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Leona



Quit Date:
June 1, 2017

Posts: 1838
Location: Alpena, Michigan

PostPosted: May 24, 2004 6:00 PM    Post subject: Me too Reply with quote

I am sorta with Carol on this. I am tired. Tired of my emotions being all over the place happy one minute and crying the next. And never sure which it is going to be. On top of that my loving son has made me his enemy at least he thinks I am and that makes me sad and craving too. I really don't want to get into it completely. But surfice to say he bought a truck with the last money he has and probably will have for a long time to come and it is the bigest junk buggie I have seen in a very long time. I told him what I thought of it and he told me I only find fault with him and never praise him (for crying out loud he is 21 years old and when he does something right he is told so. what does he want from ME) My fiancee's mom says that after I told him that he went into the house and had tears in his eyes. Ok sorry did not mean it but was the truth. Again what am I suppose to do. I have just decided to keep my mouth shut and let him screw up himself. But to top all that off he refuses to live by my rules so I am gonna have to be the #1 enemey once again. D@@#@ Iam so sick of being always mean and horrid and having blamed on me quiting smoking. And on top of that I got a letter in the mail that upset me even further. GOD I WANT A CIG and no I won't smoke but want want so bad. And am so sick of my emoitons and crying. I am over a month and thought this was suppose to go away. And then when I am stressed like this I can't get the air in my lungs. Dr says this is normal and that it is because the lungs are healing I say B S So I like Carol can't guarentee anything anymore. I do and don't want a cig all at the same time.

I am suppose to be happy at this point right and happy because in July I am getting married again. (LOrd that scares me too)

Anyway thianks for letting me rant.

One month, one week, six days, 7 hours, 0 minutes and 30 seconds. 1731 cigarettes not smoked, saving $298.71. Life saved: 6 days, 15 minutes.
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Pamela



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 3542
Location: Gardiner, NY

PostPosted: May 24, 2004 7:59 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Lenora, sorry, excuse me. I read all of Nicodemon's lies in your post. You started out as one of the strongest quitters. Are you going to quit quitting now? Forget your family, your son, your job, your stress.

You have a beautiful guit. You are in my footsteps. So, I'm offering my hand to you, and just saying stop all the junkie talk. Take my hand, and just keep going with this...I'm three months, and it's still not easy, but you have to stay with it.

So, take my hand please...and tell me you will not smoke today, tonight. You will not smoke until you PM to someone here at least one time.

You can do this, girl!
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Mindy



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 1074

PostPosted: May 24, 2004 8:46 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Leona,
Man, this is tough isn't it? But feelings like these will only make us stronger....we must remember that. I am amazed at all I've been able to deal with and still not resort to smoking a cigarette. Yes, I've wanted to smoke more times than I can remember...but the important thing is I haven't. And neither have you! You should be so proud.
Yes our kids can stress us out and the thought of getting married probably scares you, but in reality they aren't reasons to smoke. I know it's hard to always remember that, but we know it deep in our hearts. Smoking will do nothing but make a small problem into a mountain of problems. I repeat that to myself a lot...especially lately.
Take comfort in all of us here on the boards----We're all traveling the same road. I'm with you Leona,
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Tammy



Quit Date:
February 16, 2004

Posts: 2565
Location: Florida

PostPosted: May 24, 2004 10:10 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Leona, I do not know what to say except look at your reason to quit list again. Stop a moment and think about all that you have already endured and you did not cave in and smoke.
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Tammy
Free and loving it!
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bjj



Quit Date:
April 7, 2004

Posts: 1056
Location: Ohio

PostPosted: May 25, 2004 1:32 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Leona,
I am only a little ahead of you in my quit. No, it aint easy! My really big craves come a little less often, and usually do not last as long, but they are still there everyday, and it does get wearing and difficult to hold on. I think it was Tom that wrote in another post that we are far enough into the quit for the first excitement to have worn off, and not far enough for it to have gotten a lot better. A dangerous time! Maybe that is why I read somewhere that the first three months are the worse for relapses. I do not like being a statistic! I do not know for sure that I am quit forever, but I will not smoke today. You started by saying you were not going to smoke, and ended by saying you could not promise anything. None of us can, but do not talk yourself out of your quit!
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Bonnie

"Always think of what you have to do as easy and it will become so".
Emile Coue
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16Ocean



Quit Date:
April 16, 2004

Posts: 400

PostPosted: May 25, 2004 1:39 AM    Post subject: Hi Leona Reply with quote

Hi Leona, Havent talked with you for quite a while, seems. Believe it or not, I have shared many feelings on this wanting to smoke, or feeling, it is what is needed to either make us feel better, help solve some problem or whatever it is we think it will accomplish, I have been there too lately. Actually, tonight. I've noticed its when I feel defeated over some issue in my own life, that I want to go back to smoking. What I'm struggling with feels hopeless, no solution. So, why not smoke, life is going crummy anyways, cant get any worse. But I know, this all to be untrue. Smoking has been what we all turned to for so long, its what we have known. So now, when life throws theses things out there at us, how do we cope, deal, get through them????? of course, smoking would be what we think of, and with so many weak moments most people have, thats the time, we may very well fall. I am really hoping you keep fighting the fight to be smoke free Leona, tonight, I feel like I am fighting, what I want to do, is to go hide somewhere, cry my heart out, and just quit on everything, thats how I feel tonight. And the only news I had today was, I need 5 crowns, 2 root canal, and 10 fillings, and our insurance covers only 50 percent of the majors, and only so much a year, and I have been on percocet for about two weeks now, because my teeth for whatever reason decided to go at once, pain. Rather, than give up, have decided to do every possible thing imaginable that I can think of to get this work done, through monthly payments, who knows, before I resort to just getting them pulled, but it also depends on how many more percocet my doctor will give me, to how long I can hold out. Probably wrong to write this here, but I really do feel as many of you do, somehow just think maybe this is how it will go until I'm gone, thinking about smoking when things arent going right. Close your eyes, pray to God for help, His comfort, and believe, the feeling you are having, WILL PASS. I'm sorry you are having a hard time right now, and actually, I believe you have had a hard life, but, look at all the positive things you have shared on here to all of us, you have given your time to help others, well, believe me, it matters, YOU MATTER, you staying SMOKE FREE MATTERS, because we all know, choosing to not smoke, we will feel better, and prevent any further damage from smoking, and if that buys us more years, I say it is worth it, over and over. I hope to chat with you soon, thank you for the ideas you gave me about my car, now trying idea number two, hopefully, it will fix it!!!!!! Care about you, we think we want to smoke, we do want to smoke, but, together, lets all choose to NOT SMOKE!!!!! Really, think about it, who really wants to have to quite all over again, ? I sure dont. God be with you, Heidi
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THREEGRAND



Quit Date:
March 28, 2004

Posts: 631
Location: RHODE ISLAND

PostPosted: May 25, 2004 6:31 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Alll the above posts said it all, just wanted you to know I'm betting on you that you don't smoke. You've come to far and gone through to much to do that to yourself....Remember "one cigarette =- addiction""" Gail
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Leona



Quit Date:
June 1, 2017

Posts: 1838
Location: Alpena, Michigan

PostPosted: May 25, 2004 10:59 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Pam, Margaret, Tammy, Mindy, Bonnie and Heidi

I am ok today. Iwas as Heidi says having a really bad time this last week but instead of my teeth it was my kid. I don't even pretend to understand the kids today. They are so different then we were when we grew up. If I had been as disrespectful to my family as the kids today are I would of had a willow switch on my backside and beleive me I beleive I am better for it. My grandmother never hurt me just stung me and made me think. I think though the worst spankings I ever had were from grandpa he was sick and it about killed him to spank me and I rememver the two he gave me. They really stuck with me all these years because of how hard it was on him.

Anyway my son is a disrespectful little snot (21) and seems to think the world owes him (his dad allover again) and it stresses me to the point where like Heidi said you think you want a cig even if you don't want it. It also hurts me so very much that he is like that with me. I saved him from his father by divorceing him. No I never put it that way to him and nver will. I want him to care about me for me. and wonder if it will ever come about. Yes I know everyone says he does but you know actions speak louder than words.

Anyway with the crap he throws at me on a constant basis it makes it so very hard to stay quit but thus far have and plan on remaining quit one second at a time right now. Not so much because there are any cravings but because I am vulnuerable at this point with my emotions all over the place and depression too. Great combination to stay quit but will. I know he is no longer a teenager but god he sure does act like one and you know what I HATE TEENAGERS. Or at least I hate their actions and thinking. Yes I know some of them are actually good kids hell most of them are. But you know I swear my 15 year old daughter has more sense then my 21 year old son does. She said gee mom I would of taken the money Robert spent on that hunk of junk truck and put it away for food. She also said he complains about not having a job, food, or money and what does he do he spends it on a truck that is a huge pile of junk. Ok so how come she knows and he doesn't seem to comprehend it?
This is what gets me more then anything else even the eratic emotions.(God I hate them too) I can't seem to control them or even get a handle on them. I have been hibernating alot so I don't make a fool of myself with them. I burst into tears for absolutely no reason and can't even explain why. How embarrasing this would be if it happened in public. I can do it for very short periods of time that is get ahandle on the emtions. but no long term. I don'tknow if this is part of quiting but if it it it really SUCKS. I don't understand it and that depresses me right along with everything else in my life right now. Like the wreck my son was in with his blazer (not the truck he can't even get it insured or plated no money to do so) A guy we know hit him (the guy has no lic. or insurance or even a car of his own) he is a drunk. Aslked robert not to call the poliec but my son did (good boy) but now he won't even file it with his insurance to get the money to get it fixed (stupid kid) He is once again listening to other people on it those people (his age) are saying hey it is gonna be bad as you will end up with reckless driver on your record and a wrecked title on the blazer(ok now it has been reported to the cops and the insurance lady was told the same day if recless is gonna be on the record don't you think it will be anyway (duh) and as for wrecked title my fiancee and I will deal with it as we will be getting it off of him anyway once he gets the truck insured and seeing as we drive our cars until they are nothing more than junkyard material is it really gonna matter if it is a wrecked title? again (duh)) I imagine you all ge t the picture anyway that is what has been going on with me and with the emoitons all over the place and depression well brain says like Heidi said
Quote:
I've noticed its when I feel defeated over some issue in my own life, that I want to go back to smoking. What I'm struggling with feels hopeless, no solution. So, why not smoke, life is going crummy anyways, cant get any worse.

but don't worry I won't

I guess this turned into more than a rant it is more like a ramble. But thought you all who supported me should have a clearer pic of what is going on with me. Don't worry I really needed to get it off my chest and put it here and hear some feedback I don't wna tthe Laughing Demon lies I know that is what they are.

Thanks to you all

One month, one week, six days, 23 hours, 59 minutes and 5 seconds. 1759 cigarettes not smoked, saving $303.60. Life saved: 6 days, 2 hours, 35 minutes.
_________________

Quiting smoking is like a fine wine ......
It just gets better with age.
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Pamela



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 3542
Location: Gardiner, NY

PostPosted: May 25, 2004 3:57 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank God, Leona. Now you sound more like your normal self! Fight, spit, rant, rave and cry all you want...just keep that quit!
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