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I Quit!!! (or.. "The Sun Also Rises")
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Zuzu



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 962
Location: Marin

PostPosted: June 27, 2007 2:19 PM    Post subject: I Quit!!! (or.. "The Sun Also Rises") Reply with quote

I think Deb said she was waiting for one of my long ambling posts - because, you know, I'm verbose and shit. So here goes....

One thing I've noticed whilst gracing these boards for the past three plus years - when people stop smoking, most of them (us) go through incredibly dramatic changes in their lives. Some of those changes seem great from the get go - I always think of Nita (Juanita/Jahunta) when I think of people whose lives just take off a like a shining rocket at their commencement of smoking - within days of stopping smoking it seems her life rushed her across the continent back to the West Coast, and then clear across the pond for an amazing choral tour of Europe and then suddenly music re-entered her life in this robust way - she was on TV for chrissake and playing fairly coolio clubs around the Bay Area. (And I'm still waiting to hear some good news on the boy front?)

And you'll think I'm dull right now for the life of me.. who entered civic life and ran for political office for the first time in her life!?!?

Sure, our lives change all the time - yet most of us can look back at years - pleasant or not so pleasant - where change just didn't happen at this pace. Stopping smoking seems to kick start changes in the way we live and the way we interact with the world and as we weather through the grief and depression of "letting go" of the addiction, we seem to start embracing life differently - more healthfully - making changes that just seem to start "working out" well. I'm not saying that those things always start out easy or happily. Sometimes as we start waking up to our lives - once unfettered from the "smoke screen" - the changes we make are painful - like letting go of relationships after many years, unsettling the routines of our lives and relinquishing the familiarity of other habits that moved in and stayed.

Look at Alison, for example, who after she stopped smoking her marriage fell apart and she took a walk in that dark night of the soul. But despite the betrayal and the pain, when the clouds parted their was suddenly room in her life (and her trailer!) for this magnificent and beautiful man who has become her husband and the father of her baby (who will be entering this fine world in the BLINK of an eye!) It wasn't easy - but she weathered the storm of the heart break without falling back into the abyss of addiction and there you go.. the sun also rises. But ALL that change, over such a short period of time. And such a painful beginning, but what a glorious outcome (what's that the man wrote - what the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly?)

Personally I'd been struggling with my job for quite some time - increasingly growing unhappy with it. It used to be this thing I loved to do, adored, looked forward to each day - and somewhere along the line it changed, I changed, the world changed - whatever. Suddenly it became less and then the frustration only grew daily. So after 16 years, I QUIT! I worked with the powers that be to time the announcement and my departure to meet the organizations needs and yesterday was my LAST day. I woke up this morning feeling - knowing - believing that today really is the first day of the rest of my life - pregnant with possibilities, opportunities and mystery. I have no plan - I'm taking some time off - I'm trusting that the universe will unfurl. (And well, there's this little bit of unannounced news that I'm pregnant - and that's just part of the future - not the whole thing!)

While today I'm feeling really optimistic and awesome - for the past three years and some change since I stopped smoking, each day hasn't been so filled with sunshine and happiness. It took a lot of deep frustration to weather through and even starting on the path of enacting some of these decisions was really quite a struggle, quite painful and difficult. I think my point is, however, is that change, even under the best of circumstances, is difficult and we often have to go to dark painful places before we start recognizing that that pain is part of our transformation - what gives us wings.

I know your divorce has been very difficult Barbara - and look at your first garden - the first of many to come - and how you're starting to put yourself out into the world again, how you've learned all this computer stuff and despite lonely or difficult moments, things are mending and frankly, getting more beautiful and creative in your life. Read your posts - no longer are you lamenting the painful difficulties of your relationship - now you're writing poetry, taking pictures of butterflies and tending your garden!

And my dear Sandy - I know you are going through dark and difficult times, but perhaps the work injuries were a strange blessing - the world's gift of a last straw of burden for you to bear to gently "break the back" of a long needed change? Am I being Pollyanna-ish or is there really a blessing that lies next to that wound? I just feel and believe that joys are going to awake in your life out of this time and the futures that unfold for you now are filled with so much more possibility, joy and light than the other future that was unfolding - that was seemingly predictably dark? Maybe I'm being terribly presumptuous - but it's driven out of a real sense of compassion and caring and feeling for you. I'd ask you to forgive any transgressions you might feel I'm making and just relish the clean smell of your curtains!

These are but a few of the changes that come to mind as I'm thinking today about the transformations that happen when we find away to shuffle off addiction, find our sense of bravery as we move out behind the shelter of our "smoke screens" and start taking risks to better our lives. Add your stories below!

-Zuzu
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Seabrez



Quit Date:
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Posts: 4458
Location: Gulf Coast

PostPosted: June 27, 2007 4:13 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Zu! Thanks...it's what I've been waiting for! Wink Very Happy

And may I add,..."add our own stories"...one would feel hard pressed to even compare or come close to such a brillant piece. And expecting, huh?....A very Big Congrats on the baby front! Wow!...Zu, a mom! You'll no doubt will foster a love for learning and exploring into the child Very Happy You speak of trials and then joys...a child is just that...full of testing one's patience and at the same time, a smile or giggle, just brings such joy..it's wonderful...and you will be so blessed!! So when is the due date?

As far as adding to the spirit of your thread...I'm only just beginning so my changes aren't quite in fruitation yet. But, this I know, so far....I'm not satisified with the status quo any longer. I look over my life, both past and present, and know that change is the word for now. Things I've held on to in the past no longer hold the same importance now. Now, more than ever I see bondage in other areas of our lives, and can no longer tolerate such. To me bondage is a spirit and does seep it's way into different areas. And this I see all so clearly now. I see others attempting to control aspects of life, and I see ties that bind and gag. And I see and now know the all so real possiblities of being free. Some bondages are old and need to be cleared out from the clutter of emotions and hurts from times past. Some are due to circumstances of life, and need to be dealt with, and still other things that bother me intensely now. And now, I no longer want to stay just as it is, for the sake of what? But, changes are needed to emerge from the mire of the smokescreen of life. The smokescreen that hides and covers...basically ignores...the reality. So, I see changes...from the mundane as new filing systems, and procedures, and clutter is out of this house, to the more life shaping changes of a possible move to another state and looking for other means of revenue in our industry. And, even possibility a total change in that area. I know I have dreams and passions that I would like to explore and persue. And at this point, it's a planning stage...a time to look around and spy out the land, so to say....but the report returned in the end will be...yes, I can take the promise land.

Thanks, Zu...awesome thread...and the next story is.....

Hugs
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Deb

Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. 2 Corn 5:17 NASB
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Cowgirl UP!



Quit Date:
July 26, 2004

Posts: 5029
Location: Ala

PostPosted: June 27, 2007 6:03 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks for the relection and the honesty of your post...it was awesome for sure.
Kay
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Mary Dude



Quit Date:
June 15, 2004

Posts: 4803
Location: Pittsburgh, PA

PostPosted: June 27, 2007 6:10 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Not enough time - but I've made alot of changes...that started with quitting. I love where I am and what I'm doing -
ZuZu - enjoy unfolding your new life....

and motherhood....WOW!!!! Congratulations....I somehow missed that tid-bit in my first fast & furious reading of your post...I hope you'll share some more of the story as it develops....
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Mary D.
Smoke-free one day at a time!
Worry doesn't help tomorrow's troubles, but it does ruin today's happiness!


Last edited by Mary Dude on June 30, 2007 2:15 PM; edited 1 time in total
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jahunta



Quit Date:
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Posts: 1129
Location: Silicon(e) Valley, CA

PostPosted: June 27, 2007 6:17 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

D'oh! I only read half of the post before I IM'd you!
Wow! and Congratulations and Wow!! Good for you, and Awesome and...WOW!!

You are so so right. And until I saw it in print, I hadn't really thought of my growth from the cancer sticks in that manner. I believe you've hit on something there...and Congratulations on the new arrival!! I'm so happy for you!! You're an incredibly wonderful person, and wish you the most absolute best of everything... (bad grammar, sure, but you gett what I mean) Wink

Juanita
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kevin
Site Admin


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Posts: 9538
Location: cincinnati, oh

PostPosted: June 27, 2007 11:20 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

congratulations, zuzu! that's awesome news! Very Happy

(btw, it was pam - from my old stomping grounds, lansingburgh, ny - who ran for public office after she quit...)
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kevin

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nichole



Quit Date:
April 14, 2007

Posts: 455
Location: So Cal

PostPosted: June 28, 2007 12:56 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Great post, Zu and CONGRATS!! That's great news...
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Doggygirl



Quit Date:
February 26, 2007

Posts: 788
Location: Joliet, IL

PostPosted: June 28, 2007 1:08 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Zuzu, I love your posts and this one is so awesome, and so encouraging!! Congratulations on your "not officially news!" That will be a grand adventure in your life for sure.

I am only now getting to the point where I am confronting "other" balls 'n' chains now that I've gotten rid of the nico ball 'n' chain. But I'm looking forward to the rest of this journey, wherever it ges. And posts like your are SO encouraging in that regard - feeling positive that whatever pain might be there, the gain will be worth it - just like quitting smoking.

Thank you for sharing so much of yourself with us.

Beth
Day 122
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Happiness is an attitude. We either make ourselves miserable, or happy and strong. The amount of work is the same. ~Francesca Reigler
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alleghany



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PostPosted: June 29, 2007 10:03 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Tons of great changes and they do go back to the day I quit smoking.

I honestly can't imagine what my life would be like still addicted to nicotine.

Cheers to us all! Cool
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Barbara K.



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Posts: 5977

PostPosted: June 30, 2007 11:01 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Very Happy Zuzu,

Great post. Congrats on the expectant mother news. I am happy for you.
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Blessings,
Barbara K.
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lbuz



Quit Date:
May 29, 2007

Posts: 254
Location: New York

PostPosted: July 1, 2007 7:58 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wow Zuzu Congrats!!! Great post
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Zuzu



Quit Date:
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Posts: 962
Location: Marin

PostPosted: July 3, 2007 1:03 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey all you all - thanks for your well wishing. Er... it was my intention to evoke your stories of transformation, not celebratory salutations - but they are welcomed and appreciated too!

I'm very realistic that at my age the risk of miscarriage and complications are quite high - which has lead me to temper my own enthusiasm and/or excitement until I'm out of the proverbial woods - though I'm not sure when I think that will be, exactly.

Mostly, I think it's amazing how much life has changed - though some of that change has felt rough going, the other side of it feels really great.

-Zuzu
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texas2step



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Posts: 793
Location: Texas

PostPosted: July 3, 2007 3:46 PM    Post subject: changes and transformations Reply with quote

Already congratulated you privately Zuzu.... so transformations and changes since we reached the other side eh?

Well mine are so vast I dare not try to state them all. But mainly pride. My mother recently visited me and for the first time I was proud not ashamed of how she felt when she left. Embarassed Normally she was coughing and sputtering from breathing my smoke every time she went home. I didn't smoke in people's houses that didn't smoke but I always smoked in my own. I did try to not chain smoke while I had company but I couldn't go without.... as any addictee will know.... so I was proud Mother could go home not stinking of smoke and coughing and she was happy too.

I have more money to spend. Though I don't know where all the vast fortune I have saved has gone -Wink I know that I now have more tangeable things rather than things burned up in smoke.

My life is enriched by not smoking because I no longer cough and choke either. My clothes don't smell - but oh how I can smell it on other people - and for some perverse reason it makes me smile when I smell smoke on someone who thinks they are hiding what they do.... I was like that. I couldn't smell it so hey.... but now I can. Oh brother!!!!!!

I go all day now days and do not even want or think of a cigarette - that alone is amazing. I'm sure my dogs feel blessed by the whole thing as they were forced to breathe it every day all the time.... another sad thing.

Not all things that have come into my life since my quit almost 11 months ago have been what you might call "good events" but nonetheless I am blessed and fortunate. I know people who still smoke.... they have no idea how it could change their lives to quit..... I wish they did. If I could magically let them know how great not smoking is, I would do it.

wow sorry for the blabbing..... happy no smoking fourth everyone

Texas
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Pamela



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PostPosted: July 4, 2007 2:36 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, I stop in out of blue, just to see how everyone is faring, and BAM! I read a Zuzu post, and I swear you're the only one who can sneak a "oh, and by the way, i'm having a baby" in the middle of a long post about change and growth and quitting smoking. however, what better symbol of growth and change than bringing new life into the world? A new brother or sister for secret agent dog!

Congrats, Zuzu. Oh, and about the job. I can honestly say that in my life I've never make a significant change like that, whether it was forced or voluntary, that didn't work out for the best! Trust your gut feeling, and you'll be fine. Take care.
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jimotter



Quit Date:
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Posts: 2411
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PostPosted: July 5, 2007 6:42 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Zuzu and all. I must be a fudy duddity, my life just goes on the same, no dratstic changes, except my aruguments with my wife about her smoking, but life goes on, AS A NON SMOKER, that is change enough for me.
Jim
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Never give up on yourself. We are so worth the effort. Smoking creates nothing but misery for us and those around us. Smoking is socially unacceptable everywhere we go.
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