally but your sister should be able to get SS benefits as well as Medicaid. She can even get SS benefits if she has never worked from someone in her family who has their SS benefits. Like a husband or a parent.
Blessings, _________________
Obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn arouind and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.
Blessings,
Barbara K. |
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kjsblue
Quit Date: -
Posts: 756 Location: Nebraska
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Posted: October 29, 2004 8:43 AM Post subject: |
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I'm sorry Kay that you are going through some yucky stuff. I'm not very close to my brother and I'm afraid we never will be. There's alot of old garbage between us. I agree with talking to a lawyer. I hope you can find peace with whatever decision you make, only you can know what feels right to you.
Blessings...
Kris
Two months, three weeks, 7 hours, 9 minutes and 29 seconds. 1645 cigarettes not smoked, saving $329.19. Life saved: 5 days, 17 hours, 5 minutes. _________________
If you can imagine it, you can achieve it; if you can dream it, you can become it -- William Arthur Ward
Q.D. August 8th, 2004 |
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alleghany
Quit Date: -
Posts: 2049
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Posted: October 29, 2004 8:44 AM Post subject: |
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Kay,
Again, thanks for posting about your sister. It does remind me why I quit.
Ok ~ internet advice ~ please don't do anything with the estate without consulting an attorney. Do you really know how many mean, envious, back stabbing double-first cousins, thrice removed, you have? There is a really easy way to find out!
Have you looked into Hospice? Yeah, they say it is only for "terminal", but this is not entirely true. Please consider calling the state agency and really pushing about additional information. Her doctor may be able to write a "prescript" and have her evaluated to receive more benefits.
Thinking of you and your family! _________________
Face your fears.
Quit date: June 6, 2004 |
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londa
Quit Date: July 28, 2004
Posts: 2469 Location: new york, USA
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Posted: October 29, 2004 8:56 AM Post subject: |
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Kay, my heart is full after reading your post. I wish I could be there to help you. But since I can't, I will pray for your sister and you.
God be with you.
Love, Londa _________________
My name is Londa. I am 57 and I act like I'm 20. I love to laugh and smile. The more the better. Being kind to someone is the best thing you can do. |
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Mindy
Quit Date: -
Posts: 1074
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Posted: October 29, 2004 10:17 AM Post subject: |
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Kay,
I hope you figure things out soon. I can understand how you feel wanting to bring her to your home so you can take care of her...I'd want the same. Follow your heart and do what you feel you need to do. As far as her son goes, I imagine he's able to work?? I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers also.....Hang in there,
Hugs, |
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Cowgirl UP!
Quit Date: July 26, 2004
Posts: 5029 Location: Ala
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Posted: October 29, 2004 10:49 AM Post subject: |
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Thank you Barbara K I will pass this info on to her and try to get her to act on it...I have tried to get her to take state help for years but she says she still has her pride and has always worked. She has worked so hard but has nothing to show for it.
Thanks Kris, Londa and Mindy for your thoughts and prayers. I have lived a more say we say priviledged life than they have...they both lost their husbands at a young age and have struggled financially. I have had my struggles but have always felt the security. Hubby is a strong man, did not mean to imply he was mean, just looks after me...after all he married me not the whole family. He cannot support them all and some will not work.
Alleghany, thanks for the info she is seeing a doctor at a clinic but maybe he will help her with this. I feel she should be able to receive some kind of medical help. She has to work, there is no retirement and the inheritance is not that much...she only gets enough interest to pay most of her rent. She can only get the interest for 6 more years but can receive 10% of the total per year for medical expenses.
Sorry to hang out the laundry again folks but this really through me...I have to admit I have not seen either sister in many months...and this is the healthier of the two both mentally and physically.
Kay _________________
All with a little help from my friends, COWGIRL UP |
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kannprint
Quit Date: April 10, 2004
Posts: 4988 Location: St. Louis, MO
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Posted: October 29, 2004 5:37 PM Post subject: |
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Dear Kay,
I know how strong a bond sisters share even after years of estrangement. I became very close to my sister only 7 years prior to her death. It was such a short time but we developed a very strong bond and one I'll cherish for the remainder of my life.
It's very obvious that you really do care for your sisters even though they're not showing lots of consideration for you right now. I know you want to take care of them, especially the one with emphysema -- that's tragic. But, Kay, you can't be everywhere and take care of everyone. Our strengths are somewhat limited. If you don't first take care of yourself, you won't be able to care for anyone else.
Please do get a little "down" time for yourself. You're too special to become ill over all of this. _________________
LIVE WELL, LAUGH OFTEN, LOVE MUCH.
Jo |
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