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Help! I Want to Smoke
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marw



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 3634
Location: Chicago, IL

PostPosted: February 21, 2007 5:46 PM    Post subject: Help! I Want to Smoke Reply with quote

My rule is always to post if I am ever in danger of resuming the habit, so that is what I am doing.

I don't think I have ever been this miserable. I have cried for a week. This involves a terrible family situation. It also involves a decision on my part, that I don't feel like I can make. I am sort of caught in the middle of something. (Sorry to be so vague, but I'm not sure I should post this on a public board.) I am just in anguish. I tried to consult a counsellor, but she was no good. She did not understand at all. I have talked to several people, but no one knows what I should do.

At this point I want more than anything to go to the store and buy some cigs. I realize the crave is for answers instead of smoke, but there will never be any answers. I want to smoke to badly I can almost smell it. I know if I step across the hall, I can probably borrow a cig from the neighbors. While it will burn hellfire out of my lungs the first cig, after that I would get use to them again. Any maybe, maybe my nerves would calm down. I cannot sleep. I cannot eat. I cry all the time. I know cigs will kill me, but I almost don't care.....I feel so wretched.

I just so much need the relief. I did not understand before when people posted stuff like this. But I have got to get rid of this terrible tension, this horror, this pressure, and this grief. I would give anything to stop being so miserable.

I'm going to think about whether I should actually put specifics on this board anyway. Although maybe it would not help. I just don't know what to do, and do not know how to find out.

I have not smoked yet.
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Margaret
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marw



Quit Date:
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Posts: 3634
Location: Chicago, IL

PostPosted: February 21, 2007 5:50 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, I can't go to the store now. I tried having a drink, but now I have a terrible burning pain in my stomach, like an ulcer.

Oh God, what am I going to do?
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Margaret
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swaneem



Quit Date:
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Posts: 1298
Location: Arizona

PostPosted: February 21, 2007 6:26 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

"I just so much need the relief. I did not understand before when people posted stuff like this. But I have got to get rid of this terrible tension, this horror, this pressure, and this grief. I would give anything to stop being so miserable."


Margaret,

Smoking WILL NOT give you any relief....it WILL NOT get rid of your tension, horror, or grief. But it WILL ADD to all you're dealing with

When we're under a lot of stress...I believe there is some twisted reaction to hurt ourself. I can have the immediate and strong reaction to punch a wall when my stress level is high...but what in the world would that do..other than injure my hand.

And of course...smoking will only HARM you.

Put a pillow over your head and scream or loud music and dance

Stop and step back...smoking will NOT solve anything your addressing right now...and I'll bet it has to do with your mother.

Prayers and hugs are in order....but DO NOT SMOKE.

Donna
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coming to an end..........God made him a
BUTTERFLY.
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texas2step



Quit Date:
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Posts: 793
Location: Texas

PostPosted: February 21, 2007 8:13 PM    Post subject: What Donna said.... Reply with quote

what Donna said and more... do NOT smoke. It won't change a thing other than to make you feel bad about losing your quit - but you know that....

You must remain strong. I'm as sure as anything that whatever burden of decision you have facing you, you can do something. Take deep breaths and back off from it, just for now until you can come to grips with nicodemon..... he will not help you and you know that.

Sending huge hugs and LOVE your way, and strength to make it through this weak moment.... hang on girl YOU CAN DO IT

Texas
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"You can't always have happiness, but you can always give happiness."
Anonymous

Quit: 8/14/06
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kannprint



Quit Date:
April 10, 2004

Posts: 4988
Location: St. Louis, MO

PostPosted: February 21, 2007 8:35 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Margaret, think back to almost 3 years ago -- major COPD -- difficulty breathing. You couldn't even think about dancing. Remember?

Now, is that where you want to be today? I think NOT!

Hang tough, quit buddy, we're going to make our quits fit the rest of our lives. Remember?
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LIVE WELL, LAUGH OFTEN, LOVE MUCH.
Jo
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essie662



Quit Date:
April 14, 2004

Posts: 3388
Location: MI

PostPosted: February 21, 2007 8:41 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Margaret~What the others said and DO NOT take even one puff on those horrible things. DO NOT listen to Laughing Demon You already know smoking will not change a thing nor will it make you feel better, if anything you will feel worse. We are soooo close to the 3 year mark don't let go now. Try thinking of how we all will be celebrating in April, Please, Margaret don't do anything to let that go. We would hate to lose you now. We've come so far! Take care of yourself! I will even send up a little prayer for you (or a big one if you think it will help!) (((((((Margaret)))))))

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Essie
4/14/04
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jlynn931



Quit Date:
September 22, 2016

Posts: 785
Location: MA

PostPosted: February 21, 2007 8:43 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

margaret,
hope you are getting through the night ok. whatever you do DON'T SMOKE!! what everyone else has said and what you know yourself is true: it's only going to make things WORSE! take deep breaths, yell and scream, call a friend, send a message to someone here if you want to talk about it and not publicly on the boards, but please don't smoke. you've come so far!

jenny
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kevin
Site Admin


Quit Date:
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Posts: 9538
Location: cincinnati, oh

PostPosted: February 21, 2007 9:53 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

if you had a friend who was an alcoholic, and she hadn't had a drink for nearly three years, and she told you she was thinking about having a drink to help her get past a rough spot she was having, what would you tell her?

you might say that she'd come too far to go back now; you might tell her that drinking wouldn't make the situation better, that it could only make it worse; you might ask her why she felt as though something that she knew would kill her if she let it could possibly help her in any way...

it's you that's standing on the edge of the abyss here, margaret, and you can be your own best friend, or you can be your own worst enemy; the choice is yours.

pm me if you want; i don't know anybody in your family, and whatever you say to me will go no further.

just don't smoke.
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keep choosing life!

kevin

the zen of the quit
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marw



Quit Date:
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Posts: 3634
Location: Chicago, IL

PostPosted: February 22, 2007 12:04 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

First, I am still smoke free!

Thank you, thank you to all my wonderful friends who are always here!

Kevin, bless you for offering to let me PM you with details when I know how busy you are all the time. That was lovely.

This is what happened. The very act of posting, I think, diffused some of the built up emotional overload. Also, posting keeps one in mind of the process that we are in--that of staying smoke-free-- for the rest of our lives, even if we temporarily lost sight of what we are doing.

Then, of course, having all that wonderful wall of support behind one. All of you!

After posting, I had to call the doctor to get a prescription filled for that pain in my stomach. By the time I went to pick up the medicine, I was so worried about my stomach that I totally forgot about smoking. I walked right past rows of cigs without even noticing them.

Of course, I was also still thinking of the terrible family thing that I let get me into such a state ....and decided I had to act. Sitting astride the fence was making me ill. (I had been crying for most of the day for over a week.) So I called my brother, which turned out to be the best possible thing I could have done. In doing so, I broke a promise to someone else, but it was still in that family member's best interest. So I feel it was the right thing to do. I know I am still being vague, but I don't think details are important since this is resolved.....or at least my decision was made.

I think this was the closest I ever came to losing my quit since Hell Week. I must have been temporarily insane.

The wonderful thing is, that when one has this Board, it is like a Lifeline that you can just hold onto until you figure out what to do.

I don't think I would have ever forgiven myself if I had smoked, and besides I would have died, because of the COPD.

So thank you, Kevin, for creating this safe place for us, and thank you, my friends, for rescuing me.

I will be OK now. I am tired.....emotional binges tend to do that, I guess. So I will wait a while before I answer all your PMs. But thanks in advance for them and for your caring.

With love and gratitude,

P.S. My stomach is OK now, too. Smile
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Margaret
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Mary Dude



Quit Date:
June 15, 2004

Posts: 4803
Location: Pittsburgh, PA

PostPosted: February 22, 2007 12:10 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Margaret - know that old Laughing Demon is lying to you - big time! Don't do it!!! You'll really be even more miserable - because smoking will help NOTHING! It will only hurt even more.....and make life even more gross and disgusting. I'm putting you at the top of my prayer list....and you'll be getting a flock of angels to keep you company and to lift you up over this hurdle....please hang tough...pm me if you need an ear...I'm really whooped but will hang out here for a little bit - ok?


(Margaret)



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Mary D.
Smoke-free one day at a time!
Worry doesn't help tomorrow's troubles, but it does ruin today's happiness!
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Mary Dude



Quit Date:
June 15, 2004

Posts: 4803
Location: Pittsburgh, PA

PostPosted: February 22, 2007 8:22 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Margaret - I'm so glad you worked through the challenge! I was typing away when you where posting....

Keep that focus on your freedom...you are so very worth staying free! I'm proud that you remembered your promise to post BEFORE you gave in to what felt like an overwhelming desire to smoke - and you found a way to work through a major challenge in your life - well done - you did it - you kept your quit!! Well done!
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Mary D.
Smoke-free one day at a time!
Worry doesn't help tomorrow's troubles, but it does ruin today's happiness!
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kevin
Site Admin


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Location: cincinnati, oh

PostPosted: February 22, 2007 11:12 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

glad to hear it, margaret! Smile
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keep choosing life!

kevin

the zen of the quit
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alleghany



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PostPosted: February 22, 2007 11:35 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

I am late, but so glad you are still smoke free. Sending you good thoughts.

Cool
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Quit date: June 6, 2004
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Lori



Quit Date:
March 18, 2006

Posts: 521
Location: Pennsylvania, USA

PostPosted: February 22, 2007 4:34 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Me too, Margaret -- I'm sorry I'm late, but I'm so glad you didn't smoke! You are one of my heroes -- I know you can hang tough girl!

Sending you a big hug,
Lori
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Deb



Quit Date:
February 5, 2010

Posts: 967
Location: North Carolina (Originally New York)

PostPosted: February 22, 2007 7:20 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Margaret,

Oh my, I'm so glad you didn't do it. I think you know what the outcome would of been. You've already got great advice here so please if this continues..post, post and then post some more.

We care about you and smoking.................is not an option for you, you kicked Scowling Demon 3 years ago....don't ever look back.

Deb
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