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You Can Pick Your Friends, Not your Family

 
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Barbara K.



Quit Date:
December 23, 2004

Posts: 5977

PostPosted: January 13, 2005 12:11 AM    Post subject: You Can Pick Your Friends, Not your Family Reply with quote

Very Happy Hi All,

My father's mother told me once that you can pick your friends but not your family. My mother is happy inspite of the fact that she can't walk now or has the desire to eat. True, her mind goes back and forth from making perfect sense one day to complete jibberish the next, but that can change to her being her old self. One of my brothers told me he does not want to pronlong my mom' life if she is going to be like this. She has a feeding tube and he has a living will that could very well get rid of that feeding tube. Or so he says he does. Right now I am wishing that this one brother was not my family because I sure wouldn't have him as a friend. Mad I am so disgusted tonight that I've already eaten tons of chocolate, my comfort now. I just can't think straight.

Blessings,
_________________

Obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn arouind and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.

Blessings,
Barbara K.
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kevin
Site Admin


Quit Date:
-

Posts: 9538
Location: cincinnati, oh

PostPosted: January 13, 2005 12:37 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

if she's lucid any of the time, i seriously doubt that any doctor would allow anyone to remove your mother's feeding tube; i'm no lawyer, but it's my understanding that living wills don't take effect unless a person is incapable of making decisions for themselves (which i think means they're either unconscious and unlikely to recover consciousness or legally declared mentally incompetent) and then, only if they're in a life-or-death situation. from your description, it doesn't sound like your mother is in either state. you might want to talk to a lawyer, just in case.

and, for what it's worth, i don't think i'd care to have your brother as a brother either.

keep hanging in there, Barbara.
_________________

keep choosing life!

kevin

the zen of the quit
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Cowgirl UP!



Quit Date:
July 26, 2004

Posts: 5029
Location: Ala

PostPosted: January 13, 2005 1:04 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Barb, you have been very strong through all of this...people kept telling me that there is always one in every family to be the one to take care of things....your mother is lucky it is you.
Kay
_________________

All with a little help from my friends, COWGIRL UP
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Seabrez



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 4458
Location: Gulf Coast

PostPosted: January 13, 2005 2:28 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Barb,

With all you have been through, you are still quit. That, my dear, is just awesome to me. You are strong! I admire your strength.

Kevin makes alot of sense in what he said. Your mom is no way near the life or death situtation. Keep your chin up. Maybe your greedy brother will just pack his bags and go home!

Sending you a *******HUGE HUG*******

Love Ya,
Deb
_________________

Living in Freedom
Deb

Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. 2 Corn 5:17 NASB
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londa



Quit Date:
July 28, 2004

Posts: 2469
Location: new york, USA

PostPosted: January 13, 2005 8:26 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm full agreement with Kevin on this one Barb.

You are doing a great job. I took care of my mother until she passed away in 1997. It was difficult at times, but right now I would have them back just to look at her face and talk to her.

You are doing a loving job, as a daughter should. I will pray for your brother, that he thinks of her and not of himself. God will give you the strength that you need to help her and comfort her.

I will never forget how my mother was having one massive stroke after another on Thanksgiving Day, my brothers came to the hospital, but left so they could have Thanksgiving dinner. I stayed there by myself with her. But I am happy I did.

So Barb, what you are doing is the most precious thing a daughter can give her mother. Your love and time. May God Bless you and comfort you during this difficult time.

Love, Londa
_________________

My name is Londa. I am 57 and I act like I'm 20. I love to laugh and smile. The more the better. Being kind to someone is the best thing you can do.
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kjsblue



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 756
Location: Nebraska

PostPosted: January 13, 2005 9:41 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

I don't have any advice (for a change! Shocked Smile), but I just want to let you know that I'm thinking about you, I admire your strength and your love for your mom, and you are both in my prayers.

Kris
Five months, five days, 7 hours, 7 minutes and 27 seconds. 3165 cigarettes not smoked, saving $633.35. Life saved: 1 week, 3 days, 23 hours, 45 minutes.
_________________

If you can imagine it, you can achieve it; if you can dream it, you can become it -- William Arthur Ward

Q.D. August 8th, 2004
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kannprint



Quit Date:
April 10, 2004

Posts: 4988
Location: St. Louis, MO

PostPosted: January 13, 2005 6:47 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

You Mother is very lucky to have you as her caretaker. Your brother doesn't live nearby, does he? Sure hope he leaves you alone.
_________________

LIVE WELL, LAUGH OFTEN, LOVE MUCH.
Jo
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Mindy



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 1074

PostPosted: January 13, 2005 9:05 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Barbara,
Is your brother visiting your Mom like you have been doing? Is he taking an active part if helping her and being there for her? You have enough to deal with without his added stress. I think you're giving your Mom the most wonderful gift of being there for her. I lost my Mom when I was only 20 years old, but if I still had her here with me and was in your position I would do things just like you are......
I'd ask your brother to see a copy of the living will. Hang tough....You can handle all of this. Keep eating chocolate......You deserve a treat.

Hugs,
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Barbara K.



Quit Date:
December 23, 2004

Posts: 5977

PostPosted: January 14, 2005 12:21 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Very Happy Thank you All,

I do plan to speak with a lawyer. I may have a copy of the living will somewhere in my house. I am the only one who sees my mom on a regular basis or who talks to her by phone many times a day. Today I went to see my mom and my husband and I took her outside. It was a beautiful day today for that. I combed her hair which she just loves for me to do. I am trying so hard to understand my mom's medical situation so I can help her even more. Sometimes though I feel so overwhelmed with everything. My a**hole brother is back in his home state 9 hours away and only comes to town twice a year.

Because I am so new in my quit, I still have this cloud over my brain. I need to start coming up with more questions and more strategies. I hope to do some research on the peg-tube (feeding tube) tonight, consult with my RN nurse whose also my smoking cessation counselor, and ask anyone else who can steer me in the right direction. I will look for a copy of the living will too. Well, let me get started.

Blessings,
_________________

Obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn arouind and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.

Blessings,
Barbara K.
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Mary Dude



Quit Date:
June 15, 2004

Posts: 4803
Location: Pittsburgh, PA

PostPosted: January 14, 2005 8:27 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Barb - Stay strong! Take it one day at a time...I know you'll be there for your mom! It's not easy to watch them fail -I will keep you both in my prayers. Be gentle with yourself...
_________________

Mary D.
Smoke-free one day at a time!
Worry doesn't help tomorrow's troubles, but it does ruin today's happiness!
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