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Helping The Significant Others?

 
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justtheprincess



Quit Date:
December 1, 2013

Posts: 162
Location: San Diego

PostPosted: April 7, 2008 11:56 AM    Post subject: Helping The Significant Others? Reply with quote

Hi Kevin,

It is good to be logged in and checking things out. I wish I could say I am here for some virtuous reason like helping others, but I am actually here because my beautiful, amazing, wonderful boyfriend has finally decided to quit smoking. It has been about 40 hours and he is doing beautifully. BUT, he is a monster when he wakes up, just like I was when I quit. It dawned on me that there isn't anything out there that I know of for helping those of us who want to keep our heads together around someone who is losing their mind (amid the 90 day fog). Do you know of a place like that? I just need someone to keep me in check, remind me that this addiction is a disease and to let me know that it will pass. While I know that now.. it is hard to remember when my head is spinning because I got my head bitten off. Help please? Anyone else have any ideas?

Love to all,
Sandi
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kevin
Site Admin


Quit Date:
November 19, 2001

Posts: 9538
Location: cincinnati, oh

PostPosted: April 7, 2008 4:58 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

good to see you, sandi! Smile

i don't know of any place like that personally, but maybe something like alanon, or adult children of alcoholics, or something like that might be helpful. you might also try a google search for codependent support groups or something along those lines.
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kevin

the quit guru
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justtheprincess



Quit Date:
December 1, 2013

Posts: 162
Location: San Diego

PostPosted: April 7, 2008 5:02 PM    Post subject: Anon Reply with quote

Yep, that's me. Al-Anon, Narc-Anon, Gam-Anon... I think I have all of those covered. I have never been with a quitter though. It's different somehow. Probably because I see so much of my own reflection in him!
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YOU are the only YOU YOU have. Take care of YOU!

~ Love, Sandi
One day at a time
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kannprint



Quit Date:
April 10, 2004

Posts: 4988
Location: St. Louis, MO

PostPosted: April 7, 2008 5:02 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Sandi. It's so good to see you again. Bet you're really pleased that your bf has decided to quit smoking even though he is a little touchy. Kevin's thoughts seem like good ones, as usual. Sure wish I could add some helpful hints.

Just hang in there and visit the sites Kevin suggested. Things can only get better!
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LIVE WELL, LAUGH OFTEN, LOVE MUCH.
Jo
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kevin
Site Admin


Quit Date:
November 19, 2001

Posts: 9538
Location: cincinnati, oh

PostPosted: April 7, 2008 5:06 PM    Post subject: Re: Anon Reply with quote

justtheprincess wrote:
Yep, that's me. Al-Anon, Narc-Anon, Gam-Anon ... I have never been with a quitter though. It's different somehow...

maybe one of those groups also has materials for partners of recovering addicts; have you tried that angle?

and how about your local library? the reference librarian may be able to point you in the right direction...
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kevin

the quit guru
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Gidget



Quit Date:
March 14, 2008

Posts: 693
Location: New Haven, CT

PostPosted: April 8, 2008 7:37 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Reference librarian! Brilliant! I have forgotton about the original gatekeepers...
Also, Sandi, there are therapists who specialize in these areas, you could probably get a referral through any program in your area. The one on one can be very helpful in conjunction with the spiffy group here.
I hope you find what you need!
Wink
Gidget
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-Elaine Maxwell
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Pamela



Quit Date:
-

Posts: 3542
Location: Gardiner, NY

PostPosted: April 8, 2008 10:46 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Sandi! Why not try going back to read some of your early posts when you were first quit. That should put you in the same frame of mind.

Or,maybe just stay clear, keep quiet, and let him just do his thing? Sometimes saying and doing nothing is the best support you can give?

Either way, we're rooting for him! Glad to see you back.
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justtheprincess



Quit Date:
December 1, 2013

Posts: 162
Location: San Diego

PostPosted: April 8, 2008 11:59 AM    Post subject: Thank you Reply with quote

Thank you ALL for your suggestions and help. Rough night last night. I ended up with my pillow in my car. You would think I am the one quitting. You are all the best! I have been trying to find some old posts of mine to see what it was like. And I have EAP at work so I may just take that up to have someone to vent to.

Love to all,
Sandi
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YOU are the only YOU YOU have. Take care of YOU!

~ Love, Sandi
One day at a time
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Mary Dude



Quit Date:
June 15, 2004

Posts: 4803
Location: Pittsburgh, PA

PostPosted: April 8, 2008 4:34 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Sandi - just keep telling yourself - he's quitting...I can support him in his quit. Sorry you are in the car with your pillow - I hope your EAP can help! How often had you thought or said - "I wish you'd quit" - be careful what you wish for! Just take it one day at a time! Hang in there!
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Mary D.
Smoke-free one day at a time!
Worry doesn't help tomorrow's troubles, but it does ruin today's happiness!
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pinkpearl



Quit Date:
June 30, 2007

Posts: 1665
Location: Illinois

PostPosted: April 8, 2008 8:37 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

keep him busy and take him lots of
places where you cant smoke. Very Happy
tell him to get on here and read-
or at whyquit.com.
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