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sammie
Quit Date: June 13, 2006
Posts: 80 Location: Midwest, USA
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Posted: August 13, 2006 10:25 PM Post subject: So this is how it's going to be |
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I am two months in now and kind of discouraged that I still want to smoke. Badly. The demon is pulling out the stops to seduce me. I am irritated with him, but there are times he gets my attention, albeit momentarily.
I am again stressed out and that's when it seems SO CLEAR that smoking would really help. I would calm down, it would feel good...and then he pulls out his ace: "You're getting fat." This is going for the Achilles tendon: my vanity. That's dirty pool!
I know I'm going to have to learn to deal with these moments - as I've mentioned before, it is the emotional surges - because they are life. They're not going to stop just because I quit smoking. I was just really used to dealing with them with nicotine.
Tomorrow is my daughters' first day of school. I of course want them to have a GREAT first day so I want them to get a full night's sleep, in bed on time...and it wasn't happening tonight. They were up and out of bed over and over. We ended up all yelling at each other, two of the 3 of us in tears. I just wanted it to be a nice calm evening before school starts and it all blew up in my face. Then I figure they'll have a bad day tomorrow because their mother screamed at them the night before, or they'll be tired... Hmmm. I guess as I type this I can see my that maybe my expectations weren't totally reasonable.
When I was pulling my hair out in the middle of brouhaha I wanted to walk away and march out to the garage and smoke to help me calm down, to take me away from the maelstrom. Then denying myself the smoke just felt like one more battle.
But in typing all this out, I feel better. |
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Melody
Quit Date: August 19, 2004
Posts: 1103 Location: Ontario
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Posted: August 13, 2006 10:35 PM Post subject: |
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You think a bit of weight hits at your vanity just wait till your hair all falls out and you can't stand on your own because you are to weak from the chemo and radiation that's the exact second you can tell me a smoke would help. You would likely have screeched at the kids even with a cig as they were excited and hard to settle. Every Mom in town will likely tell a similar story tomorrow. The kids are not likely to give you a second thought tomorrow it will all be about the other kids. Let us know what they say when they come in the door tomorrow. If the first words out of even one of their sweet little mouths was Mom you were a tad snarky I'll eat my words. By the way congrats on your special day. _________________
I'm a NON-SMOKER thanks to everyone here |
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kevin Site Admin
Quit Date: -
Posts: 9538 Location: cincinnati, oh
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Posted: August 13, 2006 11:16 PM Post subject: |
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no, that isn't the way it's always going to be, sammie; it's just the way it was today (but i suspect you already knew that). as to expectations, i think we only have those so we can be disappointed: lao tzu wrote, "therefore, the sage desires to be desireless" (i love the paradoxical nature of taoist philosophy)...
hang in there; it gets better. _________________
keep choosing life!
kevin
the zen of the quit |
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sammie
Quit Date: June 13, 2006
Posts: 80 Location: Midwest, USA
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Posted: August 13, 2006 11:26 PM Post subject: |
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Well well well, Melody and Kevin. I've got one of you fighting fire with fire (dropping chemo/radiation in there)...and the other getting all zen and reasonable on me. Gosh, you'd think you people have been around the block a time or two. Sheesh. How's a girl supposed to have a decent meltdown?
In other words, thank you. Keep pulling me up off the mat! |
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swaneem
Quit Date: -
Posts: 1298 Location: Arizona
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Posted: August 14, 2006 12:01 AM Post subject: |
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Sammie,
Continue to read Kevin's "Tales" and go to www.whyquit.com and keep reading. Stay strong and choose life. This is the most important decision you'll ever make for yourself and your family.
That "aahh" feeling we had when we lit up because we were stressed...thinking that this poison stick was somehow helping us... was only the "addict" in us getting a "fix".
It does get easier.
Donna _________________
Just when the caterpillar thought his world was
coming to an end..........God made him a
BUTTERFLY. |
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marw
Quit Date: -
Posts: 3634 Location: Chicago, IL
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Posted: August 14, 2006 12:04 AM Post subject: |
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Well, I sort of favor the Zen philosophy myself, but as one who has meltdowns, I fully understand that, too! I was a teacher, and I never slept the night before school started either!!
You will be fine! You are doing a great job of both your quit and the first day.....(I thought it was our job to yell, have we been wrong all this time? )
You will always have emotions, being human, but NOT craves! I promise this is true. Be kind to yourself. Be patient. You smoked a long time, so it takes a while to adjust. YOu will. You are doing GGGREATTT!!!!!
_________________
Margaret |
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Free
Quit Date: May 12, 2006
Posts: 826 Location: USA
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Posted: August 14, 2006 12:58 AM Post subject: |
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Hi Sammie! Congrats on 2 fantabulous smoke free months!!! That is so super cool!
Isn't it great to know that you can smoke anytime you want, but now you are the one in control and not the drug. Before the drug made you smoke. Today the drug can't make you do jack sh*t. Today the drug is out of your body and you are the one in control.
The mental nicodemon may being trying to pull out all the stops to get you back, but you know better Sammie. Just tell mental nicodemon where to go, turn your back on him, get busy making non smoking memories ... push that mental nicodemon right out of your new and wonderful non-smoking life.
Feeling emotions without a drug clouding what we feel is defiantly a new experience. Just work on acquiring new and/or improved coping skills. Then practice those skills. You'll be a pro in no time. I found that by doing this, it really made my quit a lot easier.
And don't you listen to that whole 'your getting fat' junkie thinking. Weight can be lost. If we can quit smoking, we can certainly loose a few pounds or even a lot of pounds if need be.
And remember that when you choose not to smoke you are not denying yourself of anything, you are giving yourself a gift by not smoking. There are no advantages to smoking. They are useless death sticks. That is all they are.
You just keep putting one foot in front of the other Sammie and you see those smokes for what they truly are ... A PACK OF LIES!!!
Congrats on your 2 months of Freedom!
Keep rockin' it girl! _________________
Become addicted to constant and never ending self improvement.
The difference between a mountain and a molehill is your perspective.
Realize that true happiness lies within you. |
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londa
Quit Date: July 28, 2004
Posts: 2469 Location: new york, USA
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Posted: August 14, 2006 7:21 AM Post subject: |
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HI Sammie, how are you doing today? Remember it the cravings get farther and farther apart.
You have made a wonderful choice, freedom.
It really does get better. WHen I got like this, I would ask myself "What do the people do that never smoke handle stress"
Of course, I just pop a chocolate in my mouth. Dark hershey kisses. Yes I have gained 20 lbs. Did not like it, but am dealing with it. I can choose to do something about it or just be sad. I choose to do something about it.
It all boils down to choice. Kevin introduced me to that word. VERY IMPORTANT.
Life is all about choices. So you enjoy your little ones. Make some special treat for them for when they come home from school.
God Bless and hang in there.
You have alot of support here. Picture us in a circle around you cheering you on "GO SAMMIE!" "GO SAMMIE!" "YOU CAN DO THIS!"
Love, Londa _________________
My name is Londa. I am 57 and I act like I'm 20. I love to laugh and smile. The more the better. Being kind to someone is the best thing you can do. |
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alleghany
Quit Date: -
Posts: 2049
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Posted: August 14, 2006 8:45 AM Post subject: |
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Sending you good quit thoughts! I know this will get easier with time!!! _________________
Face your fears.
Quit date: June 6, 2004 |
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Pamela
Quit Date: -
Posts: 3542 Location: Gardiner, NY
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Posted: August 14, 2006 8:48 AM Post subject: |
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Hi Sammie - hoping that today is a better day, and you can take a little time for yourself with the kids at school.
i think I was at about 6 - 7 weeks when I had my meltdown...even went to the doctor to get some anti-depressants, which just made things worse, and I didn't stay on them anyway
I would say that this "meltdown" (good word for it, by the way) is right on schedule. Old starts to figure out that we mean business this time, with this quit, and he pulls out all the stops.
Mentally, you are dredging up every possible excuse you can to try and justify smoking again. However, none of them seem good enough anymore to make you actually take a puff again...and it's crazy.
You really just need tostay strong, and get through this difficult time. I once wrote a post about being "calm" when quit. It may not seem possible to you now, but with some more time, you will start to feel the stress of quitting change into a wonderful calm that you could never experience as a smoker.
Trust me here....just keep going, no matter how hard it seems, and you'll thank yourself a million times over. _________________
FIVE + years of freedom and loving it! |
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kannprint
Quit Date: April 10, 2004
Posts: 4988 Location: St. Louis, MO
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Posted: August 14, 2006 9:05 AM Post subject: |
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Good morning, Sammie. I totally understand your "meltdown" of yesterday. Having raised two children and remembering that annual first day of school -- wow. How excited they were and how stressed I was.
Now for the good news. Like you, I dealt with stress by smoking. However, I have far less stress now as a non-smoker than I had during all those years of relying on the nicotine. It seems as though the habit or the nicotine were creating the stress.
Enjoy those little ones and give them a smoke-free Mom. It's so worth the effort. _________________
LIVE WELL, LAUGH OFTEN, LOVE MUCH.
Jo |
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Barbara K.
Quit Date: December 23, 2004
Posts: 5977
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Posted: August 14, 2006 11:32 AM Post subject: |
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Sammie,
Let us know how your kids day of school went today.
It does help to write when we are having a meltdown. Sometimes when I don't know what to add or say I'll just give a hug. So here you go.
{{{{{Sammie}}}}}
Hope your days get better.
Blesssings, _________________
Obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn arouind and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.
Blessings,
Barbara K. |
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Pamela
Quit Date: -
Posts: 3542 Location: Gardiner, NY
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Posted: August 14, 2006 2:35 PM Post subject: |
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Sammie - I reposted an older post I wrote about "Being Calm as a Non Smoker. I think it addresses an issue you are having right now. As I said earlier, what you are feeling is completely normal....just hang in, give it time, and you'll find a whole new, calmer you, emerging. You'll be able to focus all of that "stress" energy into more positive places!
The kids will think "mom" was beamed up and replaced by an alien mom! _________________
FIVE + years of freedom and loving it! |
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Free
Quit Date: May 12, 2006
Posts: 826 Location: USA
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Posted: August 14, 2006 4:55 PM Post subject: |
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Hey Sammie ... how are you doing today? _________________
Become addicted to constant and never ending self improvement.
The difference between a mountain and a molehill is your perspective.
Realize that true happiness lies within you. |
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sammie
Quit Date: June 13, 2006
Posts: 80 Location: Midwest, USA
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Posted: August 14, 2006 10:02 PM Post subject: |
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Hi gang! Thanks for all the encouraging replies. First day of school went just fine for all of us. Even though I have looked forward to this day since the kids have been driving me crazy, it was still a little rough pulling away from school (my eyeballs sprang these strange leaks!) and strangely quiet around the house...but NOT complaining!
Pamela, I went and read the "Calm" post you bumped. Oh boy, I feel a long way from being calmer but I do look forward to it.
I certainly trust all the experience on these boards and I believe it will happen. I'm just not there yet. |
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