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Seabrez
Quit Date: -
Posts: 4458 Location: Gulf Coast
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Posted: November 24, 2004 6:09 AM Post subject: Freaking Pissed |
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I am so freaking pissed I could spit nails. My quit is blown. Last night I was in tears and steaming mad and hurt. My hubby started a huge agrument with me yesterday evening. One of the things he jumped me about was being on the boards yesterday morning. which really ticks me off, because he was just lying in bed doing absolutely nothing!!!! I'm sick of it. I"M suppose to support him in whatever HE DOES. But when it comes to me...well, forget it. About anything. (More agrument than I want to go into on the boards) I'm totally fed up with it. I can't say anything about anything. I know the "they don't understand" about quitting. But it goes farther than that. It's would be nice to have a little common courtesy. And guess what, after I caved, he was like nothing happened. Well, piss on him!!!! I didn't speak to him the rest of the night. I fumed inside. And I made a plan. Ok, he wants to be a jackass. Fine, let him be a jackass. That's not going to stop me. This week is blown. He's home until at least Monday. Well, guess what, come Monday or whenever he gets back on the road. That will be my quit date. I'm not telling anyone in my 3D world that I'm quitting. Seems like when I do, all hell breaks lose. He won't be home, so I can get on the boards without him knowing. He probably won't notice I quit anyway. Sorry guys. I wanted to get on last night, but I didn't dare. It's wee morning hours and he's sleeping now. So I just wanted to post and let you know. If you don't hear from me this week, don't worry. I'll be back Monday or early next week
Sorry, I just had to unload.
Till Later,
Deb _________________
Living in Freedom
Deb
Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. 2 Corn 5:17 NASB |
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ms_tapestry
Quit Date: October 21, 2009
Posts: 2574 Location: Seminole, TX
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Posted: November 24, 2004 6:42 AM Post subject: |
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Deb I am sorry you are going through a rough time today and more than sorry that you lost your Quit. You have identified a trigger so look at that real close and have a plan to deal with it next time. Many of us had to Quit more than once before it stuck. Thanks for letting us know and please get back in here asap! _________________
Tonya
You must do the very thing you think you cannot do.
~ Eleanor Roosevelt |
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alleghany
Quit Date: -
Posts: 2049
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Posted: November 24, 2004 7:06 AM Post subject: |
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Debbie ~
You can do this and I'm pulling for you. Good idea about not telling people. I didn't tell many people in my 3D world until a few weeks after my quit. I forced myself to "tell" people here and at FFS, but I really didn't need the "so you quit again" pressure from the 3D folks (those who had never smoked and just didn't get it).
Pulling for you!!! _________________
Face your fears.
Quit date: June 6, 2004 |
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Marigrrl
Quit Date: December 1, 2010
Posts: 894 Location: New York
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Posted: November 24, 2004 11:04 AM Post subject: |
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Hi deb!
Sorry all this happened to you! I can feel your anger through the flavor of your words in this message. Don't upset yourself too much about what happened. Figure out what happened, and just with quitting, i guess your going to have to find a way or something to do when your hubby says something that may lead into an arguement etc, which may lead to stress, which may lead to lighting up. Your strong, and I can feel that your really fighting and wanting to quit. Those are the ingredients to be successful. Come back when you can, and please don't give up, you can do this!
hugs
Mariko _________________
Follow Your Bliss |
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Zuzu
Quit Date: -
Posts: 962 Location: Marin
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Posted: November 24, 2004 2:07 PM Post subject: |
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I agree with Mariko. What are you going to do next time that you're just so angry you want to smoke - I mean, instead of smoke? Rather than lament your relapse, learn from it and figure out what you'll do differently so you don't relapse next time you're that angry.
I remember feeling pretty darned angry my first few weeks.. maybe even months.. of stopping smoking. Each time you sit with that anger and respond to it without smoking, it gets easier to cope with that emotion and not smoke - it's like practicing the emotion smokefree until it feels a little more comfortable to be in the midst of it.
Make a list of things you'll do instead of smoking/before relapsing. When I first stopped smoking I would tell myself, "maybe I can't quit smoking - okay.. maybe I'm not strong enough, determined enough, sure enough, supported enough to be able to accomplish this - okay.. maybe that's true.. maybe I can't do this... but what I CAN do, what I really know I can do, is this list of things BEFORE I relapse.. that I CAN do, even if I can't quit smoking." The list was really important - I never got past the third thing on the list - the desire to relapse would pass. If I ever do get through the list I'll know there's something wrong with the list, not with me... heh
For myself, I'm not really sure that I can quit smoking - I haven't wholly decided that I'm ready to stop smoking, that I'm supported enough, that it's the right time, etc. But I figure, I could keep smoking until I was sure about those things or I could stop smoking and hope that one day I'd be sure about those things - figure I'd be ahead of the game to just stop smoking and if one day I look back and realize I made the wrong decision (wink) I could always start smoking again.
I'm sorry that your husband was a butthead. Chances are he'll be a butthead again one day. Learn to live with your husband sometimes being a butthead and STILL not smoking.. learn to be so angry that you're up in the middle of the night fuming and still not smoke - because stopping smoking isn't going to remove the range of emotion and it seems for most of us it merely heightens the edges as we seek for ways to sabotage our own quits when the addiction starts roaring....
Best of luck!!
-Zuzu |
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Katy
Quit Date: January 4, 2002
Posts: 71 Location: Missouri
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Posted: November 24, 2004 2:31 PM Post subject: |
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We all have some people who treat us like dirt....don't let that be an excuse to smoke.....cause that is exactly what the junky in us is looking for......he's rolling with delight that you are pissed and upset cause he knows that is a PERFECT time for him to jump in and suggest that you light up to handle it. There is 'never' the perfect time to quit...or to stay quit for that matter. Anger and stress are everywhere in the world today and as nicotine junkies, the first thing we think of when put upon is to light up. you have to get mad as hell alright.....mad at that JUNKY in yourself. Don't let him tell you what to do.......it wasn't your butthead hub that made you smoke. No one can MAKE you light up. You do it "yourself" Realize that, look at it carefully and promise yourself that YOU are going to run your life. NOT that damned addiction.
don't quit to spite someone???? quit IN spite of them. it's a VERY personal thing maintaining a quit. We often let others be our "excuses" to screw up. Get a plan down for what you are gonna do when faced with hubby's unco-operating ways. and smoking is NOT in that plan!
stick close here when you can and print things out for when you can't.....start a journal.....journaling is a great help in quitting.
Katy _________________
Smoking is NOT an option. |
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bake10
Quit Date: October 20, 2004
Posts: 407 Location: Michigan
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Posted: November 24, 2004 5:27 PM Post subject: |
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You have such good advice, I don't have much to add except don't quit trying. Jeri |
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Cowgirl UP!
Quit Date: July 26, 2004
Posts: 5029 Location: Ala
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Posted: November 24, 2004 6:24 PM Post subject: |
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Deb,
I really hate to hear the sadness in your post...so sorry about the quit but you are cranking up to quit smoking big time...just keep looking at the bigger picture.
Does your hubby smoke? It almost sounded as if he wanted you to smoke....sometimes these hubby's begin to feel threatened when they see us becoming strong or even changing....this may be his insecurities but still your problem...as you must try to reassure him.
As for the boards, sister I hear your cry...my hubby has made more comments than CNN News....it used to bother me...I used to sneak to read or post...now I just say YEP to whatever remark he makes...he has learned he is not going to upset me and that I don't care if he likes it or not. Does this man know how many football games I have watched in 35 years???? Ever since I came back with that question, I post in peace
Anger was a HUGE problem for me too. My attitude changed and I have not been that angry since...I can't say what all is different...maybe just the lifting of the smokescreen. I did make some major changes with family that has reduced my stress level by 95%. I had to learn it was ok to say what I needed, wanted and most importantly the word NO.
Pick yourself up, tell him it hurts you that he makes you so mad you lost your quit...it is not good to harbor ill feelings....then lay the cigs down and we will be here waiting for you.
Love,
Kay _________________
All with a little help from my friends, COWGIRL UP |
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Tammy
Quit Date: February 16, 2004
Posts: 2565 Location: Florida
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Posted: November 24, 2004 9:41 PM Post subject: |
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Deb, I am so sorry that your husband, (my brother) is acting like a butt head. Kick his butt and don't let him get away with that.
You have gotten some awesome advice here. Everyone is telling you the truth. I told you once awhile back that you needed to be selfish with this time while quitting and I said that from experience. I have a spoiled rotten husband and (kids too). Maybe you need to run away and come stay with me for about 3 week. that would teach them . OR find that big baby a load that would keep him away for a month
You can do this. If I can, you can! I am always here for you. _________________
Tammy
Free and loving it! |
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kannprint
Quit Date: April 10, 2004
Posts: 4988 Location: St. Louis, MO
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Posted: November 24, 2004 10:23 PM Post subject: |
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Hi Deb,
Boy, life sure isn't easy. You quit smoking and people throw rocks in your path. Please do all you can to stay with it. We're all here for you. Post as often as you can. _________________
LIVE WELL, LAUGH OFTEN, LOVE MUCH.
Jo |
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hotsue
Quit Date: April 27, 2004
Posts: 41 Location: Boise, Idaho
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Posted: November 25, 2004 1:54 AM Post subject: |
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Gee Deb,
I am so sorry you lost your quit. I am not exactly sure what happened to you. I suspect it is what happened to me with my husband early in my quit. My husband got jealous of the time and attention I was paying to the boards! Twice, in the first few weeks he flew off the handle about stupid things! Twice, I asked him, “Are you trying to sabotage my quit?” He has never smoked. He had no idea what I was going through. He just saw me giving attention to others and spending all my “free” time on line. I finally told him “I am quitting smoking because I love you and our daughter so much, I don’t want to miss a single beat in our lives! Please support me and give me time to do this!” This is the guy who gave me roses for the great American Smoke Out day, 6 months later!
Hang in there, Deb. I suspect your husband is a bit jealous. I suspect he loves you very much. Sounds like he is gone from home a lot. I suspect he is jealous and feels threatened with the time you are spending on line to keep your quit. Talk to him. Tell him how he can help you! I bet once he knows, he will be your # one fan!
Get back on Jim Otter’s quit bus ASAP!
Sue |
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kjsblue
Quit Date: -
Posts: 756 Location: Nebraska
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Posted: November 25, 2004 10:04 AM Post subject: |
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Hi Deb -
I hope things are a bit calmer for you right now. Have you done the modules in the Freedom from Smoking program? Those helped me SO much. I was wondering if in the back of your mind you were trying to 'get back' at your husband or punish him for upsetting you by smoking? Kind of a "see what you made me do!" The only reason I ask is because I have done that myself. For me, I had to realize that my honey could be the biggest butthead in the world, but I was not going to allow him to sabatoge MY quit. I had to learn to express myself verbally without the cigs to demonstrate how upset I was with him. Does that make sense?
Hang in there! You can and will do this!
Kris
Three months, two weeks, three days, 7 hours, 37 minutes and 14 seconds. 1639 cigarettes not smoked, saving $328.08. Life saved: 5 days, 16 hours, 35 minutes. _________________
If you can imagine it, you can achieve it; if you can dream it, you can become it -- William Arthur Ward
Q.D. August 8th, 2004 |
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Mindy
Quit Date: -
Posts: 1074
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Posted: November 25, 2004 7:17 PM Post subject: |
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Deb,
I hate to hear you let your husband upset you so much that you actually started smoking again. I could tell you story after story on how much my husband had me pissed early on in my quit, but I did not pick up a cigarette. You'll have to learn that you cannot let anyone or anything interfere with your quit....no matter how pissed off you get. This is your quit and YOU are in control. I know it's hard...I've been there. But you can't go through life getting upset and then picking up a cigarette....that's not the answer unless you want to remain a smoker. The only way you'll unlearn yourself of bad habits is learning new habits, and that means taking control and not giving in to the urges to smoke. It can be done, as there are many here at Woofmang to prove that. Did you post prior to picking up that first cigarette??? |
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