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LANEY



Quit Date:
January 12, 2011

Posts: 322
Location: OHIO

PostPosted: February 14, 2008 5:22 AM    Post subject: Hi Reply with quote

I've had a crappy week, nothing really life shattering, but just crappy. Everything I've done, i screwed up. Today is Valentines day, no big deal, we never do anything. I had my grandsons on Wednesday & they were excited about going shopping with their dad (my son) to get a gift for his girlfriend, I just blew it off like I do every holiday. Hubby never buys me anything, birthdays, Christmas, even our 40th anniversary a few weeks ago. Our kids wanted to take us out for dinner for our 40th, but he wouldnt go. So I'm used to it. I took a nap earlier & dreamed he bought me a actual gift, a kitten that I've been wanting, & he keeps telling me no. It was a good dream & I was so happy. When I woke up I was just so pissed! Back to reality This just keeps popping back in my head. Im usually pretty good at just brushing it off, but im starting to take it personal. (OK, so Im a little slow.) I've gotten really good at hiding true feelings but this isnt going away this time. I feel like I'm missing out on everything, even right down to keeping a quit. ok quiters, shrinks are expensive....any help or words on the subject? Laney
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Life isn't about how to survive the storm........ But how to dance in the rain. author unknown
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Carla



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 347
Location: Kansas City, MO

PostPosted: February 14, 2008 9:17 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
I've gotten really good at hiding true feelings but this isnt going away this time.


If you've been hiding your feelings for a long time, how would he know not receiving a present bothers you? My opinion is that you have to tell him it's important to you that he acknowledge a special day somehow, even if it's just a card.
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Carla
Quit Date: January 4, 2004
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daggy12



Quit Date:
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Posts: 678
Location: Palm Bay, FL

PostPosted: February 14, 2008 9:26 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

I agree with Carla. He wont know unless you tell him.
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kannprint



Quit Date:
April 10, 2004

Posts: 4988
Location: St. Louis, MO

PostPosted: February 14, 2008 10:22 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

You're really having a tough time, Laney. Carla's right. If you haven't expressed your feelings to your hubby about gifts, by all tell him now. It's never too late to start things over -- even after 40 years of marriage.

Have you thought about getting him a little something as a suggestion? Might be worth a try.
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LIVE WELL, LAUGH OFTEN, LOVE MUCH.
Jo
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exsmoker



Quit Date:
October 14, 2007

Posts: 126
Location: Guelph, Ontario

PostPosted: February 14, 2008 10:49 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

we don't celabrate V day either. with all these money hungry holidays. Although yes it is nice to get something. But I am sure you will agree that you dont need a gift to show he loves you. Maybe a nice quite dinner at home with some romance will work for both of you. Hope you both have a wonderful day no matter what. Smile
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Diane
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kevin
Site Admin


Quit Date:
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Posts: 9538
Location: cincinnati, oh

PostPosted: February 14, 2008 12:25 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

stop hiding your feelings, and don't even think about hiding them behind the smokescreen; smoking won't make the old man cough up the presents (no pun intended) or give you the attention that you'd like to be getting. in fact, he probably wouldn't even notice it at all one way or the other (except to complain that it's too expensive for both of you to be smoking), so don't even go there.

get used to the idea that life is going to be whatever it is, and that smoking will never change it for the better.

look for things that make you smile.

get the kitten yourself.

enough advice?
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keep choosing life!

kevin

the zen of the quit
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Pamela



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 3542
Location: Gardiner, NY

PostPosted: February 14, 2008 4:21 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Laney:

Here's my two cents.

Anything worth doing is doing yourself. It's more fun with someone else, but not any more worthwhile.

If you don't like yourself, why should anyone else?

You're a big girl. Announce that not only would you like a kitten, but it's arrival date, what it's name is, and where it's sleeping. Done deal....no questions asked.

Take yourself out to dinner for a change. Insist that they don't seat you, a woman alone, near the kitchen. Discuss the menu with yourself, order yourself some wine, and make a toast to you!...Laney!

Oh, and don't forget to quit smoking in the process. The kitten will love you for it.
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texas2step



Quit Date:
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Posts: 793
Location: Texas

PostPosted: February 14, 2008 7:35 PM    Post subject: what Kevin said... Reply with quote

Listen to Kevin (all he said) & Pamela - they are hitting the nail on the head and eveyone who has posted has made good comments....

and I also vote get the kitten for yourself

Then quit smoking immediately because the smoke is very bad for itty bitty kitty lungs -Wink meow.....

You gotta live for YOU..... if Mr. I'm Selfish comes around all the better but make Laney happy then the rest will work better for you

I wanna see a picture of that kitty right soon gal ya hear? -Wink

Texas
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Anonymous

Quit: 8/14/06
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pinkpearl



Quit Date:
June 30, 2007

Posts: 1667
Location: Illinois

PostPosted: February 14, 2008 10:06 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

We dont celebrate valentines day either....
Im with the others....tell him this weekend,
you are both going out to eat. demand it!
then go to the mall and buy yourself something
nice Smile
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LANEY



Quit Date:
January 12, 2011

Posts: 322
Location: OHIO

PostPosted: February 15, 2008 12:23 AM    Post subject: HEY, Reply with quote

Thanks Guys, You're right, I need to bitch & not just whine about it to everyone else. I have brought it up before, but as you see, it didnt do any good! These "Hallmark holidays" are just in it for one thing, the money. I kill flowers, cards get put in a drawer & as a diabetic, sugar free chocolate just doesn't cut it. So what would I want to do? I honestly dont know. I've been thinking about that all day. Do I really want to deal with another pet? (I have 2 dogs & 5 birds) or do I just want one because he says no? I am looking but haven't found what I wanted. You're right Kevin, about coughing up a gift, unless maybe its a living fur ball! My brother tells me don't expect, then you wont be dissapointed. Makes sense, but it seems to me, lacking to even mention these milestones goes alot deeper. But that's another whole bitch!! I just turned into my own mother!!! Anyway, thanks for your thoughts, you're a lot cheaper than a shrink! I know what I have to do & that's to stand up for myself & work on my quit & do it just for me. Wouldnt that be a kick to the balls to buy a expensive kitten with my cigarette money? Oh, Kevin, can I say that? PLEEESE, just this once? Hugs, Laney
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Life isn't about how to survive the storm........ But how to dance in the rain. author unknown
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kevin
Site Admin


Quit Date:
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Posts: 9538
Location: cincinnati, oh

PostPosted: February 15, 2008 10:00 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

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Barbara K.



Quit Date:
December 23, 2004

Posts: 5977

PostPosted: February 15, 2008 5:51 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Laney, people usually do not change in most cases. Like in the serenity prayer; accept what you can not change, and change what you can. I say this because of of what I read inbetween the lines. You Can Quit because it's a change you do have control over. I also believe in journaling thoughts which in turn can produce the direction I know one shoud take. You will be the one in the end who will benefit from your decisions so they have to be your own. This is where journaling comes in handy. I wish you well.
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Obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn arouind and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.

Blessings,
Barbara K.
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Rusty



Quit Date:
December 13, 2004

Posts: 497
Location: North Florida

PostPosted: February 15, 2008 10:43 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Laney, you have to be the one to decide what you want. Do you want a card or candy or is it that you just want your husband to make some effort? Do you want a kitten or is the kitten just a symbol of "he won't let me"? Everyone else is right. You have to make the life you want. You can't change him or anyone else, but you can change you. I would say, yes, tell him that you'd like if he made some effort to show that he cares about you. Yes, you should be honest with him about that. But you should also be honest with yourself. If you want something, go get it. Nothing is stopping you but you, dear.

Rusty
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The Buddha says: Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die; so, let us all be thankful.
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LANEY



Quit Date:
January 12, 2011

Posts: 322
Location: OHIO

PostPosted: February 16, 2008 3:48 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey Kevin, that's what we had for dinner last night ! You mean that little guy was right under my nose, while im looking all over the city for one? Oh well, it was pretty good, but I did wonder about that little collar with the bell on it when I choked! Rusty, wow! Your good. the truth hurts but it needs to be brought out in the open & you gave me alot to think about. thanks to everybody thats given me your insite. I dont have anyone to talk to here in my 3-d world about any of this & theres plenty more but im not going there! I just want to let you know that my computers mesing up & hubby cant get into his user account at all. (and yes, thats my fault too, so he said.) So if you dont hear from me, im not hanging from the rafters, I dont even have a attic. my computer died. Hugs to all of you! Laney
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Life isn't about how to survive the storm........ But how to dance in the rain. author unknown
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Melody



Quit Date:
August 19, 2004

Posts: 1103
Location: Ontario

PostPosted: February 17, 2008 11:05 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Laney I would give you all sorts of advice on how to get your hubby to step up to the plate if I thought that was the real issue. After 40 years of marriage he is likely immune to your pleas and shuts most of it out. Shocked Why didn't he want to go with the kids was it a dislike on his part to spend their money??? Just a question as there are always 2 sides and sometimes even we the perfect housewife's forget that in order to get 50% out of our man we best put in 200%. Laughing Laughing Now the main thought here is you don't need him to make you happy anymore than you needed the smokes. You are looking all around for answers when they are inside yourself. So hubby is a clod but he is familiar and must have a few redeeming quality's if you keep him. Laney I want you to look around and as someone before me suggested steer towards things that make you smile. Laughter is infectious if you show happiness it will soon be all around you. Living a happy life is inside you it has little to do with those around you. Gifts that cost do not scream love you know sometimes it's all in a look. Happy valentines although I'm a tad late.
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