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I Can't Quit or I Won't Quit(WhyQuit.com)

 
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UCanQuit



Quit Date:
July 7, 2004

Posts: 148
Location: Seattle

PostPosted: June 3, 2007 2:34 PM    Post subject: I Can't Quit or I Won't Quit(WhyQuit.com) Reply with quote

Joel's Reinforcement Library






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I Can't Quit or I Won't Quit




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"I don't want to be called on during this clinic. I am quitting smoking, but I don't want to talk about it. Please don't call on me." This request was made by a lady enrolling in one of my clinics over 20 years ago. I said sure. I won't make you talk, but if you feel you would like to interject at anytime, please don't hesitate to. At that she got mad and said, "Maybe I am not making myself clear-I don't want to talk! If you make me talk I will get up and walk out of this room. If you look at me with an inquisitive look on your face, I am leaving! Am I making myself clear?" I was a little shocked by the strength of her statement but I told her I would honor her request. I hoped that during the program she would change her mind and would share her experiences with the group and me but in all honesty, I wasn't counting on it.

There were about 20 other participants in the program. Overall, it was a good group with the exception of two women who sat in back of the room and gabbed constantly. Other participants would turn around and tell the two to be quiet. They would stop talking for a few seconds and then start right up again with just as much enthusiasm as before. Sometimes, when other people were sharing sad, personal experiences, they would be laughing at some humorous story they had shared with each other, totally ignorant of the surrounding happenings.

On the third day of the clinic, a major breakthrough occurred. The two gossips were partying away as usual. There was one young woman, probably early twenties who asked if she could talk first because she had to leave. The two gossips in back still were not listening and kept up with their private conversation. The young woman who had to leave said, "I can't stay, I had a horrible tragedy in my family today, my brother was killed in an accident." Fighting back emotions she continued. "I wasn't even supposed to come tonight, I am supposed to be helping my family making funeral arrangements. But I knew I had to stop by if I was going to continue to not smoke." She had only been off two days now. But not smoking was important to her. The group felt terrible, but were so proud of her, it made what happened in their day seem so trivial. All except the two ladies in the back of the room. They actually heard none of what was happening. When they young woman was telling how close she and her brother were, the two gossips actually broke out laughing. They weren't laughing at the story, they were laughing at something totally different not even aware of what was being discussed in the room. Anyway, the young woman who lost her brother shortly after that excused herself to go back to her family. She said she would keep in touch and thanked the group for all of their support.

A few minutes later I was then relating some story to the group, when all of a sudden the lady who requested anonymity arose and spoke. "Excuse me Joel," she said loudly, interrupting me in the middle of the story. "I wasn't going to say anything this whole program. The first day I told Joel not to call on me. I told him I would walk out if I had to talk. I told him I would leave if he tried to make me talk. I didn't want to burden anyone else with my problems. But today I feel I cannot keep quiet any longer. I must tell my story." The room was quiet.

"I have terminal lung cancer. I am going to die within two months. I am here to quit smoking. I want to make it clear that I am not kidding myself into thinking that if I quit I will save my life. It is too late for me. I am going to die and there is not a damn thing I can do about it. But I am going to quit smoking."

"You may wonder why I am quitting if I am going to die anyway. Well, I have my reasons. When my children were small, they always pestered me about my smoking. I told them over and over to leave me alone, that I wanted to stop but couldn't. I said it so often they stopped begging. But now my children are in their twenties and thirties, and two of them smoke. When I found out about my cancer, I begged them to stop. They replied to me, with pained expressions on their faces, that they want to stop but they can't. I know where they learned that, and I am mad at myself for it. So I am stopping to show them I was wrong. It wasn't that I couldn't stop smoking- it was that I wouldn't! I am off two days now, and I know I will not have another cigarette. I don't know if this will make anybody stop, but I had to prove to my children and to myself that I could quit smoking. And if I could quit, they could quit, anybody could quit."

"I enrolled in the clinic to pick up any tips that would make quitting a little easier and because I was real curious about how people who really were taught the dangers of smoking would react. If I knew then what I know now- well, anyway, I have sat and listened to all of you closely. I feel for each and every one of you and I pray you all make it." Even though I haven't said a word to anyone, I feel close to all of you. Your sharing has helped me. As I said, I wasn't going to talk. But today I have to. Let me tell you why." Then she turned to the two ladies in the back of the room, who actually had stayed quiet during this interlude. Suddenly she flared up, "The only reason I am speaking up now is because you two BITCHES are driving me crazy. You are partying in the back while everyone else is sharing with each other, trying to help save each other's lives. She then related what the young woman had said about her brother's death and how they were laughing at the time, totally unaware of the story. "Will you both do me a favor, just get the hell out of here! Go out and smoke, drop dead for all we care, you are learning and contributing nothing here." They sat there stunned. I had to calm the group down a little, actually quite bit, the atmosphere was quite charged with all that had happened. I kept the two ladies there, and needless to say, that was the last of the gabbing from the back of the room for the entire two-week clinic.

All the people who were there that night were successful at the end of the program. At graduation, the two ladies who had earlier talked only to each other were applauded by all, even the lady with lung cancer. All was forgiven. The girl who lost her brother also came for the graduation, also smoke free and proud. And the lady with lung cancer proudly accepted her diploma and introduced one of her children. He had stopped smoking for over a week at that time. Actually, when the lady with cancer was sharing her story with us, she had not told her family yet that she had even quit smoking. It was a few days later, when she was off a week that she told her son. He, totally amazed said to her that if she could quit smoking, he knew he could and stopped at that moment. She beamed with joy. Six weeks later she succumbed to the cancer. I found out when I called her home just to see how she was doing and got her son on the line. He thanked me for helping her quit at the end. He told me how proud she was that she had quit and how proud he was of her, and how happy she was that he had quit also. He said she never went back to smoking, and I will not either." In the end, they had both given each other a wonderful gift. He was proud her last breath was smoke free- she NEVER TOOK ANOTHER PUFF!

Epilog: I normally say you can't quit for someone else, it has to be for yourself. This incident flies in the face of this comment to some degree. The lady with lung cancer was quitting smoking to save her children from her fate, to some degree undo the lesson that she had taught years earlier. The lesson that she "could not stop." It was that at the time she "would not stop." There is a big difference between these two statements. It holds true for all smokers. The lady in this story proved years later she could quit-too late to save her life, but not to late to save her sons. Next time you hear yourself or someone else say, I cannot stop, understand it is not true. You can quit. Anyone can quit. The trick is not waiting until it is too late.



© Joel Spitzer 1986, 2000
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The factor that really shows the addiction is not how hard or how easy it is to quit. What really shows the addiction is how universally easy it is to go back. One puff and the quit can go out the window.
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Barbara K.



Quit Date:
December 23, 2004

Posts: 5977

PostPosted: June 7, 2007 5:47 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Very Happy Thanks for this. It made me cry. I know what kept me going in the beginning of my quit this time was in loving memory of my mom who I had lost. Whatever it takes is what matters.
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Obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn arouind and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.

Blessings,
Barbara K.
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Barbara K.



Quit Date:
December 23, 2004

Posts: 5977

PostPosted: June 7, 2007 9:20 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi again,

I just want to tell you that I told a neighbor not long ago about this story and that got us talking. She asked me for the print out of it and the site for her to turn to. Her name is Michele, I hope we see her on here.
_________________

Obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn arouind and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.

Blessings,
Barbara K.
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Seabrez



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 4458
Location: Gulf Coast

PostPosted: June 7, 2007 10:04 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

It would be great to see Michelle come to the boards. And it's good you were able to share this with her. It's such a cool feeling and experience to share with someone about quitting.

That really neat, Barb! Cool

Hugs
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Living in Freedom
Deb

Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. 2 Corn 5:17 NASB
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Barbara K.



Quit Date:
December 23, 2004

Posts: 5977

PostPosted: June 7, 2007 11:18 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Very Happy Thanks Deb,

It would really make me feel great if she does.
_________________

Obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn arouind and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.

Blessings,
Barbara K.
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UCanQuit



Quit Date:
July 7, 2004

Posts: 148
Location: Seattle

PostPosted: June 8, 2007 10:22 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

I hope to see her here too Barbara Very Happy


Eric
_________________

The factor that really shows the addiction is not how hard or how easy it is to quit. What really shows the addiction is how universally easy it is to go back. One puff and the quit can go out the window.
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Barbara K.



Quit Date:
December 23, 2004

Posts: 5977

PostPosted: June 8, 2007 9:30 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Very Happy Michele doesn't have access to a computer until she goes to work Monday.
_________________

Obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn arouind and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.

Blessings,
Barbara K.
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Seabrez



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 4458
Location: Gulf Coast

PostPosted: June 8, 2007 10:53 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Think she might join us on Monday! Very Happy That would great!
_________________

Living in Freedom
Deb

Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. 2 Corn 5:17 NASB
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Barbara K.



Quit Date:
December 23, 2004

Posts: 5977

PostPosted: June 11, 2007 12:15 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Very Happy I'm not sure if she will. Well, see though.
_________________

Obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn arouind and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.

Blessings,
Barbara K.
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moose200x



Quit Date:
May 11, 2009

Posts: 182
Location: Knoxville, TN

PostPosted: June 11, 2007 9:56 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

its 10am where is she?!!????!???!? lol
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babysmoke



Quit Date:
June 28, 2007

Posts: 10

PostPosted: June 28, 2007 3:02 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

omg.. this is so sad... i'm trying to hold my tears but everytime i hear a story like this i have a deep fear of ending just like that.
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Seabrez



Quit Date:
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Posts: 4458
Location: Gulf Coast

PostPosted: June 28, 2007 9:07 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Babysmoke,

Hi! Welcome to Woofmang!

These outcomes do happen in life, but it doesn't necessarily mean it will happen to you. Truth is...we don't know what the future holds, and to needless worry on something that may or may not happen is fruitless. It robs us of the joy of living today. The threat of health concerns is one reason to put down the smokes and never go back. And healing begins immediately once you quit smoking. The body goes to work mending itself. Now, to me, that is just awesome.

So, I see that you don't have a quit date set...I'd like to recommend the free quit smoking program at www.ffsonline.org and also the vast array of articiles and information at www.whyquit.com for more information on this addiction and quitting.

Smoking is actually an addiction to the nicotine in the cigarettes. That is why it is so hard to quit. But, it can be overcome and you can break free from it. It take patience and daily making the choice to never light up. And in the end, it is all about choice...the choice to just quit...and making that choice in the face of each urge to smoke....and as time progresses the pull of the addiction grows weaker.

You can beat this....take that first step....make the choice...and then hold on with resolve and enter the life of freedom.

Hugs
_________________

Living in Freedom
Deb

Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. 2 Corn 5:17 NASB
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babysmoke



Quit Date:
June 28, 2007

Posts: 10

PostPosted: July 3, 2007 11:54 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

i can't go to whyquit dot com.... i get all afraid and a fear graps my heart when i read about the stories.. i just want to quit and hope to be successful.
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Seabrez



Quit Date:
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Posts: 4458
Location: Gulf Coast

PostPosted: July 4, 2007 8:38 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Morning Baby,

It's ok...it is scarey to read the stories. Go to www.ffsonline.org it is a free online quit program. It's sponsored by the American Lung Association. It doesn't have the harsh pictures and stories like whyquit.

You can do this! Also checkout "How to Stack the Odds in Your Favor" in this forum...it's the top sticky thread. And read Kevin's Tales here at Woofmang.

Post alot and stay close to the boards for encouragement and support.

More than anything believe in yourself and have faith that you can do this! Because you can do this!!! Wink

Big Hugs
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Living in Freedom
Deb

Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. 2 Corn 5:17 NASB
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