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Is this What It's Like
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Barbara K.



Quit Date:
December 23, 2004

Posts: 5977

PostPosted: September 16, 2006 12:56 AM    Post subject: Is this What It's Like Reply with quote

I set myself up Wednesday night by talking myself into a big bag of kisses and a big bag of peanut butter cups. I had gone about a month without them. I bought them the next day but soon found out 2 days later that it wasn't really want I wanted. Friday I got thoughts of smoking but that's not what I want so I didn't dare act upon that thought. My clothes look like tents on me as that is how big I am. The loneliness tears at my heart all the time and that drives me into depression in the end.

I keep reading how others' who quit smoking lives have gotten better. Mine seems to be in dispair. I will be going to live in a cheap apartment soon depending on the outcome of court. So many changes over the past 21 months. First I lost my mom and then my marriage went to pot. Now more changes. I thought about getting drunk but that wouldn't even make me feel better. There's nothing worse than a drunk having a pity party. I don't drink anyway but with my addictive personality something seems to be needed. Just like with the candy, I did not want it, it was just a habit to eat it.

Thanksf or listening.

Blessings,
_________________

Obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn arouind and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.

Blessings,
Barbara K.
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swaneem



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 1298
Location: Arizona

PostPosted: September 16, 2006 1:15 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Barbara,

There's always some anxiety with change.....mostly because fear is usually about the unknown.

Never forget that you were strong enough to make positive changes in your life.....and as you continue to move forward....you will turn into that butterfly....I have no doubt of this.

Donna
_________________

Just when the caterpillar thought his world was
coming to an end..........God made him a
BUTTERFLY.
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debbie



Quit Date:
August 13, 2006

Posts: 5
Location: new zealand

PostPosted: September 16, 2006 5:07 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

barbara sorry to read that things are not good for you at the moment i know it is hard to try to be positive and happy when you dont feel it but at least you didnt smoke. i hope things improve for you soon. from debbie.
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essie662



Quit Date:
April 14, 2004

Posts: 3388
Location: MI

PostPosted: September 16, 2006 10:56 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sorry Barb! Keep telling yourself your woofmang buddies care very deeply about you cause we do
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Essie
4/14/04
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Lady



Quit Date:
July 1, 2005

Posts: 378
Location: Georgia

PostPosted: September 16, 2006 3:30 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Barbara.

I can really relate to the feelings of dispare. I am a single parent, I handle everything on my own and the loneliness is more than I can bare some times. I try to take deep breaths and take it one step at a time. I get overwhelmed and if I'm not careful I find myself trudging a long the road of dispare and it feels like going on a downward spiral. I plumit farther and farther into depression.

My self esteme is pretty low and there are times that life is really hard. I try to read possitive inspirations every day. I pray and I know that God loves me yet there are times that I feel like I'm not even good enough for him. I know the hurt you feel. Unfortunately, I don't have a solution for you.

I have good friends that I lean on in these times that help me get through it. Sometimes they just listen and other times they tell me to knock it off. These are friends that I have made since I quit. I met them on another site and they really keep me going. I don't know what I would do without them. They are my support group and have helped me.

Surround yourself with positive people and try to see the good in everything. I know this isn't easy. I said try. Just like quitting smoking, we take it one step at a time.

I hope you are feeling better and that this helps somehow.
_________________

I cannot change the past, but the future is waiting for me.
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shevie



Quit Date:
May 23, 2005

Posts: 413
Location: Grants Pass, OR, USA

PostPosted: September 16, 2006 8:55 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi, Barbara. Sorry to hear things are rough for you right now.

One thing that came to mind reading your post was that when we quit we remove the smokescreen and begin to see life as it really is. It is not always a pretty picture.

Hang in there, Barbara.
Shevie
_________________

If you study something in the right light, how can there be any darkness? Dave Gardner

Quit date: May 23, 2005
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kevin
Site Admin


Quit Date:
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Posts: 9538
Location: cincinnati, oh

PostPosted: September 16, 2006 11:34 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

sorry to hear you're in a slump, barbara, but the only constant in this life is change: if you're feeling like hell today, tomorrow will be better. on the other hand, if you're feeling on top of the world today, tomorrow you'll feel like hell again. that's life. don't try to push away your sorrow, and don't try to hang on to your happiness, because they're only temporary. just accept life, as it is, in this moment; that's where you'll find joy (which transcends happiness and sadness).

in other words, hang in there; better days are coming. Smile
_________________

keep choosing life!

kevin

the zen of the quit
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Barbara K.



Quit Date:
December 23, 2004

Posts: 5977

PostPosted: September 17, 2006 12:18 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Very Happy Thank you everyone.

I am having a better night tonight and more hopeful of going back to losing weight again instead of pigging out.

Blessings,
_________________

Obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn arouind and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.

Blessings,
Barbara K.
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marw



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 3634
Location: Chicago, IL

PostPosted: September 17, 2006 1:38 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Barbara, I am so sorry that you are feeling so bad. You really have had a lot of things to deal with this year. You have done it so admirably that I think others do not realize that you also paid a price for being a free and independent woman. Now as I am a free and independent woman also, I can tell you that I have been in those slumps also. It's unavoidable for a while, when changes are taking place so rapidly, but there are better days and they will be coming. I won't tell you that Life will be perfect because it never is, as I'm sure you know. But Kevin's words are pretty much on target, as far as I can see.

My mother used to say: "It's a long road that never turns."

Meaning: it will get better. Smile Smile

AND......we all LOVE YOU!!!!! Very Happy
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Margaret
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Lady



Quit Date:
July 1, 2005

Posts: 378
Location: Georgia

PostPosted: September 17, 2006 1:26 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Barbara... just a quick note to say I hope you are feeling better today. You have been on my mind. I hope you are having a great Sunday. Do something fun!

Lady Very Happy
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I cannot change the past, but the future is waiting for me.
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Barbara K.



Quit Date:
December 23, 2004

Posts: 5977

PostPosted: September 17, 2006 4:21 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Very Happy Thanks Margaret and Lady,

I don't know what I could do that's fun other than order a music CD which I already did last night. Smile

Blessings,
_________________

Obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn arouind and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.

Blessings,
Barbara K.
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Deb



Quit Date:
February 5, 2010

Posts: 967
Location: North Carolina (Originally New York)

PostPosted: September 18, 2006 7:46 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Barb,

I'm sorry your feeling so miserable. Crying or Very sad The thing is staying in the now, is so important. We have to live today and not dwell on yesterday or tomorrow. It will get better and, you should be proud of yourself for not letting old Laughing Demon get to you during these trying times. This to me, shows that you are way stronger and determined than you think you are. Very Happy

Things will get better Barb, hang in there. Wink

Deb
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Wanda



Quit Date:
March 15, 2004

Posts: 425
Location: Carlisle, PA

PostPosted: September 18, 2006 8:27 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

barb,

going off to live in a apartment doesn't have to be a bad thing. you could find one with in walking distance to the things you would like to do. its an opportunity to meet new people.

i too have an addictive personality so i understand the battle with food. so you had your binge quit beating yourself up, and go for a walk.
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Wanda
Quit Date 03/15/04
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shevie



Quit Date:
May 23, 2005

Posts: 413
Location: Grants Pass, OR, USA

PostPosted: September 18, 2006 7:40 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Barbara, you've got a lot of good going on in your life, but you are chosing to see the bad. I know how it is much easier to do that, but try to look at the good parts. You're going to school, you're improving yourself, you're free to do as you please. Ah, ah, don't start finding things to dispute me. That's negative thinking again. Find some good things in your life, some silver linings, and write them down; put them on the fridge. Everytime you think of another, add it to the list. Everytime you start thinking negative, read the list.

I know what it's like to take a tumble into the pits, emotionally and financially (the seem to go together, don't they?). I also know that how deep you go and how long you stay there is entirely up to you.

I do agree with you on one thing. There ain't nothing worse than a self-pitying drunk. Rolling Eyes

Dwell on the good, Barbara.
Shevie
_________________

If you study something in the right light, how can there be any darkness? Dave Gardner

Quit date: May 23, 2005
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Lori



Quit Date:
March 18, 2006

Posts: 521
Location: Pennsylvania, USA

PostPosted: September 19, 2006 9:51 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Barbara,

Sorry I'm late in seeing this. You are going through some very dramatic changes. Change, even for the better, always brings some amount of pain and stress. Given all of the changes occurring in your life in such a relatively short frame of time, your feelings are very natural. I understand your longing to feel better, I feel it too. When we make changes for the better in our lives, we hope that those changes will help us feel better, too. But the very nature of change often means we will feel worse for a while. All we can do is stick to our path, have hope for the future, and know in our hearts that "this too shall pass."

Thank you for this post, Barbara, because I needed to hear the very encouragement I just gave you.

All my best,
Lori
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