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This isn't Good

 
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Barbara K.



Quit Date:
December 23, 2004

Posts: 5977

PostPosted: November 2, 2004 1:12 AM    Post subject: This isn't Good Reply with quote

Well, in 10 days time, my husband has threatened to hit me two different days now. I am not a happy camper now. He would not take me to see my therapist last Thursday and I was unable to drive myself. I feel somewhat displeased with myself for even marrying my husband. I am feeling very stupid tonight. Why do I even think he will ever change when he is only getting worse? I don't even care for my therapist's attitude sometimes. When I told him how upset I get at my husband he tells me I can control my bad thoughts.

My husband told me to shut up tonight and I got mad and that's when he threatened to hit me. It's too bad he's on vacation all of this week or else I could get a lot of calls done. I had stayed up all night last Thursday night and all day Friday to get back on schedule of sleeping nights and staying up days. I was doing so good until tonight when my husband threatened to hit me. Now I'm so upset I'll probably be up all night and sleep all day tomororw like I use to do. I thought things were going to change. I ended up driving myself places Saturday, Sunday and today since I was up all day. I cannot drive at night on count of night blindness so when I was up all night and slept all day I did not get out much.

Well, I am getting sleepy now. Perhaps I will not stay up too late tonight after all. Thanks for letting me vent again.

Blessings,
_________________

Obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn arouind and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.

Blessings,
Barbara K.
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ms_tapestry



Quit Date:
October 21, 2009

Posts: 2574
Location: Seminole, TX

PostPosted: November 2, 2004 6:38 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Barbara, None of us is perfect. We all make mistakes from time to time but that doesn't mean we are stupid or should be called stupid. Your therapist is for you and should be on your side. If that's not happening, then maybe you should think of making a change. It's not a very long step from threats of hitting to actual hitting. If you feel you are in a dangerous situation then please take action to remove yourself to a safe place. Take care of yourself. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
_________________

Tonya

You must do the very thing you think you cannot do.
~ Eleanor Roosevelt
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Melody



Quit Date:
August 19, 2004

Posts: 1103
Location: Ontario

PostPosted: November 2, 2004 9:13 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

If I were you and you were me what would you advise me to do ????? Now I am me and I think you should head to the shelter before he gets to thinking you won't be back as he has an option of taking the car keys from you as he sounds like that type of brute. You can work on saving your marriage from the shelter if that is what you want to do. You will also have access to your therapist. Something about your hubby has set off all the danger signs since the first time you wrote about him although then he sounded more the mental abuse type. Take care and we are all praying you shall make the best and safest choice.
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kjsblue



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 756
Location: Nebraska

PostPosted: November 2, 2004 10:24 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Barbara:

I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I want you to know that NO ONE ever has the right to even THREATEN to hit you! I don't care who he/she is. NO ONE deserves that kind of treatment. You need to take care of yourself and be true to yourself. Be loyal to you, before being loyal to anyone else. But please, please, please make sure you are safe first. I would suggest coming up with a general safety plan. Like they say in the Boy Scouts, be prepared. And if you feel your therapist isn't working for you, then perhaps try to find another, maybe someone who has experience with verbal and emotional abuse.

Blessings upon you
Kris
Two months, three weeks, four days, 8 hours, 47 minutes and 36 seconds. 1727 cigarettes not smoked, saving $345.46. Life saved: 5 days, 23 hours, 55 minutes.
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If you can imagine it, you can achieve it; if you can dream it, you can become it -- William Arthur Ward

Q.D. August 8th, 2004
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Cowgirl UP!



Quit Date:
July 26, 2004

Posts: 5029
Location: Ala

PostPosted: November 2, 2004 11:48 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Barbara,

I agree with everyone else....he may be all talk but are you sure you want to be the one who finds this out for sure? If you want your marriage to work or even if you don't, you probably need to remove yourself from the situation where you will be able to think more clearly. You know, see if you miss him or if you don't. Your therapist, now this is a very important person through all of this...I have seen one good one and ten bad ones in dealing with my daughter and sister....if you do not think this one is the best...please try another one...my daughter did not get help until my pulmonary doctor referred her to a woman psychologist...please consider your alternatives and make sure you have your ducks in a row before you make any kind of move..... good luck
Kay
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All with a little help from my friends, COWGIRL UP
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Mindy



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 1074

PostPosted: November 2, 2004 1:22 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Barbara,
You've been given a lot of great advice. My advice to you would be for you to go and stay with a relative or a good friend if possible....until you and your husband can give counseling time to work. If your husband refuses to follow through with counseling, then in my opinion it won't work. You BOTH have to make changes or something ugly is going to happen. And I'd hate to see that happen to you or anyone else. Please check your PM's. I've been in your situation before so I completely understand and feel for you........

Hugs,
Keep us informed of what's going on.........
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bake10



Quit Date:
October 20, 2004

Posts: 407
Location: Michigan

PostPosted: November 2, 2004 1:45 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Barbra, this is not good. Maybe if your not happy with your thearapest you should get a differen't one, maybe a female, nothing againts the men, but somtimes I think the same gender relate better to each other. I am sorry you are going through this. If your husband hits you, you need to get out and get some help. My first husband started that way, and became very abusive, it is not safe at that point. My heart goes out to you, I know how hard it has been for you. Hang in there , if you need to talk you can email me. Love Jeri
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Barbara K.



Quit Date:
December 23, 2004

Posts: 5977

PostPosted: November 3, 2004 2:42 AM    Post subject: Re: Reply with quote

Thank you everyone for your concern,

Even though I slept all night Monday night, I still stayed in the bed all day Tuesday because I was depressed. I also stayed in bed to escape being around my husband. I had no desire to go out because I felt depressed. I cannot go on like this and have got to get out of my marriage. The sooner the better. Now I have so much anger in me tonight for my husband treating me like he does that I'm sure it will be hard to sleep at a decent hour. A friend who knows nothing of his recent threats of physical abuse told me when I told her I was depressed today that I should get out more. She told me that I would not take the verbal attacks as bad if I were getting out every day. She wasn't thinking because I had gotten out every day for 3 days prior to my husband's threat. She had just told me before she said that that her husband had called her name and she got mad at him. This so called friend has a habit of getting me upset with her and I may be just as well without her friendship.

I have an appointment with my therapist today, Wednesday. I called my case manager this morning and emailed her too to respond to me by email. I never heard from her yet as they are slow to respond. I think I will email her again and ask her to take me to Legal Aid. She is not helpful at all and if it were not for me doing the research on what I can do for help, I would be in complete darkness. I'll wait to see if I can reach her by phone 1st thing in the morning when my husband is out throwing darts.

Well, perhaps the our new president has been elected or relected. I'll go check.

Blessings,
_________________

Obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn arouind and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.

Blessings,
Barbara K.
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bake10



Quit Date:
October 20, 2004

Posts: 407
Location: Michigan

PostPosted: November 3, 2004 11:01 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Good for you Barbra, looks like you are getting stronger and standing up for yourself , and not putting up with the abuse. I say get the hell out, find your own life and be happy. Let me know what legal aid says, and your therapist. Love Ya jeri
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bigdaddyscds



Quit Date:
May 13, 2004

Posts: 562
Location: San Angelo, Texas USA

PostPosted: November 3, 2004 7:39 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Barbara, I know that your life is precious. Every day HAS to be precious or why else are we here? If you do not feel as if your life is precious than you need to get to that place where it is. Please don't waste time feeling as if options are not available. Anything you could want to do to change your situation is available to you. You just have to find it. If you have a shelter or help line in your community they normally can give you the contacts that you need to do whatever you wish. You sound so lost and that just breaks my heart. I want you to know that you can empower yourself however you would like, so take strength in that knowledge. Take strength in the fact that you have options, and find the grace in the fact that you ARE precious. Good luck,
John
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All things are difficult before they are easy.
Thomas Fuller , M.D.
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Mindy



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 1074

PostPosted: November 3, 2004 7:43 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Barbara,
Please find a shelter for women.....Call your local Sheriff's Dept. and see if they can let you know the phone numbers. Don't let your pride get in the way....You have to take care of yourself now. When you go to a shelter, it is all confidential and your husband cannot find you. I've been there, I know.
Do this for YOU and nobody else.
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Barbara K.



Quit Date:
December 23, 2004

Posts: 5977

PostPosted: November 4, 2004 10:23 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Very Happy Thanks everyone,

I talked to Legal Aid yesterday. I can have my husband kicked out of our home. I was ready for that yesterday but not today. My husband called my therapist yesterday while I was gone but of course my therapist is not allowed to discuss anything I tell him to my husband. This Monday I will go to a support group for abused women.

I just about put my therapist in his place yesterday. I cannot go into the detail just yet but it felt good to argue with someone who could talk back sensibly. My husband just acts like a child. I need to eat now but thanks everyone. I plan to talk to my husband tonight and find out if he is willing to work on our marriage or if he is not. I see my therapist again in a week. I am really looking forward to the support group for abused women as I think I will find lots of info and guidness there. I do not feel like my therapist or case manager know enough about spousal abuse to support me or inform me enough.

Blessings,

Barbara
_________________

Obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn arouind and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.

Blessings,
Barbara K.
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ms_tapestry



Quit Date:
October 21, 2009

Posts: 2574
Location: Seminole, TX

PostPosted: November 4, 2004 10:55 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Barbara, I am glad you are taking some positive steps to improve your life. Please continue to take care of yourself and be safe.
_________________

Tonya

You must do the very thing you think you cannot do.
~ Eleanor Roosevelt
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londa



Quit Date:
July 28, 2004

Posts: 2469
Location: new york, USA

PostPosted: November 4, 2004 12:26 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Out Blessings are with you Barb!

Love, Londa
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My name is Londa. I am 57 and I act like I'm 20. I love to laugh and smile. The more the better. Being kind to someone is the best thing you can do.
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