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bad karma...?

 
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hereIgoAgain



Quit Date:
May 27, 2005

Posts: 32

PostPosted: April 26, 2005 9:22 AM    Post subject: bad karma...? Reply with quote

OK, here is my deal (rant/rave/whine)

I have made about a hundred deals with God, myself, the universe....

I'll quit smoking, just give me good health-
Today will be the last day (it never is)
I will quit tomorrow (sometimes I do, but then I start again the next day)
Dad-(who passed away last year to LC) I will quit today, I promise


Do you believe in Karma? All the bad stuff or negetive energy we put out
in the world coming back at us?

I've been lying to myself and lying to others....no one knows I smoke again...gotten so good I even change clothes after, wash hands incessivly and use breath mints like no tomorrow. I'll even wait to smoke- have one outside, run in and throw my clothes in the washer and then jump in the shower... How SICK is that? NO one knows. I'm really good at this.

Now it seems like bad things are happening and it is because of these lies? The infidelity of cheating with these cigarettes and keeping up the facade of someone who "supposedly quit smoking" July 25, 2004..... (I started smoking again 6 months later Feb 6, 2005 when there was a stressful event in my life)---I know, I know....

I think my guilty conscious is getting paranoid but everytime something bad happens, I am blaming myself and I feel like I am being punished for all the lies...

It's a cycle, I know. The stress of feeling guilty- well, just makes me want to light up a smoke.

I don't need any replies. I just wanted to get this craziness out of my head for a minute and purge it here.

I know I will be successful with my quit...I just need to do it right this time and I need to just keep trying.
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K.I.T.
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Seabrez



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 4458
Location: Gulf Coast

PostPosted: April 26, 2005 9:49 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Kit,

I know you said you didn't need a reply, but I am anyway. Wink

Well, yes and no to the karma. It depends on what you "believe"! Do you have a relationship with God? With the Lord? If you do, yes He does use hard times as a wake up call "sometimes". But He is very gracious and loving and is ALWAYS there to help those who go to Him.

That's one possibility. Another is the fact that our "belief" becomes our "reality" regardless whether we believe in God or not....it's His law that is set in motion. And those "laws"/"life principles" work whether we believe in God or not. The principles like the law of gravity and others. The principle of "faith" is the one I'm talking about right now. Now you have "faith" that bad things are going to happen because you are sneaking a smoke. Really the guilt you are feeling is fueling and feeding the faith in the bad circumstances. This is so set inside your heart that bad stuff is happening. To get out of the cycle of it......you must change the whole perspective of how you "believe". Personally, a relationship with the Lord is what is needed. I encourage you to think about that.....But, not everyone chooses to be with Him. So, outside of Him, first either quit smoking like you are and begin to believe that things are going to get better. In other words, put positive thinking and believing to work for you!!! I wrote an article about this....it's posted in the inspiration forum and is titled "time of reflection part I".....it talks about this principle.

The last explaination is....shit happens! It may not at all be related. Just know you are suffering from guilt from smoking. Ask God to forgive you, if you believe in Him.....and ALSO...forgive yourself!!!! Yes, yourself. We tend to hold grudges over ourselves. You smoked. Ok you did that. You can't change the past.....all you can do is learn from it, have a heart change (which is repentance....I know that word brings bad images....but repentance means to "change" to "change one's heart and return")....to change your heart and outlook and go on from here with a new resolve not to smoke. Then let the past go, and forgive yourself. Beating up on yourself serves no purpose. It's self defeating. And if we don't forgive ourselves after we have made the decision to change, that low thought of ourselve can begin to eat away at us from within. So JUST FORGIVE YOURSELF!!!

Keep choosing life one day at a time!!! You can! Very Happy

Super Hugs
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Living in Freedom
Deb

Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. 2 Corn 5:17 NASB
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Cowgirl UP!



Quit Date:
July 26, 2004

Posts: 5029
Location: Ala

PostPosted: April 26, 2005 11:03 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Kit, and I say to you, I know you can, I know you can.....!!! Just make the choice each morning before you get out of bed to stay smoke free...say your thanks for making it through the night....worked for me.....stay thankful and appreciative...you will do just fine.....
Kay
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All with a little help from my friends, COWGIRL UP
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kevin
Site Admin


Quit Date:
-

Posts: 9538
Location: cincinnati, oh

PostPosted: April 26, 2005 8:26 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

i believe that you're harming yourself by continuing to smoke, and that you're aware of that fact. one thing you should very seriously ask yourself is, "how can i allow myself to engage in such an undeniably self-destructive behavior?"; it'll probably take some digging to start uncovering the answer to that (at least, it did for me), but until you understand yourself well enough to answer that question, you'll be susceptible to the temptation to continue feeding your addiction.

and you deserve better than that.
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keep choosing life!

kevin

the zen of the quit
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Kerry



Quit Date:
May 4, 2004

Posts: 862
Location: Illinois

PostPosted: April 26, 2005 8:41 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

I started smoking at 15, told my family I quit at 22 and actually quit at 42. (there were many quits in between by the way) Bottom line, every attempt at quitting or failing was my choice. Not God's, not bad karma, not bad luck, not anything but my choice. You have choices too and trust me when I say that I get how hard they are. But I agree with Kevin. You know what you're doing and you just have to uncover why and once you do, trust me, the feeling of freedom will be amazing. Kerry
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marw



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 3634
Location: Chicago, IL

PostPosted: April 26, 2005 9:33 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

I wrote 1 answer here and hit the wrong button, so here comes another version.

Basically, people kept telling me if I really wanted to quit, I could. THis did not make sense, because of course I wanted to, I just didn't know how. So I kept asking why, but not getting anywhere, so I just stopped asking any questions at all except how can I keep my quit!
I found the answer at FFS and later at Woofmang. To answer the why of it, I only ever found out that I was addicted, nothing else mind-shattering about it. To stay quit, I just followed all that I read, and posted every crave.

In times of great stress, it was harder (it seemed at the time) than Hell Week. AT that point the Nicodemons Lies, the buddy-system, and "Taking Care of YOur Quit" at whyquit.com really helped a lot.

You got 2 angels sitting on your shoulders, just like they say. 1 good and one called Laughing Demon JUst always say yes to the good one, and then the bad one shuts up and evenutally goes away.

You are letting your fear get in your way. Fear is one of Laughing Demon 's mightiest weapons! Ignore it.

If you don't want to quit, then I am posting this wrong, and I should be saying to read the motivational stuff. I found however that as I went along with the Modules at FFS, the motivation itself became stronger.

Hope this helps. MY best wishes to you,
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Margaret
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Marigrrl



Quit Date:
December 1, 2010

Posts: 894
Location: New York

PostPosted: April 29, 2005 11:50 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

This is such a tough battle to deal with. Its frustrating to quit and go back and so on. Your not a failure, and don't let any guilt play games with you. YOU CAN QUIT, its a personal choice, not bad karma. Stop making excuses for yourself. You know whats right and whats wrong, you know what you want to do, and what your not doing. I think that may be the worst part, because your mind knows, but your actions aren;t matching up. I have confidence in you.. Re educate yourself on quitting, devote a lot of time or re reading materials and quitting. You can do this. You can't live a lie forever, it will catch up with you, if it hasn't already.

mariko
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