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Mod 3 -- Final Preparations
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NancyRHM



Quit Date:
March 21, 2008

Posts: 39

PostPosted: March 16, 2008 1:17 AM    Post subject: Mod 3 -- Final Preparations Reply with quote

Hi everyone!

I've just completed Lesson 1 of Mod 3, "Building Motivation." The end product of that lesson is an index card which will be accompanying me everywhere, from here on out.

On one side of the index card: "My Top 5 Reasons for Quitting." I listed the 5 reasons, and underneath the list are 2 quotes: "The urge will pass, whether I smoke or not." -- and -- "One minute at a time."

On the other side: "My 3 Most Important (Plus 1)". This is the list of my Gotta-have smokes, when and where they occur, and what substitutes I can use. My 3 every-day most-importants (and their substitutes) are:

1. Morning commute (apple/banana)
2. After dropping my daughter off at her dance studio 4 evenings a week (take a different route home/bottled water/cinnamon sticks/hard candies)
3. The last hour before bed (a variety of fun "treat" activities: sudoku/computer games/message boarding. If I need to do something with my mouth: baby carrots/cinnamon sticks)

The Plus-1 is any stressful situation, which I have discovered is the hardest smoke to resist, because my defenses are down and I'm not thinking clearly. For Plus-1, I have: Deep breathing, praying, walking, water or tea, gum, cinnamon sticks, message boarding, or asking for help from my Buddy (more below on that).

At the bottom of my Substitutes chart, I added 2 thoughts I think will help me. The first is a quote from Nosmoex (hope you don't mind!): "Once I realized that I could truly skip the cigarette that I wanted the most, the rest of them were cake...." The other is a synopsis of a realization I came to during the Choices exercise which really hit home with me: "I have choices! I am not losing something -- I am gaining my freedom."

This index card is going to be such a help. It condenses alot of the thinking and working I've been doing for the last 2 weeks. I think the Substitutes chart is going to be a particular help for this reason: As I was doing the exercise, I realized that this was a huge Back Door -- not having a ready list of substitute activities. Later this week, I'll be making a special Substitutes shopping trip. So when the Inner Junkie starts yammering at me: "What am I supposed to do INSTEAD of smoke right now???" I'll just whip out that card, knowing that all my supplies are within easy reach.

The next lesson, which I'm doing tomorrow, is a tough one for me, one which I find myself resisting -- the Buddy System. I am a sneak smoker. Of course, everyone within sniffing distance knows the truth, especially my family. But I've somehow managed to make it a taboo topic. We don't talk about it, ever. In addition to breaking the chains of nicotine, I am determined to end this ridiculous conspiracy of silence which I've created and fostered.

Tomorrow I am going to ask my 16-year-old daughter to be one of my Buddies. This is going to be really hard, as it will mean openly acknowledging something which I've been pretending to hide (as if she didn't know the truth). But my hope is that, in addition to enlisting her help, it will signal a willingness to be open and admit my failings. I'm tired of hiding, in this and other things. As difficult as this is, I also think it will be a very healing step in my relationship with her.

~Nancy

PS -- I'd love to hear about any Substitutes you used which were particularly effective.
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pinkpearl



Quit Date:
June 30, 2007

Posts: 1667
Location: Illinois

PostPosted: March 16, 2008 11:32 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sounds like your ready and under control.
You can do this, I know you can Smile
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kannprint



Quit Date:
April 10, 2004

Posts: 4988
Location: St. Louis, MO

PostPosted: March 16, 2008 12:00 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

I love the idea of enlisting your 16 your old daughter to be your buddy. It tells her that you have lots of trust in her and that you consider her adult enough to help you out.

From what you've written, you're really getting a lot out of FFS. I did too. So glad you decided to go through the modules.
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kevin
Site Admin


Quit Date:
-

Posts: 9538
Location: cincinnati, oh

PostPosted: March 16, 2008 3:18 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

the single most effective substitute i can think of is this:

substitute the deliberate conscious choice not to feed your addiction in response to this particular crave for the random unconscious choice to reach for another cigarette.

because the single most effective coping skill you have in your arsenal is to simply pay attention.

and it really is simple; just not necessarily easy. luckily, the ffs program is really good at helping you focus your awareness on things you've been ignoring for a long time, and you seem to have been working at it. i think you'll be fine.
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keep choosing life!

kevin

the zen of the quit
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Leona



Quit Date:
June 1, 2017

Posts: 1838
Location: Alpena, Michigan

PostPosted: March 16, 2008 8:25 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Mine was telling myself every day I can do this no matter what the challenges were and if you ask aound here you will find there were many for me Razz You can do it...If you want a worthy subsitute ...Come hre an dpost helpin others
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NancyRHM



Quit Date:
March 21, 2008

Posts: 39

PostPosted: March 16, 2008 11:47 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you all for your awesome support. You continue to amaze me by coming up with new ways to think about this, things which I am taking note of and will use to defeat my addiction. Kevin, I really liked the way you phrased that -- because the minute-by-minute decision not to smoke that next cigarette IS deliberate (or will be, beginning Friday). I am very tired of being controlled by random unconscious impulses. And you're right, much of the FFS program has been about learning to pay attention. I cannot believe I ever tried to quit while knowing so little about my addiction. Not this time!

Leona, I do plan to stick around here after my *****SUCCESSFUL QUIT*****. If I can be half the help to someone else that you all have been to me, that's something well worth doing.

My Buddy conversation with my daughter today went very well, although a little different than planned. I decided I don't want to put the pressure on her of being an accountability partner; I don't want her to feel that she's responsible in any way for my Quit. Instead, I asked her to be my Number One fan and cheerleader. I asked her to bear with me if I'm grouchy, and to point me toward a distraction if I ask for one (I gave her a list). And I invited her to be my partner in my Quit Day Celebration; we're going out for a special lunch, then get manicures together, then go on a small (budgeted-for) shopping spree.

She was fantastic -- thrilled of course, and it felt so good to get this issue out in the open with her. She's the light of my life, and making her proud is one of my Top 5 Reasons for Quitting.

I do need adult accountability Buddies though, so she helped me develop a list. I'll be approaching those people tomorrow. And she suggested something else too: Tell everyone I see -- bank tellers, strangers in line at the grocery store, other moms at the dance studio. She pointed out that the more times I say "I have quit smoking" out loud, the more it will be reinforced. Smart kid! (she takes after me Cool )

~Nancy
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kevin
Site Admin


Quit Date:
-

Posts: 9538
Location: cincinnati, oh

PostPosted: March 17, 2008 12:00 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Smile
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keep choosing life!

kevin

the zen of the quit
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Patty129



Quit Date:
February 18, 2007

Posts: 828
Location: Saginaw, MI

PostPosted: March 17, 2008 7:29 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Nancy....She sounds like a smart kid, and I think you took the right path with her.....and the rewards sound GREAT!!!!
P.
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Kissimee



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 772
Location: St. Louis, MO

PostPosted: March 17, 2008 9:10 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nancy....I'm so happy for you! I also want to let you know what an inspiration you are...I believe you really "got it" what FFS is all about...I appreciate your insight because as I read your post and FFS, I stop and say "AH!" what a great way to think about that...(sometimes I just don't get the point)

Enjoy Friday and yes, your daughter sounds delightful! It's wonderful to have such supportive kid(s). (i have two)
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maryann



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 4

PostPosted: March 17, 2008 1:34 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Nancy, I quit this past Saturday and can completely relate to your comment about sneaking around to smoke, even though I know intellectually that everyone probably knows...especially my husband. Smoking has become a cultural taboo in much of our society and certainly with the folks that I'm around. Of all the people I know, I only have one friend that still smokes. Most have quit and sadly, a couple have died.

Back to the sneaking...I want to share this with you before Friday. Plan to spend the weekend around people that know you've quit! Avoid those 'alone' times. Because we're "discreet" (I like that word better than "sneaky") smokers, my worse cravings come when I have an opportunity to smoke and no one is around to see me. I'm realizing that I have to retrain my brain that being alone does not mean I'm going to light up.

I have also told many more people than I've ever told when I've tried before. In past attempts, I've told myself that "IF" I'm susscessful, it will be a wonderful surprise for everyone...but IF I fail, no one will have to know. If I fail this time, lots of firends and family will know it. That adds a kind of positive pressure for me...knowing that other people in my life are cheering me on.

Unfortunately all of my supporters are non smokers, and as kind as they are, they really don't understand the depth of this issue for me. Today I realized that this site is like having a smoking pal quit with you. I'm having trouble getting any work done because I want to read all these encouraging words. I'm feeling like I can do this and I'll bet you will too. Keep posting so we know how you're doing and I'll keep you in my heart this coming weekend.

Hugs,
Maryann
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Snowlover



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 566
Location: Northern California

PostPosted: March 17, 2008 2:37 PM    Post subject: Good Job Reply with quote

Nancy,

Here is a challenge to resolve before the big day. You must say it out loud when you want to smoke. Ask for help whether it is here or your daughter. It is so much easier to suffer in silence and then cave in to your quit.

The other day my husband and I were going some where and I said Ok, let's go now. He said in an hour. I explained to him that I was anxious to get going and couldn't possibly sit and wait for an hour. I said then give me a smoke. He said, OK we'll go now.

Good work you're doing in your preparation for Freedom Day.

Kaye
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Pamela



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 3542
Location: Gardiner, NY

PostPosted: March 17, 2008 2:51 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Nancy. Your post made me laugh. When I was first quit, I had my own business and worked from home, so I did't have any work associates or such to talk to. My online support was pretty much it...other than my Mr. BIll.

So, anywhere and everywhere I went I just used to go up to people and just say tell them I quit smoking. It didn't matter where - bank (drive through), supermarket (bagger, check out, deli, anyone who would listen), and other random people that I would see.

Although I was thrilled about it, clearly many people thought I was just plain nuts.

Anyway, your post reminded me of that and I had to laugh.
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daggy12



Quit Date:
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Posts: 678
Location: Palm Bay, FL

PostPosted: March 17, 2008 6:31 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Maryann, Believe it or not the people here helped me not to pick that cig up. I couldnt no matter what bring myself to tell this crew I messed up. So that is what helped me stay in check!!!! I guess you can call it peer pressure in postive way Laughing Laughing
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NancyRHM



Quit Date:
March 21, 2008

Posts: 39

PostPosted: March 19, 2008 1:51 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

maryann: Thanks for the heads-up about this weekend. I hadn't consciously realized it before I read your post, but Friday is the ideal time for me to quit for just that reason: I spend my weekends with non-smokers who know I'm quitting. People will be watching me like a hawk those first 3 days! I also know what you mean about positive pressure, and closing that "IF" back door. I'm making sure that everywhere I go, there will be someone who knows I'm quitting. I hate to disappoint people, and that will be a motivator for me. Also -- thank you for your encouraging words; I know we can both do this, indeed!

Kaye: thank you for that excellent advice. Yep, I am one to suffer in silence sometimes, but I do know that it's counter-productive, and I'll be vigilant against it. I promise that I will tell someone, somehow, when the urge is getting strong.

Pamela: I'm glad I gave you a chuckle. Plenty of people already think I'm just plain nuts, so that won't be a problem. Laughing

UPDATE:
Well, folks, I believe I'm ready. I've completed up through Mod 4, Lesson 1. Next is "Quit Day" which I'm not going to print until Thursday night (or should I read up on it beforehand? I kind of want to be surprised). I've got my carry-everywhere index card. I've written my letter. I've got my support lined up, both online and out here behind the computer screen. I've withdrawn cash for Quit Day festivities. The only remaining task is to shop for my supplies, which I'll also do Thursday. I'm going to spend the next couple of days reviewing, practicing deep breathing (which I'm finding is a good way for me to get past a crave), and visioning freedom. And hanging out here. Wink

Most important, I have a sense of peace. I know it will be challenging, no doubt about it. But I also know I'm ready.

~Nancy
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Gidget



Quit Date:
March 14, 2008

Posts: 693
Location: New Haven, CT

PostPosted: March 19, 2008 8:54 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nancy, you do seem ready! I also chose a Friday. I made sure I had my weekend planned out to the point that I would be with people who could forgive me my anxious mood and physical discomfort, support my decision and keep me occupied. I did a great deal of sleeping the first few days and it still didn't feel like enough. You can DO it!! I think your daughter will be such a great help and how great you included her in your celebration day! What fun you will have!
Congratulations on your choice! Very Happy
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