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Have to vent a little.......

 
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Mindy



Quit Date:
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Posts: 1074

PostPosted: February 18, 2005 10:24 PM    Post subject: Have to vent a little....... Reply with quote

Life just seems to be throwing me more fast balls than I can handle right now. Sometimes it feels like it's spinning out of control. I have terminally ill family members, ailing grandparents who are so dear to me. I can see them slipping away and it's getting more and more difficult to deal with. I remember the days when I was a kid when their minds were so clear, now they are getting forgetful and all of the other things that come with old age. To top it all off, my Dad has pissed me off to no end. He hasn't been back to see his terminally ill brother or his ailing parents. I'm so upset with him.
I guess I could say I'm sort of taking on the job as caretaker of my grandparents.....they are both 84. I don't mind at all, but sometimes it gets to be a lot. Although they still live alone in their home and fend for themselves for the most part, they are going downhill as far as their health and memory, etc.

Here's the clincher, yesterday we had to give our dog away due to my son having allergies. I am heartbroken over that also........

Oh, and my twin sister just split up with her boyfriend so I've had to worry about her ....she's very ill with thyroid troubles and has no job, etc. She had to move into an apartment in a town about an hour away from me.

Everything happens for a reason I suppose.......

I'm wondering when this will all come to an end. I know I can roll with the punches, but sometimes it seems like I won't pull through. Thanks for listening. I had to tell someone what's going thru my head ...

Love and Hugs,
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Tammy



Quit Date:
February 16, 2004

Posts: 2565
Location: Florida

PostPosted: February 18, 2005 11:29 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Mindy, Sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now. (((((Hugs)))))
Pm is on it's way.
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Cowgirl UP!



Quit Date:
July 26, 2004

Posts: 5029
Location: Ala

PostPosted: February 18, 2005 11:41 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yes Mindy, you have a very full plate......you take care of yourself through all of it...believe me you have to...it is so hard to watch the deteriation of those we love, hell it is hard watching my own Laughing Laughing but there seems to be the one person in every family who takes on the role as caregiver. Your grandparents are lucky to have you to check on them...your Dad, well maybe he just cannot bear to see it....some people are like that. When my hubby's father was so sick with pancreatic cancer, his sister could not help at all....she just froze and yep, I was the one who cut his hair while he sat on the commode...now that is LOVE Rolling Eyes Rolling Eyes I changed his diapers and fed him his meals....neither of his kids were able to help...it was just too hard for them. Gosh, I loved that man...we were very close...and I guess I was more like a daughter than a daughter in law. I am telling you this so you will know it may not be that your Dad does not want to be around but that he just cannot do it. This is not to say you should not be pissed at him, only to rest your mind so you can sleep tonight. I hope things get better for you soon....let me hear from you if you need me.
Kay
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Mindy



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Posts: 1074

PostPosted: February 19, 2005 9:28 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm sorry to have vented like this here on the boards, but I really had to tell someone. My dad doesn't give a hoot about his family here in IL. He's more interested in his new wife and their happy life together on the seashore. I'll get over it. I just don't understand how someone can be like that.
Anyhow, there's light at the end of the tunnel. I just have to find the end.

Thanks for listening,
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Fightn4life



Quit Date:
October 23, 2003

Posts: 1573
Location: Loysburg, PA

PostPosted: February 19, 2005 11:12 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Mindy my heart and prayers are with you. It sound like every direction you turn there is something to worry about. Some times, it helps to get away for a while, like a walk somewhere.

When life presses down on me and I feel as if I cannot breath some times I will start walking and tell those I love I need to be alone. When I start my walk, I ask God to walk with me. Then I tell our Lord all that is hurting me inside.

Kind of like walking with prayer. I still come back to all the sadness I left with although at times my heart feels lighter. I know then the Lord has lessened my burden.

My heart and prayers are with you. The life we live is wonderful but has so many heartbreaks along the way. I suppose if all we knew were sunny days we would not know how to enjoy the sun.

Sandyz
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kannprint



Quit Date:
April 10, 2004

Posts: 4988
Location: St. Louis, MO

PostPosted: February 19, 2005 11:13 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dear Mindy,

Boy, sounds like everything has hit at the same time. Like Kay, I know what it's like to be the "designated caregiver." My hubby and I cared for my Mom during her declining years and then for my sister. It isn't only physically taxing but is also emotionally draining. I'm sure your grandparents appreciate everything you do for, and with, them. As for your father, I pity him. He sounds like a very self-centered person and people like that can never be really happy.

Mindy, know that you're in my thoughts and prayers. Life will get better. Just know that you're never alone. God has you wrapped in his loving care.
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Cowgirl UP!



Quit Date:
July 26, 2004

Posts: 5029
Location: Ala

PostPosted: February 19, 2005 11:13 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Mindy,
You may never understand your dad's reasoning, but please remember it is his loss...he is losing seeing the grandkids grow up, his daughter's blossom and his brother and parents ill. He is the loser in this not you sweet girl...not you...so keep looking for the light and you will find it.
Kay
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Pamela



Quit Date:
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Posts: 3542
Location: Gardiner, NY

PostPosted: February 19, 2005 1:06 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Mindy, sometimes life throws us all the curve balls at once. It sounds like your setting yourself up to be overwhelmed by demands on you that you see as only you being able to respond to. Remember that you are a human, a single person. Reach out and allow others to step in and help, even when you feel that it's all your burden. Killing yourself with too much responsibility helps no one.

I speak from having to be an adult caregiver for my parents before they died. There's always someone who can help out, so make sure you allow them to! Taking care of YOU is your first priority! Come here and rant whenever you need to.
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Mary Dude



Quit Date:
June 15, 2004

Posts: 4803
Location: Pittsburgh, PA

PostPosted: February 19, 2005 4:32 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Mindy - all you can control is how you deal with all of these things! Understand what your limits are - ask yourself OFTEN - is it realistic? You really CANNOT do it all...even though we like to think we can...I'll keep you in my prayers - remember - you have to take care of yourself if you want to be there when the folks you love need you most.
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Worry doesn't help tomorrow's troubles, but it does ruin today's happiness!
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Kerry



Quit Date:
May 4, 2004

Posts: 862
Location: Illinois

PostPosted: February 19, 2005 9:48 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

I sure hope things get better for you Mindy. I wish I knew what to say. Kerry
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kevin
Site Admin


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Posts: 9538
Location: cincinnati, oh

PostPosted: February 19, 2005 10:11 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

hang in there, mindy - you know that god will never give you more than you can handle (although at times, you may wish that he didn't have so much confidence in you)...

on the bright side, you never once mentioned havng any thoughts about smoking through all this stress; i think that's huge! it wasn't that long ago that this kind of stress probably would've had you chain-smoking (like it would've had me doing, too); now, it isn't even a consideration. you're doing great!
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kevin

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Leona



Quit Date:
June 1, 2017

Posts: 1838
Location: Alpena, Michigan

PostPosted: February 19, 2005 11:49 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Mindy,

This may sound stupid or just plain not doable but what I do in times like this is take a step back and take a really deep breath and prioratize. The most important things get dealt with first. Like grandma and grandpa. They sound as if they are the most in need.

Your dad is not even a priority. He is just a being selfish or inconserate at best. Now go from here and put who or what needs to be taken care of the most first then second third etc. This way things won't overwhelm you so much or so quickly.

I don't know if this will help you but you could at least try it. It might be the answer you are looking for to help you get through a day at a time or a minute at atime or second or whatever it takes. Like with quiting smoking one second, minute , hour or day at a time and it becomes doable.

Just a thought.

Leona
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Mindy



Quit Date:
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Posts: 1074

PostPosted: February 20, 2005 10:15 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you everyone. All of your words have meant a lot and I've come to realize that I have to handle these situations to the best of my ability. And, Kevin---You are so right. I haven't even thought of smoking. That is HUGE! All this hard work has paid off.

I'm hanging in there. Today I'm working so it will take my mind off things for a few hours!

I'm planning a 35th Wedding Anniversary party for my grandparents now. My oldest sister said she'd help plan with me, so that will help. She lives about an hour away, so at times it is difficult for her to help but at least she attempts.

Love and Hugs,
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