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Patty129



Quit Date:
February 18, 2007

Posts: 828
Location: Saginaw, MI

PostPosted: April 18, 2007 11:19 PM    Post subject: More crisis Reply with quote

I don't even know where to begin to describe how I'm feeling at this moment. I attended a funeral on Monday of a former co-worker....a great guy, 41 who died suddenly from a heart attack. On Monday night and for the past several days I have spent hours watching the horror of Virginia Tech, and then tonight I got the phone call I've been dreading, my older brother died today of lung cancer at 63.

I'm numb, incredibly sad, I'm on my second pack of gum for the night not wanting to smoke and thinking how odd it is that smoking is what killed my brother, today is my second month anniversary smoke free, and the damn addiction is just raging.......and just last night I was posting about getting through this stuff and remembering what Kevin says about crisis.....and I have probably had that thought going through my head a thousand times tonight.

But, I'm determined to get through the next week or so.....this will be a long drawn out ordeal because of distance, dealing with relatives who are heavy smokers, and just dealing with grief without cigarettes.

As I'm sitting here typing this, I'm thinking how odd it is to be sharing such personal information with people I don't know.....and yet it is rather wonderful that this outlet exists, and allows me to share the pain of losing a sibling to lung cancer, but to also share the pain of addiction/withdrawal and the real need to get through this without creating another crisis by starting to smoke again.

It feels as though the Universe is truly testing me.....and I am so grateful for this board and the wisdom that I find on these pages.

Patty
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Backfist



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 340
Location: Rome, Georgia

PostPosted: April 19, 2007 6:24 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Patty. I'm so sorry for your loss and sad that you have to go through these deaths right now. You CAN get through this without smoking. Do anything but smoke: cry, scream, take a nap, a walk, chew some more gum, anything. One thing that used to help me (still does) is to think about this little saying: Nothing is so bad that smoking won't make it worse.

Hang in there. You and your family are in my prayers! You can come through this time still free of the smokes.

Dekie
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quit date: November 21, 2002
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alleghany



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 2049

PostPosted: April 19, 2007 9:19 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

The year after I quit was one of the toughest in my life. I know you can do this. Sometimes God sends some of us tough times to remind us how precious our quit is!

I am so sorry for your losses. Life is so precious. Sending you my best.
_________________

Face your fears.
Quit date: June 6, 2004
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kannprint



Quit Date:
April 10, 2004

Posts: 4988
Location: St. Louis, MO

PostPosted: April 19, 2007 9:29 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh, Patty, I'm so very sorry about your terrible loss. Dekie is absolutely right, though. There's nothing so bad that smoking won't make it worse. However, not smoking will certainly make your life better, so hang tough. It may be of some relief to pick up pen and paper and write your thoughts down. That always seemed to help me over the rough spots.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your loved ones as you go through the ordeal of losing a close family member.
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LIVE WELL, LAUGH OFTEN, LOVE MUCH.
Jo
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texas2step



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 793
Location: Texas

PostPosted: April 19, 2007 10:18 AM    Post subject: Agreed... Reply with quote

Poor dear, I am sorry to hear of the terrible losses for you at this time. But I so agree with the ladies who have already posted. I also want to add that smoking won't change anything that's happened, but you likely know that already - it's just that I know old Nicodemus he seems to say "I can help you" when we get really down and hurt and it's lies but sometimes we're so weak we listen to them - don't listen if he speaks....

And to send a huge hug your way. We shall keep you in our thoughts and prayers, and your whole family.

Peace be upon you
Texas
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"You can't always have happiness, but you can always give happiness."
Anonymous

Quit: 8/14/06
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kevin
Site Admin


Quit Date:
-

Posts: 9538
Location: cincinnati, oh

PostPosted: April 19, 2007 12:08 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

sorry to hear of your loss, patty. just remember this: people who have never smoked lose friends and loved ones, too, and it never occurs to them to smoke to help them get through it. the only reason that we do is that we're addicts, and in times of crisis, an addict's first thought is the "comfort" they'll get from feeding their addiction.

don't you believe it; the only thing feeding your addiction will get you is the renewed compulsion to feed your addiction until it kills you. it's ok to be sad at a time like this. it's ok to be angry, too. it's ok to be whatever you're feeling; you don't need to stuff it behind the smokescreen.
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keep choosing life!

kevin

the zen of the quit
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Zuzu



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 962
Location: Marin

PostPosted: April 19, 2007 2:38 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

hey Patty.. I'm so sorry for your loss and I hope you grieve deeply and well and smoke-free so that you might feel the healing of that grief wholly. Grief has a purpose, it's not to be run away from - we grow through it and because of it. It's not a place to dwell in forever (when that sadness extends into years, sometimes I think that's not grief at all... but something else... I'm not sure what) but it IS a place to spend some time in.

I think it's hard enough to grieve, even a harder place to grieve AND have that racing heart, sweaty, sickly feel of a relapse AND then beat yourself up through the whole process. However difficult it feels to go through this smokefree - trust that it would be EVEN MORE difficult to go through it and deal with all the added frustration of a relapse. I think "ucanquit" recently posted about the "ahhhhhh" moment... take a look at that post... it really speaks to the false promises and expectations we place on smoking... we tell ourselves, in those difficult moments, that smoking would take away emotional pain, smoking will make it 'easier' - but it never did, it never has, it never will... it never meets those hopes or expectations. Remember that - hold on to that.. .and believe in yourself.

You've done an AMAZING job.. you ARE doing an amazing job. Maybe you just need a really big hug? Hang in there!

-Zuzu
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AllieCat



Quit Date:
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Posts: 136
Location: Argentine, Michigan USA

PostPosted: April 19, 2007 3:30 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

*Hugs* Patty
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Doggygirl



Quit Date:
February 26, 2007

Posts: 788
Location: Joliet, IL

PostPosted: April 19, 2007 3:58 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Patty, many hugs and prayers to you, your family members, and your co-workers and friends during this awful and tragic time.

Your support to all of us here has meant more to me than you probably know. If there is ANYTHING I can do for you, please say so. Sending healing prayers your way.

(((Patty!)))

Beth
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Happiness is an attitude. We either make ourselves miserable, or happy and strong. The amount of work is the same. ~Francesca Reigler
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essie662



Quit Date:
April 14, 2004

Posts: 3388
Location: MI

PostPosted: April 19, 2007 4:10 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sorry to hear of your loss, Patty. Stay tough!

*****Hugs*****
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Essie
4/14/04
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jimotter



Quit Date:
November 19, 2003

Posts: 2411
Location: Everett Washington

PostPosted: April 19, 2007 4:47 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Patty
I am so sorry for the loss of your brother. My thoughts are with you and your family. This horrible addiction that we all share causes nothing but misery to us and those around us.
Jim
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Never give up on yourself. We are so worth the effort. Smoking creates nothing but misery for us and those around us. Smoking is socially unacceptable everywhere we go.
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Patty129



Quit Date:
February 18, 2007

Posts: 828
Location: Saginaw, MI

PostPosted: April 19, 2007 4:55 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

You guys are so amazing.....I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes, with a kitty on my lap, the sun streaming in the window, and thinking about the beauty of what you all have written during the past hours. It is so "right on" so supportive and sooooooo helpful.

What is kind of funny.....my husband made an appointment for us to go see a friend/therapist tonight....we both are feeling pretty overwhelmed emotionally right now (his two month lunaversary is tomorrow) and I can guarentee that we won't get any more wisdom, care and concern than I just got here......and this is free.

Thank you all, more than I can express in writing.

Patty
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Cowgirl UP!



Quit Date:
July 26, 2004

Posts: 5029
Location: Ala

PostPosted: April 20, 2007 10:28 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Patty, I am sorry to hear about the loss of your brother and co worker. I hope today has been brighter for you and you are starting the healing process.
Hugs,
Kay
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All with a little help from my friends, COWGIRL UP
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Mary Dude



Quit Date:
June 15, 2004

Posts: 4803
Location: Pittsburgh, PA

PostPosted: April 20, 2007 10:44 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Patty - sending you my sympathy and prayers. My brother died when I was about 3 months quit and it was a challenge to come through the crisis smoke free - but I did it and you can to! Commit yourself to coming out the other side smoke free and you will. Take it one day at a time! You and your family will be in my prayers.
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Mary D.
Smoke-free one day at a time!
Worry doesn't help tomorrow's troubles, but it does ruin today's happiness!
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Patty129



Quit Date:
February 18, 2007

Posts: 828
Location: Saginaw, MI

PostPosted: April 21, 2007 5:05 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

what a week....on top of all that has happened, my computer crashed yesterday, but I have a wonderful friend who has a wonderful friend who almost built me a new computer and barely charged what his time is worth....so, along with the difficult comes some really cool stuff too...just want you all to know I'm still here and not smoking and won't be going out of town until the middle of the coming week.....again, thank you all for your kind words and support
Patty
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