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Feeling sorry for myself....

 
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Deb



Quit Date:
February 5, 2010

Posts: 967
Location: North Carolina (Originally New York)

PostPosted: March 12, 2005 12:28 PM    Post subject: Feeling sorry for myself.... Reply with quote

Hello,

Well I haven't really posted in a little while because I have been going thru pure hell. I thought hell week was over? I can't even explain it anymore I don't really need that cig.....just WANT it. Is this nut's or what. It's a constant gnaw that I am so sick and tired of. It seems even those whom have been quit for a long period still get that crave...is this a different type of crave or intense like I'm feeling now?

I know if I go and buy some smokes I will be so angry at myself because I know in a little while I'll have to quit and the vicous cirlce will start again.

I'm sorry to bum you guys out I guess I am just having my own little pity party. I will not smoke though I have even postponed my grocery shopping today thinking I might stray....this is pathetic. OK thank's for reading this downer of a post but, I need to blow off some steam. It's a good thing my husband loves me or he would of left me by now. I am so angry all the time and after I calm down I feel like a raving idiot.

Deb

I have been quit for 1 Week, 5 Days, 2 hours and 12 minutes (12 days). I have saved $78.59 by not smoking 483 cigarettes. I have saved 1 Day, 16 hours and 15 minutes of my life. My Quit Date: 2/28/2005
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UB



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 93
Location: Maryland

PostPosted: March 12, 2005 12:51 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi, you'll do fine. You are in what is known as Heck week. The physical addiction is gone, but the mental and emotional addiction is still there. It does get better. You will have certain times that will be harder than others and sometimes they will hit you unexpectedly. You have to watch out for those. I don't have physical craves anymore, but I have been having a lot of reminiscent craves lately. My sis who quit about 5 years ago, says she very seldom thinks about cigs--gives me hope.
Hold on--you can do this. The benefits do outweigh the hardships.
Have a good one Very Happy
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Alice
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ms_tapestry



Quit Date:
October 21, 2009

Posts: 2574
Location: Seminole, TX

PostPosted: March 12, 2005 2:22 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Deb, the early days of a Quit are an emotional roller coaster. Be especially kind to yourself. Eat well, exercise, nap when you can, take long hot bubble baths and learn to apologize profusely. Take it one day at a time or even one minute at a time if need. It will get better. Know in your heart you CAN do this! Cool
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Tonya

You must do the very thing you think you cannot do.
~ Eleanor Roosevelt
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Seabrez



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 4458
Location: Gulf Coast

PostPosted: March 12, 2005 2:44 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Deb,

Chin up girl! You're ok and it's all part of the quitting process.
First, let's talk about "craves". Terms are used loosely. Here's the definitions that I use
Crave: this is the physical withdraw crave. It's the tormenting and damning need for a cigarette. A "crave" only last as long as you have nicotine in your system...during the withdraw period (the first 3 days) I'll even extend to the first few days. Beyond that, these are not experienced unless a smoke is smoked and nicotine is in the system again. Now if a patch user forgets to put on the patch, they will experience a true "crave".
Urge: This is the want or strong desire for a smoke related to the psychological side of the addiction. These can be extremely strong or weak. They can very in intensity. This is what you are experiencing right now in your quit.
Thought: These are just that...thoughts. There's no want or urge accompanied with it. It's a thought that crosses the mind.

Now, I pointed all those out for this reason. The craves that some say they have later in the quit are NOT the same as the craves experienced during the first few days of the quit. Anything experienced past the first week, is all psychologically based, not physically based. They are urges and desires. An urge can feel bad. I had a moment last week, where I was pretty ticked off. And yep, there came an urge so real and strong, that just screamed....I want a cigarette. I recognized it right away. Feel good...oh no...they are very frustrating!!! Hubby asked me...you want a cigarette? I said, I'm not going to lie...yes, I WANT one. He said well get one. (Now he's never had to fight an addiction ...so don't pounce on him! Wink ) I said I WANT one, but I'm not going to have one. As I said that, and recognized it for what it was, and took a few deep breathes and dealt with the anger I was feeling, it left. I refused to give in to it. What I find helps is to first realize it for what it is, then refuse to entertain the idea to smoke! No way, no how, no matter what! It's not pleasant going through it, but stand your ground and don't give in to it. It'll ease up.

Read some of Tom's (tsjay49) posts to others....he says over and over again, it gets better, he doesn't have any urges any longer.....there is a point in time that all this torment and frustration comes to an end. We, ones young in the quit, have to just hang on...one day at a time...and put our dues in and keep the quit. We will NOT suffer this forever!!!! Believe in yourself!!! Wink You will keep going and it is going to get easier!!!! Cool
One day at a time.....that's what we do...just one day at a time!!!

And about the anger....that's part of it too. The emotional rollercoaster. We could be fine one moment, but look at us wrong, or say one little wrong thing, and BOOM!!!! We'll shoot you with words and looks that could kill!! Razz Best thing, again, recognize it! I'm bad about this one...but this time around I'm doing better than past attempts. I've bit my tongue so much it's not even funny. I realize when it hits. And I keep my mouth shut so I don't blow up. It takes alot of effort. This whole quit takes alot of effort. No one promised us that it would be easy. It's not easy. But it's worth every bit of effort and fight to get and stay quit....no matter what!

I was thinking a couple of days ago about the nasty parts of smoking. Do I ever what to go back to that? A big NO! When I'm tempted and fighting this addiction, I think about all the bad stuff about the addiction. I don't romance it at all. See it for what it is...disgusting and nasty, and a killer. The addiction would love nothing better than to deceive us into smoking again, by bringing "great thoughts" of smoking to our minds. But it's just all lies. Deb, just keep standing your ground. You are ok, and you are kicking Scowling Demon butt. Keep it going!!!!

AND YES, IT DOES GET EASIER AND BETTER!!!!!

Lots of Love and Lots of Hugs
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Living in Freedom
Deb

Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. 2 Corn 5:17 NASB
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Pamela



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 3542
Location: Gardiner, NY

PostPosted: March 12, 2005 3:06 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sounds like a normal week 2 to me, Deb! Not to lessen the importance of your suffering any, but I'd be more surprised if you told me you were feeling great, and the quit was a piece of cake! (cake....ummmmmm!)


If you remember way back to when you had that first smoke, or even the second or third, I'll bet it wasn't all that great, and that you had to practice for a while before you really started to think smoking was tasty and fun. I'm not sure how long you smoked, but I'll guess it was for a good many years. Keeping this in mind, isn't it logical that you aren't going to rid of Laughing Demon in a week? You will need to go through a process of phycological withdrawal, retraining, and general "rewiring" of the brain in order to get over this addiction. But don't distress yourself too much, and give up! Every day that you don't smoke is part of the healing process, and every time you get through a craving without smoking you will get stronger and the addiction will get weaker.

You're not out of the woods yet....but the healing is happening! Just be patient, stay strong, and you'll get there! You're doing great!
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FIVE + years of freedom and loving it!
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marw



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 3634
Location: Chicago, IL

PostPosted: March 12, 2005 5:11 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Deb,

I'm sorry I didn't see this sooner. No, a "crave" that is longer into the quit is NOT the same as the gut-wrenching ones you are having now! Not at all.
When we tell you it gets better, it really DOES get better--lots and lots better! WE have to post the other kind of "craves", however, long into the quit to KEEP the quit. Right now you are getting the quit, then you spend about a year learning to keep it--but that part is easy compared to those first 2 weeks. You will be fine! What you are going through is normal.

Seabrez is right in her definitions: it's just that "urge" seems like a stronger word than "crave" so I tend to reverse the usage of them, and I think others do, too, but the later ones are nothing like the beginning. Once you get the beginning done, you never have to do it again--unless, of course, you smoke. (Which is already a good reason not to, but hard to grab onto in the middle of a crave/urge. Do what works. Just don't smoke. THat's what's I do, and so far it's been working.)

You can do this. You will. Did you ever read this thing about "cake"? Someone posted it a long time ago--don't remember who, but here it is (for fun)! Maybe it will make your Hubby laugh!

Print this out and tape it around the house, pin it to your sweater, pass it out to your friends:

"Deb has just stopped smoking. What this means is that her body is being wracked and she's on an emotional rollercoaster. YOU can make a difference, YOU can help her ... here's some fabulous ideas HOW:

Tell her what a great job she's doing and how proud you are of her.

Tell her again.

Tell her again.

Tell her again.

Even if she's done something to piss you off - ESPECIALLY when she's done something to piss you off, tell her again.

If she gets short-tempered, the best response is invariably, "You're right, can I get you some cake?"

If she's having a hard time and weepy, hug her, sit her in front of the TV, bring her some hot apple cider and say, "would you like some cake with that?"

Understand that she is sorry. She's truly sorry for being short-tempered AND if we all want to get through this swimmingly just please understand that you are not enough. No matter how wonderful, kind, funny, generous, right, handsome, adorable, beautiful, supportive and perfect you are, right now it's not enough. If you simply embrace the notion that at times you represent evil incarnate, no matter how loving and perfect, we'll all get through this together. The best response to being evil incarnate is to say, "Honey, you are doing a really great job and I'm proud of you. Perhaps we should celebrate with some cake?"
_________________

Margaret
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kevin
Site Admin


Quit Date:
-

Posts: 9538
Location: cincinnati, oh

PostPosted: March 12, 2005 5:31 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

first of all, deb, this is the "rants" forum, so your post is totally on-topic and appropriate here.

second of all, what you're going through is perfectly normal. think about this: how long did you smoke? chances are, it was more than a couple of weeks. you just have to give it time.

thirdly, how often do you really get a crave? and how intense are they, really? chances are, that even this early in the quit, they happen a lot less often and are a lot less intense than they used to be when you were still smoking. think about it: how many cigarettes did you used to smoke in a day? that's how many craves you had in a day as a smoker. my guess is that the craves just seem so frequent and so intense because you're not feeding them any more, and you're not quite used to that.

you have to realize something, deb: smoking never satisified the craves; if they did, you'd only ever have had to smoke one, and then you'd have had no more craves. the reality is that smoking perpetuated the craves, kept them strong, kept them coming, right on schedule, every hour on the hour. now that you're not smoking, the craves will surely die; it'll just take time.

hang in there, you're doing great! Smile
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keep choosing life!

kevin

the zen of the quit
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Cowgirl UP!



Quit Date:
July 26, 2004

Posts: 5029
Location: Ala

PostPosted: March 12, 2005 7:53 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

You have already received all the excellent advice so the only thing I can add is yes we do understand that you want a 357 magnum to blow these craves to hell....but they really will lessen in time...it is just really hard to kill the s.o.b.
Rolling Eyes Rolling Eyes
Kay
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All with a little help from my friends, COWGIRL UP
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Deb



Quit Date:
February 5, 2010

Posts: 967
Location: North Carolina (Originally New York)

PostPosted: March 12, 2005 8:49 PM    Post subject: Thank you everyone! Reply with quote

I know that what you all said is absolutely true. It's just at times it drains the hell out of me. To answer some questions I smoked 2 packs (on a good day) for 28 years. How awful is that. I will get thru this and I thought while feeling this way, I should give the boards a rest. I guess that I need to do the opposite as it really does give me the strength I need to win this battle.

I am forever using the excuses about issues in my life, wich really are not to good at this time and that I am under a lot of stress without the cigs. I take care of my Mom who now lives with us and she is bed ridden and I am disabled due to several back surgeries and quite often in a lot of pain. I know (blah, blah, blah) that if I smoked these problems would still be there, it's just the excuse I make when I want a cig. The thing I feel most awful about is I am losing patience with my mom and afterwards I feel like such a B---H. I aplolgize and tell her it's because I quit but, I can't use this excuse forever.

Ok I'm rambling again but, feeling a lot better so I guess it's good. Very Happy

Thanks again everyone.

Deb
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kannprint



Quit Date:
April 10, 2004

Posts: 4988
Location: St. Louis, MO

PostPosted: March 12, 2005 9:08 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Deb, when you're feeling down, DO NOT stay away from the boards. We've all gone through hell week and heck week and know just what you're feeling. Believe me, it does get better with time. You're very fortunate to have a husband who understands and supports you in your quit.

This is definitely a "can do" endeavor. Hang in there and post often. There's sure to be someone around to answer quickly.
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LIVE WELL, LAUGH OFTEN, LOVE MUCH.
Jo
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Seabrez



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 4458
Location: Gulf Coast

PostPosted: March 12, 2005 9:22 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Deb,

Please stay on the boards! It is a lifeline in the quit! I, too, on a previous quit, thought I was on the boards too much and would just give it a rest. That happened to be the beginning of the end of one of the first quit attempts. The boards are so important!!!!

You are right...I can see how you would feel terrible with your mom and losing patience. You are under such a heavy load. But you can do this!!!! Maybe find a place to just be alone and regroup when you feel edgy. Is there anyone to help you? Maybe to stay with your mom while you get a little break? Maybe it would help to just take a huge breath before you go in to take care of her. It boils down to stress. Before, the cig was a hiding place to escape (or we thought it was), now, the stresses come and the old way to cope is gone. Now we have to figure out another way to cope with stress. Of course, deep breathing is good, but sometimes we just need more. Give it some thought....how to cope with the stress and issues of life? It's something we all have to figure out in the quit. You will too!!! I believe in you. Yes, you may have all this on your plate, but you can keep the resolve.

Sending a ******Big Hug******

Love
_________________

Living in Freedom
Deb

Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. 2 Corn 5:17 NASB
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mtwilsonranch



Quit Date:
January 20, 2006

Posts: 1863
Location: nevada

PostPosted: March 12, 2005 9:46 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Deb,

Stay strong. you have been given good advice here..You are learning to face life without that cigarette, you are facing issues without your so called comfort zone, the addiction.......

Please do not feel bad about these emotions, cry, let it out....We are reconditioning our brain to accept this new life stye....

Keep in the now, this minute we are not feeding the beast, this hour we are not feeding the beast, one day at a time we are quitting this addiction..

You are doing this Deb, keep this oh so precious quit that you have going, things will get better, just believe in you Very Happy
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Right Now, this minute, this hour, this day, I choose not to feed my addiction....
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justdebbie



Quit Date:
August 1, 2004

Posts: 494
Location: iowa

PostPosted: March 12, 2005 10:14 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Deb,

Hang in there!!! We've all been there so please say on the boards and post. It isn't easy but its doable, I know you can do it. I smoked a pack and 1/2 of cigs for 20+years and I'm now 7 months free. I didn't think I could go a day without smoking. You have to just take it one day at a time. There are times I think about smoking, more because I still feel like I lost an old friend, not because i'm having craves. And believe it or not you won't always be a b***ch. Smile Its just the withdrawals and then the absentmindess shows up. ooopps maybe that is just me.

You are going to do this stay strong!!

Hugs Deb
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Barbara K.



Quit Date:
December 23, 2004

Posts: 5977

PostPosted: March 13, 2005 3:14 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Deb,

My heart reaches out to you and you are such a good daughter to take care of your mom. I too have back problems and would sometimes have my mom over for the night when she was still living. She used a walker for a long time but still had to be helped with everything. I could not have her with me on a full time basis so she was in a nursing home. I was my mom's responsible party though and use to fight with her nursing home constantly to see to it that my mom got the proper care. It tore my nerves up so when I first quit in 03 using FFS I didn't see the back door I could not close and that was the stress and frustration I would always feel. I lost several of my quits. If I would have stuck to my guns and not smoked I would be 2 years quit today.

Things do get better though. You have already gotten so much good advice already that I don't know what else to add in case I've missed that drinking plenty of water will really help with the urges. I am only almost 3 months quit and I feel wonderful recently already. I'm not saying I may not have some more difficult times but I know now that everyone has difficult times, even non smokers and they don't smoke. Hang tuff, don't puff.

Blessings,
_________________

Obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn arouind and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.

Blessings,
Barbara K.
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Angel



Quit Date:
November 11, 2004

Posts: 208
Location: MI

PostPosted: March 18, 2005 3:19 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

As you can see, we have ALL been there. You are not alone, and that is what is so great about these message boards. Keep coming back - it's very easy to tell yourself that nobody else really feels like you do - can't get away with that here. I used to complain that there were no support groups for people who wanted to quit smoking - not that I ever looked for one before I opened my big mouth. Once I found FFS and this site (which took 5 minutes on Google) I couldn't use that excuse anymore.

I have a friend who is a substance abuse counselor and she told me something that really helped when I was where you are. She said that when you get yourself out of a bad situation, all you are is out of a bad situation. I had this notion when I was smoking that if I could just quit smoking, everything in my life would be perfect. I would have lots of money, I would feel great all the time, I would never be frustrated with life, I'd spend hours lovingly doting on my kids, I would have singing birds following me everywhere I went and cartoon animals would live in my backyard. You get the picture? Turned out that my life was exactly the same, except I didn't smoke anymore, and that was reward enough.

Quitting is tough and sometimes ugly and takes dedication, but it's also very simple. We are not lying to you when we say that it gets better. Don't forget how miserable you were when you were psyching yourself up to quit - how bad you wanted to be free - and how proud you were when you went that first hour, day, 72 hours, week, etc without a cigarette. Don't let yourself go back to slavery.
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