quit smoking support @ woofmang.com
people helping people beat the addiction to nicotine
 
help support our communityDonate FAQFAQ SearchSearch RSS FeedRSS Feed MemberlistMemberlist RegisterRegister ProfileProfile Log in to check your private messagesLog in to check your private messages Log inLog in

NO EXCUSES.
Goto page 1, 2  Next
 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    quit smoking support @ woofmang.com Forum Index > and rants
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
Pamela



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 3542
Location: Gardiner, NY

PostPosted: January 5, 2005 10:40 AM    Post subject: NO EXCUSES. Reply with quote

I'm so upset about the number of wonderful, long term quitters on this site, who have recently made a bad choice to go back to smoking.

Many have cited reasons that would make this seem justifiable.....here are mine:

1) My only client cancelled all advertising, and I'm out of business.
2) My last commission check was in September, and I have no income since then or in the forseeable future.
3) I'm paying bills with savings (the tax bill just arrived yesterday).
4) I just cancelled my major medical insurance, because I can't afford the $900 quarterly premium.
5) My dog has epilepsy, and it's breaking my heart, as well as a huge expense to treat.
6) Our best friends (smokers) of 20 years have not contacted us in over 2 months, including the holidays. I mailed their Christmas gifts to them yesterday, which is breaking my heart.
7) Some of my other friends are pin heads some times, and make me so angry.
8.) I gained 7 pounds since I quit, and for the first time in my life, need to diet.

All of the above are excuses that I would have used in the past to smoke. The difference between then and now is that I finally realized that I will ALWAYS find a good reason to smoke if I want to....ALWAYS. However, now I know that these are only excuses to feed my addiction...and I know that THERE ARE NO EXCUSES TO SMOKE. NONE.

I love everyone here, and how compassionate you are with each other. however, I am getting tired of hearing about problems being used as an excuse to smoke again.

I will always listen to someones problems, and try to help, or at least just be a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen. Anyone, anytime should be able to post their problems under rants.

However, I feel that THERE ARE NO EXCUSES TO SMOKE. NONE.

Please, for all of you who have chosen to go back to smoking, please acklowledge your addiction, and stop feeding it again, now. Please.
_________________

FIVE + years of freedom and loving it!
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Melody



Quit Date:
August 19, 2004

Posts: 1103
Location: Ontario

PostPosted: January 5, 2005 10:59 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Pam the bitterness you are feeling towards some of our members was mine a few months ago and even now I have to work really hard at realizing it is a total wasted emotion. Being upset about it is a waste as well. I've thought of a new way to look at it that helps me although it is more under the heading of selfish. If you look at the odds you have a certain percent of people who QUIT actually staying QUIT. So in my mind it's upped my odds greatly. Now saying that I'd never smoke again anyway I'm just not into loosing any battle I take on. I've always been raised to be the best you can be at all times and to never give up on your goals. Well my goal was to QUIT Smoking and I've done just that so be proud of your QUIT and support when you can and if you can't up your percentage in your mind. Wink
_________________

I'm a NON-SMOKER thanks to everyone here
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
law_girl_1969



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 626
Location: Freeburg, Illinois

PostPosted: January 5, 2005 11:03 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Before my failure here I felt exactly the same way you do, Pamela, when I would see people fail. What's their problem? I've got WAY more going on than THEM and look how strong I am!

At times like that I honestly had to take a step back and realize that I couldn't be of any use to myself or anyone.

I'm sorry to have let you down, and completely understand how you feel right now.

I could go on and on, but this is your rant and you shouldn't have to censor yourself. Just remember that nobody did anything to YOU when they harm themselves. I'm sorry for what is going on in your life right now and hope and pray that things will get better soon.
_________________

Lynn

"There are those who think they can and those who think they can't and they are both right." Henry Ford
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail AIM Address
Melody



Quit Date:
August 19, 2004

Posts: 1103
Location: Ontario

PostPosted: January 5, 2005 11:18 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Lynn do you actually feel you failed as how can that be as you are still here. Question You took a big stumble but your up. You appear dusted off so I'd say you get to move on. We can horse whip you if you want as I'm sure Kay can set it up or we can congratulate you on rescuing the situation before all was lost. I say congrats and welcome back Wink
_________________

I'm a NON-SMOKER thanks to everyone here
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Zuzu



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 962
Location: Marin

PostPosted: January 5, 2005 1:58 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Pamela-

THis journey of stopping smoking is so individual.. there is no right and wrong way to do it, only the way that works for each of us.. we each have our own "right" way. Statistics suggest that upwards of 90% of people who try to quit smoking relapse. If we don't have compassion and understanding for those who relapse, then we're not honestly dealing with the spectrum of this addiction and the complexities of recovery. There needs to be room for the reality of the addiction and the needs of those recovering - which includes relapse.

For me, when some relapses, it helps for me to hear their story. It helps for me to hear the circumstances and how they feel. It helps because I can listen and feel compassion and hopefully, if I listen deeply enough, have a vicarious experience and be reminded of why and how returning to addicted behaviors and drugs doesn't make things easier - even though, certainly, there are moments when I forget that.. moments when the addiction speaks in oh so seductive ways.

THere are no excuses, but there are stories and events. In the past, when I tried to quit smoking, a relapse was a deal-breaking event. WHen I fell I invariably fell hard and years lapsed between attempts at stopping smoking. I'm in awe and amazed at the humility and courage of those who step back up the plate.

I'm also in awe and amazement at your quit, your fortitude, your success. You've done a great job.

-Zuzu
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Pamela



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 3542
Location: Gardiner, NY

PostPosted: January 5, 2005 2:58 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Don't get me wrong. I'm not angry or upset at anyone who is having a hard time. Every single person here is a winner as far as I'm concerned. If you relapse, at least you have the courage to quit in the first place. If you haven't quit, but just visited the site...we'll at least you're considering quitting, which is more than many people do. At least you're trying to learn how to overcome your addiction.

What I'm angry at is the addiction. The addiction allows us to "create" reasons, excuses, lies...to smoke, when there are none at all.

Everyone does have a different quit. Heck, I could relapse today or tomorrow, and be right back at square one again. Or, I could never smoke again. It could be easy to quit, or hard to quit...it's whatever I make it. However, I'll always have the quit I accomplished before the relapse. And, I'll never have a reason to smoke....except that I'm an addict, and that I'm chosing to or not feed the addiction.

I hope that everyone who is currently feeding their addiction by smoking will continue to fight it, in whatever way they can. It may be today, tomorrow, so someday in the future. But, the longer you wait, the stronger the addiction will grow. I hope you chose to face it head on again now.
_________________

FIVE + years of freedom and loving it!
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
ggarrison19



Quit Date:
October 12, 2004

Posts: 42
Location: Minneapolis, Minnesota

PostPosted: January 5, 2005 6:25 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey Pam.
I think I understand how your feel. If I am wrong then take this as an explanation of how I feel.

I have been hanging out at the ALA FFS site for the past 80 days or so. I just joined this site yesterday. Over the past couple weeks a lot of people have stumbled. Some just stumbled and got right back up. Some stumbled and just continued to lay there.

We all know how much energy it takes to fight this addiction. When someone stumbles in their attempt it takes more energy from us. Hey. We are having a hard enough time on our own journey. Let alone suffer this pain. We become so close to these people sometimes that it really hurts. It hurts that they didn't call us. Or e-mail. Or post a message. Doesn't mean we don't care for them. Maybe we care too much. It just hurts to see them get off the path even for a short time. We become kind of a family unto ourselves. And it does hurt to see our family members in pain.

But I do agree with you. Read my signature line.

Gary
_________________

SMOKING IS NOT AN OPTION
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Mindy



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 1074

PostPosted: January 5, 2005 7:47 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Pamela,
I totally know how you feel. I hate to sound cruel, but alot of the time I just have to totally avoid the relapse posts altogether. I don't believe in slips....if you have a puff, it's a relapse plain and simple. We're a puff away from a pack a day....
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
kannprint



Quit Date:
April 10, 2004

Posts: 4988
Location: St. Louis, MO

PostPosted: January 5, 2005 7:55 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's no surprise that people slip during the holidays. While it's an absolutely beautiful time of year; Christmas and New Years, it can be depressing for many. I hope we're all strong enough to help others pick themselves up and go along their smokeless way.
_________________

LIVE WELL, LAUGH OFTEN, LOVE MUCH.
Jo


Last edited by kannprint on January 5, 2005 9:06 PM; edited 1 time in total
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Mary Dude



Quit Date:
June 15, 2004

Posts: 4803
Location: Pittsburgh, PA

PostPosted: January 5, 2005 8:07 PM    Post subject: BUT WE ALL LEARN..... Reply with quote

I'd rather know what is going on than not - I have come to care about the folks here. It does hurt to see this addiction reclaim them - and see them struggle to regain their quit and carry on smoke free. But it also makes me realize just how careful I must be as I pick my way through the world without my pack of cigarettes.
I wasn't thinking - I was sitting there at bowling - and a pack of cigarettes was laying right there on the table - my old brand - and my hand almost reached out. I'm really glad I'd passed on the beer - because if would have been so very easy - it wasn't even that I wanted to smoke - it was almost a reflex. BUT I did NOT - because once I realized I was at risk - I took control and thought it through - turned my brain back on - and I chose to leave the pack there and NOT smoke - MY CHOICE. We all make choices we regret - last night I didn't. Would the outcome have been the same if I'd been drinking - I don't know - and for now - I don't want to find out. I find myself being very cautious of alcohol and choosing to drink sparingly and only in environments that will not make it easy to smoke. I know it could be me - having to tell everyone here I blew it...and smoked - and have to try again. That accountability is one more thing that makes me take extra care to be in control and able to continue to choose life and freedom from smoking. Sorry for rambling - but I was really suprised and shocked by that "almost" last night - I'll be on alert again in that environment. As soon as I get comfortable with not smoking and feeling pretty proud of myself - I get a hit of reality - I am an addict ...and I'll always be one puff away from a pack.
_________________

Mary D.
Smoke-free one day at a time!
Worry doesn't help tomorrow's troubles, but it does ruin today's happiness!
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
mtwilsonranch



Quit Date:
January 20, 2006

Posts: 1863
Location: nevada

PostPosted: January 5, 2005 8:37 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Pam,
I think in the beginning, at least for me, I did not view this as an addiction, but a bad habit Laughing Demon
I guess it is called denial...too hard to quit, too much pain. The brain grabbed this addiction and is running with it. So I think the process of quitting is one of learning...first, there will be pain of change, and we begin to understand that the pain of change is better than the pain of regret.
This comes each time we stumble. It took me a couple of slipps to get it. Shocked
I too was angry that this adiction could have so much power, but the more I learned about this addiction, the less power it had. We all are on our own journey, and hopefully we will all end up as winners in the quit.
Congratulations on your journey of freedom

Pam
_________________

Right Now, this minute, this hour, this day, I choose not to feed my addiction....
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
chooverg



Quit Date:
June 10, 2004

Posts: 148
Location: Ohio

PostPosted: January 5, 2005 9:04 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

When I read that people have lost their quit...I get scared. I worry and wonder what makes me think that I can do this....what makes my quit any easier to keep.
Most of the time I still want a cigarette. I want to smoke. So, next I get mad. I get mad at all the people who lose their quit because I want to smoke every day and don't...so then I am jealous of the smoker....kind of like 'why do they get to do something that I don't.'
Then I figure something very IMPORTANT out...that is the addiction. Justification is the road to smoking. We justify smoking so we can feed our addiction.
I am not smoking and I won't smoke. I decided that I would teach my ADDICTION a lesson....I will NOT until I like NOT smoking....so I just won't be smoking.
Christina
_________________

I have seen flowers grow in stoney places
Kindness done by men with ugly faces
The worst horse won at the races
So, I trust too
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Mindy



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 1074

PostPosted: January 5, 2005 10:03 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Christina,
You hit the nail right on the head!! That's how I feel when I read a post about a relapse. That's why I try to avoid them if I can. That may sound selfish and mean but it's how I deal with it.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Cowgirl UP!



Quit Date:
July 26, 2004

Posts: 5029
Location: Ala

PostPosted: January 5, 2005 10:19 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Pamela,

I think for some people, life's bumps and bruises are more overwhelming than for others....I know there have been times when I would question my sanity...smoking or not was I losing my mind? I am not making excuses for those who relapse/slip ...just for their ability to handle the situation at the time. What may cause one person to smoke may never effect another, however it is the lack of coping skills which get the best of most of us.

I get sad, not angry when someone fails...I care deeply for my extended internet family...like an offspring, I want to see them excell, soar, reach the stars and be happy. All any of us can really do is to extend an hand when we are stronger to those who are weaker on that day. The rest is up to the indivdual person to make and live with their choices....it just seems unfair that just one bad choice can cause such pain.
Kay
_________________

All with a little help from my friends, COWGIRL UP
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
Chrissy



Quit Date:
April 21, 2007

Posts: 101
Location: ohio

PostPosted: January 6, 2005 10:14 AM    Post subject: Hugs Pam Reply with quote

I dont know you but can feel your pain and anger at this addiction and I know where your coming from. I went through so many stages in my own quit and I for a while there got angry when people relapsed and I also got scared. I didnt come here to make you feel bad and Im sorry i did. I just need support right now so I can get back on track. I have no computer anymore so have to get up early and come to the library a few days a week and hope that will be enough. I have set a new quit day Smile Saturday will be my first new day as a non smoker. I am not throwing away my 3 years and 5 months or forgetting the things I learned when I quit before. I know this is not good for me and I made a bad choice. I am human. I want to feel I can always come here or to FFS (where I quit originally) and get help, support, love , prayers or any other kind of help I need when I falter or feel weak. I know we will all be ok as long as we know we have each other to back us up. Hold my hand, help me to stay strong and love me no matter my mistakes. I need u . My email is open if u ever want to write me. Dancer_ov_Fate@hotmail.com In love n Light, Chrissy~
_________________

Always In Love and Light
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic    quit smoking support @ woofmang.com Forum Index > and rants All times are GMT - 4 Hours
Goto page 1, 2  Next
Page 1 of 2

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum

quit smoking support
woofmang dot com