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I want to save the world!!!

 
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BFS



Quit Date:
October 28, 2005

Posts: 51
Location: Missouri

PostPosted: October 4, 2006 12:07 PM    Post subject: I want to save the world!!! Reply with quote

I seem to have developed a plight to save the world from smoking... and yet I'm realizing that so many smokers don't want to be saved. For the last year, I have dedicated myself to helping people quit smoking, both on the internet and in real life, but it seems as though the people in real life don't want my help most of the time.

I often run into a brick wall whenever people don't want my help, and find myself getting very bitter towards smokers. For instance, I'm in school to get my Master's and teaching certification. I decided to quit smoking before I decided to go back to school, mainly because I don't want to be a bad influence to my children when I teach... and yet I see people in the same program I am outside getting their nicotine fixes between classes and it saddens me... actually, it makes me bitter. "How can you smoke if you want to teach?!?!" I think to myself... and it's becoming harder and harder for me to get in touch with the person who used to be that person sitting outside smoking. I often forget that that used to be ME!!!

I don't want to be bitter towards smokers - especially considering the fact that I'm dating one. But more and more, I just want to save all of the smokers from their addictions. I want to say that it's out of my deep sense of care for others... maybe it's because I know how wonderful the freedom from smoking is... I think part of it is from my sense of duty as a role model to young people... what I hope it's NOT is that I'm jealous that others get to smoke and I don't, but if I "saved" the world from smoking, I wouldn't have to see them all around me anymore. I think it's more the first three than the fourth... but I think some of my bitterness towards smokers comes from that fourth one.

So the question now is why? Why on earth would I still be bitter about that? I don't want to smoke! I HATE smoking! Just the thought of it makes me sick! I'll never go back to that! NEVER! So why would I be jealous of others smoking? I don't know, but I think that a little bit of that still remains.
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Free



Quit Date:
May 12, 2006

Posts: 826
Location: USA

PostPosted: October 4, 2006 1:51 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

I wish I could help. But I can't. When I see someone smoking I feel really bad for them. Just continue to reach out to smokers. Do so with unselfish love, knowing that you cannot change anyone, but being happy that you tried. It is in the giving that happiness is found. The quitting is up to them.

Bless you for helping so many BFS. I have enjoyed many of your posts.

Fondly,
Free
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Become addicted to constant and never ending self improvement.

The difference between a mountain and a molehill is your perspective.

Realize that true happiness lies within you.
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jahunta



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 1129
Location: Silicon(e) Valley, CA

PostPosted: October 4, 2006 3:27 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

I used to be resentful of smokers too after I quit. It's a little bit jealousy you can't smoke, sure. But like you said, you don't want to. So, once that statement's been stated, that should be the end of it.

No matter how hard you try, you're not going to get a large group of people to all of a sudden drop the smokes. Not gonna happen. As you go through your daily life state your case, quietly and with purpose, someONE will listen. If that one person decides he/she wants to do something about his or her addiction and comes to you for help...guess what? You saved 1 person. And if you've done that, then you've done something. Pick your battles and anyone you can get to think about what they're doing to themselves is a good thing. People who outright told me, while I was out on smoke break about how "it's not good for me", or would purposely cough as they walked by, just made me mad. People will quit when THEY want to or HAVE to quit.

So take an interest in the people you want to help, but don't rub their faces in it. Give them some things to read, ask questions, and be there for them, but don't force it. It takes time.

J
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Melody



Quit Date:
August 19, 2004

Posts: 1103
Location: Ontario

PostPosted: October 4, 2006 8:17 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

To say nothing at all is likely the best inspiration you will ever give them. When asked just smile from ear to ear and say "Freedom" I'm lucky I feel no need to save them all as I know I can't it's every man for himself. Laughing
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Zuzu



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 962
Location: Marin

PostPosted: October 10, 2006 11:57 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Maybe you're not actually jealous of the smoking - maybe you're jealous of the commaradarie of hanging out and smoking together. maybe you're jealous that that group of people has this drug that helps them relax and 'take a break'

Sometimes when we break up with someone, we just remember the good times and forget the bad times. Maybe you have moments like that - you get bitter because sometimes you forget the bad parts. They're not actually "taking a break and relaxing" - they are maniacally filling a massive craving and they couldn't go much longer without a break down without doing that. They're simply getting themselves back to normal.

I dunno.

I can't relate to the desire to want to save smokers or get other people to stop smoking. NO ONE could have convinced me to stop smoking, not a single person, doen't exist. Knowing that, and not being a very proficient co-dependent, I don't much get into the whole savior scene.

I think you're being a GREAT role model for kids when you show them that you can overcome addiction, that you're life is worth living healthfully. All the mothers and fathers on this site who showed their kids that even when something is difficult, you still do it and addressing addiction in their lives is doable - THAT is a great lesson.

It sounds like you've done an awesome job of being a role model - I hope that you talk to the kids you teach about your experience!

I have a feeling that the bitterness will fade with time. You're doing an AWESOME job!

-Zuzu
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Pamela



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 3542
Location: Gardiner, NY

PostPosted: October 11, 2006 8:58 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's the addiction. Nita, Zuzu and others are so right, in that you will never convince an addict that they have to give up their fix. Try to think back to when you smoked, and all the excuses you fabricated to justify your behavior.

I for one used to dig in harder if ANYONE tried to tell me I shouldn't smoke. Being contrary and obstinate about my "rights" as a smoker just fed the justification in my mind, just as I was feeding my body it's nicotine fix.

Being an example of a successful quitter is important. Keep up the good work, and others will look to you as an example.
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Seabrez



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 4458
Location: Gulf Coast

PostPosted: October 11, 2006 1:37 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

You have compassion for the addict in that you want to free them. You see the addiction for what it actually is....a prison and bondage leading to death. And you want so bad for others to realize that truth also.

And then when they reject "the truth" of smoking, you may take on that rejection "personally"....it feels like a personal assault on yourself.

And then you in turn feel bitter towards them. Best thing is to remember everyone has their own "choice" to make. It's their own freewill. Whether they make a wise choice to quit is another story. Bottom line, all we can do is present the truth when asked and be an example of freedom from the addiction. So, don't take it personally. It's just the addiction blinding those to the truth of it's dreaded hold...the "smokescreen" of the addiction.

Chin up Girl!

Hugs
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Deb

Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. 2 Corn 5:17 NASB
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BFS



Quit Date:
October 28, 2005

Posts: 51
Location: Missouri

PostPosted: October 11, 2006 10:20 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Seabrez,

Quote:
You have compassion for the addict in that you want to free them. You see the addiction for what it actually is....a prison and bondage leading to death. And you want so bad for others to realize that truth also.
And then when they reject "the truth" of smoking, you may take on that rejection "personally"....it feels like a personal assault on yourself. And then you in turn feel bitter towards them.


I couldn't have said it better myself! That's EXACTLY what I feel! And I get frustrated when I can't! The more I think about it, the more I think that I'm not really jealous... I'm mad - partly at myself, partly at the tobacco companies. I'm angry, but not because I can't smoke. I love my quit life too much to be angry that I can't smoke!

Thanks for the replies everyone! You really put it into perspective for me!
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Rejoice in your freedom rather than mourn for your slavery!
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texas2step



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 793
Location: Texas

PostPosted: October 24, 2006 6:00 PM    Post subject: Oh I know how this feels... Reply with quote

I have a couple of younger friends who smoke still. It breaks my heart to see them puffing away and I think... they will have to get to the point I did before they see. Then that makes me feel even worse cause I had gotten to the point where smoking was destroying my health and I could feel it - couldn't breathe ugh.... but I have only casually mentioned quitting to them and only answer questions when they ask me. The reason is I believe that if I initiate the issues with them it's like telling a kid not to chew gum in class..... I don't know, I do know that someone has to want to quit on their own that we cannot lead the horse to water so to speak.

We can be pleasant and helpful and do our best to smile and be cheerful and show them that we're very happy with our quits and who knows, between education and seeing us happy they may decide to do so. I sure hope they do as I love them and I wish better for them than I did to myself.

Texas
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Anonymous

Quit: 8/14/06
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1littleBit



Quit Date:
February 14, 2007

Posts: 23

PostPosted: April 7, 2007 5:38 PM    Post subject: stopping others Reply with quote

When I was still smoking, it would make me so mad when people(non-smokers) would comment on my smoling. It didn't make me want to stop one little bit. I would just think "what business is it of theirs?) When I decided to quit, I was at home, alone, and decided. You can't quit for somebody else. No matter how much you beg and plead, they will only quit when they reach the decision on their own. By example, you can say that you don't smoke, but anything else will put their back up and make them more determined to do what they want
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Doggygirl



Quit Date:
February 26, 2007

Posts: 788
Location: Joliet, IL

PostPosted: April 8, 2007 1:56 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm with Littlebit and others in terms of not "pushing" a "quit smoking" agenda with smokers. When I was a smoker, I found it highly annoying when non smokers or ex smokers tried to push that agenda on me. I would say that a preachy ex-smoker was actually more annoying in my eyes than a non (never) smoker preaching / commenting. While I know much of the "hackles going up on my own back" was the addiction talking, it sure didn't contribute positively towards a quit decision for me at the time. I just planted my feet in the ground "defending my rights" even more vigorously.

I do however find that it helps my quit to participate in trying to help others. For me, the best place to put those efforts is supporting others who have already made the decision to quit. I feel really good about participating here and at QuitNet. It's a two way street - giving and getting support. (and least I hope I'm giving a fraction of what I'm getting!)

The ONLY thing I've done in terms of smokers I know - either long term friends, or more casual acquaintances (but not strangers)- Is to mention that there are some great internet resources out there. I let my smoking friends know that if and when they decide to quit, I would be happy to share the resources I've found. That's it.

DG
Day 41
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Happiness is an attitude. We either make ourselves miserable, or happy and strong. The amount of work is the same. ~Francesca Reigler
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1littleBit



Quit Date:
February 14, 2007

Posts: 23

PostPosted: April 8, 2007 2:22 PM    Post subject: What I think Reply with quote

You know what I think. When we can support and encourage others when they are quitting, it strengthens our quit. A saying I've heard some where is: Its only when we open our hands to give that they are open to receive.
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