quit smoking support @ woofmang.com
people helping people beat the addiction to nicotine
 
help support our communityDonate FAQFAQ SearchSearch RSS FeedRSS Feed MemberlistMemberlist RegisterRegister ProfileProfile Log in to check your private messagesLog in to check your private messages Log inLog in

I'm tired, I've had enough!

 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    quit smoking support @ woofmang.com Forum Index > and rants
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
londa



Quit Date:
July 28, 2004

Posts: 2469
Location: new york, USA

PostPosted: November 19, 2004 7:55 PM    Post subject: I'm tired, I've had enough! Reply with quote

I am so tired of people treating people that smoke like they've got the plague. This week my daughter had a baby. She had difficulty and ripped and had to have a procedure done. Well the midwife asked her if she smoked, because her tissue was so soft and bruised so easy. Well she does not smoke. But my daughters boyfriends mother said to me last night "Did you ever smoke in the house?" Maybe all that smoke got to Melody."

I already suffer from a guilt complex, I want everyone to know that I never smoked while I was pregnant for her, didn't smoke for 5 years straight later, and She has been out of my house for years. Now I don't know if I am at fault here, but I refuse to beat myself up. I know it really hurt me when she said that though. They came out to see the new baby and are staying right there with my daughter and their son. I only go over for a little while, because this woman is so overbearing. I am feeling so sorry for myself. She has taken over my roll of mother. She lives in another state so, I understand she wants to spend time with the baby. But my daughter and her boyfriend are going to spend Christmas with them and then leave for California. She has gone out and bought everything for this baby. I finally had to say I was going to buy the stroller. Jealousy is just oosing out of me. I am so ashamed. I am crying so hard right now. This is my daughters baby, not this other grandmothers. There is enough love to go around. Lets share. We are all gonna miss them when they leave in 3 weeks. All I want to do is be a loving mother to my daughter while she is going through this time. So I do not let her see me weep, I just sit quietly and let the other grandmother do her thing. They will be leaving Sunday.

Already I say to myself, "Well When Melody leaves, I might as well start up smoking." No one will be around to tell me not to smoke. I am so sorry, I am not doing good tonight. I can't stop crying. I am just writing what comes to my heart. I must be very hormonal right now. I feel so out of the loop.

Also, my daughter is trying to breast feed, and the la leache lady was there and my daughter had me there also. Then when Jalina was done nursing I picked her up to burp her (Melody is still to weak) and Jalina decided to thrash her arms out at that time and eveyrone thought I was gonna drop her. I had control of the situation. I felt so embarrassed and thought everyone must think I am incompetant.

I better go. THis is a very depressing post. I am just having a very very bad time right now in this joyous time of my life. God has given us a beautiful grandchild. I need to learn to deal with my feelings of jealousy. Feeling unwanted.

Thank you for listening. I guess I ripped my heart out for you guys tonight. Sorry.


God Bless you all for listening to me.

Love, Londa
_________________

My name is Londa. I am 57 and I act like I'm 20. I love to laugh and smile. The more the better. Being kind to someone is the best thing you can do.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
bigdaddyscds



Quit Date:
May 13, 2004

Posts: 562
Location: San Angelo, Texas USA

PostPosted: November 19, 2004 8:10 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Londa,
These kind of events lead to so much emotion in everyone involved. I hope you can put this all in perspective. What she said was wrong and I would not give her any more creedence by worrying about it. Don't let this time with your new grandbaby be interrupted by the jealousies of in-laws. Hold your head up with the self confidence that you show us all the time and strut your stuff grandma.
Keep your chin up and God Bless!
John
_________________

All things are difficult before they are easy.
Thomas Fuller , M.D.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
Melody



Quit Date:
August 19, 2004

Posts: 1103
Location: Ontario

PostPosted: November 19, 2004 8:12 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

The joys of being a grandparent are no easier than a mother. Wait till they leave on Sunday and then listen to what your daughter says as I know she will have been better off with her Mom than any Mother in-law. As to you having a smoke go for it make Jalina proud. So nice your daughter shares my name.
_________________

I'm a NON-SMOKER thanks to everyone here
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Cowgirl UP!



Quit Date:
July 26, 2004

Posts: 5029
Location: Ala

PostPosted: November 19, 2004 8:27 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Londa.

As a grandma twice here Laughing , I hopeyou to go to your daughter's place and take up the role of mother/ grandma.....if the other grandma wants to help with the baby FINE, but you need to be there for Melody who may have some insecurities or questions just for MaMa. It does sound as if the other grandma may be a little pushy so GRANDMA, step in there for Jalina now and let her know in a polite way that this child has two grandmothers and you intend to be just as involved with her life as anyone else. You are strong, Londa and you are very caring....share this with your family.
Wink
Kay
_________________

All with a little help from my friends, COWGIRL UP
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
ms_tapestry



Quit Date:
October 21, 2009

Posts: 2574
Location: Seminole, TX

PostPosted: November 19, 2004 9:43 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Londa, throwing money at the baby isn't what it's all about. They are probably feeling insecure and certain they will soon be forgotten as they have to return home. Ultimately, it's all about loving that sweet, precious little baby, and the more love there is, the better it is for your grandchild.

You know you don't want to start smoking. The baby won't like a granny that smells like smoke! Smile My grandson has three sets of grandparents. On the day he was born my daughter solved the problem of which family member would hold the baby first by handing him to her brother Adam. I still laugh about that today.

I just know you are the granny who will take her to the park and teach her to swing, show her how to make cookies and blow the seeds from a dandelion. It's all about love, Ms. Londa and you have plenty of it. Cool
_________________

Tonya

You must do the very thing you think you cannot do.
~ Eleanor Roosevelt
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
kannprint



Quit Date:
April 10, 2004

Posts: 4988
Location: St. Louis, MO

PostPosted: November 20, 2004 12:40 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dear Londa,

Melody is YOUR daughter and, at the birth of a child, she needs the love of her own mother. A mother-in-law is fine, but it just isn't the same. Share all the love you have with Melody and Jalina. You'll never regret the time you give now. Believe me (our granddaughters are 18, 15, 14 & 12) it comes back many-fold as they grow up.

Stay close to that precious little one. If it isn't to be close in miles, then close in heart.
_________________

LIVE WELL, LAUGH OFTEN, LOVE MUCH.
Jo
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Pamela



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 3542
Location: Gardiner, NY

PostPosted: November 20, 2004 12:51 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Londa, I can't help with the grandmother thing. But, I know that your quit needs to be about YOU....YOU....not your daughter, your grandchild, or anyone else.

Women of our age (50 something), for the most part, have spent their lives taking care of others....husbands, children, parents, grandchildren....and I say enough! It's time to take care of yourself.

Stop worrying about how smoking or not smoking effects anyone around you, just worry aabout how it affects you. Stop the junky talk, and respect yourself by keeping that quit going!
_________________

FIVE + years of freedom and loving it!
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
londa



Quit Date:
July 28, 2004

Posts: 2469
Location: new york, USA

PostPosted: November 20, 2004 2:06 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you everyone. I guess I just needed a good cry.
I received very good advice which I will accept with love.
I am making Chili and Corn Bread and Pumpkin Pie for everyone today. I will be loving and kind and always in the back of my mind thinking of you all who had the patience and kindness to respond to my aching heart.
We all have the child, parent, and adult in us. I guess my child in me last night needed to be held.

I am back to normal and I praise God for that and I also praise Him for sending me all you! Very Happy

I haven't sang in awhile have I?

Jesus loves the little children
All the little children of the world...

Wink
Love, Londa
_________________

My name is Londa. I am 57 and I act like I'm 20. I love to laugh and smile. The more the better. Being kind to someone is the best thing you can do.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
Seabrez



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 4458
Location: Gulf Coast

PostPosted: November 20, 2004 2:14 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Londa,

Bless your heart! I can just feel your hurt, fustration, and yearning to be close to your daughter and grandchild. I have to chime in with Kay and Jo on this situtation. You are your daughter's Mother. Be with her. As a Christian, pray for the spirit of love, and unity to come in like a flood by the Holy Spirit. You are hurt, and rightfully so. There is no shame in an honesty heartfeld emotion. God knows that heart of yours. Just by the way you post, I also know you have a loving heart. So, don't let this "control" freak of another person steal from you precious time to spend with your daughter and baby. Be there, and I'll be praying for you also.

Londa, I know how the stress and hurt and fustration can lead to the want of smoking. But please don't. I did and it's terrible. Please just stay strong and know that God is with you.

With Love,
Deb
_________________

Living in Freedom
Deb

Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. 2 Corn 5:17 NASB
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
Fightn4life



Quit Date:
October 23, 2003

Posts: 1573
Location: Loysburg, PA

PostPosted: November 21, 2004 8:56 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Londa my friend...when you said there is enough love to go around you were so right.

Trust me as a grandmother that lives at a distance being far away does not stop the love you have to offer.

It is hard at times to know someone other than me is holding one of my grandkids when I long too...but I know down deep they will know as years go by how much I dearly love them all.

Don't let this be a set back for you...I could smoke now as well with only having my cats and chain smoking hubby living here. But I love my cats. Very Happy

Smile Londa...it does get better.

Sandyz
_________________

"Keep your heart open to dreams. For as long as there's a dream, there is hope, and as long as there is hope, there is joy in living."

~Anonymous
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic    quit smoking support @ woofmang.com Forum Index > and rants All times are GMT - 4 Hours
Page 1 of 1

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum

quit smoking support
woofmang dot com