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Emotional Development

 
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Lady



Quit Date:
July 1, 2005

Posts: 378
Location: Georgia

PostPosted: August 20, 2007 9:31 AM    Post subject: Emotional Development Reply with quote

I’ve heard it said that we stop developing emotionally when we begin to smoke. Meaning that we start using the cigarette to deal with emotional issues rather than developing coping skills naturally. The smoking IS our coping skill. So if we began smoking at age 15; we are sort of at the level of a 15 year old emotionally when we quit.

At first, I didn’t think much of this but as I progress in my quit I’m beginning to believe this has some true meaning. Life experiences teach us so much but how many of our choices are determined by the enslavement of smoking? All of them pretty much right? When I’m honest I know they were for me.

I spent the first two years of my quit learning about “me”. Who am I, what am I doing here, where am I going, and why am I the way I am. Now it seems as if I am taking all I’ve learned and moving forward with life. Standard progression I would imagine.

It amazes me how much learning about myself has taught me about others. My outlook on life is so very different than it use to be. I realize that not everyone has an emotional quit and mine seems to have been extremely emotional. At the same time, our experiences probably aren’t all that different. I’ve learned more about my children and relationships with others. I’m learning about love and life and how wonderful it can all be. This is my life beyond the smoke screen and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

I wonder if anyone has had the same or similar experiences.
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Melody



Quit Date:
August 19, 2004

Posts: 1103
Location: Ontario

PostPosted: August 20, 2007 10:06 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

You actually surprised me as I noted how emotional you were with your quit and was unsure if you could pull it off. This is a complement just incase it's coming out wrong. Very Happy It goes to show even though you struggled 10 fold to my Quit all Quits are possible. Another prime example is Deb(seabrez).You both deserve your Quit hold it tight and never let go. Congrats Wink
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Lady



Quit Date:
July 1, 2005

Posts: 378
Location: Georgia

PostPosted: August 20, 2007 10:50 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Melody,

I often worried about me too LOL. Thanks to a lot of support from a lot of people and a determination not to give up, I have made it. I'm a little stubborn at times. Surprised
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kevin
Site Admin


Quit Date:
-

Posts: 9538
Location: cincinnati, oh

PostPosted: August 20, 2007 11:37 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

i remember reading that, too, lady, and thinking that it couldn't be taken literally; after all, i started to smoke at the age of 10: surely i wasn't emotionally still a 10-year-old at the age of 45 when i finally broke free...

but i don't think there's any question that we were all stunted by our emotional dependence on our addiction to help us deal with whatever emotion we were having at any given moment, whether it was hard times, good times, sad times, happy times; whatever the occasion, our response was (at least in part) to smoke.

and when you're a one-trick pony, it can be hard to deal with all these "new" feelings...

so i think we all go through this same process to some degree; in fact, i believe it may be one of the prime reasons why such a large percentage of quitters relapse: they just can't face the adjustment; all that raw emotion is too raw for them.

what i've also noticed - with quitters who stick it out through the scary times - is a new maturity; a quiet confidence that wasn't there before. i think that's the natural result of proving to ourselves that we really are strong enough to get through this (whatever "this" is) without resorting to stuffing our emotions behind the smokescreen.
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kevin

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Barbara K.



Quit Date:
December 23, 2004

Posts: 5977

PostPosted: August 21, 2007 12:40 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Lady,

I can relate to what you said. I ended up breaking free of a very bad marriage some time after my quit so my quit was very emotional. I am glad your doing so good now.
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Barbara K.
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marw



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 3634
Location: Chicago, IL

PostPosted: August 21, 2007 4:39 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

I can relate to what you say, also, Lady. And speaking for myself only, I had a very, very HARD quit! I have never done anything that hard, especially in the beginning, although it got easier as I went along.

I used smoke as a comfort also, and I had to learn new ways to comfort myself....it is necessary, I think, for people to be able at times to "self-comfort" for lack of a better word....there is just not always someone available to do it. Perhaps that is a higher level of maurity, too.

BTW: You express yourself so very well! Your posts are always right on the money! Thanks! Smile
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Seabrez



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 4458
Location: Gulf Coast

PostPosted: August 21, 2007 8:05 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Lady,

I do believe we go through an emotional/personal journey when we quit...an emerging so to speak of our true self. At least, it's true in my case. I know you are years quit vs my months quit...but as I look over the last 2 1/2 to 3 years that I've been on this journey of quit..(and yes, I count the first moment I began to quit back then as part of the over all journey I've been on) I've learned alot about me, and even more about faith and trusting the Lord....who, without His help and guidance I wouldn't be here right now. It's been so amazing words just aren't enough to describe it. And it is personal....so very personal.

And I believe and agree wholeheartly with everything Kevin just said...a confidence does happen and builds...I call it a faith within...in ourselves, our Lord, in life, and just dealing with life as it happens. It's just amazing...what more can be said! It's freedom to love and live...and there isn't anything greater than that!

Hugs Girl!!! You've suffered and now you're enjoying the other side....the joy of life!!! That's what it's all about! Wink

Love ya and Hugs
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Deb

Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. 2 Corn 5:17 NASB
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Lady



Quit Date:
July 1, 2005

Posts: 378
Location: Georgia

PostPosted: August 21, 2007 10:30 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks everyone.

Marg.. it's nice to know there are others that had a hard time as well. I've been involved in many debates where other quitters think it is just a mind game. Trust me, it wasn't all in my head, it was hard! I fought for my quit. Can't imagine letting it go.

Deb, you are right. I'm on the other side and it feels so great. During this process I have questioned myself, my family, friends, God, everyone. I have redefined so many relationships. I still have some issues with God right now but I know he is patient with me and he continues to bless me. I have my faith. I know He is there and he is taking care of me. He has been for many many years.

Life is so different. I still reflect on how difficult the last couple of years were. It amazes me that I still think it was worth every second of the pain, the tears, the loneliness, the craving, the fighting, the feeling like I was going insane. It's just so hard to believe.

I can't believe I am happy but I am. I can't believe I am still quit, but I am. What more could I ask for?
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Patty129



Quit Date:
February 18, 2007

Posts: 828
Location: Saginaw, MI

PostPosted: August 22, 2007 6:44 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

some powerful thoughts for the morning....I'll be thinking about this all day....GEEEEZZZZZZZZZZ, I love this board!!!!!
Patty
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