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This Is Ridiculous. I've Had a Panic Attack Already and ...
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Linda661



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 44
Location: Washington

PostPosted: January 30, 2008 6:03 PM    Post subject: This Is Ridiculous. I've Had a Panic Attack Already and ... Reply with quote

I'm not even to my quit date yet!!!! It was mild, but it's been building over the last couple of days -- all that's happened is that I have now told everyone about my quit date as of yesterday (anxiety started as I told the last two people...almost didn't want to do it). The panic feeling happened today as I completed another part of the FFS program -- I'm not even past all of Module 1 yet (one more part to do this week; I peeked on the closing the back door though that's next....that didn't subside what's going on for sure) -- good grief!!!

How in the heck can I be reacting this way? I kinda' know one reason that came up in today's FFS homework on why I smoke: because I can. I have no immediate pressing reason to quit other than I want to and I made the decision to. No one's out there forcing me and no one is gonna' really "catch me" if I slip....it's just me and my personal decision to do it -- that's what's so utterly amazing to be reacting this way in my head....

See, I'm not quitting for all the health reasons, financial stuff, etc. that I see a lot of folks writing about at FFS -- I'm quitting just 'cause I'm done and I've chosen to. In fact, all the health stuff doesn't even work with me one iota (OK, I'm an oddball there). I had forgotten about quit attempt #3 that was from going to some stop smoking seminar where they showed us all the nasty lungs and used health scare tactics all nite -- my quit there was the shortest (barely 2 days) and only left me feeling assaulted rather than helped.

Who's in charge here? I've made my decision and I'm quite pleased with it. I even passed the FFS test on being ready to quit. So what's the deal? Why are my thoughts arguing with me like this -- I could understand if I had quit already, but now?????

No joke, I've already had several episodes of almost hyperventilating over this and got out of it with deep breathing and several methods I know for calming down. Use of the word panic is the only way I know how to begin to describe the feeling -- I'm sure it's really not as bad as it sounds....I've just never run across this sort of thing before and it's not easy to put into words on a computer screen.

OK, I'm crying now....this is good (really).

Linda

Pending quit date: Feb 25, 2008
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kannprint



Quit Date:
April 10, 2004

Posts: 4988
Location: St. Louis, MO

PostPosted: January 30, 2008 6:15 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's quite understandable for you to be somewhat stressed at the prospect of quitting. Cigarettes have become a large part of your life and it's frightening for us to make such changes. It's great that you've come here rather than turning to Scowling Demon . Just know that we're all here to help and yes, we do care!!

Keep it going -- one day, hour, minute at a time.
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hunahpu



Quit Date:
December 3, 2007

Posts: 70
Location: Tucson, AZ

PostPosted: January 30, 2008 6:35 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think that I had more panic attacks leading up to quitting than afterwards. I was literally a wreak leading up to my quit date. My wife and I decided on our quit date over a month out. I almost think it would have been easier if we'd quit sooner, rather than suffering a whole month leading up to the quit date.

The worst is the time leading up to it and the first two weeks afterwards. It does get easier after that.
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texas2step



Quit Date:
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Posts: 793
Location: Texas

PostPosted: January 30, 2008 6:50 PM    Post subject: Not a good sign... Reply with quote

I gotta' tell ya, the health issue - it didn't mean anything to most of the rest of us either until we couldn't breath or were coughing to death - if you keep smoking you'll get there ~ not to worry. Not to say that even that will force you to quit either cause I smoked for two years after I could let half or more of a cigarette burn up while I coughed just so I could puff it again. Now I see how really smart I was('nt)... whew!

Listen, if you can't get a grip now maybe you're not ready. On the other hand maybe you're just not ready to tell people you've chosen a date if you really think you "have no pressing reason to quit"- I didn't tell anyone except my husband for two weeks or more after I quit..... didn't want to junx myself I guess.

Maybe you're different from all the millions of other smokers who daily consume poison into their bodies and lie to themselves that they are somehow bullet proof from smoke damage - but whatever else you may think - know this - you ARE doing damage even if it hasn't shown up enough for you to notice it. Just keep puffing, it will come.

Yes it's all in your head. Your brain is working you over with the help of your old friend and lover Nicotine.... he's the one who loves you "bebe"... he's the one who comforts you when you're stressed and soothes your mind isn't he? Old Nicotine he's the main one, he da' man! Boy when you find out what a rat fink liar he is you're gonna' be ticked -Wink

You're right in your comment about who's in charge - it's supposed to be you but as long as you are a slave to Nicotine you are far from in charge of your life and liberty. Like all the rest of us here, we were once slaves too. But you see we came here and found the light, the life after smoking that's amazing and terrific. That's why we continue to burn the porch light every night for the rest of the people (like you) trying to find the light and be free.

You're not committing suicide by not smoking, you're regaining your life. Not smoking is the single most bestest (I know it's not a word but it fits) thing I ever did for ME. And for everyone who loves me including my husband of 32 years and three happy mutt dogs....

Now dry your tears and stop hyperventilating - you are so gonna' love not smoking. Life is way different - it's so free and easy without the monster on your back you will wonder why you waited so long to stop.... we're all here to help push and shove and keep the porch light on and believe me - if I can quit smoking anyone can. I smoked almost 3 packs a day for almost 40 years. But I now love not smoking more than I ever did my cigs. And that's a fact!

Come on now, you can do it! We're rooting for ya!

Texas
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kevin
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Quit Date:
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Posts: 9538
Location: cincinnati, oh

PostPosted: January 30, 2008 9:00 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

it may help to personify your addiction; for example, i always thought of it as my "inner junkie". you see, there's a part of you (your inner junkie) that has only one objective: its next fix. your inner junkie will do anything to get that next fix, and it can be very persuasive.

there are times when the inner junkie seems to work overtime, and when you're preparing to quit is one of those times; if it can keep you from quitting in the first place, it won't ever have to go without its next fix.

a lot of people get derailed at this point, and one reason is that they don't separate themselves from their addiction; they think that any thought of wanting to smoke, or to continue to smoke, or of not being ready, or of being unable to quit, comes from themselves, when in fact, it comes from their inner junkie.

you ask, "Why are my thoughts arguing with me like this?" actually, they're not; your inner junkie is arguing with you. your thoughts are, "i'm done with this; i'm taking control of my life back from this addiction." but the junkie's working overtime to psych you out, to make you put it off, to plant the seed of doubt... anything so long as you don't quit.

here's a rule of thumb: any time you have the slightest thought that maybe now's not the best time, or you're not quite ready, or maybe you can't do this, or any time that you have the slightest thought that continuing to smoke wouldn't be such a bad idea, you can be sure that those thoughts are coming from the junkie, and you can practice right now telling it "no".

the inner junkie's kinda like a teenager that wants something you don't think they should have; it'll beg, plead, scream, throw things, slam doors, hold its breath, and generally do everything in its power to make your life miserable until you give in and give it what it wants. but if you just keep saying "no", without getting upset, it'll eventually stop.
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Linda661



Quit Date:
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Posts: 44
Location: Washington

PostPosted: January 30, 2008 9:12 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ahhh Texas, I love your style....... Very Happy . First off: no one take my post as a pity party thing (please don't do that). And I don't mean to offend on the health issue thing -- I'm digging deep because I'm preparing to do this quit strictly for me and for no other external reason.....that appears to be causing some really good things happening inside, even though it doesn't sound that way at the surface.

I am ready to quit -- putting what I'm trying to say on a computer ain't easy.....there's more to this that simply has to do with learning a whole lot that I never knew before -- it's a good thing. I've also been to whyquit -- I never knew, for example, the impact nicotine has had on my eating habits....geez, and I thought I was just so in control to only want to eat once or twice a day.....what I'm in the process of learning is having repercussions for other areas of my life that I hadn't even considered needing to be addressed -- they do...glad I'm learning that now.

I'm new here so I know it will take time to understand that when I express this sort of thing it's not meant to offend. I should perhaps journal this sort of thing privately right now. I kinda' thought that I can't be alone in these thoughts -- there maybe someone else out there that wants to do this to and is having the same sort of thoughts.....to me it's OK to get it out and know that this is normal. The information out there is really good at getting one prepared. So I'm reacting this way....I'm still alive and happy with my choice. Should I let a reaction like this stop my efforts?

I don't think so.

Kevin, you're on to something....earlier I had wanted to voice that to me what's gone on in my head is like a child -- an unruly child that was just never called to grow up and now that it is, it's squirming......this is why I won't give up and am determined.

Linda
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kevin
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Location: cincinnati, oh

PostPosted: January 30, 2008 9:33 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

i won't presume to speak for texas (after all, she's not shy about speaking for herself, so i don't have to Wink ), but i don't think she was offended by your health comment.

and neither was i: 6 years ago and a bit, i was in the same spot texas describes; get up in the morning, light that first smoke, take a deep hit, choke uncontrollably until the cigarette is almost burned out, light a new one, take another deep hit, go into choking fit, etc., etc., etc... some mornings it took me half a dozen cigarettes to get my wake-up fix.

and oddly enough, even though there was a "precipitating health event" (i.e., being diagnosed with an advanced case of emphysema) that pushed me into quitting, that wasn't what made my quit stick; what made it stick was my determination that i was not going to be a slave to my addiction any more.

btw: don't ever be afraid to post what's going on for you here; we may not always "get it", but sometimes, the insights you'll get from our responses to what we thought you said will be more valuable than if we had gotten it (if that makes sense).
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LANEY



Quit Date:
January 12, 2011

Posts: 322
Location: OHIO

PostPosted: January 31, 2008 2:45 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Linda,You did the right thing, you were able to put your thoughts into words & by posting you're able to get them out so you can deal with the feelings. I doubt there has been very many on here that hasn't just broken down & cried over this. I've been there myself before. I found that by announcing my quit, I had family watching me, like under a microscope, waiting for me to screw up. Maybe they wern't but it sure felt like it. I did that a few quits ago (yea, thats what I said!) I set the date, told everybody. Then I started getting that uncomfortable feeling you described. I knew, or thought I knew it was going to turn out like the other quits. Before they started "putting me under the microscope" I changed my quit date. a week earlier, but kept my mouth shut. That way I could" test the waters first!" Nobody, not even my husband noticed that I wasn't lighting up every few minutes. It did work, except for the fact that the ashtrays were still all over the house & everybody was still smoking around me. I had my first week quit in, before my actual date I set. What did make me mad, nobody noticed, NOBODY! I told my husband after a couple days, only because it pissed me off! So after feeling like I was just a piece of furniture here, or a sweeper they could just hide in the closet, I realized hey, I did it & I did it all by myself! You're human,there will be times, but each time it passes, you will be a little stronger. You'll see, Just keep posting, we're here. )))))))HUGS((((((( Laney
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texas2step



Quit Date:
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Posts: 793
Location: Texas

PostPosted: January 31, 2008 8:53 AM    Post subject: fresh new day! Reply with quote

I'm chuckling cause in no way was I offended at anything you said Linda and believe me - whatever you're feeling right now most if not all of us have been there and done that - to quit smoking is a unique experience - one I plan to never have to do over.

Inside the woof we open our hearts and minds to each other and it helps us limp into a new world. Course I started off like that - limping in and then once I realized I should be dancing, it changed my whole outlook. Your thoughts and attitude are everything that lead to success or failure. Not smoking becomes almost a wholly mental thing as soon as the poisons are cleaned out. IMHO

Kevin hit the nails all on the head, being a slave to the addiction creates a mental block in us. We must have our nicotine and so we "reason" any way to continue feeding the addiction. We make ourselves believe so many crazy things when we're under the influence.....

I just don't want you to lie to yourself about health issues or anything else. Quitting smoking takes coming clean all the way and seeing it all as it really is, not as our addicted brains wish it to be. That said, this is the perfect place for quitters because sometimes we need a hug and sometimes we need our butts kicked a bit to get our brains in gear.

You can get that here and more. I consider myself a novice at quitting because I have only been quit for just about a year and a half. But I made quitting education a priority and was so surprised at what I found out.

Just don't believe the myths about quitting smoking. After the first week I kept waiting for it to get terrible - oh how I dreaded the coming days. Then I waited as the second week passed and the third and it got better instead of worse and I asked myself okay where's the horror people talk about quitting smoking causing.... the only time it was "bad" for me - guess what I did it to myself! Mentally I worked myself up into a dither over it.

I know, standing where you are and reading that you just said to yourself - "what a line of crap she is handing me" but believe me, I waited for something that didn't happen. The only time it was "bad" was when I allowed my brain to conjure it up. I could whip up a three hour crave or a total bitch fit (to which I was NOT entitled) in a heartbeat. But again, it was ME doing it, ME causing it. Once I realized it was easier to quit and be happy about it --hey..... I'm in for that deal and I got happy as can be and it's been wonderful ever since.

Get your mind right. If you really want to not smoke, don't smoke. But don't quit and moon around about it and hang onto it and feed the "dream" - push it back push it away let it go, it's part of the OLD YOU not the NEW YOU.

Good morning all,

Texas
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Linda661



Quit Date:
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Posts: 44
Location: Washington

PostPosted: January 31, 2008 12:22 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks all, it really helps to have this site and all of your input. I'm sort of like a fish out of water since I haven't reached my quit date yet. Toyed with moving it up, but I'm going to say that I think that would sabotage me -- could be an excuse. Looks like my commitment would be a moving target to me at the ebb and flow of my mood of the moment so I've decided to leave it where it is and continue to learn as much as I can. I'm definitely going to need what I'm learning with all the resources you all have provided from here.

Laney, the same thing happened to me when I quit when I had family living with me (1 smoked, 1 didn't) -- no one noticed. At that time I hadn't really planned or announced a quit, I just did it cold turkey. I was quit for a week before I said anything to them too. Oddly enough, when I announced it to them is when my cravings went ballistic -- I was actually fine before that.

Family isn't there this time -- I'll be able to move to a non-smoking lifestyle and not have those ashtrays around everyday. And, not have smokes around from another family member -- that's bound to help.

Let's see...how much "dirty laundry" should I air publically? There's a little more to this from my past that's got me sounding like such a weenie and why I drone on about it's for me. When I was a teen, I had really bad asthma from allergies (that's all gone now) -- I mean the hard to believe I was getting any air attacks. Among many other things, the doctor told my family not to smoke around me -- they wouldn't do it, even when I was gasping for air from an allergic reaction. Defiant conversations of ignoring the doctor's words about smoking happened in front of me -- needless to say, that hurt.

Makes you wonder how in the world I ended up smoking, doesn't it? There's something to that defiant attitude that's in me too -- it's definitely inner junkie talk that I've lived with, even before I started smoking.

Not sure where I'm going with this....I might edit later. If I don't post and look active to my computer about now I'll get kicked off my server Wink

Linda
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kevin
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Location: cincinnati, oh

PostPosted: January 31, 2008 12:46 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

"The mind is its own place, and in it self
Can make a Heav'n of Hell, a Hell of Heav'n."
- John Milton, Paradise Lost (has anybody ever read that whole thing?)

texas makes another great point: your quit is what you make of it; just like life.
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kevin

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Pamela



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Location: Gardiner, NY

PostPosted: January 31, 2008 4:59 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Linda. I like to call it "stinkin' thinkin'" It's when the inner junkie takes over and says things like "but I LIKE to smoke"..and so forth.

Bottom line, you have to stop swimming in DeNile. We're all junkies here, and I for one, know that if I ever take another puff,...I might as well smoke another million.

So I won't and I don't. Oh, and I had my first panic attack in my life about 6 weeks into my quit. I guess Laughing Demon old butt head (me inner junkie) finally figured out that I meant business this time. I got over it. I lived, and shot the junkie down once more>

You'll get more scared as you get closer, only it's really the junkie who's scared. Trust me...you may not have "fun" for a while early on, but we haven't had any reports of death from quitting yet.

Keep posting!
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Seabrez



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PostPosted: January 31, 2008 8:18 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Linda,

Hey Girl! Well, I read your post, and didn't want to be persuaded by other posts....so replying before reading any others...will read them after.

Your decision to quit sounds quite similiar to my own. I didn't have any major health problems...financial reasons, nah...didn't motivate me either. It was something I needed to do for just me. No one twisting my arm to quit, and no pressure to quit. It was frankly just the controlling aspect it had over me that lead to my decision to quit.

And when quit time approached...yeah...all those reasons not to quit began to surface. It really is the addiction...the demon, as I like to view it, beginning to panic. It's not necessarily YOU panicing about quitting, but the addict within realizing that it's day of reckoning is drawing near. And as such, it's working on your mind...the thoughts and reasonings to persuade you to not quit. Really, it's a bonus you are facing this situtation now before quitting. It gives you the opportunity to experience the tactics that the addiction demon/addict within uses to stay alive and operating in your life. Once you understand and recognize this little con artist...you will be able to say no to it's little schemes it plays to get to you.

Practice deep breathing to calm the nerves and jiggers. I found also facing any hidden fears inside about quitting to be key. Sometimes we are afraid to quit. Afraid of failing or the actual change of lifestyle...there are as many types and reasons of fear as there are excuses to smoke....an endless list of possibilities. The thing is....no fear! There is truly no reason to fear quitting. Keep going with the FFS program, read at whyquit.com and realize and recognize that you are really dealing with an addiction to nicotine. You can also look at it as an "attachment" to cigarettes. It takes time to break those attachments....or associations, one could also say.

Today I was listening to a conference online...and the speaker said something that spoke volumes to me..and something I already knew about, but the way he brought it to bear really made sense....

he said, and I'm paraphrasing here.....each thought we have sets off a neurotransmitter in the brain....the more the same type of thought is experienced or practiced...it then builds a neurotransmitter "bridge" to the subconscience. Here in turn it becomes part of our subconscience in which those automatic responses and reactions form. In other words, it becomes part of us.....like breathing! ...ok...this is me speaking....It's all about renewing our minds. We do not "think" about breathing...we just breathe. It's the same principle. These thought processes become a part of us and are so ingrained that we do not have to mentally think about doing them....we just do it. Now when we quit, it's totally foreign to us and our current thought processes and responses at the time. And here is where the renewing comes in....in order to "change" or transform from the old to the new...we must make "conscience" thoughts and choices to respond in the way we want to establish that behaviour. So, as these thoughts to smoke or panic comes, you will have to begin to make the choice to quit and stay quit with each thought otherwise. But, when you do this....a neurotransmitter thought is established...and with repetition...a neurotransmitter "bridge" is being established to the subconscience. And in time of building these bridges...it begins to become a automatic response. One that you don't have to think about doing....you will just naturally respond in like matter. It will become a part of who you are!!! Wink Very Happy

So, face the fears, make the right choices, and continue to fill your mind with the good things about quitting. And remember...YES!! You can and will do this...you will be a non-smoker!

Hang in there! And looking forward to your quit day!!! Kudos Girl!

Big Hugs
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Deb

Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. 2 Corn 5:17 NASB
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Mary Dude



Quit Date:
June 15, 2004

Posts: 4803
Location: Pittsburgh, PA

PostPosted: February 1, 2008 4:48 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Just keep working it through - and preparing and following the FFS program - and figuring out what motivates YOU....you are right when you want to quit for you. I didn't think I could really quit - but I signed up for the study and at our group "quit ceremony" - when I broke my last cigarette instead of smoking it - I knew it was real and I started telling myself - that YES...I CAN do it! It is YOUR quit.... Keep digging Linda!
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Worry doesn't help tomorrow's troubles, but it does ruin today's happiness!
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LANEY



Quit Date:
January 12, 2011

Posts: 322
Location: OHIO

PostPosted: February 1, 2008 6:07 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey Linda, you're doing fine, just keep posting, You can get away with a lot of dirty laundry in here & I guess you can say weenie too! I felt bad after reading about your asthma as a kid. I had 3 kids with it. One was really bad & made quite a few trips to the hospital. Their specialist told us to stop smoking around them. But back then we just figured they were full of, aaaaaah, crap, (Can I say crap Kevin? She said weenie first!) At that time we lived in what they now call a "sick" house. A damp basement with mold I had to scrub down all the time & a dusty attic, dogs, cats,guinea pigs, you name it. But we just didnt know! To this day my one son still throws it in our face.We blamed their asthma on everything but our smoking! My dad had asthma & we just said they inherited it from my side of the family. I never realized just how bad it was until I decided to quit & got my computer. I guess ignorance is bliss! The kids are fine now. The one with the worse case of asthma never got into smoking. the other 2 did but they're quit now. Wow, I totally forgot about all of that, since we moved 15 years ago & all but one was still living at home. My youngest sons 5th grade teacher actually accused him of smoking, because she could smell it so strong on his clothes. I always thought we were good parents. I'd joke about it because we had 4 kids & never had to go down & bail them out of jail! I realize now just how much WE SUCKED AS PARENTS!! Hows that for dirty laundry???? Thanks for the quilt trip, I'll remember that for a while when that next urge sneaks up & I'll be sure to remind my husband, the smoker!!! See? We older ones can learn from the newbies! Have a good one. Laney
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