quit smoking support @ woofmang.com
people helping people beat the addiction to nicotine
 
help support our communityDonate FAQFAQ SearchSearch RSS FeedRSS Feed MemberlistMemberlist RegisterRegister ProfileProfile Log in to check your private messagesLog in to check your private messages Log inLog in

Why do I have to feel this way???

 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    quit smoking support @ woofmang.com Forum Index > and rants
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
Mindy



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 1074

PostPosted: May 22, 2004 8:34 PM    Post subject: Why do I have to feel this way??? Reply with quote

I am going through a rough time right now. In less than a month my 9 year old daughter will be flying from Illinois to Phoenix, AZ to spend 4 weeks with her dad...she does this every summer. Last summer was the first time she flew alone. In prior years, her dad would fly here to get her and I would fly out there to get her at the end of her visit....Anyhow, this is always a very sad and depressing time for me. I will be nervous as heck with her flying alone and then on depressed about not being able to see her for 4 weeks. I've always had my cigarettes to comfort me. Now I won't have my cigarettes.....I've been almost fixating on a cigarette thinking about that 'maybe just one' won't hurt if I need it. I can't get that thought out of my head. I know smoking WILL NOT help anything. But I still can't get it out of my head.
To make matters worse, my daughter asked her dad if she could lessen her visit this year by a week or two so she could do summer activites back here at home with her friends....he said NO WAY. So she's kind of upset about that. I don't know....I'll pull through, but sometimes it's so darn hard.

Thanks for listening...

Mindy
Nicotine Free

Four months, one week, three days, 19 hours, 33 minutes and 3 seconds. 5272 cigarettes not smoked, saving $922.41. Life saved: 2 weeks, 4 days, 7 hours, 20 minutes.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Tammy



Quit Date:
February 16, 2004

Posts: 2565
Location: Florida

PostPosted: May 22, 2004 9:23 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Mindy, I can understand you being upset about your daughter flying alone. I would not like that either. As far as always having your cigarettes for comfort. You have gone for over 4 months without them. You say you know smoking won't help. It won't. It won't change one thing except blow a great quit. There are always going to be things pop up in life that will cause us to be upset or stressed but smoking does not change on thing. Mindy, If you were a heroin addict that was clean would this situation with the ex and your daughter be a good enough excuse to shoot up?

I copied this from whyquit.com. I hope it helps.

Fixating on a Cigarette

What happens to some people is that when they are off smoking for a certain time period they start fixating on a cigarette. By that I mean they forget all the bad cigarettes they ever smoked, they forget the ones they smoked without ever really thinking about them even at the time they were being smoked, and they start to remember and focus on one good cigarette. It may be one they smoked 20 years earlier but it was a good one and they now want one again.

It's a common tactic for the ex-smokers to try and tell themselves that they do not really want that "good" cigarette. Well, the problem is, at that moment they really do want it. An internal debate erupts, "I want one, no I don't, one sounds great, no it doesn't, oh just one, not just one!" The problem is that if the ex-smoker's focus is on just "one" cigarette then there is no clear-cut winning side to the debate. The ex-smoker needs to change the internal discussion.

Don't say that you don’t want one when you do, rather acknowledge the desire but ask yourself, "Do I want all the other cigarettes that go with it. Then, do I want the package deal that goes with the others? The expense, social stigma, smell, health effects, possible loss of life. Do I want to go back to smoking, full-fledged, until it cripples and kills me?"

Stated like this it normally is not a back and forth debate. The answer will normally be, "No, I don’t want to smoke under these terms," and those are the only terms that a cigarette comes with.

Normally if viewed like this the debate is over almost immediately after being pulled into focus. Again, if the focus is only one, you can drive yourself nuts throughout the entire day. If you focus on the whole package deal, you will walk away from the moment relieved to still be smoke free and sufficiently reinforced to NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF!

Hang in there Very Happy
_________________

Tammy
Free and loving it!
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
bjj



Quit Date:
April 7, 2004

Posts: 1056
Location: Ohio

PostPosted: May 22, 2004 9:31 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Mindy,
What a very difficult time for you! I know you will miss your daughter like crazy. Not, of course, knowing the whole situation, it seem good for your daughter that her father is still involved, and that he does not want to give up 1/4 to1/2 of the time he has with her, even if she resents it now. Is there anything that has helped besides cigarettes in the past? You know all the answers better than I do, but I want you to know, I am here. I care. I am so sorry you are feeling bad. If I had that magic wand, I would make it all better. Please hang tough!
_________________

Bonnie

"Always think of what you have to do as easy and it will become so".
Emile Coue
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Mindy



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 1074

PostPosted: May 22, 2004 9:32 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks Tammy.....I have been doing a lot of reading at why quit tonight. I belong to the message boards there also, but feel so much more comfortable coming here at times like this. I've really been doubting myself a lot lately for some reason. I have been under a great amount of stress and that hasn't helped. I know that smoking will not help anything...it will only make a bad situation worse. But I can't seem to shake the thoughts sometimes. It really makes me nervous! I'm glad I can come here to talk about it,
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Tammy



Quit Date:
February 16, 2004

Posts: 2565
Location: Florida

PostPosted: May 22, 2004 10:00 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Mindy, I am so proud of you for coming here to post. You could have just lit up and then came and told us but you did not. I really do not think that you want to smoke or you would have. Did you look over all of your reasons to quit list? 4 months quit is a very long time. A good friend of mine told me just before I quit the following and it helped me so much: Once you have quit and the days pass tell yourself if you light up you will throw away all that you have worked so hard for only to start ALL over again. He said that helps keep him quit and not thinking about wanting the cigarettes because he didn't want to waste the time or energy it took to quit. Take care of you, take a break from it all to regroup and unwind. Very Happy
_________________

Tammy
Free and loving it!
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Tammy



Quit Date:
February 16, 2004

Posts: 2565
Location: Florida

PostPosted: May 22, 2004 10:07 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Mindy, Just had another thought. Feed the ex to my shark. Then you'll have no problems, huh? Laughing


_________________

Tammy
Free and loving it!
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Mindy



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 1074

PostPosted: May 22, 2004 10:49 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Good idea Tammy! Thanks Tammy and Bonnie. There are times when I do think of smoking to solve stress. I know it won't help anything, but my mind plays tricks on me sometimes. I am going to think up a plan for what I'm going to do to cope and make it through that day smoke free. I have come way too far and NO WAY do I want to give in and throw all my hard work down the drain.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Mindy



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 1074

PostPosted: May 22, 2004 11:12 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Margaret,
Thanks for the encouragement. I will be much better once she arrives safely. It's just that it's very hard on me. I am the type of person who worries about everything...especially when it comes to my kids. My mom was the same way...must be in the genes Confused I have two other kids at home when she's gone so they keep me real busy all summer so the time doesn't seem like it stands still...I'm thankful for that. We'll all make it through.
I have faith in my resolve, but at the same time the nicodemon sneaks up on me and tries to distract me....I hate it.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
skiermom



Quit Date:
July 25, 2003

Posts: 148
Location: Long Island, NY

PostPosted: May 23, 2004 8:58 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hang on Mindy. In a few short weeks she'll be home and you'll be so proud of yourself...............and she'll be even prouder!!! Hang in there........we're here for you!!!
_________________

Today is a gift........enjoy it!

Eileen
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic    quit smoking support @ woofmang.com Forum Index > and rants All times are GMT - 4 Hours
Page 1 of 1

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum

quit smoking support
woofmang dot com