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Anger or stupidity?
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Deb



Quit Date:
February 5, 2010

Posts: 967
Location: North Carolina (Originally New York)

PostPosted: October 7, 2005 10:07 AM    Post subject: Anger or stupidity? Reply with quote

It's been 7 weeks folks and I thought for the most part that I had this nasty habit licked Embarassed

I don't know why but, all of a sudden I feel so angry. That's putting it mildly. I am in a very very bad mood, it's as if the Scowling Demon has entered my body and took over. What the HELL is going on? I almost threw the towel in and went out to the store to buy a pack. Am I nuts? Do I want to go through this hell all over again? When the hell am I going to get over this already. It's been a long time (so it seems) without nic in my body, so why these off days................it's driving me nuts.

I needed to get on here and let some steam off so for those who I am bumming I apologize. I am not going to smoke for now, this minute, when will this stop. It's exhausting and I don't want to start again so I guess the only thing I can do is ramble.

I went shopping yesterday and I was like a raving lunatic. When I came out of the store the people were all in a huddle (it was raining) smoking and I just laughed to myself thinking look at those idiots. So why then, do I feel this way when I know that it is so wrong. I have given so much to this quit and do not want to give in to the Scowling Demon I just don't understand how one moment I'm good and feel so proud and the next....well needless to say I feel like I could hurt someone.

So for now I am not going to smoke and I pray that today I find the strength to maintain my quit as I have worked to hard to give it all up now.

Deb
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Leona



Quit Date:
June 1, 2017

Posts: 1838
Location: Alpena, Michigan

PostPosted: October 7, 2005 10:16 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Deb,

We all have gone through this very thing. It is a very normal part of the quit. Just ride it through and have a lot of appolgies ready starting with "I am sorry I just quit smoking I did not mean this" YOu will get a varied amount of answers but never give up. It is so worth it. I have been free 1 year and 5 months now and I would not give up for anything. I feel so much better then I did. Even though my life has been a chaotic mess I would not turn back even though I have to tell myself each and every day I am a adict and I am one puff away from a pack a day and today I choose not to smoke. It is rewarding because my home smells good, my hairs smells good, my clothes smell good, I can smell flowers and food, I can taste my food, I can breath better and I am no longer hiding my personal problems behind a smoke screen.

Remember you are worth it and you can do this. It is not an easy road but it is a very satisfying road. Practice bitting your tongue(not literally) each time you feel like spiting out that venmous anger. It is the devils way of trying to lead us back to Laughing Demon so don't let him. Remember our bodies are the temple of God and we have no right to put the poisionous smoke into it.

Post often we are here

One year, five months, three weeks, five days, 16 minutes and 58 seconds. 21760 cigarettes not smoked, saving $4,624.09. Life saved: 10 weeks, 5 days, 13 hours, 20 minutes.
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kevin
Site Admin


Quit Date:
-

Posts: 9538
Location: cincinnati, oh

PostPosted: October 7, 2005 10:18 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

if you're like me, deb, you smoked - at least in part - to deal with emotional upsets (among other things), and now that you've chosen not to use "the smokescreen" any more, you have to learn to deal with those emotions some other way (and actually, smoking wasn't really dealing with them, it was just covering them up, which is why i call it "the smokescreen"). don't despair; billions of non-smokers deal with their emotions every day without ever considering using smoking as a coping mechanism; just keep going, and you'll get to a point where it's no longer a consideration for you, either.
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kevin

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Melody



Quit Date:
August 19, 2004

Posts: 1103
Location: Ontario

PostPosted: October 7, 2005 11:13 AM    Post subject: Re: Anger or stupidity? Reply with quote

[quote="mashulse"
I went shopping yesterday and I was like a raving lunatic. When I came out of the store the people were all in a huddle

Deb[/quote]



When I read that I thought maybe you had cleared the counters of all saleable objects and you had caused them to huddle in fear. Laughing Laughing

It will stop and why have you decided it is about cigs at this time. Question It just might be you are human and feeling angry. People who never smoked get angry to. I can tell you for sure no on looks at a person when they are in a tizzy and says dear she must have been a smoker. All they think is what a bitch. Tomorrow is another day go kick a can but steer clear of Cats. Shocked
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swaneem



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 1298
Location: Arizona

PostPosted: October 7, 2005 11:45 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hang in there, Deb!

Don't forget your body is now in a healing mode from all the poisons it has suffered. Amazing isn't it....how could we possibly have rationalized poisoning ourselves? Rolling Eyes

You're doing great.....keep going forward........it will get easier. Most of all....accept that you are so worth this effort. What you're experiencing is temporary.....but look at what you're gaining!

Donna
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kannprint



Quit Date:
April 10, 2004

Posts: 4988
Location: St. Louis, MO

PostPosted: October 7, 2005 12:39 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Keep your resolve, Deb. Believe me, it really does get better and Leona's right -- we've all been through exactly this same thing. Hopefully it won't last too long and you'll soon be the sweet, loving person you were before cigs.

It's so well worth the effort. Very Happy
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Jo
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marw



Quit Date:
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Posts: 3634
Location: Chicago, IL

PostPosted: October 7, 2005 1:18 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Deb, the 7th week is Horrible!!! At least it was for me. I well-remember that. Felt the same way as you. And I don't know why it was exactly either. It just hits some people that way, but the good news is that it goes past, and the next time (which I would have to check my Quit Folder see) was not as bad, and was further apart. Each time got further apart, and really, there weren't very many of them--not like in the begining. That 3 weeks and then that 7 week bench mark were both bad. Seems like I had another one at 3 months, too.

It will be over very soon!!! ANd you will be celebrating your 2 month Lunaversary, after which you will probably think you are totally free (and you are) but these little but intense times can happen. I had one at Christmas and another last Spring when my friend died, but have not had any since the 1 year that I remember. Now this probably seems a long time away to you, but it is closer than you think. Almost all of the time now, you will NOT be thinking of cigs, so you just have to ride the others out. You did just right to post!

Thinking of you,
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Margaret
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Cowgirl UP!



Quit Date:
July 26, 2004

Posts: 5029
Location: Ala

PostPosted: October 7, 2005 2:33 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

No matter how hard it gets, keep telling yourself that smoking will not fix the problem.............bottom line
Kay
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mtwilsonranch



Quit Date:
January 20, 2006

Posts: 1863
Location: nevada

PostPosted: October 7, 2005 5:59 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Deb,
I went through this also, I went outside and stomped on as many ants as I could...... Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy

What helps me is knitting and crocheting, it keeps me calm and helps me to stay focused......and I love to breath deep Wink Very Happy

"Keep going" this will pass, remember we are NEW, we are learning to deal with us, coping with our emotions without the poison......

Stay strong Deb and know in your heart that you are so worth this life free from the poison....Keep lovng and protecting this precious quit Wink Very Happy

Pam
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Right Now, this minute, this hour, this day, I choose not to feed my addiction....
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londa



Quit Date:
July 28, 2004

Posts: 2469
Location: new york, USA

PostPosted: October 7, 2005 6:06 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Deb you did the best thing by coming on here and ranting. You'll do just fine! Keep posting and reading!

God Bless!

Love, Londa
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My name is Londa. I am 57 and I act like I'm 20. I love to laugh and smile. The more the better. Being kind to someone is the best thing you can do.
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Deb



Quit Date:
February 5, 2010

Posts: 967
Location: North Carolina (Originally New York)

PostPosted: October 7, 2005 6:25 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks everyone for the support I really needed to hear some positive things. Very Happy

Just to clarify what I originally posted, I was not acting like a raving lunatic, nor a bitch, and I certainly do not abuse animals. It was just what I was feeling inside and I'm certain it was not obvious to others.

Deb
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marw



Quit Date:
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Posts: 3634
Location: Chicago, IL

PostPosted: October 7, 2005 10:21 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Just checking back in, Deb, to say you are still doing great, but did you have to send the rain here?! Laughing Laughing

You know, sometimes things really do not have to do with smoking, but in the begining they usually seem like they do, until you gradually find out they don't.------Like today, I had a day just like you described your feelings, only they were about the RAIN!!!! and the fact I can't FIND the $%#@ filters for the Humidifiers (needed desperately in spite of rain, because our heat is sooo dry, the rain is cold, and the windows need to stay shut), and I drove and drove and drove, to a zillion shops. THis, after falling and reinjuring my back quite a lot! In the old days, I would have been craving from the stress, but now I am just stressed--and the Stress level is really about the same. (Unfortunately, people could tell on the ouside of me, too, and I yelled and cursed at the top of my lungs--but only in private--so the only one to run in fear was the dog--poor boy!)

Well, it is STILL easier if you don't smoke. Trust me, you can cry much better if you are not choking on nic at the same time! Wink

Hope you are much better and getting ready to celebrate that up-coming month!! Buy something Great!!! (I bought patio furniture! And a summer wardrobe to go with it! Very Happy )

Love and good thoughts to you,
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Melody



Quit Date:
August 19, 2004

Posts: 1103
Location: Ontario

PostPosted: October 8, 2005 8:14 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

mashulse wrote:
Thanks everyone for the support I really needed to hear some positive things. Very Happy

Just to clarify what I originally posted, I was not acting like a raving lunatic, nor a bitch, and I certainly do not abuse animals. It was just what I was feeling inside and I'm certain it was not obvious to others.

Deb



I take it I'm the one you were referring to in the other post and I will publicly apologize. The worst part was I was trying to cheer you up not hurt your feelings. I am truly sorry. I'm leaving today for my Moms so will see all you guys next week. Once again I'm so sorry Sad
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Seabrez



Quit Date:
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Posts: 4458
Location: Gulf Coast

PostPosted: October 8, 2005 9:33 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Deb,

Sorry, I've didn't see this till this morning..been off the boards a couple of days.

Well, to tell you that it's normal is some comfort...but it's hard "living it". It is pure hell....and like you said, just when one thinks it's going to get a bit easier! Shocked

What Kevin pointed out is the reason. It may not seem like it..but it is. We are learning to "cope" and figure out how to deal with our emotional side. Alot of "stuff" begins to surface after we quit. Like Kevin said...smoking was a coverup. It masked true emotions and our ability to handle such emotions. See, when a problem or emotion arises...to feel relief...the problem or emotion must be resolved. We will feel anger and/or unsettled until it is resolved. In the past, instead of actually resolving the issue at some level within ourselves...we lit a cigarette instead. We put the resolve in the motion of smoking, which in reality doesn't resolve anything.

Now, as non smokers, we have to figure out how to resolve issues within ourselves. Personally, for me, I've become a bit more outspoken...sharing how I truly feel with others instead of "just stewing" with a smoke. And finding peace within is the greatest blessing...that and knowing myself that, hey, I just can't "fix" everything. Smile

Deb, it's a learning process....a process of self-discovery. Yes, you are angry....I encourage you to find a quiet spot and ask yourself..."why am I angry...or what is pushing my buttons?" With some thought...you'll figure it out. Then you can think of some ways to cope, deal, handle, and resolve what is "really" bothering you inside. I know one thing...it's not smoking. All our smoking urges can be traced back to a motivation of some type of emotional and heart issue at the very core. Those core issues are where we begin to free ourselves...all by recognizing it, and figuring out how we will deal with it.

I know myself, the last couple of days I have went through recognizing a core issue within myself too. I was going to post it the other day...but didn't get around to it. I believe I will later.

Deb,....just keep walking forward one step at a time on your journey....and know it's such a beautiful path you walk. Very Happy

Love and Hugs Girl!!!!! Very Happy
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Deb

Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. 2 Corn 5:17 NASB
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Deb



Quit Date:
February 5, 2010

Posts: 967
Location: North Carolina (Originally New York)

PostPosted: October 8, 2005 10:47 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you and apology sincerely accepted. Sometimes when we are having a tough time we tend to be more sensative than usual. I trust that you were trying to cheer me up but, in the frame of mind that I've been in lately, it was difficult to see.

Deb
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