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daggy12



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 678
Location: Palm Bay, FL

PostPosted: August 5, 2007 8:01 PM    Post subject: vultures Reply with quote

well this has been hell week for stress and i havent quit yet and thats whats so scary. My best friend parents passed away this week. Harvey was on the 4th floor for a stint (normal routine thing) and Eileen was on the 6th for congestive heart problems. They ended up both passing away exactly 8 hours apart. Well they didnt have things in order no will no nothing. people are coming out of the woodwork wanting their things and money. I call it the ugly's. Because that exactly what they are blood sucking vultures. I personally dont see relief for my friends anytime soon. now they are all talking about getting lawyers. Oh I forgot to mention that they vultures havent been around for years. I went home and talk to my parents ( they live with me) and we did a durable power of attorney for my parents and asked them to please write down want they want.
This is morbid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Life can only be "understood" by looking backward, but must be "lived" by looking forward.

Patty
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marw



Quit Date:
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Posts: 3634
Location: Chicago, IL

PostPosted: August 5, 2007 10:01 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Patty, no it is not morbid, it is common sense to have your parents and any other relatives write down what they want done with things and with themselves. IF they have this notorized, it will hold up in court in most states (not sure about this totally, so check to be sure that is good in your state, otherwise get a will, you can find places that do them fairly cheaply, I think.) Maybe others on here know about this also.

As for not quitting yet, do not beat up on yourself for this. You will quit when you are ready. IF you beat up on yourself, you just make it worse. Best to always make the quitting process as unemotional as possible. Now, of course you may get emotional sometimes AFTER you quit, but if you keep the Quit emotions separate from the REAL emotions that deal with real situations, this works lots better. Hmmmm.....I'm not explaining this well. One more time.....Separating emotions that are a part of Life (like the terrible stress and grief for your friend) from emotions connected with quitting will help a lot. They are not the same thing. I do so feel for you because my own best friend's mother died last year, and it was not as terrible as you are going thru yet so very difficult.....for me, too, as her friend. You are such a good friend to her, and you always will be, she is a fortunate person to have you. It is so tragic and I am very sorry this has happened.

As soon as you can, get back on your quit date.....set a new one, if the other one passed by.....and do not worry, we will be here. And you will quit. Meantime, take care of your precious friend and your own precious family.

HUGS to you!!!

P.S. I know about that "vulture"thing, too....have seen it happen. It is, no doubt, one of the most terrible things to see. But remember, too, emotions run high around the time of a death, and 2 people died here. Maybe everyone will calm down. If not, all you can do is offer consulation to your friend and listen. Above all, you must not allow yourself to become dragged down by this. I know it will be hard, but if you can manage to do it, keep a little bit of distance for yourself. You, too, are very, very precious and deserve to have a peaceful oasis, a it were, for your very own self. Take care!
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daggy12



Quit Date:
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Posts: 678
Location: Palm Bay, FL

PostPosted: August 5, 2007 10:17 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you Margaret,
My quit date is aug 10th because of the chantix im taking. you have take it one week before you quit.
I unfortunately work with the family so im getting alot of the phone calls. After I transfer the call i get the (you wont believe what they want now stuff) response. Im trying my best to be supportive but also to separate myself from it too.
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Life can only be "understood" by looking backward, but must be "lived" by looking forward.

Patty
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Seabrez



Quit Date:
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Posts: 4458
Location: Gulf Coast

PostPosted: August 6, 2007 5:45 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Patty,

I feel for ya! Personally, sounds like what I like to call..."the all hell breaks lose when you quit syndrome"...(that's fictional...I made it up!! Laughing Laughing Laughing Wink )

But sometimes it does seem like all hell breaks lose when we quit...at least for me, it's felt that way. Truth is this...life is life..and stuff happens...whether now or down the road..life throws curve balls. And it is very stressful and emotions are mixed in and it's just a mess. And we tend to want relief...and in the past, that relief mechanism was a cigarette. So, set your mind right now, before you quit, to realize that stuff happens, and no matter what not to light up. It will all pass in time!! Wink Before you quit...it might be a good idea to talk to your friend and explain that you are quitting, and there may be times when you just need to be alone for just a bit to get your bearings. For her not to take it personally...that it's just part of the quitting process. Cause there will be times when the stress and such will feel overwhelming...and you will need time to just walk away from it and calm yourself within...and then you can resume the help for your friend. If it gets too intense...take a break and take care of you first!!!

It is good that you were wise and talked with your own parents about such matters. It's important...and it also gives a peace of mind. I know..mom is already done so...her and dad did so years ago before dad passed. And after mom having medical problems in the past, it came in handy while dealing with the doctors and such for me. It makes a big difference..especially with the new privacy laws and such. I feel for your friend...and vultures are always going to be there...it's another part of life...those who want...and are selfish...etc...that list could go on forever. Rolling Eyes Know what I mean Wink

Deep breaths....deep breaths....and I say again....deep breaths!!! This will help during those stresses. It really does!

Hugs Girl!!! You can do this...even during distress and stress!

Love ya
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Deb

Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. 2 Corn 5:17 NASB
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Barbara K.



Quit Date:
December 23, 2004

Posts: 5977

PostPosted: August 8, 2007 11:35 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Patty,

I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your freind's parents. Families can get ugly at that times. My friend Doug who has terminal cancer has a brother who has gotten mad at Doug because Doug did not make out his will to his brother's liking. I couldn't believe that it has already started with his family.
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Obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn arouind and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.

Blessings,
Barbara K.
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alleghany



Quit Date:
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Posts: 2049

PostPosted: August 8, 2007 2:33 PM    Post subject: Re: vultures Reply with quote

daggy12 wrote:
. Oh I forgot to mention that they vultures havent been around for years. . .This is morbid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


This is actually one of the "Rules of Life". The children/relatives who care the least are the most greedy. In the past 3 years (starting 3 days after I quit smoking!), I have seen the most ugly greed I could have ever imagined. Never in my wildest dreams could I have believed the depth of people's greed.

Stay strong, and keep your committment to quiting. YOU have to take care of you ~ not matter what!
I am pulling for you!!!!!!!!!!!!! Cool
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Blue Cloud



Quit Date:
July 4, 2005

Posts: 8

PostPosted: August 9, 2007 10:25 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

It does seem like something always comes up to postpone or delay a quit. You must remember, Smoking a cigarette is not going to change any situation you encounter. It is only going to keep you a smoker. If you truely do not want to smoke, just don't light another one. I know. I was told that so many times by family members, friends and my Doctor. I really thought they didn't understand. When your quit day comes tell yourself "This is my choice" because it is. It is one of the hardest things you will ever do with the best results you can imagine. You can do this.Pushing through a tuff situation without smoking makes you stronger. It really Pisses off the nicodemon and you will crave like crazy but once you get through it you will be stronger and the next time will be easier.

Sorry about your losses. The same thing happened to me and I have seen it over and over. Things will work out for the best wheather you smoke or not
BLUE CLOUD
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daggy12



Quit Date:
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Posts: 678
Location: Palm Bay, FL

PostPosted: August 9, 2007 12:17 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

I wanted to thank everyone on this post. I dont think i have ever met so many caring people!!!!!!!!! on this site.
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Life can only be "understood" by looking backward, but must be "lived" by looking forward.

Patty
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Hope



Quit Date:
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Posts: 346

PostPosted: August 10, 2007 3:08 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

today is your day daggy12 go for it!
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Hope
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Cowgirl UP!



Quit Date:
July 26, 2004

Posts: 5029
Location: Ala

PostPosted: September 11, 2007 9:11 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wow, speaking from experience, there is nothing like a death to bring out every sorry relative born with the same last name....You were very smart to get the power of attorney but make sure there is a will and an executor or excutrix...the POA is not good when they are gone....
Kay
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daggy12



Quit Date:
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Posts: 678
Location: Palm Bay, FL

PostPosted: September 11, 2007 9:33 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Kay in this case there was a will from 25 years ago. The parents name someone (executor) that they no longer spoke too 20 years ago. When I say my quit is 30 days of hell week I wasnt kidding. Its been a nite mare for my friends. I got my parents living will and power of attorney done last week. Now Im looking into a will. I dont know if its something you can do yourself. They live with me so there is no property or stocks and stuff like that. Just their personal stuff.
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Life can only be "understood" by looking backward, but must be "lived" by looking forward.

Patty
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kannprint



Quit Date:
April 10, 2004

Posts: 4988
Location: St. Louis, MO

PostPosted: September 12, 2007 8:45 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Some people just make me sick. How can anyone think they deserve anything when they've done nothing? However, that seems to be the way it is in most cases. I urge everyone, no matter your age, to have a will and a durable power of attorney done. Having seen the "vulture syndrome" more times than I can believe, it's so much easier to keep it all legal and cut the vultures out.
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LIVE WELL, LAUGH OFTEN, LOVE MUCH.
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