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Taking the poison expecting someone else to die

 
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justtheprincess



Quit Date:
December 1, 2013

Posts: 162
Location: San Diego

PostPosted: January 19, 2007 3:57 PM    Post subject: Taking the poison expecting someone else to die Reply with quote

Hello Everyone. It has been a while since I posted. I want to let everyone know that I slipped and that I have no longer been smokefree for over four years. I sacrificed my integrity and I accept the consequences. I was out with an intimate friend a few weeks ago and he was asking me to smoke pot with him. I was getting angry. After arguing and telling him I didn't need it three or four times, he stuck a joint in my mouth and said it isn't going to hurt anything. I'll be damned if I didn't smoke it just to spite him. The following week I did the same exact thing. I am now smokefree for a week again, but this incident really WAS NOT worth sacrificing my integrity.

I still have no desire to smoke so I feel fortunate. I have had to remove this person from my life, which is painful since it was an intimate relationship and I had no idea he was hiding his addiction to pot from me. I knew he smoked cigarettes and I never smelled the pot on him.

I was clueless. How pathetic is that? I am feeling extremely guilty. As many of you know, I quit smoking because my doctor told me I was going to die. Then, after quitting for 6 months they told me I had no signs of emphysema. I look at that to be a miracle and I feel that by me smoking I just told Christ, "thank you for the precious gift of breathing, but I decided this jerk of a man next to me is more important than you". I have been in recovery for so long for so many different things. This is my first slip in four years with any of my addictions (aside from men) and it does NOT surprise me that the slip was for codependent reasons. Take the poison yourself and expect someone else to die! It never works and I don't know what prompted me to do that and even think the guy would give a hoot. What was I thinking???? If any of you ever feel like this.... DON'T DO IT!!!

Thank you for listening.

Love,
Sandi
Day 7
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YOU are the only YOU YOU have. Take care of YOU!

~ Love, Sandi
One day at a time
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alleghany



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 2049

PostPosted: January 19, 2007 4:13 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sorry to hear about this. Life can be so difficult sometimes.


Sending you good thoughts and many prayers.
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Face your fears.
Quit date: June 6, 2004
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kevin
Site Admin


Quit Date:
-

Posts: 9538
Location: cincinnati, oh

PostPosted: January 19, 2007 4:22 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

that was such a common thing for me to do, too, sandi; i can't tell you how many times i chose to "smoke at" someone instead of smacking them, telling them off or just walking away from the situation (and several times, threw away a long-standing quit because of that choice).

i also can't tell you how many times smoking dope was the end of a quit for me: i'd think i could handle smoking pot without wanting to smoke cigarettes again, but that confidence had no basis in reality; i relapsed every single time.

at least you didn't get back on the cigarettes, too; you were smart enough to avoid the self-pity trap ("oh, what difference does it make if i smoke a cigarette now? i'm such a loser...") and get right back on the road of freedom.

don't look back; that's not where you're going. Smile
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keep choosing life!

kevin

the zen of the quit
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justtheprincess



Quit Date:
December 1, 2013

Posts: 162
Location: San Diego

PostPosted: January 19, 2007 4:43 PM    Post subject: Thank You Reply with quote

Thank you both for responding. You are right Kevin. I have turned around and I am headed in the right direction again. It feels good!
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YOU are the only YOU YOU have. Take care of YOU!

~ Love, Sandi
One day at a time
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swaneem



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 1298
Location: Arizona

PostPosted: January 19, 2007 6:01 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Sandi,

OK...so you tripped a little....you still have 4 smoke-free years behind you.

We all do stupid things. I actually started smoking (I was a huge anti-smoker) because I wanted to get even with the person I was in a relationship with who smoked. Now that's absolutely brilliant thinking. Shocked 27 years later....I'm puffing away. Boy did I get even. Laughing Demon

Keep moving forward....don't look back at this small trip....you've taken such big steps in your life....remember those. Very Happy

Donna
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Just when the caterpillar thought his world was
coming to an end..........God made him a
BUTTERFLY.
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Zuzu



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 962
Location: Marin

PostPosted: January 19, 2007 6:23 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ms Princess, it seems like you learned exactly what you needed to learn from that and in record time - no long-term negative consequences. I'd beg you to consider that you didn't lose your integrity - you sought out a situation that reminded you of what was important to you and you listened as you learned and you acted on behalf of what was best for you. Seems like you passed your own test with flying colors...

I guess that's my way of saying "don't be too hard on yourself" - consider your success in the situation and don't dwell on the part that you perceive as "failure." You did a GREAT job and you chose something over addiction. You rock!

-Zuzu
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texas2step



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 793
Location: Texas

PostPosted: January 19, 2007 6:46 PM    Post subject: Maybe so.... Reply with quote

Indeed correct me if I am wrong - pot has no nicotine. In effect you did NOT lose your quit to cigarettes and or their nicotine punch. My opinion is you probably learned a valuable lesson about not allowing anyone - no matter how intimate - to push you into what you know you won't be happy about later.

Applause all round Sandi no nicotine is a good thing. Heck I hardly think one joint will get you addicted to pot but it could easily have led to full fledged smoking of ciggies and it didn't so you're doing a lot better than you think....

Put it behind you. Everyone has given some great advice here. You are still nicotine free and sweetie that is as free as it gets -Wink

Texas
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"You can't always have happiness, but you can always give happiness."
Anonymous

Quit: 8/14/06
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jimotter



Quit Date:
November 19, 2003

Posts: 2411
Location: Everett Washington

PostPosted: January 19, 2007 9:23 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sandi
You are still my homi, be strong about your renewed resolve.
ly
Jim

_________________

Never give up on yourself. We are so worth the effort. Smoking creates nothing but misery for us and those around us. Smoking is socially unacceptable everywhere we go.


Last edited by jimotter on January 19, 2007 10:55 PM; edited 1 time in total
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Cowgirl UP!



Quit Date:
July 26, 2004

Posts: 5029
Location: Ala

PostPosted: January 19, 2007 10:49 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sandi,

You have received alot of wonderful and encouraging replies, I hope you will take them all to heart. Pick yourself up and dust yourself off and go again...forward this time Wink

Hey sweetie, if we were all perfect, we would not need this site...damn pot, I have always been afraid I would like it so I avoided it....bad enough with the ex smokes and the wine Laughing Laughing
Kay
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All with a little help from my friends, COWGIRL UP
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Mary Dude



Quit Date:
June 15, 2004

Posts: 4803
Location: Pittsburgh, PA

PostPosted: January 20, 2007 12:13 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well Sandy - what can I say? I think you have demonstrated great conviction, courage, honesty and integrity....and reinforced for me that we are all capable of making a bad choice - but the true character of our convictions come in the next choices we make and how we choose to recover our dignity and reclaim our freedom. Stay free....sending a huge hug to you!!! Vigilance...always....
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Mary D.
Smoke-free one day at a time!
Worry doesn't help tomorrow's troubles, but it does ruin today's happiness!
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justtheprincess



Quit Date:
December 1, 2013

Posts: 162
Location: San Diego

PostPosted: January 20, 2007 4:07 AM    Post subject: Thank You All Reply with quote

Hi! Thank you all for being who you are to me. I feel great! I had to come clean and be honest because that is who I am and I forgot that for a little while. I stopped being true to myself. I stopped asking for my own needs. I stopped loving me to the potential I was loving myself just a few months ago. I missed the mark, but I am back on target now. I'll tell you, just by getting honest with myself, I'm already liking the lady in the mirror a lot more today, than I did yesterday! I love you all so much and it is such an absolute priviledge to know you, have quit with you and have shared my experience, strength and hope with you. You are the best people I know! Love, Sandi
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YOU are the only YOU YOU have. Take care of YOU!

~ Love, Sandi
One day at a time
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marw



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 3634
Location: Chicago, IL

PostPosted: January 22, 2007 12:07 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sandi, it is true...you still have the 4 years of not smoking. No one can take that ...it is yours! ANd you are back on the path, so no more guilts....you are fine, and will continue to be!!

HUGS!
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Margaret
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essie662



Quit Date:
April 14, 2004

Posts: 3388
Location: MI

PostPosted: January 22, 2007 1:41 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ditto what Margaret and the others said. Keep on keeping on!

(((((HUGS)))))
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Essie
4/14/04
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londa



Quit Date:
July 28, 2004

Posts: 2469
Location: new york, USA

PostPosted: January 22, 2007 7:58 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sandi, please correct me if I'm wrong. You did not smoke a cigarette with nicotine at all. You smoked pot. As far as I am concerned you did not loose your quit.

You've choosen not to smoke pot again,,, so I think your okay.

Be kind to yourself.

God loves you.

Love, Londa
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My name is Londa. I am 57 and I act like I'm 20. I love to laugh and smile. The more the better. Being kind to someone is the best thing you can do.
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mtwilsonranch



Quit Date:
January 20, 2006

Posts: 1863
Location: nevada

PostPosted: January 24, 2007 2:05 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sandi,

I love your words, being honest and true to you...In my mind, these are the key words to healing and a positive path to freedom Wink Very Happy

" Our greatest glory is not in the falling, but in the GETTING UP" I read this somewhere and it really helped me.....

I know you are strong in your commitment...

Hugs to you,

Pam
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Right Now, this minute, this hour, this day, I choose not to feed my addiction....
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