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My dream come true, so why am I so sad?
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Gracie



Quit Date:
May 8, 2007

Posts: 65

PostPosted: June 13, 2007 5:33 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks Kevin for the insight.

Having smoked for several years, I feel like I'm bound to the memory of the habit. When I think back it was with me on prom night, passing exams, getting my first job, meeting my true love, getting married, raising a family, in tragedy, and in losses, in bad times and in good times, the holidays, the happy get togethers, smoking was associated with everything...It was an automatic crutch in hand everytime something went wrong. I was lighting up everytime I was happy and lighting up when I sad. So of course it's difficult, trying to disassocciate between the 2, past memories and smoking. I read somewhere, that most of us have smoked most of our adult life, so we don't know what it is like to be an non smoking adult and have to relearn how to live life as a non smoker. Oh, how true it is!
You know something, I think I am depressed because it's finally hitting home that I really do have to put my smoking past behind me. ...goodbye smoking, I can't smoke anymore, that's it, I am accepting that I must disassociate and leave all pleasant memories of smoking behind and move forward. I won't lie to you, I am feeling a loss, and even though I may not feel as happy as I would have liked, I am trying day by day. I am a non smoker...

Lisa, I know how it feels, but you just hang in there with me. We are going to get over this empty feeling and enjoy our quit...Right! Right! We are overcomers, okay so we do a little slipping of the thoughts now and again, but hey, it's good for us to vent, we learn from them, it makes us stronger!
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kevin
Site Admin


Quit Date:
-

Posts: 9538
Location: cincinnati, oh

PostPosted: June 13, 2007 9:58 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

instead of just leaving the pleasant memories, gracie, it might be more helpful to take a close look and see if the pleasant memories were actually memories of smoking or if they were really pleasant memories of something else entirely that just happened to be associated with smoking in your mind. chances are it was the latter, and if you throw out the baby with the bath water, you'll be missing the wrong thing! Smile
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keep choosing life!

kevin

the zen of the quit
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Gracie



Quit Date:
May 8, 2007

Posts: 65

PostPosted: June 14, 2007 12:27 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

You are right Kevin, although some of these memories included smoking, especially now that the addict part of me is searching for all the good times associated with smoking, the focal point or pleasantness of these memories was not the actual smoking but the events themselves..thank you for bringing that point out. I think I've learned something today.
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kevin
Site Admin


Quit Date:
-

Posts: 9538
Location: cincinnati, oh

PostPosted: June 14, 2007 9:25 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Smile
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keep choosing life!

kevin

the zen of the quit
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pinkpearl



Quit Date:
June 30, 2007

Posts: 1667
Location: Illinois

PostPosted: June 25, 2007 5:31 PM    Post subject: Re: My dream come true, so why am I so sad? Reply with quote

Gracie wrote:
When I was still smoking, all I could think was how nice it would be, if I was actually able to quit? Well, I did it, 5 weeks today! I thought when I quit, I would be so happy, and peaceful but I'm not, I'm sad and even a bit angry that I can't smoke. Well, I can but I'm not going to! Did any of you go through depression in the first few months of your quit, and if you did, what did you do about it? does this sad and empty feeling go away?
That's what I feel, empty!


I feel depressed too, and sad, and angry, yes I do too.......
It totally helps me reading everyones posts.
so thank you, everyone.
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Melody



Quit Date:
August 19, 2004

Posts: 1103
Location: Ontario

PostPosted: June 25, 2007 6:46 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

I was just saying to Kay(Cowgirlup) the other day that I can't help here any longer as I can no longer remember the Quit. Now Deb(seabrez) I did stay till you got back on the path and I will be watching for Hope to reappear so I'm lurking. Very Happy I do still quote my QUIT means QUIT as I've said it so long it's just part of me but nope the Quit no longer has memories for me. I can sit with smokers and feel nothing I can even not notice they even smoke which happened just this weekend when I was asked to run to the store for a friend for cigs. I couldn't even believe he smoked as it no longer really registers I guess.Odd as so much of my life was consumed with the Quit. Well then I was thinking as I've been worried about moose and his struggle and then I thought maybe not remembering the Quit is something to share as maybe just maybe there is some hope offered to those just starting down this path. It does end and the depression does lift and yes there is a life where smokes have no hold. Stay focused and we will see you on the other side.
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texas2step



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 793
Location: Texas

PostPosted: June 25, 2007 7:03 PM    Post subject: uh huh you can too... Reply with quote

I beg to differ Melody when you say you can't help here. Your mere presence with your date of quit back in 2004 helps me every time I see it. It gives me something to shoot for, to know that I too can be free for so long and be happy.

Yes you have plenty to give here and you always will have. Those new to this side of the smoking fence, they're scared and confused. You know all the answers that worked for you and you can still share those.

I'd say you have plenty to do here so please do lurk, don't ever go away forever cause this place needs you to shake it up a bit every so often -Wink truth is this family ain't a family without all its members so..... we'll always need you. I bet everyone else found a little bit of peace in some words you typed at some point.... reckon?

Texas
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"You can't always have happiness, but you can always give happiness."
Anonymous

Quit: 8/14/06
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Seabrez



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 4458
Location: Gulf Coast

PostPosted: June 25, 2007 8:37 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Melody,

There's tears in my eyes as I read your post. You don't know how much you have meant to my quit...you and Kay were there to kick my butt Wink and urge me on with humor and encouragement. And yes...Quit means quit has rung in my ears many times. You've patiently watched me struggle for the past couple of years, and yet, through it all you never gave up hope for my success. You and all the others just don't know how much you have given to me...blast it Melody...why did you have to post this...can't help but get emotional and can't see straight to write for the tears in my eyes.

You guys...the ones who have been here a good while...just keep posting. Yes, you've arrived at a place where the battle to stay quit is a very faded memory, but that doesn't erase the knowledge and understanding of the process as a whole. You bring something to the boards that others can't and that is the valuable example, along with the patience to see others through. You can care and educate without beng in the heat of the moment of the battle. You're like a general in the army. You see the overall picture, plan, and strageties needed to win the war for a person's freedom. I've heard others say the same as you are saying now...that everyone has already heard what they have to say...and people get bored with it. And I've heard it from more than one person over the period of time I've been on this board. But, even if it sounds like repetition and over and over again to you...it's fresh for someone else...and it could just be what someone is needing. I know there does come a time when one moves on and grows beyond and life is life and the fullness of life enjoyed without even thinking about smoking. But, please stick around, cause Girl! Very Happy you're an awesome, straightforward quitter. And yes, we need to hear your words!!!!!

And everyone here is important...from the veteran long time quitters to the intermeditate quitters, and the newbies. Everyone has something for someone!!! I can't emphasis that enough. To separate camps from the long timers to the newbies as one being more valuable or useful than another doesn't make any sense. Cause we all are quitters...no matter the length...we all have experiences, knowledge, different backgrounds, and such, that each of us can grow and benefit from, and most importantly...love one another and care for one another with support and encouragement. Each stage of the quit offers up challenges and successes...and the quit is a process...some hard and some easier, but all valuable. As Texas said, it is like a family...and a family is filled with different ages, wisdom, and experiences. It's all about being united together for the purpose of quitting and staying quit. And in unity there is equality of value and worth for each member. And that is the bottom line...unity of spirit. And the spirit knows no boundaries, but uses each one according to their unique design.

Sorry, I rambled there...those thoughts have been weighing heavy on me for quite awhile now.

Melody...I for one still need you around!!! Love ya more than you know.
Big Hugs {{{{{{Melody}}}}}
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Living in Freedom
Deb

Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. 2 Corn 5:17 NASB
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Melody



Quit Date:
August 19, 2004

Posts: 1103
Location: Ontario

PostPosted: June 26, 2007 2:27 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Texas and Deb thanks for your words of wisdom. Deb what are we going to do with you Question You are both truly a great inspiration to all. Hows our moose doing????? Gracie I hope you are feeling your Quit starting to fit as it will. Like a glove. Very Happy
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Seabrez



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 4458
Location: Gulf Coast

PostPosted: June 26, 2007 4:10 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Melody.....Wink Laughing Laughing Chaulk it up to my raging hormones! Rolling Eyes
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Living in Freedom
Deb

Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. 2 Corn 5:17 NASB
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Gracie



Quit Date:
May 8, 2007

Posts: 65

PostPosted: June 30, 2007 9:10 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi, I just got back from visiting my MDM. I feel terrible, I didn't cope very well while there, and was very short and snappy with her. I told her I quit smoking. She didn't deserve that. After a week of being there, I am back, but I am so tearful and angry and ashamed of my behavior, I just want a smoke! I am trying to fight back thinking smoking doesn't change anything, but it did help me to cope before even if it was all in my head.

Melody, please stay, I need you!. I'm turning into a basket case.
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Seabrez



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 4458
Location: Gulf Coast

PostPosted: June 30, 2007 10:45 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Gracie,

Hold on sweetie! I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but it does get better and these terrible feelings and emotions will eventually leave. You are making the right choice by not lighting up....and yes, we did believe that it helped us cope. Because it was the only way we knew how to deal with life, stress, anxiety, and such. Now, we need to just hang on and let time help us through the rough moments. As we do, we learn to adjust to the all the things in life including the crap that life can throw at us sometimes. Take some deep breathes, and think of letting go of those ugly thoughts. Forgive yourself for being so short tempered. Those extreme emotions are part of the quit. The roller coaster. No sense beating yourself with the thought of it...forgive it and just let go of it...and releasing those negative thoughts is nothing more than choosing to not dwell on them. I know that part can be hard to do...but it does bring a release and freedom in the soul. And wanting a cigarette right now...think about all the reasons why you quit. They are still valid and still there, it's just the junkie is talking louder to you right now, than the reasons you quit.

It's ok to cry, punch a pillow, yell, scream, whatever...take a long hot bath with bubbles and candles.....to get through it. Here's a little secret I use...I make the choice to stay quit no matter the feelings and emotions I'm facing at the moment, knowing it all passes....the great part...as I do that and stay committed even through all heartache or pain inside or frustration of whatever happens....my feelings begin to slowly change...they begin to get better, and I begin to feel better. It's not easy...it's hard as hell sometimes...but just hold out...hope is just around the corner...it really is. It just doesn't feel like it right now with the emotions you feel.

You can do this Gracie...and the coping skills will come with time.

Big Hug {{{{{Gracie}}}}}
_________________

Living in Freedom
Deb

Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. 2 Corn 5:17 NASB
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Mary Dude



Quit Date:
June 15, 2004

Posts: 4803
Location: Pittsburgh, PA

PostPosted: July 1, 2007 3:00 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Its a lot easier to apologize than quit - so let your friends and family know that you might not be yourself for a while as you are quitting and adjusting - but it will get better - and easier... it took weeks before my co-workers stopped tip-toeing past my cubical for fear of my mood and anger. They all were supportive and understanding. Hope you keep going!!
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Mary D.
Smoke-free one day at a time!
Worry doesn't help tomorrow's troubles, but it does ruin today's happiness!
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Gracie



Quit Date:
May 8, 2007

Posts: 65

PostPosted: July 3, 2007 8:03 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks guys! even though I'm not always into replying, please know that I'm following and I'm grateful for the support from each and everyone of you. Even knowing that someone is going through or has been through what I'm going through and survives is encouragement.

It's 2 months today.
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Seabrez



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 4458
Location: Gulf Coast

PostPosted: July 3, 2007 9:39 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey Gracie,

Congrats on 2 months! I take it that you are feeling better now. Smile

Two month is awesome. You should be proud of yourself. Just know that the month to come is easier at times, but yet, there can be a few bad times sprinkled in there. Just hang in there through it. Mostly, though, it just keeps getting better. Wink

Big Hugs
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Living in Freedom
Deb

Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. 2 Corn 5:17 NASB
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