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I'm tired of it too

 
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Carol



Quit Date:
December 9, 2009

Posts: 631
Location: Wisconsin

PostPosted: May 24, 2004 12:10 AM    Post subject: I'm tired of it too Reply with quote

Boy is it a full moon or what? 10 weeks today. And you all are right the cravings are no where near as intense. When I first quit they were like tornados through my head. Intense hard and then they were gone. BUT AT LEAST THEY WERE GONE. Now they are like a mild breeze with some gusts,,,,but it seems to be constant. for the most part I ignore it and go on with life. But I am tired of fighting. Every single day fighting fighting fighting to stay smoke free. I say all the right words I try to think positive, I try to encourage others to be positive..... don't quit, hang in there blah blah blah....I know all the right words and sometimes I feel like a hypocrite. I am tired. I am tired of fighting. And I read the posts from people who have 4, 6 etc months. And they are still fighting and I don't know if I can fight that long. I don't know if I can keep this up. Tuesday I go to the doctor to see the results of my last set of chest x-rays. And I can not guarantee that I am going to continue this quit after that visit.
I AM JUST TIRED.
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WALK TALL WALK PROUD
CAROL
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kevin
Site Admin


Quit Date:
-

Posts: 9538
Location: cincinnati, oh

PostPosted: May 24, 2004 12:12 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

i can't guarantee that i'll continue my quit for another minute, Carol, but what i can guarantee is that i won't smoke right now. so can you.

and that's all you have to do.

Smile
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keep choosing life!

kevin

the zen of the quit
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16Ocean



Quit Date:
April 16, 2004

Posts: 400

PostPosted: May 24, 2004 1:16 AM    Post subject: WAIT Reply with quote

Carol, I just read this, I have not replyed to many people lately, have been stuck in Heidi land, dwelling on my own problems, and what to do about them. So many times I just think, I will just go back to smoking, and take my chances.......and, the usual me, would do just that, go buy some, light up, deal with quitting later again sometime down the road....well this time has been different, because each time that I have had the thought to smoke, all of a sudden my brain starts doing some thinking, against smoking, and what plays in my brain is something like this: THIS COULD BE THAT ONE TIME WHEN THE SLIGHT DISEASE THAT I ALREADY HAVE, COULD GO FULL BLOWN, am I willing to take that chance?? That is the first thought that goes through my mind, the second thought: do I really want to feel that lousy again??? Chest hurting, living on tylenol(way too many), that horrible embarassing cough? Third thought: would I just lie to everyone here? You see I watch my husband go outside to have that after dinner smoke, and within a few minutes he is back in the house, then I think, was it worth the risk of what that cig did to him for those few minutes???Right now, to the best of my knowledge, the choice to not smoke, is NOT KILLING ME, however, the choice is I should so make, TO SMOKE, could very well KILL ME. I do not boast, thrown around my not smoking, like, hey look at me, very humbly, inside of myself, I am of course very proud of me, but, also, I know, that at any time, the situation could change, and I cannot always say how I will react to something not yet happened, how would I know, I can just say, for this moment, I do not choose to smoke, that is all, I agree with what Kevin wrote to you. I really hope before you do anything, (smoke), that you really deeply think about all the ramifications of that choice, if thats a right word to use. I think about others watching what I do, and dont do, and it does have an impact on their life, if they are watching me smoke, afterall, they love me, and smoking IS A KILLER. But we all know that, it comes down to our very own decision inside of ourselves, and me, I can live with not smoking, to smoke, I live in fear each day of what may happen, and the reality, I have smoked for 30 plus years, (ALOT), of course there is most likely alot of damage done, but that is past, I cannot change that. What I have, you have, others have, is RIGHT NOW, I'm hoping you let this feeling of yours move right along, I would have to say, I do not think about smoking or wanting to, of course many days I have, I eat alot, have gotten bigger, even though the scales dont say it, I feel quite unattractive, and I have been one of those people who has always worried about how I look, and even when I was thin, thought I was fat, etc.......but now, I think, this is my earthly body, and what I am proud of is, for once in my life, I am able to get beyond the looks thing, I feel thankful, I am getting two positive things out of one decision, how to still be me, even though I feel I look awful, and not smoking. The fact that it would be real easy to go buy some, light up, I am for now, choosing the more difficult path, and truly believing, one step at a time, I am dealing with this, whether I am wanting a cig or not, for this moment, I decide not to smoke. Okay, if I havent already gotten you totally confused, I just thought it might help, to say my feelings on this, and I will be praying you decide to continue NOT SMOKING, and I am so happy that you came here and wrote out how you are feeling. You talk about not wanting to fight anymore, or that you dont think you can, I disagree, I think about my life now, not smoking, in comparison to my life, as a smoker, and quite frankly, there is NO COMPARISON AT ALL. I think the things that are worth fighting for in this life, are the ones that matter most, and that mean the most. Dont give up the good fight, Carol, you have come too far, and look, at just how many people you have sincerely helped, at least right now, you have the choice to keep fighting, going back to smoking, might change that, you may no longer have the decision to keep fighting, it may be taken out of your own hands.....that is a scary thought. I care about you, alot, and I will be praying for you, I will right now, sincerely, and God be with you, Heidi
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Mindy



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 1074

PostPosted: May 24, 2004 2:23 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Carol,
It's one day at a time.....Like Kevin said above, "I won't smoke today". You and I and all the rest of us who are fighting this will make it. We're all in this together,
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bjj



Quit Date:
April 7, 2004

Posts: 1056
Location: Ohio

PostPosted: May 24, 2004 3:14 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Carol,
It is hard! No denying that. There are many times when I think, "Why am I putting myself through this. I am 61. I have smoked for over 40 years. No one will blame me if I start again, most are expecting it." All that is true. It is also true that much as I really want that cig.( and I do!), I chose not to smoke right now. I do not know if I will tomorrow, but not now. Please hang in. We care!
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Bonnie

"Always think of what you have to do as easy and it will become so".
Emile Coue
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Pamela



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 3542
Location: Gardiner, NY

PostPosted: May 24, 2004 8:03 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Carol, I'm really getting tired of this fight too. But, I've come to think of myself smoking as a real loser. Embarassed

And, I don't want to be a smoking loser ever again. Mad

So, all I an do is keep dragging my butt along this process, and hope that each minute that passes......I get better!

Wanna come with me?
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FIVE + years of freedom and loving it!
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Vanessa



Quit Date:
March 7, 2004

Posts: 103
Location: Tampa, FL

PostPosted: May 24, 2004 9:22 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm thinking about you today! Be good to yourself......you'll make the right decision for you......it's all about choice.....

Good luck with the results of your chest xray!


---
2m 2w 4d 0:25 smoke-free, 1,580 cigs not smoked, $199.87 saved, 5d 11:40 life saved
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Don't accept your current situation as a permanent station in life. You have the power to change. Strive for more.
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Tammy



Quit Date:
February 16, 2004

Posts: 2565
Location: Florida

PostPosted: May 24, 2004 10:01 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Carol. Everyone so far has said it is about choice and I so agree. You can choose to throw all of your hard work away. or choose to remain free. I still have craves too. Not as bad and not as frequent. Last night I was sitting here watching tv and out of no where a crave came, a strong one. I took in a long deep breath and held it a few seconds and exhaled slowly. The moment I did that the crave lessened. I did it a few more times and the crave was gone. Doing this has made several craves go quickly over the past several weeks. I really do believe that sometimes after we quit our body really wants, needs that long deep breath we used to take while taking that long deep drag off of the posion. I think more times than not that is what we are craving. Not the cigarette it is the deep breath. Also you are dieting, correct? That has always made me more anxious and crabby.

I'll be thinking about you today and pray all is well with your Dr.'s appointment.
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Tammy
Free and loving it!
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Paula



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 294
Location: Sacramento, CA

PostPosted: May 24, 2004 10:24 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Carol...

Big Hugs!!! I know exactly how you feel... I have been in your shoes for about the last week... I'm still there. I have no magical answers, all the information that is here is tried and true. I can only tell you that I hear exactly what you are saying... and you are not alone. You will never be alone ~ we are right here with you. I have however missed seeing your posts... please don't disappear ok!!!

Love Ya!!
-Paula

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Mindy



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 1074

PostPosted: May 24, 2004 1:18 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Carol,
I hope you're hanging in there today. I am..... Rolling Eyes

Take care and be kind to yourself,
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Kissimee



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 772
Location: St. Louis, MO

PostPosted: May 24, 2004 2:20 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Carol,
Hang in there! It is worth it...Its hard. We're in this fight together.

You'll be in my thoughts!
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I can NOT control the addiction because if I could, it would NOT be an addiction...BUT I can control ME, the addict.
~Tracy

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THREEGRAND



Quit Date:
March 28, 2004

Posts: 631
Location: RHODE ISLAND

PostPosted: May 24, 2004 8:55 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Carol: i feel I know you. I am always reading your posts which help alot..... Our quit dates are pretty close Mines March 28 and yes It is tiring to fight our quit as times..... We always have to be protecting our quit and we do get sick of it.....I think you'll feel better when your x ray comes out okay, that might be a nother motivator for you......We are all doing great''''''' remember 1 cigarette= addiction, I know you don't want that. SMOKING IS NOT AN OPTION pLEASE DON'T SMOKE Gail
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cherkohn



Quit Date:
March 15, 2004

Posts: 107
Location: Illinois, USA

PostPosted: May 25, 2004 6:56 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Carol,

First of all - what everyone else said.

Next - DON'T YOU DARE SMOKE!! I couldn't take watching you lose your quit. You have been there with me the whole way.

If you smoke it makes me that much less confident that I can do this.

So, if you cannot keep your quit for yourself, keep it for me.

Cheryl
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